Monday, February 28, 2005

It's a freakin' box already

I just logged off the computer and walked into my living room to find my husband sitting in the recliner watching my three kids and Chandler play with a box. A huge box that my Tupperware order came in. They have every throw pillow off of the couch and big chair and an enormous box and they are insanely deliriously happy. I looked at Paul and said, "That's it. At Christmas time we are not buying toys. Only boxes." The kids all stopped in mid-jump/wrestle/roll and looked at me, completely silent. Then it was like someone hit the "play" button again and they all yelled "YAY!!! BOXES! WE GET BOXES FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!" Then Chandler grabbed a pillow, tackled it with all of his teeny tiny 36 pounds, then looked up and said, "Kiki, can I have a pillow, too?"

Monday again. Ho Hum. Running out of cute Monday titles. Obviously.

I got up at 4am. That is just wrong, people. I'm pretty sure that the world outside my house was actually stopped at that unGodly hour. I don't think any motion occured until 5:30. I'm pretty sure anyway.

I left my house at 5:45am. I picked up my sister, niece and nephew at 5:55am. We left for Tulsa at 6:15am. We arrived in Tulsa at 7:15am and absolutely had to pull over at a truck stop/travel plaza/get anything you'd ever want to eat in one city block kinda place to pee. TotOne and I were desperate. Upon leaving the McDonald's we ran across the parking lot and my daughter, being the graceful Olive Oyl look-alike she is, tripped over a curb and went sprawling onto the grass below. We laughed. A lot. She laid there in the dried grass, coat askew, gangly coltish legs in a rather creepy weird position, giggling her head off. At least the poor thing can laugh at herself. I always could, too. Like when I fell up the stairs going out of the old bandroom in junior high. More than once. I always have been able to laugh at my pathetic, clumsy-ass self. It's a gift.

We arrived at the dentist's office at 7:30 and only had to wait 15 minutes before they opened the door. We knew there was no way they'd actually see us that early, but at least we could let the obnoxious children out of the confines of the van. It was 7:45, the children had been up since 5:30 and they were so hyper I was fearing their heads were going to spontaneously combust at any second.

On the upside, the dentist was able to actually wiggle one of my daughter's molars. I gasped when he showed me proudly how that sucker just moved under the command of his shiny, pointy dental instrument. I said, "Oh no! She's not supposed to lose THAT one!" He laughed and said that the fact that the tooth is mobile is a good thing and patted me on the arm while I tried to quit hyperventilating. He said that means her headgear is being worn enough that it's actually moving her teeth. 'Bout damn time. By the time school starts in the fall she should be to where she'll only have to wear it at night. For the rest of her life. Oh well. By damn, she'll have pretty teeth.

My niece threw the most dramatic fit I've ever seen today before and while they cleaned her teeth. She is quite the drama queen. God lover 'er. She just likes to be dramatic, plain and simple. It unnerves my sister, because frankly it is kind of embarrassing. But seeing as how she isn't my child, I can turn my head and snicker shamelessly. I swear that child's going to end up on Broadway. Or at least Jerry Springer.

The boat is now safely anchored at my father's house. Right smack dab on the highway. The highway that leads right to the river. Halleluiah. The truck is now safely listed at as well. Didn't even know such a place existed. Apparently at Ken's Farm and Home, they only had one particular kind of For Sale sign. It had a link at the bottom for Upon perusal of the sign and then the website, you get a free listing with the purchase of the .98 sign. Wow wow woweeee. It's listed. It may not get us a thing, but it's listed. It's also going to take a small trip to Wyandotte tonight to a guy's house who has an uncanny knack for selling vehicles. He sold Paul's nephew's truck in 3 hours. If only we could be that lucky.

My husband and his eating schedule on his days off are going to be the death of me. He eats at the complete opposite times the rest of the house does. The kids and I eat lunch every day at 11:30. Every day. He will undoubtedly, every day he's off, fix a huge breakfast at like 10:30. Then be hungry again at 4:00 and fix a sandwich. So then when I'm ready to make dinner at 5:30, he's not hungry. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. But if I don't make dinner, then by 7:00 he's pissed because there's nothing to eat. This has to end. I will be forced to murder him if it doesn't stop.

But I must say...he's wearing a turtleneck today. And he has always looked damn fine in a turtleneck for some reason. Until I met him and married him, he never wore anything but western shirts (Brush Poppers were at the height of fashion when we met)or t-shirts. So using my feminine wiles I convinced him to branch out to henleys, turtlenecks and Polo-type shirts. But the one that wins, hands down, is the turtleneck. the summer a tank top is pretty fine as well. He has a really sexy tribal type tattoo on his right bicep/tricep. Hubba hubba y'all. I love his arms, gotta say. Whew! I need a cold drink. And a cigarette.

Well, I'm off to make dinner! Even though he's not hungry. Grrrrr. It's Ladies' Night, though! So at 8:30 I'll be heading off to town to not win any money! Life is good.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Just some good ol' boys

In my brief moments of lucidity today I have managed to watch quite a bit of the Dukes of Hazard marathon on CMT. That was one good show. When I was watching them Duke boys as a child, obviously jealous of Daisy's ability to show her stomach AND wear pantyhose with shorts, drooling over Luke (No, I wasn't in love with Bo. I think I was like the only girl not in love with Bo.) and thinking how utterly cool it would be to have a car like The General Lee, I had no idea that when I grew up I would be redneck just like them. No idea at all.

My kids have had no desire to watch ANY of The Dukes of Hazard. What is WRONG with these children?

Good heavens

Has is really been since Thursday since I posted? I am so sorry! I realize that most of the world can go about their business without reading my daily musings and ramblings, but it seems that there are at least three of you who need me! Little C (aka Cousin Courtney), Magnet Lady, and Jersey Girl need me! When I don't post, they miss me. Magnet Lady told me that very thing last night while I was sitting at her computer helping her learn the ropes of the almighty blog. Then Courtney comments today that she's worried because I haven't posted in so long. Jersey Girl has just stated before that she reads me daily, so I'm going on faith that she still does, lol. I honestly did not realize it'd been since Thursday. Amazing how times flies when you sleep through it.

See, I haven't had the energy to do anything but sleep lately. It's been bad. I'm starting to worry myself.

Friday I took Ab to the doctor (Btw, it's a viral sinus infection, therefore there's nothing to be done but treat the symptoms. Dammit.) Then ran a few minor errands, had a lunch with Heather (I will SO post about that fiasco possibly later, if I'm still awake.) and then came home. I put the kids down for a nap and crashed myself. An hour and a half of restful bliss I had. Then we picked Sam up off the bus at 3:45, went back to town, dropped Chandler off at the bank, got that poor Sam a haircut, (The barber said that was the most hair he'd ever seen on that kid and he's been cutting his hair since Sam turned 1), then delivered Papa's GS Cookies, visited with Mom (she gave the kids a snack, too, God love her) then went to karate. Poor Ab opted to stay with me rather than go with her daddy, as originally planned, but about 30 minutes after her Daddy headed home she said she was regretting that, her ear was hurting. Not much I could do at that point, poor kid. We skipped Wal-Mart, which meant that we now had NO SOAP in the house for Paul's shower. I managed to find a motel bar in my travel bag. He looked at it and said, "Well, this'll work for one arm." Jerk. He works at Wal-Mart, he knows precisely where the soap aisle is. Anyway, we came home, put the kids to bed and then Paul and I watched a movie. I'm surprised I stayed awake through it, but it was pretty riveting and it was about weather, with is a serious love/fetish/obsession of mine. The Day After Tomorrow is what we watched. It was creepy. Not scary, just disturbing in a "holy crap that could really happen" kinda way. Then it was 7 hours of Nyquil induced slumber. I think I'm becoming an addict.

Saturday I slept till the late hour of 7:30, got around, then the kids and I went to Wal-Mart. Good Lord in Heaven, they must've sent every mumbling octagenarian a plethora of dollar-off coupons and then sent the Pelivan out to get 'em all, because the store was positively brimming with OLD PEOPLE. God love 'em. I know I'll be old someday and I dearly love my own old people, but when you are fighting a sinus infection, dragging three snotty, sneezing children, all three of which have money they are simply dying to spend, you don't feel like waiting on Grampa Harold to decide which fiber-rich cereal he needs for his irritable bowel. God love 'em.

We got back home around 1, I made the kids get blankets and pillows, threatened them to lie down and not move, popped in a movie and slept while the children laid in the floor in front of me, afraid to breathe and move enough to incur my wrath. I felt better when I got up, made some dip because we had plans to go to Magnet Lady and Mr. Magnet's house for dinner. A real live grownup type dinner! Okay, so the kids were gonna be there, but still it was other grownups! Paul was even excited and he doesn't get excited about much. The Magnets are our camping buddies and we love those magnetic folks dearly. Dinner was a smash. Mr. Magnet grilled up some "moist" (There I said it, ML! LOL) burgers, we had chips, dips, yummy beans and even though Magnet Lady said her coleslaw tasted like dog poop (that's a direct quote, btw) I liked it. She shared some magnificent hand scrubby, sea salty stuff with me and my hands were so soft I wasn't sure they were mine for awhile. Of course, that feeling of surreality might've been the Nyquil... Anyway, we started watching Saw, which was super creepy, then Paul leaned over real quiet and said, "Are you ready to go?" I said, "Uhh, not really...I thought we were going to watch this movie." And I was almost pissed off because I never get to spend time with grownups anymore and dammit, I was having FUN, but when I looked over at him, I knew there was a reason he was wanting to leave an hour before we needed to. So we got the kids around and loaded up. We started out of the Magnets' driveway and he said, "I wanted to stay, hon, but my throat is hurting so bad I can hardly stand it." Poor guy! So I stopped being pissed about the early end to the evening. He went straight to bed after that. I went, too. After I had my Nyquil, of course. :)

Today, I got up at 7:30 again, threw a box of donuts at the children, poured three cups of milk, popped a donut hole in my mouth and went to the couch. I covered up in two heavy blankets and still laid there shivering my head off. I turned on the TV and prayed the children would be lured in by the happy, brightly colored cartoonish people on screen. They were. I slept. It was good. Then I came to for a few moments, long enough to pee, make some tea, then went back to the couch. I slept till 11, was still freezing, so I got up and took a super hot shower. I felt better after the shower, but still not too whoop. I made lunch, loaded the dishwasher, started a load of laundry and by that time the kids were done eating. Again, I told them to get their blankets and pillows. We watched The Emporer's New Groove, which is one of my very favorite Disney movies. I couldn't stay awake! I slept through all but the last 20 minutes of it. Then they put in another movie and I slept through it, too. I know - I am a horrible mother. My childrens' IQ's probably dropped 50 points today, poor kids. When the movie marathon was over, I dragged my sorry self up off the couch, told the kids to get their slippers on (they were still in their pj's) and we drove to the video store to take back some movies that husband forgot to take this morning. I have managed to stay off of the couch for nearly 4 hours now. I feel it calling my name, I think it misses me.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

The banging of the head will now officially stop

Awhile back I said,

"HOLY NIGHT, we are $672 in the hole every month!!!"

