Two Truth and One Lie - The Answers!

Yesterday's MckLinky with all the lying and truthing business was pretty fun and I loved reading y'all's comments! So now it's time to fess up. Here's the real deal. No lie.


I have been contacted by two separate production companies and was asked to apply/audition for two separate reality TV shows. I was "too normal" for one and "not redneck enough to eat possum" for the other.

This one is true!

Several years ago I was contacted by a production assistant from ABC and asked to send in pictures, essays and forms because they thought I would be a great character on the reality show "Wife Swap". Turns out, they found me quite boring. And really, I pretty much am. I don't dress up like a princess and LARP, I don't rule my house like a dictator, I don't have freaky routines and beliefs. I'm just me. Boring, normal me. I like me that way.

Two years ago I was emailed by a production assistant from Pink Sneakers Media and asked to interview and send in audition tapes for the show "My Big Redneck Christmas" which airs on CMT. We ended up sending in two tapes, did several phone interviews and made it down to the last two families in the running. The family that won, though, I guess shot light-up deer off their roof, ate a deep-fried possum and really took the term "redneck" to heart. We just exchange tacky gifts and celebrate Festivus. We just shoot possum, but we don't eat them afterwards. It probably worked out for the best.


My claim to fame is that, in college, my sister went on a date with Joe Don Rooney from the country group Rascal Flatts. They went to Jim Bob's Steak and Ribs for dinner and two-stepped in the parking lot after they ate.

This one is true as well!

Joe Don is from Picher, OK, and we actually grew up separately together. Our schools were the same size so between football, Speech and Debate, Band, etc. we occasionally would run into him. I knew him because Joe Don, my cousin Ben and my sister are the same age. When Joe Don and Sis went to NEO together in 1994 they joined the BSU (Baptist Student Union). To raise money the BSU held a date auction. Sis and her friend "bought" Joe Don and his friend, took them out for a steak dinner and, because Jim Bob's always had a line out the door on the weekend, country music was piped outside. The couples two-stepped in the parking lot. Then Joe Don went on to fame and fortune and a Playboy Bunny. Sis went on to have kids. And I tell everyone I know this story.

When I was 19 I was arrested during a traffic stop due to a case of mistaken identity. America's Most Wanted had just aired and the license plate had been put on the air incorrectly - the incorrect number being mine. I was cuffed and put in the back of the Highway Patrolman's car and very nearly taken to jail before it was cleared up and I was let go with apologies.

This one is the lie.

I've never even gotten a traffic ticket. Remember when I said I was boring? I kinda meant it.

But I can tell you about my one brush with the law: When I was a Sophomore a group of us girls "went uptown" to drag Main and beforehand had Cyndi's grownup, married sister buy us wine coolers and cigarettes. Cyndi's car had t-tops and because we wanted to be uber cool we pulled into the Civic Center parking lot to take them out. As we were taking them out, a car full of our friends, also Sophomores, also 16, pulled in beside us and proceeded to drunkenly scream, holler and just generally cause a ruckus while waving their bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 around. Oh and did I mention that the Civic Center and police station share a parking lot?? We were so busted by Officer Dan Dorey who made up dump the wine coolers and break every cigarette we had. How none of us got arrested is beyond me. He didn't even take our names or anything. Retired officer Dan Dorey now substitutes occasionally at my kids' school. I doubt he remembers me.

Thank God.





.

MckLinky Monday: Two Truths and a Lie

Oh, that Mrs. Priss over at The Real Housewives of Oklahoma....she's playing games again. Today's game is "Two Truths and One Lie" where apparently we all forget what our mommas taught us and well, we tell a lie.

Basically what I'm going to do is tell you three things, two of which are true and one of which isn't. You decide which is which and leave your answers in the comments. I guess I'll come back like, one of these days and tell you if you got them right. Or something.

Here we go:

1. I have been contacted by two separate production companies and was asked to apply/audition for two separate reality TV shows. I was "too normal" for one and "not redneck enough to eat possum" for the other.

