Spring Break 2011 or When Leslie Blair Saved My Daughter's Life

Last week was Spring Break. Ah....glorious Spring Break. This was the second year the kids and I spent the week in Yukon, OK, visiting my sister. Last year Mom spent the whole week with us and Paul and Pops stayed home. This year Mom, Pops and Paul all came down mid-week. Tuesday and Wednesday Sis and her husband had to work, so it was just me and the five kids. Tuesday we vegged out, played Wii and didn't do much of anything until Sis got home, then we went to the mall. A mall where they have a Lego store. Did you get that? THE PENN SQUARE MALL IN OKLAHOMA CITY HAS A LEGO STORE [insert 600 gazillion exclamation points]. Just reiterating it to you in the exact style my son announced it to me oh, about five bazillion times. The boy does love his Legos.

Toward the end of the excursion Sis said, "Come on, kids. Aunt Kiki is going to the Pandora store. Alone." Be still my heart! She sent me into the Pandora store to shop alone! I was a little light-headed walking through the door. While I would've like to have bought one of nearly everything I was a good girl and only bought a clip for my bracelet, or as I so redneckedly callled it to the clerk "a stopper". She didn't find me as charmingly backwoods as most.

Wednesday after lunch I took the kids to the park and worked on my savage flip flop tan, then we went to Sonic for free WiFi. Never have five kids and a redneck diva been so happy - half-price Sonic beverages and super fast internet. It was divine. We hogged a stall for nearly an hour.

Oh and? The Homeland off Mustang and Reno in Yukon, OK, is mega friendly. You should go sometime.

That evening when Mom, Pops and Paul got there we ate dinner and visited while the kids played in the street. See, we live on a dirt road. No street. Sis lives on a cul de sac and the kids found it insanely irresistible to play in. Even the two semi-morose teen and nearly-teen cavorted merrily in the street. I didn't get it, but I guess I didn't have to.

Thursday morning Dad had to have some tests done at the VA in the City so we did some shopping that afternoon and that evening while Sis worked at her second job, my brother-in-law took us all down to Bricktown. We visited Bass Pro because I think it's in our redneck contract somewhere that we cannot be in the vicinity of one without going inside and paying homage. All it took was a tweet that we were in Bricktown to prompt a query from one of my favorite OKCitians, Leslie Blair. She met us at Marble Slab where she partook of some amazing ice cream with us and while she says we didn't frighten her and that redneck is a language she fluently speaks, I still worry we scarred her for life.

She did save my youngest child's life, though, and for that I thank her. She also said in exchange for her heroic actions she expected a blog post about it. I splurge and included it in the title. Leslie, you are very welcome. See, a car full of punks came speeding through a parking lot looking for a rumble (ooh I just had a Happy Days flashback) just as Kady stepped from between two cars. Leslie heroically grabbed my child and pulled her from harm's way. Moments later, after I could breathe again, I looked ahead of the group to see the two of them holding hands like they were BFF's. Leslie said Kady looked up at her and said, "So.....you wanna hold my hand?" I guess someone saving you from being a pavement pancake will make you want to hold their hand. Yeah, my heart melted. Or maybe that was the after effects of it having stopped mere moments before. As we were heading back to the cars to trek to the OKC Memorial, I hopped in Leslie's car and said, "Meet y'all there!" Paul didn't think much of it, but I'm pretty sure my brother-in-law thought I was either running away from home or was being abducted. Bless his heart.

The OKC Memorial is a great experience when you're with someone who works for Oklahoma Tourism. Just sayin'. (Okay, gratuitous Leslie adoration completed.)

Friday Pops had to have one more test back at the VA, but when that was done we all caravanned to Arcadia via THE EXPRESSWAY AT 4:30PM ON THE FRIDAY OF SPRING BREAK. Yeah, the heart-stopping the night before when Kady nearly became roadkill? NOTHING compared to the panic attack I fought off all the way through the City. Boy howdy, I am very spoiled to my little town and its little traffic. We visited Pops on Route 66 and it was great, though. I began to feel my fingers again by the time we had picked out our sodas and went to pay. I got a Hot Lips blackberry soda which gave me heartburn, but it was still divine. Paul and Kady each chose brands of root beer they had never tried before. Abby got a Jolt. (A 14 year old on Jolt -- think Tigger. On meth.) Sam has given up soda for Lent, so I may have told a little fib when I told him that cream soda isn't technically a soda really. ("Yes, it has "soda" in its name, but it's really not soda. Really. Sure I'm sure, son.") I mean, I wanted the kid to get a soda from Pops' for cryin' out loud. God won't hold him accountable. God will hold Sam's lying mother accountable.

We got the round barn in Arcadia 15 minutes past close, but the kids weren't broken-hearted. Abby looked at it and said dryly, "Wow. A barn. A round barn. Whoopie. Can we go home now?"

And home we went.

Life is back to normal again. Conner is back here with his Kiki after having spent a week at the beach. The kids are back in school. Abby is back with her boyfriend again. Sam is still soda-free. Kady is still a drama queen. Paul is still a redneck. And I need a nap.

Pretty much status quo.

Vacation 2010 -- Days 4 and 5

Blogger was down night before last and then last night I was just ready to fall into bed and not think for awhile, so I'm a few days behind.

Sunday we girls took off for Lake Worth to do some shopping. The boys took off for Cabella's. They were gone a lot longer than us girls. And they make fun of us for shopping like maniacs. After we women-folk got back home we ate lunch and then Tracy and I just visited. The girls played on the computer and iPod, watched TV, Abby texted Chance and it was a nice relaxing day.

Well, relaxing until Abby and I decided to go to Walmart. See, I think our Garmin hates us. She is a British gal named Eleanor and she has obviously decided that we Okies are unintelligent hobknockers or something. I searched for "Walmart" and it found a supercenter 5.9 miles away. I hit GO .... and Abby and I ended up trekking across the Texas grasslands, hills and valleys to visit a Walmart in Nebraska. Okay, not really in Nebraska, but by the time we got there it felt like we'd been gone that long. Getting home was worse because I decided to show ol' Eleanor Biggsby of the Garmin a thing or two and not listen to her. Turns out there is a Walmart about 15 minutes from the house -- Abby and I were gone over two hours. Don't think I didn't get teased to all get out over that.

Yesterday Rick had to go to work and Tracy had a workshop to go to, so after giving us detailed instructions on how to get into Lake Worth they left us on our own. "Don't get off Boat Club Drive" they said many times. I listened intently and took their words to heart because another drive to Nebraska didn't sound like fun to me. My darling Texas friend, Lori, and her crew were driving in to meet us for lunch. She texted me the address of the place we were meeting, I programmed it into the Garmin and we set off. Paul decided to drive since I had taken that jog up to no man's land the day before. The Garmin told us to turn left and I said, "I think it's a bad idea....Rick said to stay on THIS ROAD." But Paul was worried he'd offend Eleanor and turned left. We toured a residential housing addition, got to see several empty industrial lots for sale or lease and when Eleanor said "Arriving at destination!" in her very excited tone we were disappointed to find she had led us to a strip mall. A call to Lori, some driving, turning around and gritted teeth put us in the Albertson's parking lot where my husband told me I could drive from here on out and that he adamantly hated Texas. I then caught sight of the sign to the restaurant and drove us across the street to it. There was a sense of sick satisfaction in that for me.

