Sunday, July 17, 2005

Everyone eats pineapple tidbits on Sunday, don't they?

My hands smell like fish.

Stop gasping and laughing and shaking your heads.

I made Paul some tuna salad for lunch and while I normally drain the tuna in a colander and avoid touching the smelly fish in any way, today I did not. I was in the middle of making mac and cheese (homemade with that yummy free cheese - YUM) for the kids and he was hollering he was hungry, so I was just throwing things all over my kitchen. Both colanders were dirty and I didn't really want to wash them. So I just put the lid on the can cock-eyed and drained it real quick that way. Now I can't get the smell of tuna off of my hands. It's gross. I've washed them a bunch, I've Germ-X'd them a bunch and still, they reek.

While I read blogs, I usually sit with my chin resting on my hand. Ugh, not today. I guess I'll go rub my hands on the faucet and if that doesn't work, douse them in ReaLemon. That oughta feel great on the hangnails.

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We went to the 8-man football game last night. We had so much fun! Although, Sis and I decided that quite possibly the general public doesn't find us near as funny as we find ourselves.

I did get "kissed at" by a little guy with Downs Syndrome, though. He was precious!! He had paid for his ticket and when the girl gave him his ticket, he gave her the thumbs up. Then he came over to me and I said, "Can I tear your ticket, please?" He handed it over and I tore it then handed it back to him. I said, "Okay, thanks! You're good to go now. Enjoy the game!" He gave me the thumbs up and then kissed at me! I know I turned 47 shades of red. He was leaning in closer and I thought "I have a feeling I'm going to be kissed here pretty quick" but the fella that was with the guy, grabbed him by the arm and said, "Allllright there, Romeo. Let's go before you get in trouble." He walked off grinning and laughing and kissing at me. Too cute.

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When it was nearly half-time at the game, they let us go. We gathered up our men and headed to the parking lot. We called Mom and told her to meet us at Long John Silver's. Now, I haven't been quite as strict this week with eating good, but still I haven't gone off the deep end. I allowed myself some Cheetos the other day and I ate two Oreos, too. But still, I'm watching my portions and what I put in my body. For the most part. Everyone in the group wanted Long John's and I wasn't going to throw a fit and be the odd man out and have everyone be all cranky and stuff, so off we went to eat some fried food.

I got chicken planks because I don't like fish, for the most part. And fries. But I drank a Diet Coke! That balances it all out, right?

Well, for those who don't know, I had my gall bladder removed back in like 1997. Living without a gall bladder isn't that big of a deal really, you just have to watch the amount and kind of fat and hard-to-digest food you eat or else you end up making many sweaty, worried, clench-cheeked sprints to the bathroom so your intestines can relinquish your body of the fat it couldn't process properly. Yeah. It's great. For the most part, I know what food to avoid and if I have to eat it, make sure I am aware of every restroom withing a 10-block radius. Charlie's Chicken is one place that tears my guts up. Long John Silver's is another.

We ended up driving at speeds just over the residential speed limit in Miami in order to get me to a bathroom in enough time. I thought I could make it to the casino, but no such luck. We ended up making a stop at the college where Mom and Bub both work and have keys to get us into the restrooms. As we approached, Sis said to Bub, "Get your keys ready. She's gonna bail as soon as the truck slows down enough. You've got to beat her to the door or it's gonna get messy." Bub just looked scared, like I was really going to intestinally combust in the truck. You could see him get all serious and ready to sprint. Paul's been married to me long enough to know the routine: Approach building at high rate of speed, pull vehicle as close to door as possible, slow vehicle only enough to allow wife to bail without injury (and subsequently messing herself) and then wait.

We were like a SWAT labor team on the move. Heather was in the back saying, "Are you okay? Are you gonna make it? Breathe. Just breathe. Big deep breaths..." I was giggling and trying not to poop myself. Bub was stretching his large muscles in order to make the sprint to the door successfully. Paul was cutting across yards and curbs. It's rather funny how everyone gets involved.

When I walked out of the building, properly purged of the demon cooking grease, I was pulling the hand sanitizer from my purse. Paul was leaned against the truck talking to Mom, who had pulled up right after we did, but I was too busy running and focusing on the door to the building to notice. Mom has had her gall bladder removed as well. She had this look of pure sympathy on her face. She patted my arm and said, "You okay, hon?"

My family rocks.

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After the bathroom escapade, we headed to the Big Fancy Casino. We gambled. Moderately successfully. But man, was I not feeling too good. All that fat and those carbs and oooooh I was not feeling well at all. I needed water, but the water was funky so I just ate ice until I finally gave up and tried a Diet Coke. That tasted funkier than the water so I drank a real Coke. Hey, I'd already ingested an truckload of calories and fat, what's a Coke gonna hurt at that point? I was tired, I felt weak and shaky and I wasn't winning all that much money. I was cranky, I admit it.

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OOh my brother in law and his girlfriend are here. Unannounced. As usual. What is UP with my in-laws not calling before they show up? EVERY ONE of them do it! I know these people have phones. Of course, they probably know if they called first, we would pretend we aren't here... Just kidding. Okay, no I'm not. Okay, really. Just kidding. Uhhh.....nevermind.

5 comments:

Heather said...

That's so cute about the guy at the baseball game!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Try washing your hands with toothpaste. It has even worked with onions.

deadpanann said...

I'm so glad you have a family that will pull together as a team when someone's about to have an ass explosion. I take a medication that causes me to experience that on occasion, and they totally screw with me by driving slower, etc. One day they're gonna take it too far and spend the next several years explaining away the mysterious stain on the car seat with lies about spilled cokes and messy kids.

GrammHoney said...

Oh my GOD can I relate to this one!!! Remind me sometime to tell you about the time I DIDN'T make it.....at least now I know I'm not some kind of freak, my doctors told me the problem should go away after a while.....they LIED

MrsCoach2U said...

Your sister is so much better than I am to mine, I would drove slowly to the building, dropped the keys twice and talked to the janitor before I let her in. BUT....that's just me!