2. When I was 19 I was arrested during a traffic stop due to a case of mistaken identity. America's Most Wanted had just aired and the license plate had been put on the air incorrectly - the incorrect number being mine. I was cuffed and put in the back of the Highway Patrolman's car and very nearly taken to jail before it was cleared up and I was let go with apologies.

3. My claim to fame is that, in college, my sister went on a date with Joe Don Rooney from the country group Rascal Flatts. They went to Jim Bob's Steak and Ribs for dinner and two-stepped in the parking lot after they ate.

So run along now and tell me which one you think is the big fat lie.

And don't tell my momma I've been fibbin'.

You can play along, too! Come on....you know you wanna....

Monday MckLinky: I'm a Kitchen!

What room are you most at home in?

You Are Most at Home in the Kitchen

You're the type of person who finds a lot of comfort in your home.

You love to take care of yourself and others.

Your home is welcoming and open to all.

You love entertaining guests and making them feel a part of the family.

There's nothing like spending an afternoon in the kitchen,

whipping up treats for you and your loved ones.

You believe that the simple things in life can be the most enjoyable.

You like give your time and love to people.

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

Who knew? I'm a kitchen!

It makes sense, though - it's the room I am in CONSTANTLY.

Oh, my achin' feet.

And because it's Monday and it's summer and we're all, you know, busy housewives who are spending inordinate amounts of time in our kitchens, yeah....we did a meme thing.

So sue us.

But before you sue anyone, take the quiz yourself, go visit The Real Housewives and link up there. It's much more gratifying than suing any ol' day.

Monday MckLinky: What Are Your Strange Remedies?

When Mrs. Sinclair announced she was using this for a topic I got all kinds of giddy. I love, love hearing other people's home remedies and unusual methods for doing something, more than likely because their momma did it that way and their momma's momma did it that way.

So it got me to thinkin'.....what are some of the things my mom, Nana, Memaw, Granny and other wise sages in my life have taught me...... Hmmm....

***************

When I was a kid I can remember my mom running a diaper pin through her hair before she'd pin a diaper. I thought it was absolutely crazy - until that day I needed to pin a diaper and it wouldn't go easily through the material. I kind of looked around to see if anyone was looking (like, who was going to be spying on me in my living room) and then ran that dang pin through my hair a few times. Voila! Easy peasy.

Of course, no one uses diapers with pins anymore. Even if they use cloth diapers they have those fancy schmancy diaper covers now. Whippersnappers.

***************

My Granny Glenn was a firm believer in the merits and values and absolute healing properties of tea tree oil. If you had a headache you got a fingertip dabbed in tea tree oil dotted in the middle of your forehead. Mosquito bites, rashes, dandruff, athlete's foot, any affliction or ailment also warranted a good dousing in the ol' TTO, as Rachael Ray would call it if she were all into plant oils for something other than cooking.

I always have a bottle of it in my cabinet.

Put a few drops in your shampoo and it will keep the lice away. Seriously. I learned that when I worked at DHS. *shudder* (Anyone else's head itching now?)

****************

Everyone knows about putting a past of baking soda on bee stings, but I think it's an Oklahoma thing to put chewing tobacco on them. Wintergreen Skoal works best. The first time I got stung - and I remember it as vividly as if it were yesterday - I screamed, threw myself on the ground and sat on my hand to keep my dad from putting chew on it. I really don't know why. Sitting on it hurt, the Skoal would've felt better. Also, the spanking I got wouldn't have been necessary either.

****************

Papa always blew cigarette smoke in your ear if you had an earache. I'm thinking that 4 out of 5 pediatricians would scream, "OH MY GOSH DON'T DO THAT!" but hey, it worked when I was a kid.

****************

Memaw always said if you stepped on a nail to soak your foot in kerosene. Better hope you don't have an earache while you're soaking that foot...

****************

And finally.....I saved the best for last......

My mother-in-law swears by coffee enemas. Not for constipation, but just for general health. She says they will just make you feel better from head to toe.

Uhm....I can think of one place that would not feel better if I did a coffee enema....

****************

So, because Mrs. Sinclair asked now I want to know, too -- what are your strange home remedies?