Lunch with Lori and her crew was wonderful. Just wonderful. Wish we could make Okies out of them.

After dinner last night we went to this amazing, wonderful store full of wonderment and amazing items called Sam Moon. I'm pretty sure it's where Oriental Trading Company meets Big Lots meets Fingerhut. I could've spent seven years in those three stores. Unfortunately, we spent 50 minutes there, then I came back here and penned this letter:

Dear Oklahoma,

Get a Sam Moon. Close to me. Now would be nice.

Sincerely,
Redneck Diva

After that it was swimming and hot tub then ice cream.

Today is more swimming, probably more ice cream and very little else. Today is the day we do nothing. I like today.

Vacation 2010 -- Day 3

First off can I just say this? I have no idea how on earth my husband gets the idea in his head that when he is cold I am cold, too. The fact that I am lying on TOP of the covers, spread eagle, sweating and panting isn't enough of a giveaway that I am NOT cold? Yeesh. 1:30am, I was having a wonderful bout of hot flash/night sweat and he just cuddled right up like a cold-natured teddy bear. I just don't get how my sweating on him could possibly make him think he'd warm right up.


Okay, that's out of the way.

The morning started off incredibly late and by the time I dragged my weary hind end down the stairs Kady had already managed to get Tracy to fix her some pancakes and bacon and find SpongeBob on TV. She was a happy camper indeed. Around noon or so we all loaded up in Rick and Tracy's car (and I am so thankful we all fit because the drivers here are all certifiably insane) and headed to the stockyards. We ate some BBQ that was sinful, shopped in a candy store where my frugality flew out the window as I paid $1.39 for a Ring Pop for my child and I took the kids' picture in front of yet another abnormally oversized animal statue. Abby literally rolled her eyes and said, "MOM. I don't want EVERY MEMORY from this trip to be you taking our picture in front of a gigantic farm animal!" What? The humongous rooster yesterday and the cow dressed in western clothes were adorable. She's just close-minded.

And after we exited the stockyards proper we realized we had missed out on getting to sit on the longhorn for a picture (this time of a real animal) and instead decided to go check out the mechanical bull. Sam watched a kid about his age ride and decided against it, but Kady? My sparkle princess, diva-in-training? Yeah, she hopped her happy Oklahoma hiney on that big ol' mechanical bull and rode it a lonnnnnnnng time. I have video. I'll post it when we get home since I left the cord at home. Dur.

After that the temps had climbed to a whopping 106* and we decided it was crazy to stay outside without being submerged in water so back to Rick and Tracy's we went, donned our swim suits and spent a ridiculous amount of time in the pool. I did two hours, but the kids did three. Kady has whined all evening about the bottoms of her feet being sore because she wore the hide off those pruny things. Poor baby. Did y'all notice the temp I wrote in that first sentence, by the way? ONE HUNDRED SIX DEGREES. Texas is insane, y'all.

We hit the mall this evening and Kady and Sam blew yet another $20 apiece on another stinkin' Build-A-[insert critter here]. Sam built a panda. Kady built a flamingo. And named her flamingo Diva. After me. I'm honored. I think.

I have no idea the exact plans for tomorrow, but I'm sure there wil be swimming and Abby is hoping for more shopping. I would desperately like a nap some time. Of course, I would also like to sleep through the night without sweating or being accosted by my cold-natured husband. The likelihood of that happening are about as likely as that nap.

Vacation 2010 -- Day 2

It's hot here. Texas has a whole state full of crazy drivers. The fried chicken is to die for. We're absolutely worn ou....zzzzzzzzzzzz

Vacation 2010 - Day 1

We left around 1 this afternoon for the big city lights of Yukon, America.

Oh and before I go further - don't try to rob the Diva Ranch while we're gone. We have a house sitter, a big BIG dog and the house is full of guns. Granted, the dog is dumb as a rock, but he's still big. And all the guns are full of ammo. The house sitter is mean, too.

We followed Mom and Pops as we got on the road since they were bringing the Tots down here with them. I quit running over my list after about 15 minutes on the road, telling myself there are Walmarts in Texas. And Yukon, for that matter. My jaws unclenched somewhere past Vinita and I felt myself slipping into vacation mode.

I decided that for the sake of this trip and the boundless fun and merriment to be had by all involved I would lift the Twitter/Facebook reprieve and tweet and update with wild abandon.

I gotta say.....it was nice.

Yukon is a great town and it's where my little sister lives, so I like it even more. We had "oven pizza" (Tot One's birthday request) and birthday cake and took about a gazillion pictures while she beat the snot out of a pinata. A trip to Target yielded an iPod Touch for the world's most adorable 12 year old and we haven't seen her face since I got it loaded and set up for her.

It's 11pm, all five kids are still up, all of the grownups are still up. The kids are having more fun than we are at this point. I'm just ready to slip them all some Benadryl in their drinks and feign innocence.

Make sure you're following me on Twitter if you want the play-by-play tomorrow while we drive to Texas for the first time. It should be interesting to say the least.

Vacation Preparation

By the time vacation gets here I am going to be too exhausted - or insane - to enjoy it.

Today I got the oil changed. I learned last oil change that it's totally worth the extra $5 to go to Lube 'n Go and wait 20 minutes rather than 2 hours at Walmart.

After that I went to the bank and got some money, but turns out we need more, so I guess I'm going back tomorrow.

I wrangled spots for my kids at church camp and nearly had a stroke when the guy told me that fees had jumped from $65 to $100 per kid this year.

I then called the First National Bank of Granny and asked her if she could help pay part of the kids' way to camp. Then I called the Grammy and Pops Bank and Trust Company and basically offered them my children for chores and odd jobs in exchange for spending money for camp.

I handed my son $20 and sent him into the barber shop where he came out with a flat top. I didn't really think he'd do it. He said he was, but I didn't believe him. He got them when he was little, but hasn't had one in years. Apparently even dudes get tired of their hair, too. Mine is in a perpetual pouf on top of my head these days because I just don't think a flat top would look good on me. Plus, I just spent $80 getting highlights. I'd hate to think I'd wasted that money. Abby now says her brother looks like he had head lice so bad the health department lady had to shave his head.