Remember that?

Well, we aren't after all!!

There is much jubilation going on here at the Diva Ranch this morning. I haven't even told Paul yet, but I'm sure he'll be happy, to say the least. I have called my sister and bless her heart, I'm glad she's well again. I've missed her. She's happy for me, too, btw.

Okay, so here's what I did. It's really embarrassing, but I'm going to declare it here on my blog regardless. This financial management/debt reduction course we are taking ( has a workbook that you figure out your income, debt, expenses, etc. It's considerably eye-opening to say the least. Okay, so the worksheet where you figure your income, well...on Paul's income I took the total of one paycheck and instead of multiplying it by 2, I divided. Yeah. Pretty stupid, eh? So it had us living on less than $300 a paycheck, less than $600 a month. And what's worse is:

I DIDN'T CATCH IT. Aye carumba.

I have wallowed in misery and self-pity for 20 days, nearly 3 weeks, honestly considering declaring bankruptcy just to make it all go away. I did not see a way out. Neither did Paul. But I was bound and determined to do my best, so this morning I sat down here at my computer and wrote up the pro rata letters you send to your creditors that basically says, "I realize I owe you a metric ton of money, but we've fallen on hard times, we have three children and I can't find a job because even Wal-Mart won't hire me." Then you ask them for a moratorium on your payments for 30, 60, 90, or 120 days and ask them to drop your interest during this time, if possible, then ask them nicely at the end to have patience with you and sign it sincerely. I did this to our two largest creditors. I felt like I had accomplished much and with a warm glow in my heart, I decided to type up a new cash flow plan of my own, leaving out the things that we simply cannot pay out at this time, even though Dave Ramsey says we should. Things like car repair, savings, and fun things like eating out. It made it less overwhelming to see a spreadsheet with only the things we pay out, not a bunch of blanks staring me down. That done, I went on to find out the payoff on our personal loan, total the amounts of all the credit cards and then figure up about what we'll get when we sell the truck and boat, plus our income tax refund. It left a mere $995 for us to handle on our own. So THEN, that all being done, I made out another sheet with both of our incomes totalled up. Woah. That sheet said we brought in more than the last one did, the one I figured up in the workbook. I refigured. I refigured again. I rubbed my eyes, prayed that I wasn't screwing up something, refigured and came to the conclusion that we actually have $256.50 a month EXTRA.

We have $256.50 a month EXTRA!!!

So now, I am going to be able to figure up new monthly payments to the credit cards, albeit smaller than they would like to see, I'm sure. But they are payments nonetheless. We are not in the hole, people. I cried. Literally cried. I sat there on the phone with my sister, bawling into her ear. Got the phone all wet, too.

After I quit crying, I said, "Ya know, God's pretty smart." There was silence on the other end of the line and finally Sis said, "Uh....duh." I said, "No really! I mean, here I've been all desperate and panicky, trying to find a job and no one would hire me and my self esteem was injured and I was wondering just why in the world no one wanted me. God had His hand in the middle of it all! He wasn't allowing me to find a job because I don't NEED a job!" And Sis' reply was, "Nope. You just need to take a basic math class." Gosh, I love her. She's pretty wise for a little sister.

Oh, and I just looked outside...

the sun is shining.

Nyquil is in da hay-ouse

Oh wow, this Nyquil is some serious good shit. No kidding. I feeling nothing. Not even my fingers touching the keyboard. Hope I don't write anything I wanna take back or something. Not sure I could find backspace if I tried.

I gave Ab one Nyquil around 6 this evening. That poor child was knocked on her skinny little rear! She stayed home from school today, barking like a harp seal, nose producing the most fluoroescent green snot I've ever seen and just in general looking pale and sick. She wanted to go, bless her heart, she tried. I asked her before she ever even got out of bed if she wanted to stay home and she said she'd try to go. I told her if she went and started feeling bad all she had to do was call. She got dressed and came up front to have me pull up her hair and I just couldn't stand the thought of sending her off to that germ-infested school where something quite possibly worse than she already has could take over. So I said, "Baby you wanna--?" and she nodded her head and said, "Yes. I'll go put my pajamas back on." Sam was more than a little peeved that she was staying home and he was not. Poor guy. He's been sick, too, but hasn't ever acted sick. He's been coughing up a storm, but it never once broke his stride or slowed him down. This evening he was snuggling me on the couch and I kissed his forehead. It was hot. I took his temp: It was 101. Geez, the kids was bouncing off the walls, you'd have never known he had one. Ab has run one all day, but nothing higher than 99.2, hardly enough to count, yet she looks like she's been run over. By 7:30 Ab was falling asleep virtually standing up. I gave her some hot chocolate to soothe her throat a little and sent her on to bed. She has a dr appointment at 9:30 in the morning and I'm just bettin' we end up with antibiotics over this one. Sinus infection, if I were a betting woman. The jury's out as to whether Sam goes to school tomorrow. Depends on the fever. No matter how he feels, if he's running a fever he doesn't go. And he's not going to be happy either, because tomorrow is the Senior/Faculty basketball game and that means no afternoon classes. Btw, Courtney, I did not see your name on the roster...

After all that jubilation this morning after the budget actually being in the black, I had a mean ol' hateful woman from Discover make me cry. Yeah. She was awful. Simply awful. If there is a contest for Collection Person Of The Month Who Reduced The Most Grown Women To Tears, she'll likely win. 'Cuz I'm sure I'm not the only one she talked hateful to today. Once you get started you kind of get on a roll, ya know. The really nice person called first, asking me to make a payment. Understandable, I did owe them one. When I told her what I could pay she said, "That's not good enough." I said, "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's the best I can do." Her reply basically was that it didn't even cover the finance charges. Okay, I fully understand that, but lady, I ain't got it. So I said, "Ma'am, I am doing the best I can right now. I am more concerned at this time with feeding my children and keeping the electricity on. I'm sorry if you can't understand why I can only pay you $35 this month." She then offered to see if I qualified for a hardship payment plan. Great, sign me up, I've been enduring lots of financial hardship lately. But I think how they work things at Discover Card is that they test you to see if you can hold up under the verbal attacks of "The Supervisor" to see if you can be considered a true hardship case. I didn't hold up well once she started threatening to sue me for fraud. WTF? She said that by putting my phone bill and cable bill on my credit card and then not making a payment constituted as fraud and therefore, I was guilty as charged. I explained that it was never my intention to fraud anyone, I was just doing the best I could. (See a pattern here with my pleading? Guess my best isn't good enough for them, eh.) So after about 5 times of her raising her voice at me, telling me I LIED to the kind and benevolent folks at Discover Card, that I was going to get sued I HAD HAD IT. I told her that I was offering to make a payment, plain and simple. No, it wasn't near what she wanted me to offer, but then you get into that whole blood from a turnip analogy and I didn't think she'd appreciate it right then. I also told her I didn't appreciate her copping an attitude with me, that I was trying to be courteous and respectful and I only wanted that in return, and she then told me that WASN'T copping an ATTITUDE with me and how DARE I insinuate she WAS. Again, she threw out the whole suing and the frauding and I said, "You know what, do what you have to do." She said, "Have a nice day!" and hung up. I was literally shaking so hard and my heart was beatin so fast that I thought I was going to pass out. I was ANGRY. I realize she is doing her job, but belittling someone and essentially scaring them and threatening them isn't a job I'd want to have. I couldn't sleep at night, knowing that I had bullied someone into making a payment they simply didn't have. I guess this is why I'm a stay at home mom. I don't have the balls to confront people and bully them. I'm quite happy being ball-less, if that's the kind of person I have to be if I have 'em.

So I called my daddy, bawling my head off, asking him if they really could sue me and if they were going to send Guido to my house to teach me a lesson or something. He rationally explained to me that, okay I've made some mistakes. He told me that I'm fixing it and I'm doing the best I can (Dad thinks my best is good enough!) and that's what matters. He said to send them that $35 and to not worry about any further bullying. I can always be the first to hang up next time. He told me that if they gripe about the payment next time to say "Either you take my $35 payment and get a little at time. Or you can just talk to my bankruptcy lawyer. I bet you don't get as much then." Heehee...Dad has such a way with words. He also gave me a free listing in a farm magazine in the want-ads that he wasn't going to use, so we can list the truck. Man, thanks Dad. It has a huge circulation. He also brought over his step-son in law who has a friend who might be interested in the boat. They took pictures and were sending them to him tonight. I sat down awhile ago and made up flyers to hang up on bulletin boards all over town advertising the truck for sale.

I'm tired of being reactive - I want to be proactive from now on. That's a pretty big step for me, considering how nonconfrontational I am, but I'm trying. Doing my best, eh. Recurring theme tonight it seems. So now the ball is rolling. Our plan to be debt free is in motion and if things go the way I have them written out on paper we will be completely debt free within 9 months. No kidding.

The Lord has just blessed my socks off today. Even if the mean Discover Card lady made me cry. Tomorrow, if the MasterCard people call, I'm not going to cry. I'll stand my ground. Yeah. I just hope they don't call before the Nyquil wears off. I'm slurring my words right now and sound a wee bit drunk, I'm afraid. They might not take too kindly to a $35 payment if I sound like I just went on a beer run.