Answer in a post on your own blog, then post it in the MckLinky on The Real Housewives of Oklahoma and let us all partake of the wisdom you behold. I mean, I shared with you about a cuppa joe up your old kaboozie, surely you can think of something.

1. Answer the question on your blog (or in the comments sections if you don't have a blog).


2. If you answer the question on your blog, add your name to MckLinky so that we all can discover the brilliance that is your mind.

3. Grab our button from the sidebar and post it either in your reply post or on your blog.

4. Enjoy and have some fun!

Monday MckLinky: Why This Housewife Blogs

Mrs. Hart at The RHOK is posing the question today: Why do you blog?

Since I'm on the verge of my 6th blogaversary it's a question I ask every year and evaluate my purpose, goal and how this whole thing here is going.

I'm the first to admit this little blog here isn't the same blog it used to be. It's changed over the course of six years, but then....so have I. I don't post as often as I did in the beginning, but six years ago Kady was a toddler, Sam had just finished PreK and was ready for Kindergarten and Abby was a big bad 2nd grader. Strange as it seems, I had more time then. Back then I was just a lonely momma who was drowning in diapers, Blue's Clues and Bob the Builder, concentrating on ear infections and developmental milestones and making sure the kids didn't hit, bite, pinch or pull hair. My biggest excitement was my 2 1/2 year old using the potty and talking my husband into letting me sleep in for an extra hour on Saturday. I started blogging as an outlet, a connection to the outside world. I was logging all the things my kids did and said, while at the same time putting down for all of perpetuity the goings-on inside my head. It kept me sane six years ago.

Now my babies aren't babies at all anymore. Abby is staring 8th grade in the face and will be 14 in a few months. Sam, now 11, just finished elementary school and moves to the big school across the street in the fall. Kady is my lone grade schooler now. Instead of developmental milestones, potty training and teaching them animal sounds and their ABC's they're visiting the orthodontist, having boyfriends, dealing with mean girls and bullies, learning how to be the grownups they'll be in the blink of an eye. Instead of logging all the minute daily details of their lives - and mine - I steal a few moments once a week to jump in here and write something that usually falls short of what I want it to be. I'm working on that.

So why do I blog now? Well, for one thing I bought the domain. Essentially, I'm invested. LOL I'm kidding. I am proud of Redneck Diva and how people still read it, even if I'm not as punctual and routine as I once was. I still need this outlet, just maybe not as much or as desperately. My life runs at a different pace now, but it's so nice to know that when I need it I can find my way back here and just write. I've written some really good stuff over the years. I've written some really bad stuff. I've written WOW, I've written meh. And still y'all read. I guess (hope) the WOW outshines and overshadows the meh. And I do love making people laugh. I'm going to get back to that - to finding the funny in the every day. Just hold on. Loosely. (Ooh, that should be a song....)

Now, in addition to Redneck Diva, I write reviews at The Redneck Review, my not-so-weekly column at WelchOK.com and I collaborate with my girls at The Real Housewives of Oklahoma. I still blog because I want to, even if my want-to is outweighed by my busy kid schedule, neverending supply of dirty laundry and many bazillion other responsibilities. And that occasional stolen afternoon nap.

So...why do you blog? The Real Housewives and I would like to know. So write it on your own blog, put your link in the MckLinky on the RHOK page and tell the world why YOU do this "blob" thing, as my mom used to call it. I'm anxious to see what you have to say, but right now it's a holiday and I think I hear one of my children making noise in the back of the house. I'm shutting down the computer real quick so I can pretend to be asleep before she comes in to ask for French toast.

Monday MckLinky: What Do We Do Now?

Our oldest daughter is 13 1/2. Our youngest daughter is 8 1/2. Our son is smack in the middle of his sisters, resting at 11 1/2. We run the gambit as far as activities and interests in this family. The boy is into acting and Iron Man. The oldest is into uhm....well, we're not sure seeing as how she rarely emerges from the Bat Cave. We think she might like that thing attached to her hand...what do they call it? Oh yeah, a cell phone. And boys. And our youngest daughter is very into glitter. And drama. And basketball. Depending on the time of year, we have been known to drive over 100 miles in a day just taxiing kids where they need to be at any given time.