After the barbershop we went to Walmart where I picked up inordinate amounts of sunscreen and bottled water because, after a lovely, cool, slow-warming Spring, Oklahoma has turned into Oklahell. And have I mentioned we're going to TEXAS on vacation, which is one state closer to Hell? I also bought toothbrush covers because there is a monster that lives in our hall closet that eats those little plastic things. And of course, Abby and I were both completely out of makeup and face soap. Of course, everyone in Ottawa County wears the same shade we do (Corpse) and they were out. I also bought Oreos and Advil because you know that the #1 Rule of Vacation is: At least one female will get her period while on vacation.

After Walmart we stopped at Walgreen's to get the makeup Walmart didn't have and scored it buy one, get one 1/2 off. And I also bought Paul hairspray because he likes to spray it into a hard little shell on his head, much like Jim Bob Duggar does. Abby will walk by the bathroom and see the cloud of hairspray and say, "Dad's in there Jim Bobbin' it again."

Then we flew home to finish cleaning up the house because Abby's boyfriend came over this evening to eat pizza and watch a movie.

I spent the entire time of their "not-a-date" in the dining room typing fast and furiously trying to get reviews, posts, and emails caught up before we leave because I'd like to not have to do more than lift a glass of sweet tea to my lips occasionally while I sit by the pool for pretty much our entire time visiting the great state of Texas. Well, when I'm not visiting with wonderful friends who I miss desperately. And visiting the stockyards. I am excited about this actually. Or it may be the Crazy talking now.

And it's 9:16pm. The house is nearly clean. The laundry is nearly done. The kids are bathed and happily watching AFV. Paul has been to golf and is now home. I am getting ready to take off my bra and get comfortable for the evening.

NOTE: Y'all please pop on over to my review blog, The Redneck Review, and see what I've been up to over there. I've had quite a few posts there lately and have gotten to try out some great products and a really neat website with the kids. Just check it out and make me happy, okay?

And while you're popping over places, visit welchOK.com and make my friend, Tyson, happy, too. And if you click on the OpEd section and then "Diva Dish" you'll make me all kinds of seriously happy. Seriously. And leave a comment. I might wet my pants if you do.

And this is where she breathes a contented sigh of contentedness (Oh yeah, it's also the 1000th post)

Okay, so yeah, I said that the 1000th post would include a podcast, but ya know...I'm a big fat liar. Y'all should know that by now. Quit expecting so much from me!

So Lori and I took off for Shawnee yesterday afternoon, she from Texas and me from NE Oklahoma. I drove Pops' Prius hybrid and oh my GOSH it's like driving a TOY! It's a wonder I didn't have a wreck because I was so enamored by the computer screen which showed my wheels a-spinnin' and whether I was using the cute little electric battery or the engine. I used a whole 5 gallons of gas down here. I am going to seriously look into buying one of those suckers.

It was roughly 500 degrees when we got here, so we chilled out in the room for awhile (La Quinta. Spanish for "It's hotter'n heck outside.") and around 7 headed out for dinner at Chili's. I was a Chili's virgin until last night. After food and conversation we went directly to check out the local Dollar Tree which was two minutes shy of closing. We made sure we remembered where it was and then headed to the Sac and Fox casino. I swear to you, I thought Lori was gonna need smelling salts before we got all the way in. I guess those Texas indians don't know how to casino like we Oklahoma indians do. We played a little, but we were both road weary and headed back to the room. (La Quinta. Spanish for "OMG there are no husbands or kids here!")

We watched Sleepless in Seattle and talked and laughed and shared pictures of the kids. There was no conquering of the world because we both literally just decompressed and took advantage of not having to take care of anyone, break up any fights, or do anything remotely motherly. Before we knew it, it was 3am and while there was still conversation in us both, our eyes would no longer focus and we crashed.

That 8am alarm went off so we could wake up our husbands and then? Then we laid around the motel room until 4 this afternoon. I KNOW! We watched True Lies and Without a Paddle and again, did the chatting and laughing and the sharing of kid pictures and family stories and wow....that was just nice.

When we finally emerged from the Bat Cave this afternoon (La Quinta. Spanish for "Bat Cave.")we headed STRAIGHT for the Dollar Tree. Omg, the Dollar Tree here has a COOLER. Like, to hold cool things! We have so got to get one of those in Miami! After that we drove around.......and around........and around......looking for some place to eat. We kind of wanted Mexican, but the places looked kind of dive-y and and we weren't sure we wanted to go out on a limb that far away from home. We settled on Cracker Barrel then found our way to the Fire Lake Grand casino where I proceded to lose my hiney and she didn't. But I still love her.

We stopped at Sonic on the way back to the motel (La Quinta. Spanish for "Wow. 3am was a bad choice of a bedtime.") for ice cream and sweet tea and now we are watching Van Wilder somethingsomethingblahblahblah. We're both really missing our husbands and kids and decided that if we weren't so dang tired we'd leave for home tonight. Sissies, we are. However, we've decided that it won't be too long before we drag our husbands to Norman (closer to halfway AND yes, there's another big casino, we think) for a couple's weekend. Yay!

So while I disappointed y'all with the lack of podcast, please know that my mental state of mind is much more centered and calm. Sometimes it just takes a short vacation to get you back on track.

But here's what I'd like from you. Please, please, PLEASE come out of the woodwork and comment to this, my 1000th post. Tell me your favorite thing about my blog (yeah, I am gratuitously asking you to stroke my ego), how long you've been reading me, how you found me, heck, tell me anything. Anything!

And really.....thank you so much for making these last four years, these last 1000 posts incredibly awesome. I appreciate every time you visit and you make me insanely happy when you comment or when you spot me in Walmart* (Yes, Sixty, I am aware of the new logo and no, I'm not happy about it. Why do things have to change??? WHY?) and I immensely enjoy it when you freak my mother out by saying how much you love my blog.

I love you all. Seriously.

Bulleted for your pleasure

* Didn't work Thursday because of the puking and various other things I was afflicted with the previous night.

* In the midst of the puking and various other things, I was awakened from a rare moment of nauseated sleep early Thursday morning to the sound of water hitting a hard surface. In my bedroom. It was raining so hard that water was pouring in the windows over the window seat in my bedroom. Not only was I exhausted, nauseated and just generally icky feeling I had to clean up the flood in the window seat. Good times.

* I slept most of Thursday, but was still queasy and blechy feeling. However, I wasn't going to let a stomach virus ruin our impending plans of over 24 hours of Bransony goodness and willed myself to suck it up.

* Friday morning we left the house at 7am to head to Joplin to meet the rest of our merry band of travelers at Cracker Barrel for breakfast. It was after we were already on the turnpike, about halfway between Fairland and Miami, that I remembered I had left my camera batteries on the charger at home. Can you imagine just how unhappy my family was when I declared that we had to turn around and go home? It wasn't pretty. Apparently, they were all near death they were so hungry and no one had ever been as hungry as my family was that morning. I kept telling them I was sorry and that going back to unplug the charger was better than going home to find our house burnt to the ground, but since I didn't present my apology with a plate of pancakes or a case of chocolate fudge pop tarts, it wasn't accepted.