Man, Nyquil is good.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Sing me a song

I have always needed music in order to basically live and thrive. My parents both have beautiful singing voices and some of my earliest memories are of my mom's soprano, that she never gives herself enough credit for, and my dad's deep resounding bass. In fact, when Sis and I were little our family attended a little - I mean teeny tiny - country church. We sang our first "specials" there. Okay, so it was Sunday School choruses about being redeemed and how ev'rybody oughta know and I'm not even sure I knew what redeemed meant at the time I was singing it at the top of my lungs on the alter step, but I sang it anyway. 'Cuz I was cute. *wink* When I was in junior high, Dad took a songleader position at a slightly larger, but still relatively small, church in Picher, OK, his hometown. There we started singing more sophisticated songs, my favorites being Amy Grant, which every 13 year old Baptist girl adored at the time. The four of us also sang quartets from time to time. Until my voice changed. I went from singing the super high ultra soprano part to borderline bass with my father. Kind of threw off our four parts a bit.

To this day I still lean more toward alto, but if the humidity and barometric pressure is just so, if I haven't smoked in awhile and no one makes me laugh, I can belt out a low soprano like there's no tomorrow. I have no range. None. It's just sad really. If I want to sing something it pretty much has to be in one octave and that's it. So much for the National Anthem.

Why am I telling you this? For God's sake, I don't know.

If you stumbled across this blog by way of Blog Explosion, please take the time to scroll down a bit to some earlier posts and find something a little more humorous and I dunno, meaty. Meaty? WHO has taken over my body and is making me type such crap?

I need sleep.
I smell like spit-up again.
My sinuses feel like they are stuffed full of Elmer's Glue laden cotton balls right now.
DayQuil is some pretty good shit.
I bet NyQuil is better, but I don't have any.
I pray to God above that my youngest does not have "bad dweams" tonight or wake me up to tell me she has "yucky sounds", which means her asthma is making her feel like she has a 200 pound harp seal sitting on her chest.
I hope the sun shines tomorrow.
I don't think I can take another day of clouds and rain.

Gloom, doom, spit-up and toilet paper

It never fails. It rains on Paul's days off every stinkin' week. And his days off aren't the same every week. It's like God looks at His great big meteorological calendar in the sky and says, "Ooh, looks like Paul's off on Tuesday and Wednesday this week - check, showers." All this does is just make him mad. Paul, not God. For two days now he has moped around the house and grumbled at me, yelled at the kids, and slept. Paul, not God.

I walked through the living room awhile ago and he was sound asleep, kicked back in the recliner. I just now walked through again and he was still kicked back, but awake and sulled up. "Stupidrain," was what I think came out of his half-closed mouth. We are nearly out of wood and he can't get out there to cut any. Okay, rephrasing, he won't get out there and cut in the rain. If your family needs wood cut, you cut it. Rain, snow, sleet, or hail. Okay, maybe not hail because that's dangerous. Besides hailstorms don't usually last that long anyway - you could get a cup of coffee while you waited for it to pass. Anyway. We have decided to sell the boat and it needs to be cleaned out so we can take it down to Sis' house (she lives on a high-traffic street) but he won't go out to the barn to do that. It's cold, he says. Well, duh, it's February ya dork. It's in the barn, for cryin' out loud. But no; he, instead of doing anything halfway constructive, opts to sit in the house and whine. He's driving me insane.

This morning Jill asked me if we had been talking about names during the day. I said, ", I don't think so. Why?" She laughed and said, "Oh, last night Chandler walked in the room and said, 'My babysitter's name is Kwistin. Kwistin Hoovah.' And walked back out." I said, "Oh yeah...he introduced me to several people at the grocery store yesterday, too." I don't know where he gets it. He also introduced himself AND Kady AND the baby to anyone who would listen. Jill also asked me what kind of toilet paper I use. I said, "Scott. Why?" "Well, last night he sang to me, word for word, the Charmin song from the commercial. Do you think maybe he watches too much TV?" Nah, he's just a little sponge, that's all. I shrugged and said, "I doubt he's watching to much TV. Kids will pick up anything catchy and repeat it ad nauseum. But I haven't taught it to him, sorry."

Just a little while ago I was folding laundry and caught myself singing, "When we say less is more, less is more. More absorbent than the regular rippled brand for sure. What you used to love now you're gonna adore. Charmin Ultra - less is more. Cha-cha-cha! Charmin!" Nope, I have no clue where he learned it.


Cute baby is here again. Day #3. He's simply devourable. My sister just called and said she feels well enough that she can watch him the rest of the week. Dang her and her getting all well and stuff. Although, last night when I took off my shirt before bed, as I lifted my shirt over my head I caught a whiff of spit-up and thought, "Man, that's a smell I thought I was over and done with."


I feel the need to do a blog round-up today for some reason. **I'm especially enamored with CrazyMom at Here Comes Life. Bless her heart, she has the flu AND a sinus infection right now and is living the life hopped up on Vicodin and Marlboros. We can't all live the dream, but she's trying.
**I finally jumped on the bandwagon and started reading Defective Yeti even though he competed with my beloved Heather B. Armstrong over at Dooce during the Blog Awards. His little Squirrelly is a year old now and his take on life, work and parenting is particularly charming.
**My friend from high school, Magnet Lady has started blogging and my gosh, if I thought she was hilarious in real life, she's dangerous on her blog. She had THE BEST bangs on high school and still continues to have my jealously when it comes to hair. She's also a pretty durn good camping partner. Ask her about it. G'head, she'd love to tell the story.
**File Girl, another Napoleon Dynamite fan, showed us the other day her skillz at paper folding. Boyfriends want girlfriends with skillz, I hear.
**I can't do a herding of the blogs without mentioning Cousin Courtney!! She can eat a pound of Candy House chocolates, works at The Big Fancy Casino, recently wrote about the perils of chin hairs and you simply must check her out. Just last night while standing in my kitchen, we discussed how to get people to comment on our blogs, while I peddled and she paid for Girl Scout cookies. (HINT HINT NUDGE NUDGE)


I just now bent over to pick the baby up out of the floor. The back of my sweatshirt raised up just enough to expose the small of my back. My husband, who had just come in from the nearly depleted woodpile, thought it would be mighty funny to place his cold hands directly on the exposed skin. Thank God I have reflexes like Superman or I'd be making a call to Cute Baby's mom trying to explain exactly how her son acquired a bruise the size of Texas on his wee little bald head.

He goes back to work tomorrow if I don't kill him first. Paul, not Cute Baby.


I just asked Chandler to sing the Charmin song for me. Oh my gosh it's cute. Kady knew all the words, too. What am I doing to these children? I've been singing "If I was a rich girl, na na na na na na nahhhhhhhh..." for the last two days. I can't wait till he goes home to sing THAT one for his daddy. We're already trying to reprogram him into saying that he's a prince instead of a princess like Kady.


"Jingle Bells, Batman smells allllllll the way!" is how Kady sings Jingle Bells now. So much for dashing through the snow and all that nonsense. We just sing about toilet paper, rich girls and super heros with hygiene issues. Yep, bring your kids to Kiki The Most Wonderful Babysitter in the Universe. I'll teach 'em up right.

Monday, February 21, 2005

This baby is so CUTE!

As I mentioned before, my sister has the flu. Mom, her husband and I have all threatened her into actually allowing herself to recuperate properly and not overdoing it. So that being said, I am her backup for the baby she babysits. I have been around this kid numerous times and man he is a cutie-pie, but he's always been obviously enamored with my sister, who affectionately refers to herself around him as "The Lady". (Immediately throws me into a poor Jerry Lewis impersonation, too.) Well, he loves The Lady with everything in his chubby little body and when she is around there is no one else in my little scope of vision.

Well, today I'm the one he's lookin' all google-eyed at.

this kid is cute.

He was just sitting there in his carseat while I was working on a picture post for a friend's blog. He was being so good, kind of drooling and gurgling and bein' all baby cute and stuff. I'd look over every now and then and he'd immediately do this grin-then-turn-away-like-he-was-embarrassed-to be-caught-staring-at-the-cute-girl thing. My gosh, instantly I was reduced to a goofily grinning baby-talking adult who couldn't resist getting down on my knees and simply devouring his pudgy little baby toes!

Is this how I behaved when my children were babies? Is THIS why I had very few friends and the ones I had were jibberish-talking oatmeal heads with spit-up stains on their left shoulders as well? Did I really talk incessantly to Wal-Mart checkers and the guy pumping my gas (because I was terrified to leave the kids in the car long enough to go in the QT and pay)? Is this why my husband dreaded coming home from work because invariably he would walk in the door from work and would be sideswiped outta nowhere by his conversation-starved young wife who would smother him in kisses, hand off the baby and then begin a rundown of the day's events, INCLUDING how many wet and poopy diapers were encountered, how many burp rags he or she soaked, any new teeth that had sprouted and/or hadn't but had yet caused uncontrollable screeching on parent and child's part and only occasionally while talking 900 mph lapsing into baby talk? Is this how I spent 6 years of my life?

Yep. I guess I did.

Wow, that was good times.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Sleep is good

I just woke up from another 2 hour nap today. Yesterday and the day before I did the same stinkin' thing. I normally do not even entertain the thought of a nap because I tend to lean toward insomnia and naps exacerbate this problem. (Ooh, big word) But lately I have been taking naps AND sleeping at night. I guess obviously I am needing this sleep. Lately if I sit down, I fall asleep. It's not that I am having a hard time functioning or feeling particularly lethargic while I'm up and moving because I actually feel pretty good, but don't let my ass hit the chair because it's alllll over then.

Hmh. I guess I shouldn't question this blessing of sleep I've been given, eh? I have gone sleepless for so long that maybe this is a gift from God for my diligence and perseverence. I am the woman who thrives on lack of sleep and I'm okay with that. I'm not sure I like the thought of actually requiring sleep now. I better stop this. This might be a sign I'm getting old. *gasp*

Saturday, February 19, 2005

GET to know me!

You will just have to forgive my penchant for these quizzes and questionaires that float about aimlessly on the 'net. I'm a sucker for them. I can't help it. :)

1. Your name spelled backwards: Revooh Nitsirk. When I was in 6th grade or so a friend of mine got on this kick where we ONLY called each other Nitsirk and Eimaj. 12 year olds are so weird.