Paul and I were married three years before Abby came along. During those child-less years we danced many a two-step, played many a game of cards with friends and bowled our fair share. Looking back, I wish we had enjoyed it more, but truth be told, we didn't even want three child-free years. We just spent most of that time trying to get pregnant. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: We haven't known too many years of just couple-hood. And while we'll always be parents, there's a time in the not-so-distant future where our kids will leave the nest and flap their little redneck wings to parts yet unknown. (However, our oldest says I will still have to be available to tuck her in at night no matter how old she is or where she lives, so let's hope her husband is a very understanding man.) There is a time on the horizon when we will once again be a couple. Alone. In our house. Where no one can hear us scream.

It's funny that Mrs. McGillicutty chose this to be the MckLinky this particular week because I posted this Facebook status just a few days ago:

It's really not too early to prepare for our eventual retirement and I actually have given it some thought. Okay, I've pondered his eventual retirement since I like, uhm....I'm a housewife. Yeah.

I heard a preacher once say that in your life God should be your first priority, your spouse should be second, your children third. I gasped at the spouse's position as number two because as a mom of young children I had concentrated for many years on my children, their upbringing and trying to mold them into people who will not end up making "serial killer" their chosen profession and at times focused solely on them. After all of the mothers in the congregation that night finished their gasping in shock and awe at his declaration that we might possibly stop our world from revolving around our precious children, the pastor went on to explain. He said, "Your children will eventually grow up. They will eventually leave your house. They will leave you and start their own family. Then you're going to be stuck with that man you've been ignoring for 18 the past years. The man you now have nothing in common with."

That hit me hard. I had never thought of it like that and God bless my husband for not getting all bent out of shape by being stuck on the back-burner while I nursed, rocked, potty trained and focused most of my energy on our kids, dropping into bed exhaustedly with nothing left for him. Yes, I am a mother and it is my job, my duty, my obligation to take care of and raise my children, but it's not my job to ignore my husband in the process.

Our youngest child is 8, so theoretically we could be living in a child-free home as early as 10 years from now. I'll be 47, Paul will be 57.

Holy cow. He's gonna be old.

As we get older we are realizing that we like quiet moments together. Driving in the car with nothing but the sound of the road in our ears while we hold hands across the console is actually pretty nice. We kind of just like driving. We don't do the bar scene and I doubt that changes as we approach 50 and 60. We have given up on casinos. (Well, except for the fact he draws an actual paycheck from one right now. That's the only way we make money from one of those things.) While right now we aren't quite ready to join his grandma at her country and western dances we might be ready to scoot boots again in 10 years. I guess it will depend on my osteoporosis. He likes to play golf and I figure he'll continue this newfound hobby on into our empty nest years. Unless his osteoporosis kicks in, too. I may eventually cross over from mommy blogger to grandmommy blogger. And frankly, I miss reading. He loves getting on the tractor and digging up things, mowing things and just riding around pretending he's a farmer. Maybe we'll get a cow. We live on 40 acres and have told the kids that they can each have 10 to build houses on if they want. There's a distinct possibility our kids maybe leave our house, but never leave the property.

For a few years I nearly panicked at the thought of being alone with my husband after our kids left the house, but now, while I'm in no hurry whatsoever for my children to leave, I look foward with a bit of anticipation at what will occupy our time in the next 10 years or so. Of course, if the kids build on the adjacent 30 acres things might not change too much.

So now I pose the same question Mrs. McGillicutty asked today:

Look into the future. You've spent your life taking care of everyone else,

but now the kids are gone and it's just you and your spouse.

What do you do now?

Will you golf, bowl or dance? Will you look forward to grandbabies? Will you travel? Will you keep on blogging like you do now?

1. Answer the question on your blog (or in the comments sections if you  don't have a blog).
2. If you answer the question on your blog, add your name to MckLinky so that we all can discover the brilliance that is your mind.

3. Grab our button from the sidebar and post it either in your reply post or on your blog.

4. Enjoy and have some fun!

Monday MckLinkly: Know Me from A-Z

Yesterday I was offline most of the day except for when the iPod would pick up a weak signal. The laptop was in the cellar most of the day because you know the really important things go down there first.