* We got to Silver Dollar City at 12:30pm. The original plan was to be there around 10:30 or 11. My bad.

* It was COLD. And windy. And did I mention COLD?

* Roller coasters the day after a stomach virus - not advisable.

* Going on a showboat the day after a stomach virus when you're already scared of water makes one realize that one can do anything for the sake of their children. I fought back the urge to vomit a few times and more than once found myself scoping out the nearest corner so I could curl up in the fetal position, suck my thumb and find my happy place and pretend I wasn't on a gigantic boat in hurricane force winds. Also found myself humming the theme song from Titanic and saying, "I'll never let go, Jack. I'll never let go." Fortunately, the Captain decreed that the wind was too high to leave shore (yesssss!), but it still rocked. And not in the "Woah, that RAWKED!" kind of way, but more of how the people on the S.S. Minnow felt on that three hour tour kind of way. Paul swore he didn't feel the boat moving, but I didn't leave my chair once I staggered to it because every time I stood up I nearly fell over. Mom said the funniest sight she'd seen in a long time was watching me attempt walking up the ramp to the boat. Apparently, it looked like I'd been hitting the rum with Cap'n Jack beforehand. I didn't find it so amusing at the time.

* Showboat Branson Belle - talking dogs make me laugh. Out loud. Obnoxiously. And nearly forget I was on a boat and fearing for my life and the lives of my children.

* I have video from Silver Dollar City and of the souveniers two of my kids brought home. However, I'm tired from the events of the last few days and I'm heading to bed pretty quick. Plus, I need to go over my Sunday School lesson once more since I'm teaching the Youth class tomorrow. If you pray, would you please pray for me tomorrow morning? I am doing this because I think God is testing my endurance, committment and ability to convey wisdom to teenagers. Or He has a sense of humor. Either way, it's freaking me out.

* Sam's Baptism is in the morning. I don't think there has ever been a person look so forward to a Baptism. That makes me happy.

La Quinta - Spanish for "Take a vacation where you can get one."

After yakking my guts and innards up all Friday night, Saturday morning I felt human enough to traipse off across Missouri with my husband and kids. It's so rare that we can convince Paul to go anywhere with us that I hated to let a measly virus ruin the trip, so by golly we went. I took two Benadryl before we left to quell the nausea, ate Maalox, sipped Coke and read about Harry Potter the whole way.

We got into Springfield around 4:30, found a room at a La Quinta (Spanish for "freakin' awesome motel - and so friendly!) then went to the Wonders of Wildlife museum at Bass Pro Shop.




It's no window snake, that's for sure.

Freaks, my children. Climbing all over large fiberglass snakes like that. Freaks, I say.













This is the net bridge that reduced Kady to tears. She was stuck right in the middle of that thing, shrieking like a banshee, scared out of her mind. We were trying to coax her through, telling her that if she'd get out she wouldn't be scared anymore, but obviously that thought never occured to her and she continued shrieking.














Do you know how many pictures I took trying to get that dang river otter?

A lot.

However, in every dang picture I took, the waistband of Kady's underwear was shining brightly. She is SO her daddy.







Ah, nothing like fake fishing. With a broken arm.














After the museum, we went to dinner at Ryan's Steakhouse, not my favorite place to eat. It's so large and buffet-y and I just feel like I'm one cow in a stampeding herd of hungry, redneck cows trying to fight my way to the trough. Mmmm. After dinner we went to Bass Pro to walk off our buffet meal from hell. Then we went back to the La Quinta (Spanish for "I just spent $46 on stupid redneck shirts for my husband. What was I thinking?")


My boys hanging out after all that shopping. Bless their hearts, those two.


La Quinta - Spanish for "Quit dragging me all over town, woman. I'd rather just lie here with my spit cup watching Jumanji with the kids."






Sunday morning we were forced to check out of the La Quinta (Spanish for "I must get out of here now because I'm not used to not having a recliner to sit my butt in.") before 10 because Paul was pacing like a dang mountain lion at a wildlife museum. Not much opens before noon on a Sunday, but we managed to find a flea market where Abby bought yet more Babysitter's Club books, Sam found Matilda and Muppet Treasure Island on VHS and the girls and I hit the jackpot on large, dangly, sparkly earrings which we now cannot find. (La Quinta - Spanish for "I think my husband accidently threw away my new large, dangly, sparkly earrings.")

We hit the mall and were the first ones through the door at Build a Bear Workshop. Sam left with Bobo the Monkey Pirate, Abby left with Miley wearing a High School Musical t-shirt and a kicky new jean skirt and Kady left with Hannah sporting a TinkerBell ensemble. I've had to put a moratorium on buildling any more critters. The clothes are expensive enough for six of 'em.

We managed to kill enough time there that we got to the Discovery Center exactly when it opened and were the first ones through the door there, too.

I *heart* the Discovery Center.

We had visited the Lynn Meadows Discovery Center when we went to Mississippi in 2004 and fell in love with the idea of a museum just for kids. We had no idea there was one as close as Springfield.




Abby and Sam dug for dinosaur bones as soon as we got there. The place was so clean and neat and within 5 minutes of us walking in, my children had managed to unearth a dinosaur and fling fake dirt pretty much everywhere.










Shocking!












Even more shocking!













I could not resist playing with the "pixel wall."

Tater said I should be ashamed for making my kids turn all those blocks to yellow just so I could write my name in large, pixelized graffiti.









This is from an exhibit called "The Bacteria Cafeteria" which was enough to make my OCD kick into overdrive and I literally made the entire family GermX their hands right there on the spot.

This litle girl in the picture had Streptococcus.

Shudder.




Poor little dummy had a broken leg.

The dummy, not my son.

The dummy, by the way, had a heartbeat. That was creepy.

Took us forever to drag the kids away from playing doctor. They'd have stayed there with that dummy all day if we hadn't lured them away with puppets.




Pooh and the dinosaur were saving the town from the evil fabric praying mantis.













Paul had quite a bit of fun shopping in Kady's Market, though he'd never admit it.











It took us nearly as long to drag them away from the TV studio as it did from playing with that dummy.

They did some amazing reporting about a bank robber who punched "a dude" in the jaw. While their style may be raw and unpolished, they were still cute as all get out.







Isn't that awesome?? They look like real reporters! Well, although I've never seen a reporter with a broken arm on camera....











I had to drag Kady away from her grocery store to come pose for this shot. She kept saying, "But I don't WANNA do da wevver, Momma!"
















At this exhibit, they made airplanes and then...

... launched them to see how far they'd fly.

That kept the four of them busy for 30 minutes.

See what happens when you break your arm in this family? We make you run the hamster wheel.

'At'll learn 'im.

I think they were building dams. Not sure. I'd been playing with the thermal camera and pulleys for half an hour.

When we left the Discovery Center we went to Incredible Pizza for some incredible pizza. Duh. That successfully wore them the rest of the way out and they were quiet the whole ride home, sitting in the backseat in little exhausated dazes.