2. Where were your parents born? Miami, OK

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? A Spyware detector from SBC

4. What's your favorite restaurant? Applebee's

5. Last time you swam in a pool? Ummm....summer before last. My sister has a pool and her ladder tried to kill me. Twice. I have the scars to prove it.

6. Have you ever been in a school play? I was in the band in the HS production of Funky Winkerbean's Band my sophomore year. I was some chick in curlers, Bertha Bumiller, in Greater Tuna my junior year and my senior year I'm sure we did one, too, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was!

7. How many kids do you want? I already have three. I want one more.

8. Type of music do you dislike most? Hmmm....twangy 70's country like Tammy Wynette and Merle Haggard. Agh, it makes my ears bleed.

9. Are you registered to vote? Yep, Democrat

10. Do you have cable? Satellite. But we only watch The Outdoor Channel. Bleh

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Ha, no.

12. Ever prank call anybody? Oh my gosh, one summer DeLisa and I crank called ALL the time! Her great grandma's trailer was just sittin' there empty with a phone just begging to be used!

13. Ever get a parking ticket? Nope

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? I used to have an insane desire to bungee jump, but have since developed a fear of heights. I'll stick to crashing up cars.

15. Farthest place you ever traveled? Biloxi, MS

16. Do you have a garden? HA!! That's funny. Only thing I can grow with any success is children.

17. What's your favorite comic strip? Garfield

18. Do you really know all the words to the national anthem? You betcha. I also still know all the words to our high school fight song AND all of the words to Oklahoma!

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Shower, morning. Bath occasionally, but only if there are bubbles and a book involved.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? Napoleon Dynamite

21. Favorite pizza toppings? Hamburger, green olive and mushroom. I craved this concoction when I was pregnant with Sam so much so that the Pizza Hut Express had to purchase green olives just for me because they never had them on hand.

22. Chips or popcorn? Hmm....that's a toughie. I'd probably have to go with popcorn.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? Usually Neutral liner with Mary Kay Intensity Controller. Or just liner with gloss. I hardly ever wear lip color anymore, but if I do it's Mary Kay Mocha Freeze

26. Orange Juice or apple? I cannot STAND the taste of apple juice. Hot apple cider is fine, but do not make me drink apple juice. Bleh. I love orange juice, though.

27. Favorite type of chocolate bar? Whatchamacallit. The only place in town that carries them anymore is the Dollar Tree and sometimes Pumpin' Pete's.

28 When was the last time you voted at the polls? November, 2004

29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Mmmmm...last summer. My mother in law brought me some from a farmer's market stand. Yummy. Paul would gripe because I'd stand at the sink with a whole tomato and a salt shaker, eatin' them things like an apple, squirtin' juice and seeds everywhere.

30. Have you ever won a trophy? Yeah, I got one in speech, my junior year. Normally they gave out medals, but this one school gave out trophies for some weird reason. I think I threw it away.

31. Are you a good cook? Martha Stewart, people

32. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Good grief, who doesn't? There is a full service station in town that I used a lot more when the kids were little and I was paranoid about leaving them in the car to pay, because even though the doors were locked I just knew someone was going to bust out a window and steal my babies. But now, the Wal-Mart has me ruined with their .03 discount if you use their shopping cards to buy gas.

33. Ever order an item from an infomercial? Once. It was winter, we had two small children, cable and cabin fever. I just HAD to have those T-fal pans! I was so excited when Paul finally said yes that I nearly wet my pants dialing the phone.

34. Sprite or 7-up? Bleh. Sprite is what Mom always made us drink when we were sick and to this day I can't stomach the stuff.

35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? When I worked as a Pharmacy Tech I wore a lab coat and scrubs. That's the closest I've ever come to a uniform. Unless you count sweats as a uniform, because if that's the case, yep I've been wearing a uniform to work in for the last 10 years.

36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? Antibiotics for Ab before a dental appointment, WHICH we never have to do again! Yay!

37. Ever throw up in public? I don't think so.

38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or to find true love? Making me choose between the two best things ever. I guess I'd have to go with the true love thing. Geez.

39. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah. I don't believe in love. Ha!

40. Ever call a 1-900 number? No. Omg, no.

41. Can exes be friends? My parents are prime examples that no, exes cannot be friends. They can tolerate each other, but friends they cannot be.

42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? Hmh, when Makensie went into labor we went up to the hospital when we left the casino at 1am, but we didn't get to see her, just her family.

43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? Tons of black hair. Looked like a little indian papoose.

44. What message is on your answering machine? "Hi, you've reached the Hoovers. We're not in right now. Actually, chances are, we're scrambling to find the phone. So give us a minute, see if we pick up. If we answer, great. If not, leave us a message."

45. What is in your backpack? A backpack?? For cryin out loud. The more of these quizzes I take, I realize I am gettin' old. Now, if you wanna talk what's in my purse... Wallet, checkbook, Girl Scout pocket planner, lipstick case, tape measure, two things of antibacterial hand sanitizer stuff, antibacterial hand lotion, emery board, mini photo album, the artwork for my next tattoo so that if I find a $100 bill on the ground I can go directly to the tattoo artist and have it done, two combs, paint samples, a rock Sam gave me the other day after school, antibacterial hand wipes (am I a germ phobe or what?), small bottle full of Imodium, Benadryl, Tylenol and Motrin, one ponytail holder, another emery board....yeah, I think that's about it.

46. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? Get in bed

47. What is one thing you are grateful for today? Those three kids of mine. I can't just pick one of 'em, silly.

48. What is the first concert you ever went to? Garth Brooks. Man, that was awesome. Except for the fact that I was in the midst of my first hangover. But it was still awesome that I got to see him before he got too famous.

Funny how life does that

Last night was the memorial service for Red, who passed away this week. They had it at his bar, which was the most appropriate place to have had such a celebration. His Marcia wasn't sure it was the best place at first, but Mom assured her that it was perfect. And it was. Helived for that place and was so proud of it.

Paul and I arrived late and when we walked in we could hear Angie, the DJ, on the microphone. She was crying and laughing and telling stories. My heart was breaking for her because when we heard the news of Red's death she told my mom "I don't know how to do this. I've never lost anyone I loved before." Bless her heart, she did an amazing job. Several people stood up to tell stories on Red, from small town friends, dance club friends, family, employees and patrons. One thing is for sure, he was loved. I wanted so badly to tell the story of Red's matchmaking endeavors, but couldn't find the fortitude to stand up there and do it.

When everyone who was going to talk had talked, Angie announced that there would be one last dance at R&B Country. Paul, even though we met dancing, isn't much of a dancer anymore. I stood up because I wanted to dance that last dance. He said no. I wasn't going to let it rest at that - I'd have danced with my mother rather than miss that. But he relented and finally led me onto the dance floor and took me in his arms.

How many dances we've danced on that huge wooden floor is unknown to me, but it's been a lot. We were there the weekend he opened, we danced when my shift was over during my short stints as cocktail waitress, we danced around the enormous belly of my pregnancies, we danced while slightly inebriated more than once and we danced our last dance out there last night.

I don't think that anyone on that dance floor was able to keep the tears from falling during that dance. Angie played one of Red's favorite songs, "I'm Already There" by Lonestar, and it just seemed so perfect. When the song was over, I left the strength and comfort of my husband's arms and made a beeline for my mother who was crying as hard as I was. We held each other as the lights came back up. We heard Angie's voice come on the mic as she called "Last call for alcohol" with a tear-choked voice. And when she said for the last time, her trademark words for the end of the night, "Time to go home ya'll. Time to go and lay naked on your own couch," that we knew it was really over and done. R&B Country was closed. Red is gone. It's the end of an era.

I saw Red's son, Brian, after the song was over. Paul and I took the time to look at some pictures they had put up of Red, Marcia, the employees, the club itself. And when we started to walk across the dance floor I saw him. I knew I had to talk to him, even if he didn't recognize me and I had to introduce myself. But no...he caught my eye about halfway across the floor and a sort of half smile broke onto his mouth. I got close to him and he held out his hand and said, "My God, you haven't changed a bit." I cried as he hugged me so tight I thought my ribs would crack. We talked awhile, he introduced me to his oldest son (who is 14 - are we really old enough to have teenagers?? Egad!) and then the conversation became interrupted by other former and present Wyandotte residents who wanted to talk to him. When we finally got a chance to talk again he told his son that I was his first girlfriend, which I'm sure his son thought was hilarious because we all know 14 year olds can't imagine their parents being silly and goofy as children. Paul and I wandered around and talked to a few more folks we knew, hugged Angie and Mom again and decided to leave.

My husband is not a publicly expressive man, not overly affectionate and not known for his ability to comfort. But he's mine nonetheless. As we stepped through the doors to leave the building I kind of slipped myself under his arm and he held me close, patting me on the arm. Then, in the cold of the night, the rocky unevenness of the parking lot and my sheer clumsiness, we kind of stumbled and staggered a bit. He laughed and said, "How many times have we staggered across this parking lot together, Kristin?" I giggled and said, "I think it was me staggering and you holding me up." He squeezed my arm again and said,

"All thanks to Red."

Friday, February 18, 2005


I have had two really good days in a row. Considering that during the weekend and the first of the week I cried virtually nonstop, this is saying something.

Yesterday afternoon I almost kind of lost it when the reality that
*I had to drive to town to pick up our one town Brownie
*I had to be back in 20 minutes (it's a 20 minute drive just TO town) because they've started running the bus route backwards in the evening and I had not just 2, but 4 kids getting off the bus 20 minutes earlier than usual
*I needed to pick up GS cookies, but there was no way THAT was going to happen till later
*I couldn't get hold of one Brownie mom, which meant that she would be at my house shortly, regardless of the fact that I cancelled the meeting, albeit last minute.


Normally on Brownie nights, my sister picks up some of the slack, but she has the flu. Real, true and 100% influenza. She is one sick sister.

SO I cancelled Brownies, yeah, we went over that. I had my Kady, Chandler and my nephew (because Sis was so sick she couldn't even get out of bed to feed him, bless her heart!) and when the bus ran that added my Abby and Sam, plus my niece and Ab's friend, McKenzie. THEN Magnet Lady came over (she was the Brownie mom I couldn't reach) with her daughter. And THEN I had kinda, in the chaos of it all, forgotten that I had called my sister in law to see if her niece, Cheyenne, could spend the night. They hit right after Magnet Lady did. If you weren't keeping a running total, that adds up to 9 children. Yeah....9.