Mrs. Sinclair gave us a cute (and easy!) MckLinky yesterday and since I'm online today I thought I'd go ahead and play along.


A - Age: 37


B - Bed size: Queen

C - Chore you hate: Cleaning the bathroom. My gosh, that is just a deplorable room.

D - Dog(s') name: Giblet. Yes, as in gravy. See, we had a dog named Biscuit so when we got a new dog we named him Gravy. Then Biscuit joined a wild band of coyotes and then we got a new dog and named him Giblet to go with Gravy. Now Gravy, too, has joined the coyote gang and we just sound like idiots when we holler for our dog named after bird innards.

E - Essential start your day item: Caffeine - usually coffee, sometimes sweet tea, today Mountain Dew because I needed it instantly and couldn't wait for anything to brew.

F - Favorite color: Blue

G - Gold or Silver or Platinum: I'm a white gold kind of girl.
H - Height: 5'2 1/4" - yes, I add the 1/4" because it is very important when you're this short.

I - Instruments you play(ed): I took piano lessons for ten years, was in the Band from 5th grade on and played the flute horribly before I moved on to percussion where I played bass drum, bells, chimes and anything else they needed beat on.

J - Job title: Homemaker Supreme

K - Kid(s): Two daughters, one son

L - Living arrangements: A house on 40 gorgeous acres of Oklahoma beauty.

M - Mom's name: Verna

N - Nicknames: Mom, Dear, Diva, Kiki, Aunt Kiki

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: I was hospitalized a few times as a kid for ear infections (we had really good insurance and a doctor who liked money). Other than those, it's been in and out for me since aside from giving birth.

P - Pet Peeve: People who don't use their turn signal, people who think they are better than everyone and David Letterman

Q - Quote from a movie/show: "Next time I see that Bleeker kid I'm gonna punch him in the weiner." -- from the movie Juno

R - Right handed or left handed: Right

S - Siblings: One biological sister, three stepsisters and a stepbrother

T - Time you wake up: 5am during the week, usually by 7 on Saturday and 6:30 on Sunday.

U- Underwear: Yes.

V - Vegetable you dislike: Brussel sprouts and asparagus

W - Why you run late: My hair sometimes develops an attitude known best by those who also own naturally curly hair. It sometimes comes to life and refuses to cooperate.

X - X-rays you've had: Teeth.

Y - Yummy food you make: I am famous for my cake balls. Not many can say that.

Z - Zoo favorite: Giraffes


Now, even though it's Tuesday, link yours up, too!

Ah...Young Love

It's Monday, kiddies and you know what that means - Monday MckLinky! Today over at The Real Housewives of Oklahoma the question is: What funny lessons did you learn in your first year of marriage?

Oh, folks....I learned a lot.

When my husband and I got married I was 19 years old and incredibly dumb. He was 29 years old and also incredibly dumb. However, he had one up on me - he had been living on his own since he was 17. I went right from living with my momma to living with him. Lemme tell ya, going from a household of only women to living with a man is SHOCKING. He knew how to pay bills, clean a whole house, cook, lock the doors at night, check the oil and do laundry.

I uhm....knew how to balance a checkbook, clean part of a house (with a sister and a mother I'd never had to clean the whole thing), bake chocolate chip cookies, jump at every noise outside and obsess over the thought someone might want to rob us, drive a car ("What's a dipstick?" - I literally said those words) and fold towels. I didn't even really know how to wash dishes well - we'd always had a dishwasher.

I had longed for being married for so long I had a really hard time that first year. I thought that marriage just made everything perfect and couple didn't fight until they were married 20 years and had kids. I had no idea that marriage was hard and that he could be so annoying. Because we all know I wasn't.

Here are a few of the lessons I learned in that first year, that year I wasn't sure I'd survive:

* Yelling, sighing, whining and screaming about the toilet seat being up does absolutely no good whatsoever. After nearly 30 years of living life either with three brothers or by himself he was ruined. I just learned to never go pee in the middle of the night without turning the light on, although I had several nights of wet buns before I learned. After 17 years now I have now switched my efforts fully over to screaming "SERIOUSLY? LIFT THE SEAT! STOP PEEING ALL OVER IT! YOU CAN EVEN LEAVE IT UP IF YOU'D JUST PUT IT UP TO BEGIN WITH!" It's all about compromise.