Ah, vacation.

Momentous

I am sitting in a dark hotel room.........BLOGGING!

How did I ever survive in this world before Lorraine? (In true Hillbilly Mom fashion, I named my laptop Lorraine. Her son's laptop's name was Lappy before it met its demise this last week. I hear there are plans to raise it from the dead, though. Frankenputer, indeed.)

Anyway, I am in Branson with the kids for our big Mother's Day excursion. I'd share pictures with you, but ..... I haven't taken any. I brought the camera, but then decided that I really just wanted to enjoy the day without having to carry the camera and interrupt totally spontaneous moments by saying, "Wait! Lemme get the camera!" or "Crap, do it again and I'll take your picture."

The funniest moment of the day was when we were standing in line to ride Fire in the Hole, an indoor, underground, very dark weenie roller coaster. It's supposed to be a mine on fire, so the operators are dressed like firemen. We got in line, which was outside at the time, and not long after, one of the firemen came out with his dalmatian to talk to the crowd. He and I visited briefly and then he stopped and asked loudly, "Would anyone like to help me demonstrate how to put out a fire?" Little hands shot up all over the line, but he was standing right in front of us. He said, "You, son. You wanna help?" Sam nodded excitedly and then looked at me for the go-ahead. I nodded and he started climbing through the fence. The fireman told him to stand against the wall and he did. It was at that moment I put it all together and realized what was going to happen and if I were a good mother, the best mother on Earth or in the running for Mother of the Year, I'd have warned him.

But I am inherently evil, in case you hadn't noticed.

The fireman said, "Folks! I am going to demonstrate how to put out a fire!" and with that he grabbed a bucket, scooped it through the trough and threw a bucket of water on my totally shocked son who was a sitting duck on that wall with nowhere to run. He honestly didn't realize what was going on until the water was in the air heading toward him.

I laughed so hard I think I tinkled a little.

My son was drenched from head to toe. Visor, shirt, shorts and crocs soaked. He stood there, mouth open, dripping, as the fireman matter-of-factly stated "And that's how to put out a fire," sat down his bucket and walked back in the building.

I was still laughing when my drowned rat of a son climbed back through the fence and got back in line. Sam said, "I am soooo dumb! I thought I was going to help put out a fire - I didn't know I WAS the fire!" Fortunately, he's a good-natured kid and thought it was hilarious.

It was dang hot today and by 4 we were all beat, sticky, sweaty, thirsty and just plain tired. We came here to the hotel and the kids swam for about 45 minutes or so, then we got around and went to dinner at Fuddruckers. I was really not impressed. Then we visited Krispy Kreme to get donuts for breakfast. We were all stuffed to the gills and donuts - even the blessed Krispy Kreme - didn't sound good, but we knew we'd feel differently in the morning.

The hot light was on. Kady couldn't be talked into taking one, but Abby and Sam followed my cardinal rule: Never turn down a free donut. The plan was to wrap them up and put them in the box we were buying for breakfast. While I was waiting, Abby came up to me and said, "I kind of took a nibble. I just had to. It was calling to me." About 2 minutes later she walked up to me looking utterly miserable and said, "Ugh, I kind of umm....ate half of it. I'm so full I think I have donut in my brains." By the time we left the building, her donut was no more. She is definitely my child. I *heart* Krispy Kreme.

We were in the hotel room getting ready to leave for dinner and I told the kids to wash their hands. I unwrapped the bar of soap and set it on the counter. Kady asked Abby, "Sissy, what's that?" Abby grabbed it up, held it about a centimeter from her eyes and said, "Oh. My. Gosh. I think it's a bar of soap! Yes, it's definitely a bar of soap." Kady and Sam stood there ogling the bar of soap in their big sister's hand like she was holding the Ark of the Covenant. I never thought about it, but we don't have bar soap in the house and haven't in years.

It's after 11pm and I think it's time to let Lorraine rest and put myself to bed as well.

But not before I check on those Krispy Kremes sitting here across from me......they might be lonely.

Your chicken has what?

The day of my birthday we had lunch reservations at Liberty Tree Tavern in the Magic Kingdom. The restaurant was decorated like a colonial tavern and thus, the waitresses looked like demure maids in aprons and those Betsy Ross-lookin’ caps and the waiters, strapping young lads in knickers. It was a total kick.

I, of course, was wearing my birthday pin, allowing all those around me to bask in the glow of my 34ness. There was little Mickey-shaped confetti scattered all over the table in honor of our celebration. I ordered the William Penne Pasta which wasn’t all that good, but who really cares - it was my birthday. However, the dessert I ordered - a Grilled Pound Cake with Caramel Pecan Sauce served with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream (yes that is the exact title from the menu - it was so good I’ll never forget it) was simply the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.

However, I’m putting my pound cake before my horse, so to speak.

While we were still eating our meal, the waitress came around the corner ringing a handbell and carrying a gigantic cupcake with a candle in it. It was for the table next to us. She then did some schpiel about "Hear ye, hear ye, the honorable young Gwendolyn from the fair colony of Florida is turning 5 today...." and whathaveya. I was secretly wishing that I was going to get a handbell rung for me, but at the same time wishing that it was only for kids and I was to be spared. There’s a fine line between humiliation and jubilation sometimes.

Well, I got a bell run for me and "the honorable young Kristin from the great township of Oklahoma is celebrating a birthday today" was heard throughout the restaurant. Thankfully they left my age out of it because frankly, I’m not honorable or young and that might be considered lying. I then blew out my candle while the strapping young lads in knickers and my waitress in a night cap and an apron sang a birthday song to the tune of "Yankee Doodle", then I tried to pace myself while I ate that delicious grilled pound cake that literally melted in my mouth when what I wanted to do was just stick my face in it and devour it like a wolf. It really was good, just in case you don’t believe me.

The table next to us finished sharing honorable young Gwendolyn’s birthday cupcake and started to gather up their things to go. Young Gwendolyn was swinging between my chair and a chair at her table. I turned around and said, "Happy Birthday, Gwendolyn!" She didn’t look at me, but just kept on swinging. However, she did say thank you. Not to be ignored I pressed the conversation. "Today’s my birthday, too!" She stopped swinging, looked at me and smiled and said, "Oh." I asked her how old she was and she told me she was 5. I said, "Well, I’m not 5 - I’m 34 today." She again smiled and very politely said, "Who cares?" Now, don’t misconstrue things here - she wasn’t rude or hateful. She just stated very politely and matter-of-factly that she didn’t care how the hell old I was. I laughed because there was no way I could be offended by fair Gwendolyn on our shared birthday. She was 5 and couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the old lady talking to her at that moment. I couldn’t say I blamed her.