But here's the weird part. It was awesome.

My house was full of children! Ever since I can remember, I've dreamed of having children all over the place - either my own or other's coming to visit my own. While the herd of children played - and played well, I must add - Magnet Lady, McKenzie's mom, my sister in law and I all visited. We talked over Valentine's Day (the group was split as to whether the holiday sucked or didn't. Guess how Magnet Lady and I voted.) we talked about life in general, husbands in general, and it was WONDERFUL. The house was noisy, the kids were rambunctious, but they weren't killing each other, no one was bleeding, furniture was still intact and I was in my own little version of heaven.

My sister in law had to go finally. McKenzie and her mom had to go and so did Magnet Lady and Little Miss Magnet, my brother in law picked up my niece and nephew, Jill picked up Chandler and then suddenly, even with 4 children still here, my house was quiet.

But I couldn't relish in it quiet yet. There were still 500 some odd boxes of Girl Scout cookies in Miami waiting for me to pick them up. So I loaded up the kids and off we sped. They were waiting on us and I felt bad I'd made them wait. But the good part of that was, they were more than willing to help me load up because they were ready to GO. Okay, so when I see all of the cookies that were set aside just for my little Troop of 5 girls, I nearly had a cow. The back doors to my van do not open. I had 4 children in my van. I do not drive a freakin' semi, just an Astro. But hey, I am the Almighty Girl Scout Leader and somehow 41 cases of cookies fit in there. Granted, the children had their knees under their chins, boxes were stacked to the ceiling, I drove with my right arm outstretched to keep the leaning tower in my passenger seat from crashing down on my head, but by golly they fit. I prayed that we didn't have a wreck because we'd have never found the children in that mess.

So when we got home I unloaded enough boxes to get the three big kids out and they didn't even have to be told, they just started taking the boxes in the house. Yay kids! I did something RIGHT regarding your upbringing to this point! Once the van was unloaded we stacked the cookies according to variety and I sent the kids off to straighten up the toyroom. You can only imagine how it looked after 9 kids had been playing in it. While they cleaned, I made dinner and began re-heating chili for Paul. I felt like Martha Stewart, I swear.

We let the kids stay up late and they thought they were the hippest kids around when I said it was okay that they watch ER. Abby exclaimed during a commercial break, "Dude! WHY haven't you told us about this show before??" I didn't divulge that normally during ER they are asleep and her father and I lie on the couch, cop feels and make out like teenagers. I kind of thought she didn't need to know that. I just shrugged and grinned instead.

This morning I made breakfast like a freakin' pro, flipping pancakes onto plates like a short-order cook, timing the bacon to come out of the oven at just the right time and man, I had my game on.

Sis got all kinds of froggy this morning and thought she was well enough to take her kids to town. She made it through the eye doctor appointment and then fell to pieces. I insisted that she bring the kids to me (actually I tried insisting that she let me take them to the eye doctor, but since TotOne has vision issues she felt she should) and told her that if she kept refusing that I was going to tell Mom. She looked like death when she dropped them off. I sent her home with Chloraseptic spray and orders to go straight to bed.

You'd think adding two kids to the mix would make things fall apart. Nope. Things only got better. Because since there was a boy here finally, Sam quit pestering the girls and everone settled down. Lunch was again, a miracle in itself. They ate without spilling or making too big of a mess and they got, what else, Girl Scout cookies for dessert. They all watched Finding Nemo awhile ago and when that was over I sent them outside. Not too long after they went outside, the neighbor dropped off his two girls until their mom gets off work. I think, if I counted correctly the last time they came through for drinks, there are 8 of them now. And life is good.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Two-stepping off into the sunset...

This evening a long-time friend of mine passed away. "Red" was the owner of the only decent country-music-playin' establishment in our town and I'd known Red since I was in Kindergarten. He was 62.

When I was in grade school, virtually my entire early grade school years, I had a "boyfriend" named Brian. Brian Highfill. I would sigh and giggle at the mention of his name. He was dreamy, that Brian. In second grade they had a Marriage Booth at the school carnival and I married Brian roughly 45 times that night. I remember walking up to Red and exclaiming that I had married his son, while I showed off my many cheap "gold" rings. I remember Red's weathered face, which was always smiling, and how he laughed at the thought of having an 8 year old daughter in law.

Red had worked for the telephone company in Wyandotte for as long as I could remember and was known all over town for his telecommunication magic. He retired last year. He could have your phone line up and running in no time and if you had problems you would call Red.

When I was 19 I moved to Stillwater and moved back home all in a month's time. A few months later I was engaged - then a few months after that I wasn't. It was a rough time for me. Rough time for my mom, too. She was newly divorced and lonely. We were two depressing ladies, lemme tell ya. Well, while I was in Stillwater she had started taking country and western dance lessons in Wyandotte at AJ's Dance Hall, which was run by Red. She was enjoying herself and I figured I didn't have anything else to do on Tuesday nights, so I went along.

Ah Red... my gosh but that man could dance. He took a very clumsy 19 year old heartbroken girl and turned her into a 2-steppin' fool on that dance floor. When I danced with Red I was good at something. He taught me to 2-step, swing, waltz and even line dance. He never chided me for not catching on to something, he was endlessly patient and could always make me laugh. I never had a partner, but always knew that at some point I'd dance with Red for a few songs anyway, I felt like a country and western princess. He was proud of my ability and wanted me to start competition dancing. But alas, no partner.

One night I walked in the door from work and heard the phone ringing. It was Red. "Hey, sis! ... You comin' to class tonight? ... Good good! ... I got you a partner...yep, a partner! ... Paul ... Paul Hoover ... yes you do too know a Paul Hoover! ... Hell, girl he's here every week! ... Wait ... Boog! ... Yeah! ... They're the same guy! Boog is Paul!" I wasn't sure about this Boog guy, but Red assured me that he was aces and that was all I needed. Good enough for Red, good enough for me.

Well, little did Red know that he was playing matchmaker that night. And exactly three months later I became Mrs. Boog. I mean, Hoover. We spent the night before our wedding with Red and our dance crowd at the dance hall and when it was time to head home he hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek and wished us both luck.

When I was pregnant with our first baby I worked as a cocktail waitress at his club. While I was working there we lost our baby. The emotion that poured from that man when someone he loved as much as I know he loved me was hurting was unfathomable. He was a kind man, but didn't like to let too many people know it. I worked off and on over the years for him and knew that no matter what there was a grey-headed old fart at that club that loved me and my husband.

Red, I love you and I know that wherever you are tonight you're dancin'.

Tuesday's post-Ladies' Night Post

[ ] I won a HUMONGOUS amount of money at the Big Fancy Casino tonight.

[X] I won a small amount of money at the Big Fancy Casino tonight.

[ ] I won a moderate amount of money at the Big Fancy Casino tonight.

[ ] I didn't win shit at the Big Fancy Casino tonight.


Technically, I didn't really win anything, but I left with $5 that I didn't come in with. I just cashed out with some of their money. But I stopped by the convenience store on the way home and bought Mr. Diva a can of Copenhagen, because after all, it's Valentine's Day. Then, because I am so wonderful, I gave the rest of the money to him, too. I also gave him a really cool Eskimo Joe's t-shirt today and he really liked it. Did I get anything? Guess. G'head.


AND it seems that The Store finds me unemployable.

There is a reason I hate Valentine's Day and have since high school.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Toots vs. Farts

Just now I was tucking the girls in bed and Abby asked me, "Mom...what's that f-word we're not supposed to say?" So I said, "Abby, you know we don't say it. Period." She goes, "Nooooo...not THAT one! The f-word that YaYa says we can't say...oh yeah! FART!" I said, "Ab, you know Daddy and I don't have a problem with you saying fart. As long as you don't say it at school." She kind of giggled and said, "Okay, so what's the word that YaYa uses for farts then?" I offered "toot", she said that wasn't it. I then said, "Windy?" She fell back on her bed laughing her head off and squealed "YES!! Windy!! BWAH HAHAahahhahhahah!!!!" I started giggling, too. She finally composed herself and said, "Man, that is one dorky word." I patted her arm and said, "Your Grammy made YaYa and I say we "had windied" when we were kids. This is why I let you kids say fart. Because "windy" is one dorky word."

"Heck yeah. It IS dorky. Windy....I can't believe she made you SAY that!" she giggled.


Man, I hate it when you get a big ol' bag of Hershey's Kisses for Valentine's Day from your mother and you can't keep your hands out of them and like three times this morning you've managed to chew up the little piece of paper along with the kiss.


Man, I LOVE it when I get a big ol' bag of Hershey's Kisses for Valentine's Day from my mother.

I HATE it that I can't keep my hands out of them.

I also hate it when I chew up the little piece of paper.


Sunday, February 13, 2005

It is finished

The application is in at The Store. It is supposed to be pulled in the morning. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm excited yet I'm scared to death. 10 years, people. 10 years since I've gotten dressed in something other than sweats and actually have left my house to go to work for any length of time. The thought is staggering. I had a temp job at the college when I was 8 months pregnant with Kady and last year I substitute taught a few times, but it's been since '95 since I've had a real employment to call my very own. Yes, I realize it's only 3 days a week - let me obsess, k?

I called my mom while I was doing the application and said, "Can you think of any jobs I've had??" She laughed and said, "You've been awful busy raising babies. Don't worry about it." She's right - I mean, I think I pretty much already have the job.

AND The (stupid) Store is still declining my FREAKING checks. Rassin' frassin' Store. Thankfully I had the presence of mind to go to the register with a pack of gum and wrote a check for $2. So when it declined it it was only for a pack of gum that I just put right back, rather than $60 worth of groceries. And we really needed those groceries. How can I make my tea in the morning when I'm OUT OF TEA?? I will have to drink coffee until I can get to the bank to get some cash so I can go to The Store to buy more tea. Diva's gotta have her caffeine. When I start working I'll have to have an IV port put in so I can continue with my all day long ingestion of super sweet Southern iced tea.