* Makeup sex is worthless if you don't make up first.

* Unless you were a softball champion in high school you should not throw things at your new husband because, chances are, he can throw harder than you. The first year I stuck to the checkbook and the occasional tea towel. He always threw them back, usually at my head. I should have either stuck to soft, light things or stopped altogether, because in Year Five I threw a bottle of Baby Magic at him and hit him in the small of the back. He threw it back and hit me in the arm and bruised me. I knew as soon as it hit him I should've thrown Sam's burp rag - it was just as close. But nooooooo, I lobbed that nearly full bottle of lotion at him because he was ignoring me and dude, it made me mad. Turns out, getting hit with a bottle of lotion made him just as mad. I haven't thrown anything at him since. He hasn't either. He doesn't ignore me anymore either.

* Making him cookies every time he asks will make you fat. Not him. Just you. So don't. If I had it to do over I'd give him carrot sticks and extra money for the vending machine at work to satisfy the sweet tooth.

* If you "make a deal" early on and really work hard at said deal, chances are it will stick for all of perpetuity, so make sure you think wayyyyyy ahead. Also note that he will find a way to re-work the deal to his liking, so be prepared for that. When I started staying at home full time the deal we made was that he would take care of the outside of the house - he would mow, weed-eat, clean up, take care of the vehicles and pets. I would take care of the inside of the house - I would cook, clean, do laundry, clean up after meals, etc. He got this wild idea that since the trash was technically on the inside of the house it was my job and refused to take it out. So I just started sitting the trash by the front door. He got really tired of having to either step around or over it and saw my point. Of course, I also asked him to cook dinner one night a week and he made peanut butter and jelly. He'd rather not step over stinky trash and I'd rather not eat PB&J for dinner on a regular basis. Our deal is still holding.

* Just because his mother doesn't burst through the door and embrace you every single time she visits doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Maybe that's just not her thing. Maybe she's just not an affectionate person. Maybe she's having a hard time trusting you. Maybe she is afraid you will hurt her son like that last one did. Give her time. It might take 15 or so years, though, but she'll get there.

* Enjoy those early, childless days. I didn't learn that one in the first year - it's a reflection. I love my children with every ounce of my being, and when we had them was the perfect time for us, but I wish I had enjoyed the child-free days a little more.

So now it's your turn - ponder on the lessons you learned and then share it with us!

Where I Come From

This week's Monday MckLinky question is:

Where do you come from?

I grew up in the country between the little podunk town of Wyandotte where I went to school and the big booming metropolis of Miami. At 18 I moved to Miami. When I married my husband I moved to Wyandotte with him. Then we moved to Miami. Now we're out in the country between Miami and the itty bitty town where our kids go to school.

So uhm.....where do I come from? (Or maybe you'd like to know where I'm going via where I've been.)

My Facebook profile lists Wyandotte as my hometown, but I don't necessarily feel like that was my hometown since I didn't grown up in a town. Sure, I went to school there from Kindergarten until I graduated, but is it my hometown? It's definitely my school. In Wyandotte they say, "Once a Bear, always a Bear," but in Miami they say, "Once a Wardog, always a Wardog." I guess pretty much any town boasts a lifelong committment to their mascot. My kids will always be Owls, I guess. And when they are adults they will probably feel an overwhelming urge to don red and white every Friday just like I still want to wear black and white.

If I had to commit right this very minute to where I consider myself "from" I guess I would have to say: the tiny little Ottawa community out east of Miami.