I then asked her where she was from and even though she didn’t ask where I was from, I told her anyway. Then out of the blue young Gwendolyn blurted out "CHICKEN NUTS!" I blinked and looked over at my mom who had been observing our conversation. We both kind of laughed, then little Gwennie again blurted out "CHICKEN NUTS! CHICKEN NUTS!" I said, "Well, uh, Gwendolyn, I think you’re just about the silliest thing I’ve seen today!" She grinned and once again proclaimed that poultry has testicles. Her mother, who had been occupied gathering up Gwendolyn’s very tiny 2-week old baby brother, was now ready to leave. She took Gwendolyn by the hand, but not before the child again yelled "CHICKEN! NUTS! CHICKENNUTSCHICKENNUTSCHICKENNUTS!" I looked at her mother, nearly asking if the poor thing had Tourette’s, but decided against it. Her mother said, "What is she saying?"

Now I, being a lover of most children, didn’t want the obnoxious little thing to get in trouble for saying something inappropriate, so I didn’t tell her mother that the child had at that point hollered CHICKEN NUTS at me approximately 7 times. Instead I smiled widely and said, "I. Have. No. Idea." Gwendolyn looked up at her mommy and said, "CHICKEN NUTS CHICKEN NUTS CHICKEN NUTS MOM!!!" Her mother looked at me like I was stupid and deaf and said plainly, "She’s saying ‘chick-ken-nuts’". Then took the birthday girl by the hand and led her out the door.

It was after they had exited the tavern that our whole table exploded into gales of laughter and of course, all 5 kids yelled "CHICKEN NUTS!" the rest of the day.

It was the best birthday ever.

DISNEY WORLD!!!

Okay, so finally I am getting a chance to sit down and blog. My gosh, I miss y'all! On the way to town this morning Paul said, "Are you ever gonna blog?" I found this rather interesting considering that he really couldn't give a rat's patootie about my blog normally, so I asked him why he was worried about my blog. He said, "Well, the girls at work have been telling me to tell you to get busy!" So, I guess my fame has stretched out as far as Buffalo Run Casino.

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DISCLAIMER: This post is long, full of pictures and if you're on a slow dial-up connection, it may very well make your computer cry. Welcome to my world.

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Here's a shot of the family trying desperately to sleep at the airport Tuesday night. With the Ice Age that arrived days before the trip we were worried about the roads to Kansas City. We left the house around 6:30pm and after dinner at McDonald's headed north. We got to the airport around 11pm and since we had to be at the airport by 6 to get checked in we decided not to get a hotel room for just a few hours. We took over a row of chairs in front of United's desk and made camp. Tater and I, on one of our many walks, saw a real live homeless person seeking refuge in the nice warm airport. We live rather sheltered lives, obviously. I think everyone managed to grab some sleep except for me. I tried studying my Psychology, but it made my eyes cross and my brain ache, so I read my new Stephen King book instead.

Our flight went out at 8:05am and at 5:30 the really nice airplane lady saw us all sitting there blearly-eyed, waiting patiently while the folks flying out 5 minutes before us checked in and told us to go ahead and get in line. We checked our luggage, sent it off to be x-rayed and inspected, grabbed a few Cinnabon and then headed to the gate. (Cinnabon is very much overrated, by the way. Bleh. I belched that thing until bedtime.) My two eldest kids have always been notorious at getting car sick, so I doped my three up on Dramamine 30 minutes before we boarded. Ah, sweet peace, they slept most of the way to D.C. Well, they slept until the excruciating pain in their ears caused them to wake up crying. That was fun. No amount of yawning and gum-chewing helped, bless their hearts. The flight from D.C. to Orlando was pretty much the same - more dozing, more crying.

By the time we got to the airport we were all short with each other, the kids were whiny and I just wanted to sleeeeeeeep. We had park tickets for that day, but it was decided that we would not be visiting any. How much fun would that be, dragging 5 exhausted, whiny kids around. Instead, we did what any warm-blooded, redneck family would do - we visited the arcade in the lobby of the hotel. In case I haven't mentioned it here before, we all have mad skeeball skillz.



Kady honed her skillz at Ms. PacMan - guess she's decided to go her own way.


Thursday morning, after sleeping in a little bit, we went to Disney-MGM Studios. It's my favorite. Yes (gasp) even more favorite than Magic Kingdom. The first thing the kids wanted to ride was Star Tours. Just as we were heading toward the line, the nice dude said, "Y'all might not want to get in line just yet." Then he pointed behind us to where Lightning McQueen and Mater were driving out onto the street. You have never seen 9 happier people. Okay, well maybe Mom didn't get as excited as the rest of us, but I thought Sam was going to pee his pants. We ended up walking down the street behind the Cars, just like we were their own personal bodyguards or something.
Paul had to get his picture taken, too. Oh and just in case you don't want to magically embiggen the picture by clicking on it, his shirt says "May the horse be with you. -- Master Yodel" I got it when we saw Riders in the Sky at Silver Dollar City last fall. All day long everyone commented on that shirt, even the Storm Trooper noticed it.
When we tried to get back on Star Tours after seeing our favorite Cars, we noticed that indeed a Storm Trooper was outside the entrance. Then after getting a few autographs and pictures, we noticed Darth Vader standing off to the side. This is one of my favorite pictures from the trip:
When she walked away, she turned around to look back at him again and said, "Oh, Momma! He was so tall!!"

We made the kids ride the Tower of Terror later in the morning. Yes, we made them all ride it once. I knew that chances were they would love it. Sam wanted to cry so bad and Kady actually did - before the ride ever started. The second they closed the elevator door, Kady went to sobbing. I was in the seat behind her and could do nothing. Thankfully Grammy was with her and managed to keep her from totally wigging out. It did take awhile for the crying to stop afterwards, though. But when it was all said and done, though, Abby and Sam LOVED it and wanted to ride it again. The second time, Mom sat out with Kady and TotTwo while the rest of us rode. After that, Paul was done. He gets motion sick really easy. Unfortunately, the Rockin' Roller Coaster was down for repairs that day, but when we went back on Tuesday it was running and Paul, Tater and I rode it many, many times.

One of the high points for the kids was the Honey, I Shrunk the Kids playground thing. I, personally, loathed it passionately, but it let the kids run out some energy.
That gigantic ant chittered constantly though and it totally gave me the heebiejeebies.

When we left the playground we happened upon oh, yes, THE POWER RANGERS!
By the time we got out there, though, they were called away on a mission, but the cast member said if we came back about 15 minutes before they were due back, she'd get us a spot at the front of the line for the Red Ranger. She was true to her word and here he is in all his glory. The kids were mesmerized. Mom, Tater and I couldn't help but whisper and giggle about his um....well, bulging um....secret weapon. Wow....he was endowed. Or else the Red Ranger stuffs his drawers with a sock. Either way, it kept us entertained while the kids got his autograph.

We also saw JoJo and Goliath, which made one particular 5 year old extremely happy. She was in absolute awe of that big lion.
When we had lunch later that day at "Dance and Dine at Hollywood and Vine" she got to dance with JoJo and Goliath again, as well as Leo and June from Little Einsteins. The bigger kids didn't really enjoy it that much, but Kady and I had a blast.