So it looks like tomorrow I'll have to call The Store to find out exactly why we are still black-balled. I checked our account online today and everything's FINE. WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY?????

We're probably permanently on a list somewhere. When we walk through the doors from now on a red light will go off in the back room with all the security monitors and a Code 86 1/2 will be issued and the authorities will be alerted and the financial institutions we are associated with will be contacted to find out if we are to be deemed worthy of writing a check and we will be video monitored our entire visit to their fine establishment. Yep, 1984 has arrived, folks.


Courtney asks:

1. Are you going to have another baby?
Yes, I really do believe that someday I'll have another baby. Soon? Well...let's just say that the ol' clock is tickin' and I ain't gettin' any younger. I'd say if I'm going to have another one, it'll be in the next 2 years. Egad...another 2 years long enough to prepare the world for another one?

2. If you were a kitchen utensil what would you be?
A whisk.

3. Why?
Because a whisk is pretty important in most kitchens, used almost daily and greatly appreciated. If my whisk is dirty I will get it out of the dishwasher and wash it by hand so I can use it. Now if that's not usefulness, I don't know what is.

Only you, Courtney...only you.

Btw, OH MY GOSH THANK YOU FOR THOSE AMAZING SEATS AT THE TRACE ADKINS CONCERT YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE COUSIN. (Stacey, if you get me a kidney someday, I'll bump you up to #1 status. Keith, you rewire my house and I'll upgrade you as well. But dudes, Courtney got us fourth row tickets! That's gotta count for an immediate movement to the front of the line.)

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Let me entertain you

I lifted this off of Apropos of Something and found it to be worthy of my blog. Because we're so high-falootin' around here at the Ramblings, right?

A. First, recommend to me:
1. A movie
2. A book
3. A musical artist, song, or album

B. Ask me three questions - no more, no less. You may ask anything you want. I reserve the right, however, to give you a not-so-true, smartass answer.

And while we're at it, I'll share with you this music meme that is going around, yet NO ONE has tagged me with it. So what's a girl to do when she finds herself eating with the trogs on the quad in Junior High, wishing herself into a life with the cool kids? She just steals the meme. Okay, so that made no sense and I think it was a flashback if I'm not mistaken.'s the music meme:

10 Random Songs From My Music Files:
1. Blurry- Puddle of Mudd
2. Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows Feat. Vanessa Carlton
3. The Surrey with the Fringe on Top - From the soundtrack of Oklahoma!
4. 100 Years - Five For Fighting
5. Let's Get it Started - Black Eyed Peas
6. My Lord and Master - from the soundtrack of The King and I
7. Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows (Shrek soundtrack)
8. Over and Over - Nelly Feat. Tim McGraw
9. Landslide - Dixie Chicks
10. Fall to Pieces - Velvet Revolver

Total amount of music files on my computer: 105.4 MB

Last CD I bought: Heavier Things - John Mayer

Last song I listened to before this message: The tail end of "1984" by Bowling for Soup Now, "Since U Been Gone" by that American Idol chick...what is her name..

Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me:
1. Only Love - The Statler Brothers (This song is just so pure and heart-touching that I can't help but tear up when I hear it.)
2. What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong (My gosh, it IS a wonderful world, isn't it? This is going to be played at my funeral, btw.)
3. Please Come to Boston - David Allan Coe (My gosh, he loves her so much and she just can't go to him...)
4. Daughters - John Mayer (So honest and true)
5. Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows (Dunno why - just like it.)

Tag! You're it:
1. Courtney
2. Tiff - my BFF
3. Christy - who you must all go check out because she's my friend AND the 6th person to blog because of little ol' me!!!

Okay, us your music!
And everyone, don't forget to do the first set of questions!!

Let the tinkling begin

After Sis gained posession of the tickets, she stood at the box office visiting with the girl awhile. Heather mentioned how excited we are about the concert and how we would die if we actually met the man. The girl, very nonchalanatly (how COULD she be nonchalant about TRACE ADKINS!?!) said "Oh, Trace has been walking around out here all morning. He's wearing a nice buckskin jacket, has his hair pulled back in a ponytail (That ponytail - oh how I dream of that ponytail). Yeah, he's been out here in the casino off and on all morning. It's been awhile, he should be back out here in a bit." Heather said, "I...I gotta go!" And got in her car and drove to the bank to withdraw cash so she can go back to the casino to gamble in the off chance she might have the opportunity to MEET TRACE ADKINS. Oh my gosh. She is there right now gambling.

I asked her if she's tinkled yet. She said, "Oh sister, I will if I see him!"

I said, "You DO have paper for him to autograph, right?" She said, "Uhhhh....I have the thingy from Uncle Homer's funeral. Do you think he'd mind signing that?" I said, "You go RIGHT NOW and get some paper from the nice girl in the box office! And when you get his autograph you make sure to tell him your sister is a slut and will be here tonight."

Menage' huh?

I just had a harried 3-way phone tag conversation with my sister and Courtney regarding picking up our tickets for the Trace Adkins concert which is TONIGHT. Courtney, bless her precious heart, picked up the tickets for us the night they went on sale, scoring us 4th row center tickets. We've since paid her back for them and she left them at the box office for us. Well, since that whole scenario was settled upon, we have now discovered that we will, in all likelihood, be running late tonight. So since Sis is in town she thought she'd pick them up now so we won't have to wait in line and risk missing one milisecond of Trace's rugged handsomeness. They wouldn't let her have them. So she called me and asked me to call Courtney while she tried to figure out the mess. Anyway, it's all fixed now and my sister has in her posession our 4th row tickets!!!!

Phone conversation that took place before the ticket confusion:
Phone rings
Diva: Hello dear sister!
Sis: I am at the Buffalo right now and there are tour busses and truck here as. I. speak.
Diva: (Unintelligible screams, screeches and squeals)
Sis: Yeah, me too
Diva: So can you see anything?
Sis: No...but they are moving HIS equipment in right. now.
Diva: (slightly swooning) I can't believe he's quite possibly there at this moment.
Sis: Me either. I could just tinkle.

I should never be allowed to handle money again

Yesterday morning I got the kids up and off to school. Since I don't watch Chandler on Fridays, I decided I was going to just hang out in my pj's, reading and maybe taking a nap. Sis and I had tossed around the possibility of going to Joplin the day before, but didn't really think it'd happen. I had just settled into my chair at 7:45 with a Louis Grizzard book when the phone rang. It was Sis saying she could go to Joplin. Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to go, but man did that chair feel good... so I dragged myself up and slugged down the hall to take a shower. Kady didn't want her hair fixed, didn't want earrings in, didn't want to wear what I laid out, so we were later getting out the door than I had intended, but we made it. I picked up Sis, TotTwo and her babysittin' baby and off we headed to Miami to get cash before we headed to the Joplin.

At the bank, I wrote a check for cash, handed it to the teller who said, "Do you know what the balance is in your account?" My heart did a little flip flop and I said, "It'd better be somewhere around $600." She shook her head and said, "'s in the negative." With strength comparable to what it takes to not take the last Oreo in the package, I kept the tears at bay while I told her that my husband was supposed to have made a night deposit before he went to work that morning, somewhere around 6:30am. Nope. She offered to let me use my overdraft protection and go ahead and get the cash, but I declined since I knew that that overdraft protection thing was nearly worn out on my account as of late.

Here's the story:
At the end of January I made a cash deposit of $600 for our truck payment. I didn't fill out a deposit slip because I didn't have any, but seeing as how I know all the tellers and babysit for one of the managers or whatever she is, I am like Norm from Cheers when I walk in. (Okay, I'm sure that everyone that banks at that oh so friendly bank feel that way - the girls make a huge effort to make you feel loved as you give them your money) Anyway, she just said she'd look me up by my SSN. Well, I have 2 accounts there. One is my old Pampered Chef account and hasn't been used in nearly 3 years and has a balance of $4.88. The other is our regular household account that we use too much. Guess where she put the $600. Yep, the wrong one.

NOW...had I been a good customer, responsible adult, I:
1.Would have filled out a deposit slip myself
2.Would have checked my receipt when she handed it to me.
3.Would have opened the freaking bank statement when I got it, thus allowing me to find this mistake a full week earlier than I did.

But people, we all know that I'm a dipshit and these things didn't happen.

What happens is that I get a notice in the mail of an overdraft. I grab the checkbook, everything's in order, the only thing I can figure is that a deposit was made just shortly after a check came through and that made it overdraw. I figured okay, no big, pay the $17.43 and go on. The next day - two more overdrafts. I called the automated phone line thing that could also qualify as pilates and cardio for your fingers and OH MY GOSH that $600 was not there!!!

Now, in my mind I knew I'd made the deposit. I never go in the lobby, usually I hit the drivethru, but that day I had $600 in twenties and Paul was with me, so I went inside. I visited with the teller a bit, looked at a whole roll of pictures of her new baby, etc. I KNEW I'd made that deposit. I tore my van apart looking for a receipt, which again is a testament to my irresponsibility, that was nowhere to be found. I dug through my trashcan which made me gag. I was crying. I was sweating. I was cussing. It was not pretty. So when Jill came to pick up Chandler and found her babysitter in a state of obvious mental duress, she asked what was wrong. Immediately she knew what had happened and told me how to fix it. She's a manager or some big muckity muck at that bank. I called the bank and got a service center in Tulsa. The woman was less than nice, but said she'd transfer the money right then. I asked about getting the NSF fees taken off since it wasn't my fault the money went into the wrong account. She explained that it was indeed my fault because I didn't check my receipt, etc, but I was more than welcome to speak with someone from my branch. Well, the chick that I needed to talk to was busy and the teller took my number and said she'd call back. I waited an hour and no call. Then life went on. We had slumber parties all weekend and being the irresponsible dipshit I am, I kinda forgot.