Mom and my father built our house there when Mom was pregnant with Tater and we moved in a mere week before she was born. I met my best friend, DeLisa, when Mom called her mom and invited her to my 5th birthday party. She lived less than a mile from me. Sis' best friend, Amy Jo, lived just past DeLisa. The four of us grew up together and when we got old enough, kept that road hot. We rode bikes between the three houses usually, but sometimes we walked, we ran or hitched a ride with a neighbor or one of DeLisa or Amy's brothers. Summers were spent down in the river bottom swinging on grapevine and picking flowers. When the weather got Okla-hot we were at each other's houses in the air conditioning, playing Barbies and eventually playing Nintendo, watching MTV or calling boys. We knew everyone that lived on our road and several roads branching further out. We were never scared. We didn't have cell phones to stay in constant touch with our parents, we just showed up at someone's house to eat around noon. Sleepovers were spontaneous and sometimes involved sleeping outside on the trampoline.

We lived on 1 1/4 acres, a corner lot on the site of the old Spring River schoolhouse. The property still had the concrete foundation of the school house, the well house, both stone outhouses and the coal shed when we moved there. The girls outhouse eventually was turned into a clubhouse by Tater and her best friend (it was so old there was no uhm....evidence it had ever been an outhouse). The coal shed was where we stored our bikes, the dog had puppies and sixty bazillion wasps lived. The concrete foundation served as a stage, a great place to ride your bike off and do stunts, was marked with the black scars from "snakes" on the 4th of July and eventually became a raised garden for tomatoes and geraniums. My prom pictures were taken in the well house. A few years back the new owners bulldozed the outbuildings and the schoolhouse's foundation. I cried.


When someone in the community passed away, one of the neighbors, usually my mother, went house to house taking up donations to buy flowers for the bereaved; the card always read "the people of the Ottawa community". Casserole dishes were passed around liberally, always full, either on the coming or the going.

We had a party line.

We planted a garden.

We shot off fireworks on the 4th.

During the Iran hostage crisis there was a big yellow ribbon around the tree in the front yard.

Our yard saw many a wiffle ball game, croquet game and Easter egg hunt.

We had a go cart.

We had a pool.

We had an aerial antenna and that only afforded us three channels - until we got a gigantic satellite dish with a hand crank planted in the back yard.

We never had pizza delivered to our house.

We lived in a close-knit community. Most of the mommas stayed at home and if the daddies weren't farmers they worked at BFGoodrich in Miami. We helped each other out, we supported each other, everyone kept an eye on each other's kids, we played pranks, made casseroles and lived life the best way we knew how.

I've said it before,but it's true: where I come from has made me who I am today.

Where do you come from?

Join in the discussion over at the RHOK!

Write a post on your own blog then enter the link in our handy dandy MckLinky.

It's simple and shares your blog with people that maybe haven't read it before!

What is a Housewife?

What is a housewife? Have you ever asked yourself a question like this?

If you ask, "What is a doctor?" or "What is a fire fighter?" To those questions one might answer, "A person who takes care of sick people, prescribes medicine, gives advice and direction" and "A person who puts their life in danger to save people in dangerous situations, puts out fires and stands in intersections around Labor Day holding a boot."

So really, what is a housewife?

Dictionary.com defines a housewife as, "A married woman who manages her own household, esp. as her principal occupation." It also lists it as "archaic" and "offensive to some" and suggests homemaker as a substitute.

Seriously? Offensive?

I'm a wife, I pretty much don't leave me house. The word housewife isn't offensive to me, but I'm kind of old-fashioned that way. But what I do is so much  more than merely "manage my household." 

What I'm doing now is my dream job. Before we had kids I worked as a Pharmacy Technician in a hospital pharmacy. I was a cocktail waitress in my pre-kid days as well. I worked as a daycare teacher and I've been a secretary/receptionist, too. In recent history I worked in Child Welfare at DHS. All of those are rewarding jobs and I liked most of them, but doing what I'm doing now is what I'm supposed to do. My family likes me being here and I like being here. It works for us. We do without a lot, we've had our times where there wasn't enough money to pay the bills and there were even times I felt the walls closing in for lack of conversation that didn't center around Elmo, boogers or poop, but this is my job and it's the one I've stuck with longest.

Wanna know a secret? Hugs from kids that smell faintly of outside, puppy and dirt, spontaneous, rare smiles from a usually-sulking teenager, having someone tell you your kids are great, being available to pick up sick kids from school without having to worry what my boss thinks, hearing "Momma! Guess what?" and wearing sweats to work are what keep me coming back day after day.