Before we went in to draw with a Disney artist, we saw Mr. Incredible and the kids lined up to get his autograph and picture.
So did Paul. He was more excited than the kids.

Friday we went to Magic Kingdom. I ran around the corner ahead of the kids and snapped a picture of them in that moment when they first laid eyes on Cinderella's castle. Then I cried.
It was pure magic.

The first thing we did was Stitch's Great Escape. The kids hated it and I have to admit, so did I. Paul said he gagged when Stitch burped chilidog in his face. I knew it was coming and held my breath. I guess I just forgot to tell him. My bad. When we entered the shop after that ride, Sam found the ears he'd been looking for - Goofy pirate ears. Ever since he saw a picture of Cousin Stacey in hers, he's been wanting some. Isn't he just adorable?


Our first princess sighting was when we went behind the castle and came across a little stage show. The kids danced and we thought that was it until one of the cast members looked straight at Paul and I and said, "And look! Two of the kingdom's most royal people decided to visit with us today!" Well, I thought that my fame had preceded me, but then Prince Philip and Princess Aurora walked up behind us. I'm just glad I didn't bow to my subjects or anything.


It got warm later and we got the kids ice cream, but had to keep an eye on the skies. There are some seriously militant seagulls down on the boardwalk. While we were walking to the Hall of Presidents we watched one swoop down and snatch a hot dog right out of a woman's hand. We kept telling the kids to eat fast so no one would end up injured.


That night was our Grand Gathering at the Odyssey restaurant at Epcot. If you go to WDW in a large group, I highly recommend the Grand Gathering. We ate from a gigantic buffet with foods from every country at Epcot, plus prime rib to die for. There was a separate buffet for the kids, complete with PB&J and mac and cheese. We were treated to the musical stylings of TJ the DJ and Aunt Roz emceed. Then, much to our surprise, Goofy and Minnie showed up to party with us after dinner! Here's Goofy leading the Conga line:


And because Paul was way ahead of me in character pictures, I got mine snapped with 'em:


After dinner, the guests at the Grand Gathering were escorted out to a private patio to view the Illuminations fireworks show. We were also treated to desserts and plenty of them. This is one of about 5 tables laid out for us.


The next day we visited Animal Kingdom, my least favorite of all the parks. We rode Dinosaur! and the kid nearly wet themselves. Only Abby was tall enough to ride the Triceratop Spin so we didn't do much there. We got in line for Expedition Everest, but as we got close to the building they clicked the wait time up to 70 minutes and we decided that no ride was worth that, especially since one adult had to sit out with Kady because she was too short. We did see Lilo and Stitch, though, and that was uber cool.
Kady was wearing her Lilo shirt that day and while Stitch mimed playing a guitar, Lilo danced for her. She was giddy. We also watched The Festival of the Lion King, which was something I wasn't looking all that forward to, but after seeing it....oh my gosh, it was amazing. After watching the monkeys do all kind of acrobatics, Sam said he's going to work harder in gymnastics from now on because he wants to work there when he grows up.


The next day, Sunday, was my birthday. I donned my "Because I'm the Queen - that's why" shirt, Mom got me a button that declared my birthdayness to everyone and we headed into the Magic Kingdom. If I heard it once, I heard it a thousand times that day - "Happy Birthday, Kristin!"

We stood in line 45 minutes to see Belle, Cinderella and a "mystery" guest who turned out to be Snow White. They were utterly amazing and wonderful and magical and precious. All three girls were nearly mute because they were so enthralled. I, of course, cried. After signing autographs and posing for pictures, Cinderella asked if we would like to see her slippers.
Yep, I cried then, too.

We also saw The Mouse that day, down in Toon Town. When he saw my shirt, he bowed. Even The Greatest Mouse of All Time recognized my queenly birthdayness. That rocked.


For dinner that night we had reservations at Chef Mickey's in the Contemporary Hotel. Ohhh, that buffet was amazing. Again, prime rib that would melt in your mouth. We ate until we were stuffed on food and characters. Chefs Mickey, Goofy, Pluto and Donald, plus Waitress Minnie come around to the tables in shifts and pose for pictures. The kids grooved on that. So did Mom.

By Monday Paul was feeling his age (the ol' fart) and opted to stay in the room all day while we frollicked at Epcot. The first thing we did was visit Innoventions, where the kids made recycled paper.


They also played a few video games -


- and I made a replica of an aspirin molecule. Abby was so utterly mortified by the fact that I was intent on buildling a molecule in a kids' exhibit. The embarrassment continued when I insisted that she hold it up for me so I could take a picture of my work.


That night we went to Magic Kingdom to watch the fireworks show. When Tinker Bell flew out of the castle, guess what - I cried. Betcha didn't see that one coming, didja?

Tuesday, after Paul had recuperated the entire previous day, we all 9 headed back to MGM. We were walking down Main Street when we heard what sounded like a high school marching band. Lo and behold, it was a HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL PEP RALLY PARADE!!!!
Abby nearly fainted.

That day was just gratuitous roller coaster and ride riding, character sightings and utter fun. Kady and I separated from the group at one point so that we could go see Playhouse Disney On Stage. It kind of seemed to aggravate the others, but I do not regret taking her to see it. She was on cloud 9.


We also found out what time Ron Stoppable and Kim Possible were going to be signing autographs and we staked a claim 30 minutes ahead of time. I am a big KP fan, so it was rather exciting for me. This picture is just of the kids and the two teenage crime-fighters, but there is one with Paul and I as well. I don't think it's going to be posted. It'll probably surface someday if I decide to run for political office. We were supposed to be posing like super heros, but I got the giggles and instead look like I'm having a seizure.

Those two could've very well been the real deal. Especially Ron. His voice was just like the cartoon character's. They were so sweet and really joked around with the kids.

The next day was our last day and we started it with a Princess breakfast at the Ackershus in Epcot's Norway. The food was only so-so, but the Princesses didn't disappoint. We saw Belle, Aurora, Snow White, Mulan and Jasmine.


After breakfast we rode Test Track a few more times, talked to Crush the sea turtle (which was so incredibly amazing I'm still wondering how they do it), then Mom took the kids to "Honey, I Shrunk the Audience" while Tater, Paul and I went to Mission: Space. I could ride that ride a hundred times a day. If I had one in my backyard, right next to my very own Tower of Terror, I'd be a happy woman indeed.

After Epcot, we went over to Animal Kingdom because as of yet we still hadn't ridden Expedition Everest. Paul sat out with Kady and the 7 of us ended up riding it 4 times in a row before we decided we were running out of time. We grabbed a quick lunch at Restaurantasaurus and while we ate it started raining. And raining. And raining. We left Animal Kingdom and got in line to go to MGM again. Paul and Abby were tired of the rain and just plain tired and cranky, so they went back to the hotel. Mom took TotOne and Sam on Tower of Terror one more time, we did some wet shopping and then reluctantly left the park for the last time.