Come Monday morning we've accumulated 7 overdrafts and two checks have been returned, unbeknownst to me. But Jill asks out of sheer politleness... when I tell her that I was never called back she said, "Oh that's not right - I'll get you some of those NSF fees back when I get to work." Groovy - thank you Jill! Well later in the day I happen to call the bank's automated line again and then discover that the heifer at the service center NEVER TRANSFERRED THAT $600. I called Jill immediately and she said, "Oh now you are SO getting every fee refunded!" Then when I told her that one of the checks that was returned was to Wal-Mart where my husband is employed and if we write bad checks to them they FIRE HIM. She refunded me over $100 in NSF fees, wrote a letter to Wal-Mart explaining the whole deal and then extolled the virtues of checking your receipt which I WILL NOW DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, I SOLEMNLY SWEAR.

But then on Thursday I tried to write a check to Wal-Mart and they declined my check. While I was standing in an express lane. With two kids who were hungry. With only $20 in my pocket. I had to have the cashier call my husband in the breakroom who mumbled an expletive into the phone and said he'd be up there as quick as he could. It was even more embarrassing when she said, "Hoover? Paul Hoover? Works in Automotive? I KNOW him!" Yeah, great. Glad you do. Meanwhile the line was growing behind me, full of people who were shifting from foot to foot, sighing loudly and rolling their eyes. If I hadn't been so mortified I'd have been a real bitch and said something, but as it was, I just stood there blinking back tears. Turns out he had forgotten to bring the letter from the bank to work with him that day.

(Sidenote: Two irresponsible people should never marry and have a bank account together.)

Then yesterday I got the whole negative balance again. I stormed out to my van, grabbed my cell phone and wasn't even nice when I said called the store and said, "Let me talk to Paul." I wasn't very nice to him either. He said, "Oh. I thought I'd just make that deposit after work." I yelled. I cussed. I made the kids' ears bleed with all the profanity escaping my mouth. So then I had to go to Wal-Mart, pick up the deposit and take it back to the bank and FINALLY get my money. What happened was an automatic debit came through in the midst of all the overdraftednes and I'd forgotten about it (which I normally NEVER do)and it threw us into the red again. But I made the deposit, checked to make sure the balance was positive again and finally got my cash to go to Joplin. All that for $25 in cash. Holy shit.

Add all that drama onto the fact that we are $672 over on our cash flow plan and it's been a financially horrendous week. I just wish I was luckier at the casinos. Man, wouldn't it be nice to put in $10 of their money on Ladies' Night, hit a $52,000 jackpot and live happily ever after? Hey, it's happened so I can continue to dream.

In the meantime, I'll just make sure I check my receipt at the bank. Several times. Over and over. With a magnifying glass. And a notary public.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Here's a question

Have any of y'all ever had problems with vertigo?

I seem to be plagued with it all of the sudden and it's starting to not be remotely amusing anymore. I mean, it never really amusing to begin with, but now I'm just tired of it.

Oh yeah and when I say "vertigo", I don't mean a retarded song by U2 where Bono can't even count right. Hmm...maybe he is the one telling the dudes teaching the financial management course what order to go in.

Anyway. The dizzy kind of vertigo...

It's been really bad. I nearly dropped Kady the other night because it hit out of the blue while I had 36 pounds of preschooler in my arms. About 30 minutes after that particular episode I ended up running to the bathroom to begin a 20 minute session of
1. bend over toilet
2. barf
3. stand up
4. get smacked upside the head with a wave of dizziness that of course leads to nausea.
Start over again with #1 and repeat five times.

It was bad. The dizziness hasn't been so bad today, but the nausea is still there.

This is how bad it is: I took a pregnancy test yesterday.

Yeah. That bad. And no, I'm not pregnant. Or at least according to the little stick that soaked up my urine then swept a pretty pink wave of color into the little windows, I'm not.

If anyone out there reading this has any knowledge regarding vertigo and the non-stop nauseousness that plagues me, I would greatly appreciate any input and help you could give. If you're just browsing through because Blog Explosion sent you my way, yet you DO have knowledge of vertigo, could you leave me a comment before you go about your merry way? I'm desperate here.

Being poor is SO overrated.

Okay, so Sis and I are taking this financial management course ya know. And they give us homework. So today was payday for Paul and I both. I told him that after the kids went to bed that we'd sit down and work out our cash flow plan together, see how it all goes, etc. HOLY NIGHT, we are in the hole $672 every month!!!

I mean, I KNEW we were broke, but to see it on

I'm so frustrated, depressed, confused, angry...and DID I MENTION THAT WE'RE $672 IN THE HOLE EVERY MONTH???????????

I called my sister who is so on fire for this class and had her plan figured out weeks ago and man, she understands it and she's just better with numbers period. I called her at 9:30 and she was in bed, but swears she wasn't asleep. I was desperate or I'd have really intended on hanging up when I said, "Oh gosh, sorry! I'll let you go!" when I just really needed to talk. THANK GOD she was insistent upon my staying on the line. I told her that it just wasn't making sense - the whole zero budget stuff, the putting money in savings when you can't even pay the electric bill, figuring your "non-acceptable" pro-rata payments based on "excess cash" each month, but have I mentioned that $672 that we seem to NOT HAVE?? How can you figure out what your pro-rata payment to a non-acceptable creditor is WHEN ANYTHING TIMES ZERO IS NOTHING?

The relief in her voice was so very obvious when she said, "I'm sorry you're $672 in the hole, but my GOSH I'm glad this isn't making sense to you either!"

We're jumping around in the book and the workbook. Seems to me if the dude that wrote it actually put chapters 4,5,6,7,8 and 9 BEFORE chapter 10 that quite possibly he meant for us to read them IN. THAT. ORDER. Quite possibly. But no, last weeks' homework was Chapter's 1-3 and 10.


Paul kept getting more and more frustrated because here I've convinced the man that this is going to work and we are going to eliminate our debt and we're going to pay CASH for that trip to Disney World in 2008, yet all of the sudden we're $672 in the red? My stomach got all tied up in knots, my eyes started watering, my head began pounding and all I could do was say, "Sorry honey. Really. I'm just sorry. Go watch some fishing or something and contemplate which set of dishes you want when you divorce my sorry incapable-of-making-a-wise-financial-decision-to-save-my-life butt."

He did go watch fishing. Whether he contemplated place-settings is unknown at this juncture. I hope he doesn't take the good ones. I'll need to sell them to pay off the mountain of debt, not to mention the regular ol' important necessities like oh, electric, water ... and the internet.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Let Them Eat Cake!

I just had to share a picture of the cake I made last night. I hardly ever make them because, frankly they are a pain in the ass. But they're so pretty and everyone just ooh's and aah's, so it's almost kinda worth it.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Tupperware doesn't "burp", it "whispers"

"Diva, why on earth are you posting to your blog at 9:09 pm on a Monday night? Aren't you supposed to be at the Big Fancy Casino losing money and in general just spreading your unluckiness around?"

Well, yes, Dear Reader...that is my normal Monday night activity, but tonight I am at home. I had forgotten that wrestling comes on on Mondays. Wow. I had forgotten that Monday nights used to be the nights that I watched WWE until my eyes finally started doing that crossy thing and I'd doze on the couch until Mr. Diva would try to wake me up for his version of a WWE match. (Except, unlike those guys on TV, we were always naked...) Usually I'd just feign utter exhaustion and sleep on the couch, though. Ahhh...but those were the days before Ladies' Night at the Big Fancy Casino. Now I come in from the casino reeking of cigarette smoke, all sulled up because I didn't win shit again and he usually doesn't even attempt sex on Monday nights.

My Tupperware party ran late, which I knew was going to happen. They always run late, even when you try hard to not let them. I sold Pampered Chef for four years, I know these things. We had SUCH a good time, though! It was so nice seeing Kim again, who now has two GROWN UP children. *sob* She was still the same Kim we all had grown to love when I was having a T-ware party on the average of every 2 months. (Why didn't I save my money back then - back when I had it??? Oh yeah, because I had it.) My friend, Chloe, booked a party and I need one more person (hint hint - any takers?) to book so I can get this incredibly nifty serving platter set, which I have never laid eyes on, but I oh so have to have them! They're FREE for cryin' out loud, so I now have an obsession with these platter thingies.

You should've seen my mom...OMG, she was hilarious the closer it got to 8:00. She was the one who swore she'd leave promptly at 8 even if a burping was in process. Well, this woman had tickets, by golly and she wasn't leaving until the drawing had taken place. She had her tickets laid out on my end table, in numerical order no less, was sitting on the edge of her chair, fauching at the bit and tapping her foot. The mean part of me wanted to drag things out just a little longer... She didn't win, btw. Didn't matter to her though - at that point she was too worried about making it to Miami in time for her free play. Heather was hot on her heels, with two crying, cranky children in tow who just weren't quite done playing yet. The things we do for free money on Ladies' Night.

Mr. Diva of course had to push that marital bliss envelope just as far as he could, even after a rather vehement request to be back before 8:00 so I'd be assured a chance to make it to town. He sauntered through the door at 8:20. By the time everyone left it was 8:30 and I had plenty of time to get there. Okay plenty is an exaggeration - it takes 22 minutes to get there, so it was pushing it, but still do-able. He said I could go if I put the kids to bed. No way I could've accomplished that. It wasn't worth the stress and strain. So he'll just have to be understanding tomorrow night if I happen to get tied up at my financial management class and he mysteriously doesn't make it on time to Men's Night at the Lucky Turtle. He'll also have to be understanding if I am just "too exhausted" from all the cleaning I did today, plus hosting a party, to play WWE with him tonight. He'll just have to get over it, won't he?

Put that in your selfish pipe and smoke it, Mr. Diva. Hah! Two can play at this game we call Twelve Years of Marriage. I may not win all the time, but I still have the only vagina in this relationship and it seems to be a pretty popular item and I ain't afraid to use my ownership of it to get what I want or to get even.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Happy Birthday, Mr. Diva!!

We just got in about an hour from all the gambling festivities for Mr. Diva's birthday. He came home with a whole $20. One thing about that man of mine, he certainly plays what he has, lol. He started out doing well, only playing half of the free play they gave, but then he got all greedy and lost it all. I'm glad he gets mad easily and quits playing to go pout. Otherwise he'd get into trouble.

Mom made a huge pan of ribs for lunch and Sis, Bub, and Paul's mom also came out to eat. The ribs were awesome. I also made a big ol' skillet of calico potatoes and man, did they ever taste good, too.