Now, while I speak glowingly of my job, there are many, many requirements and downsides, too. However, all the kid puke, shower scrubbing and hearing the comment, "Oh, you're just a housewife," is worth it to be doing something I love and to be able to wear sweats to work. HUGE job perk, those elastic waistbands.

Now, before you trade in your retirement to become one of the ranks you might want to research this position a little more. Here are the specs on this particular housewife:

Cook/Chef/Baker - Daily, many times. Green things are limited to green beans and only four of us eat those. There's lots of spaghetti, macaroni and cheese, cupcakes and animal crackers on the menu around here. Casseroles and I have a deep, meaningful relationship. I can hide vegetables in anything.
Dust-er - If by dusting you mean being able to write my name in all horizontal surfaces, then yeah, I do that.
Vacuum-er  - I actually have an eight year old that loves this task. Score.
Sweep-er - I have a 13 year old for this. She hates it, but she hates to hear me harp at her even more.
Mopper (rarely) - Mopping is stupid. The floor just gets dirty again. Duh.
Cobweb Removal Specialst (rarely) - This happens usually once a year, right before the family gets here for Festivus.
Silly Putty on the Bedspread Removal Specialist - Only once, thank God. Silly Putty has since been outlawed in this house.
Turner offer of the weather radio - Because someone *cough cough the man I married cough* thinks storms are awesome to sleep through.
Setter of alarms/Waker upper of children - Because I am the only person in the house that responds to an alarm. Hope I'm here if the house catches fire.
Loader of the Dishwasher - I'm the only one that can do it right. Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Shopper of the Groceries - Because if my husband did it we would live on microwave burritos and frozen pizzas and would have a closet full of really, really awful toilet paper and the tissues without lotion.
Organizer of the Calendar - Mine is color-coded and everything. A gigantic desk calendar mounted to the dining room wall - best thing I ever bought myself. I can manage three kids' schedules, two of whom played basketball in different towns on the same day at four different times while keeping track of school pictures, field trips and church dinners. My husband was once found in the fetal position after I asked him to check the calendar during basketball season. It ain't for sissies.
The Getter Upper in the Night with Puking Children - Those alarms he "doesn't hear"? Yeah, he "doesn't hear" sick children either. Convenient, huh?
Checker of/Helper with Homework - However, my expertise ends when the children get into Middle School Math. Then they are their father's responsiblity.
Payer of the Bills - He knows where the bank is located and that they will give you suckers if you just say there are kids in the car. That's pretty  much it.
Sewer on of Buttons/Hot Glue-er of Broken Things - Those are pretty much the extent of my sewing skills, but I do own a sewing machine and someday hope to use it.
Creator of Valentine Boxes/Halloween Costumes/Career Day Ensembles - I have made a two foot tall 3-D SpongeBob, two robots and a TV out of styrofoam cooler (complete with antenna AND power cord) for Valentine boxes. I found a shopping cart so my daughter could be a bag lady for Halloween. I came *this close* to showing cleavage for Krispy Kreme paraphenalia for my son's Career Day until he changed his mind and went with actor, which pretty much required him to just use his hands a lot and look morose.
Worrier Over Fevers/Rashes/Tummy Aches/Dental Visits/Calls from the Principal - I excel at this particular one.
Receiver of Dandelion Boquets/Pictures Drawn with Your Own Sharpies Which Bleed Through Onto the Dining Room Table/Enough Refrigerator Art to Open Your Own Museum/Coupon Books at Christmastime Good for Clean Rooms That Never Happen and Free Hugs - Better than a 401k any day.

So tell us, what is a housewife?

Give your answer on your blog then link to our MckLinky so we can see what you have to say!

** Monday MckLinky is something the Real Housewives of Oklahoma will do well, every Monday, so make sure you visit the Real Housewives site every Monday morning so you can play along! (Yes, today is Wednesday. Go with it, okay? It's launch day and we're all aflutter.) All the cool housewives do Monday MckLinky, ya know. And you know you wanna be cool.