I yelled at Mr. Diva during lunch and felt pretty bad about it later. I mean, I did yell at the dude in front of his mom. That was wrong of me. I gotta remember to apologize for that... But I told him and told him to nail that stupid piece of facing back down and as a result of him NOT doing it, I now have 3 holes in my white 3/4 sleeve shirt, dammit.

Ab woke me up at 1:30 this morning saying she had to puke. Man, why do they DO that?? Why can't they just go do it on their own THEN come tell me? I have a knee-jerk reaction to throw my hand in front of my face when the kids wake me up during the night because I have a deep-seated fear of getting a face full of barf. Poor thing didn't quite make it to the trash can, ugh. I got her cleaned up, the floor cleaned up, the trash can cleaned up and then made her a pallet on the couch. I slept the rest of the night beside her in the big chair, but she didn't throw up again. We all slept till 9 this morning which is unheard of in our house, I must say. I think we had all just had a busy weekend and we were all pooped. Ab woke up famished, ate some toast and drank some Dr. Pepper for breakfast and was fine the rest of the day. I think 3 days of nothing but junk food was the cause of the mid-night ralph fest. Poor thing.

This is awful, but the first thing I thought of when she woke me up saying she was sick was "Oh crap, how am I gonna clean puke out of the top bunk of that bunk bed???" Fortunately that wasn't an issue. Whew.

Courtney called this afternoon to tell me that the Big Fancy Casino has a graveyard shift slot tech position open, which is EXACTLY what I was hoping would open up when I applied. But now I also have an application in with the new motel in town! Decisions, decisions. Of course, I obsess much and have been in a knot all afternoon. Should I inquire about the casino job or wait till the motel calls? What if the motel doesn't call, even though the guy said he would? What if I take the casino job and the motel guy calls the next day? What if the casino job pays more than the motel job, even though the motel job is what I want to do with my life in the future when I finally get the nerve to go back to school and get a degree? (If that were the case, I'm sure I'd take the motel job anyway. I think.) Am I really capable of getting a "real" job after 11 years as a housewife/stay at home mom? Listen to me talking like both places are knocking down the door to get at me. Geez. I really do need a job, though. Simple as that. Gosh, being a grownup sucks big ones sometimes.

Tomorrow night I'm having a Tupperware party. I have a long-term relationship with my T-ware lady, Kim. I started having parties with her when I was pregnant with Abby, that's how far we go back. I haven't had one since we moved to this house, though. I got all caught up in the Pampered Chef action and neglected my T-ware lady. Shame on me. But I'm excited about it. I love Tuppeware! When I told my sister about the party she exclaimed, "WHY on EARTH would you schedule a party on LADIES' NIGHT YOU IDIOT???? I'll just tell you right now, I won't be there." I assured her that Kim had already been informed that I run with a group of hard-core Ladies' Nighters and at promptly 8:00 there would be a mass exodus out my front door. She assured me that we'd be done. My mom emailed me to RSVP and said, "I'll be there, but I'm leaving at 8:00 even if the Tupperware lady is in mid-burp." I doubt I go to the casino tomorrow night, though. I think I'll just take the night off. Not like I win anything anyway. Eh.

Sis bought Paul's and my dinner at Dairy Queen tonight. I am a freak for Hardee's Mushroom and Swiss burger, so when I saw a big sign for DQ's Mushroom Swiss Char-burger I was SO THERE. Wish I hadn't been there so much. It sucked. What a freaking disappointment. AND WHERE ARE THE THUNDERSTORMS WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET TODAY??? And I'm still pretty mad about the 3 gaping holes in my shittin' white shirt. My hair is fuzzy from the 9000% humidity. My favorite jeans were so tight when I put them on this morning that after I stopped sobbing I took them off, threw them across the room and put on my sweats. I considered setting fire to them right then and there, but decided that since they are my favorite jeans I'd give them a second chance. It's really not their fault, I guess. I drank 3 Mountain Dews on the casino run tonight because only the Big Fancy Casino carries Coke products and I will not let the likes of Pepsi pass these diva lips. Now I have a headache from doin' the Dew.

Oh yeah, btw - I have PMS. Couldja tell?

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Post Flumber party or Pre Super Bowl post

Like I give a flying crap about the Super Bowl really.

The Flumber Party was last night and we had a great time. The girls did, too, I'm sure.

No really, a good time was had by all in attendance. We had a super short meeting as far as doing the GS Promise, Pledge of Allegiance and the Brownie Circle, talked about our weeks, talked about the badges we were earning, etc. Then we ate pizza, which I ordered a ton of. While we ate cake, the girls played. Christy and I related the hilarious story from File Girl that had us all nearly peeing our pants from laughing so hard. We spent the night alternating between letting the girls run wild to bringing them in for some organized stuff. We didn't accomplish everything I had intended for them to, but regardless of that, they had a blast.

Bless Riley's mom's heart - she brought Mulan 2. All was right with the world. It really was pretty good. Of course, I'm a big fan of Mulan anyway.

The girls all crashed around midnight. The three moms that stayed, plus my mom, stayed up and talked till 2 or so. By then I was yawning more than I was talking and said that I was going to have to go to bed. Then of course, we all laid there in the dark talking and giggling for another half hour. The girls slept till nearly 8 this morning, which I considered a special Brownie miracle, courtesy of the Flumber Fairy, I believe. Then when they all woke up, they chose to pester Grammy who was back in my bed. This allowed us three mommies to sleep another 45 minutes or so.

Pancakes and bacon ensued, then we sent all the kiddies outside to enjoy the freakishly warm 60' February weather.

Heather, being the better daughter and financial management class student (We call those kids "teacher's pet", I believe, and I don't think we like them), figured up Mom's plan to elminate her debt in a mere 20 months. Hah. She hasn't figured up mine yet. She has herself figured up to be out of debt in 22 months. Again, I scoff her with a Hah. When we put forth more than you bring in, there is no getting out of debt. Which sucks.

This afternoon we watched Napoleon Dynamite. Mom didn't laugh not one single time. (I also got an offline from my friend Stacie today, asking me that if she didn't like it, could we still be friends. Geez, people.) So the rest of the afternoon as Heather and I so annoyingly quoted lines from the movie, Mom still wasn't amused. But by the time she left she did answer a question with, "I caught you a delicious bass." It was pretty funny.

Here's the A #1 Best Part of the Day:
We are building a playhouse! I even had the balls to call my mother in law and ask her if she would kindly consider putting the money she was going to spend on the kids a Mule instead on lumber to help build this playhouse. Technically, she'd be money ahead on the playhouse. She agreed! So in two weeks construction will begin. I am psyched and will chronicle the construction, as I'm sure you'll all be so eager to follow. Hey, if you're not, pretend, k?

Well, tomorrow is Mr. Diva's birthday (42 - Egad!) and we're having ribs for lunch then going gambling. What an awesome day it might be. Mom walked out of the casino on her birthday with $103, Christy left with $200 and I, being the typical loser I am regarding all things gaming, left with $61. Here's hoping Mr. Diva fares better than I did and more like everyone else!

Friday, February 04, 2005

I still got it

Tonight is the Brownie Flumber Party.

Five Brownies, one Jr Brownie (that would be Kady Princess), four mommmas, one Grammy and it looks like one pissed off daddy. Mr. Diva won't find some place to go tonight, so he is going to be here. Yeah, that is going to go over well. He stated hatefully last night, "Well, it's MY home and I'll be here if I want. I'll just go to bed!" I said, "That's all well and good but I will not make them be quiet. Hell, there's no way to make 6 little girls BE quiet. This is their slumber party and they are going to have fun. You're in for a long, loud night, dear. And not THAT kind of long, loud night, either."

He has no clue what he is subjecting himself to. No clue. I think it's kinda funny. Oh and then when he realized I wasn't going to cancel the party so he could rule his quiet home once more, he said, "Well fine! I'm going to invite all my guy friends over and we're going to play cards all night and drink beer and fart and... and... stuff!" I didn't even look up from the computer, I just said, "Fine. I've been trying to get you to do that for years. It'll be fun. Just let me know when you want to do it so I can make some food."

As he stormed out of my office he muttered, "Son of a BITCH."

Oh yeah, I still got it.

Professional Day is just another way to say Parental Torture

The kids are home from school today. They are not making this a good day. Already I've had to break out the oh so heinous punishment of "Kiss Your Sibling". Yep, when they are so bad with the fighting and bickering and arguing I make them apologize, hug, then kiss. They hate it. But sometimes, sometimes, it makes them quit. Today, however, it hasn't.

Abby's friend, McKenzie, is an only child. Poor kid. I can only imagine the therapy sessions for that kid.

*deep shaky drag on her cigarette* "Man, they just kept AT each other! The was awful. Afwul. And their mother. Oh that poor woman... she was so beyond help that she sat at her computer for a solid hour in her pajamas. I think she was trying to ignore them *another deep drag* but man, how can you ignore something like that? You CAN'T, can't."

I should probably just go ahead and write her mom a check for at least two therapy sessions right now. It's the least I can do.

Speaking of therapy and kissing family members...
Awhile back Sam and my nephew, TotTwo, were fighting. Not just bickering, but all out WWE Smackdown stuff. I had gotten onto them repeatedly and they just kept right on. Then someone got hurt and the fighting became bloody out of anger. I busted them both, sat them in chairs and when everyone had quit crying I told them to hug. Then kiss. The looks on those poor boys' faces was of pure horror. They looked at each other and then at me and you could see fight or flight being considered. Finally, after threats of more spankings and a call to his momma and possibly a grounding, they kissed each other quickly on the cheek and Sam fled to his room. TotTwo just sat there, his face covered with his hands. I left the room, walked around the corner and silently laughed till tears rolled down my cheeks. A little bit later I walked back into the living room to find him sitting in the same position. I said, "Buddy, you aren't in trouble anymore. You can go play." Nothing. "Buddy? You okay?"

"No, Aunt Kiki! I'm not okay! I keep remembering that KISS!!"

*deep drag on his cigarette* "Man, we were just blowin' off some steam, wrestlin' and stuff and then someone got hurt...can't remember which one of us...and my aunt *drags shakily* man, she swatted us both. That wasn't so bad, it didn't hurt. But man...when she made us KISS. Dude, that is JUST NOT RIGHT."

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...