We're already planning to go again before the end of the year.

Yes, seriously.


(A tip: If you go, definitely definitely definitely get the Disney Dining Plan. You will eat until you are tired of eating. We all packed suitcases full of snacks and ended up bringing most of it home. For each day you are in park you get one snack, one counter service meal and one sit-down dinner. AND each meal comes with not only the main course, but an appetizer and dessert. We left every restaurant absolutely miserable. Even the counter service meals, like at Restaurantasaurus which had McDonald's food, was so much food we took our desserts home with us. Totally worth the money!)

Hey, I'm still here, by cracky!

Whaddaya know....we still have power. That could change at any minute, I realize that, but for now I'm taking advantage of it. The tree limbs that are coated in an inch of ice are starting to break because the wind is blowing today. Our big oak trees in the front yard are fine, but the maples in the back aren't doing so good. They're lookin' pretty pathetic actually. I just hope we keep power. I've stripped the kids' beds and I really don't want to be stuck with a washer full of wet sheets.

Paul's mom and nephew are taking turns staying at the house while we're gone because it's so cold. There's also supposed to be another snow event coming in by Saturday or Sunday. Ayi, ayi, ayi......is it wrong for me to want to thumb my nose at the weather and say, "But yeah, we'll be in DISNEY WORLD, so g'head and snow ya big poopyhead"? Is that wrong? Because if it is, I'm not feelin' it. There are chances of rain pretty much every day we're there, but they're like 10% chances so I'm thinking that's just a Florida thing.

I packed the kids on Saturday and they've worn nothing but pajamas and sweats since then. (But then, so have I.) Their suitcase weighs in at 42 pounds and that leaves me a few pounds to play with it I need to throw something else in. Paul's and my suitcase, however, is the size of my bathroom and after putting in all of our clothes last night it weighed in at 56 pounds. Dang his super starched jeans. I totally blame it on the cowboy starch. I wanted the suitcases to be categorized and organized, but now there are some pajamas in the cosmetic case, some of my clothes in the carryon, some socks in the food suitcase.....it's enough to drive someone with OCD mad, I say. Last night I would pack things, then lug the suitcases in to the kitchen to weigh them on the bathroom scale. Then I'd lug them back to the bedrooom, move things around, then lug them back to the kitchen. I bet I did that 6 times. Paul sat in his recliner and watched me go back and forth. If I could've lifted that biggest suitcase I'd have hit him with it.

I feel a little better about the whole school thing now. Once I turned in that last assignment I felt much better. I'm caught up in all classes until the week after we get back. I nearly worked myself into a nervous breakdown, but I did it, by golly. I really think that once the Disney trip is over and life resumes to some semblance of normal, I'll be fine.

History is turning out to be not as dreadfully painful as I thought. It's still not my favoritest subject, but it doesn't seem to be as bad as I remember it being in high school. (The teacher had a lot to do with that, I'm afraid. He and I clashed something fierce.) I've taken two quizzes and got a 90% and a 100%. An exam over the Constitution is coming up, but that's still a few weeks away, so I'm not worrying about it too much.

English Comp is very busy. Lots to read and lots to write, but again, I think once things settle down I'll get into a groove on it and adore it like I always have. If I weren't so dead-set against teaching, I'd consider teaching English. (No offense to any teachers out there - I just don't like teenagers. I don't like people, for that matter.) So far we've read a wonderfully sad short story and a Czchecoslovakian folk tale and the first paper due is a comparison of the two. It's been so long since I've written a paper that I'm a tinge nervous. I'd totally forgotten that MLA format existed.

Psychology is a little interesting, yet I'm not feelin' it. I think it might be one of those classes that is better taken in a classroom where you can get the full effect of a lecture and discussion. So far we've had to read a few articles, view a few websites and post a few discussions. There's a test the Monday after we get back and I don't think I'll have any problem with it, but again, I'm just not feeling the love for the subject in general. I was viewing a website yesterday about the different parts of the brain and their functions. Kady came in a said, "EWWWWW! Is that guts!?!?" I said, "No, that's a picture of the brain," and tapped her on the forehead with my finger. She made a face and said, "I had no idea dat cowwege meant you had to wook at bwains!"

I dropped Algebra and picked up Principles of Advertising and there is no textbook for it, I can't view the lectures she's posted and frankly, it is so far in the back of my mind that I forget I have the class. It's with my advisor and she's really sweet and said not to worry about anything until I get back from my trip. So I totally took her literally and I'm not worrying about it. Who am I to question a 23 year old instructor with a degree?

I wrote my first article for the campus newspaper. It was about the straightening of our town's Main Street. It has had a serpentine layout since the early 70's and now they're straightening it in an attempt to bring business back to downtown. I did two phone interviews and managed to get two entirely opposite opinions. I haven't heard from my instructor if it's good or if it sucks rocks, but since the college is out today because of the ice I doubt I hear anything about my first article until I get back and it's either published or not.

So there you have it. I think I've become rather boring since my enrollment in college. But who cares -

I'm goin' to Disney World!

If we can make it to the airport......

Phriday's Phreakin' Photoblog, Disney-style

I didn't take my camera on this trip because the kids weren't with us and to be honest, I didn't think there would be that much to take pictures of. Oh, how I was wrong. I took TONS of pictures with my camera phone so that I could show the kids, but since it costs me to send every picture to my email, I only sent a few.

I got goose bumps several times and there were also several incidences of tears. It's so dang magical there! Yeah, yeah, that whole Magic Kingdom thing should've given me a hint. Aside from the fact that my feet swelled and my butt is huge, I felt just like a kid.

We stayed at the Pop Century hotel and I highly recommend it. No, it's not posh and it's considered one of the "budget" hotels, but it was clean and the people were friendly and the prices weren't bad. There were larger-than-life things all over the place - a 4-story-tall Mickey Mouse phone, bowling pins taller than the buildlings and this 3-story-tall Big Wheel. I was standing on the 4th floor when I took this picture.



When we arrived in park on Friday we went straight to Downtown Disney to go shopping. I love me some shopping, but I was tired and I needed action in order to not be bored and whiney. Around 6 we headed for the Magic Kingdom and then encountered 40 katrillion rude, horny Christian teenagers. Oh. My. Gosh. I have never encountered such horrifically behaved teens! They were supposed to be the Christian kids, the youth groups, the future church leaders. I am definitely frightened and disheartened after what I witnessed. Not to mention the fact that they were all showing more belly button than Ali Baba's harem and more thigh than a bucket of KFC. And don't get me started on the groping and kissing and fondling.



Casting Crowns was scheduled to play at 9:30 and it was 7, so we rode the runaway mine car coaster. Not incredibly thrilling, but fun. The kids will love it. We also hit The Pirates of the Caribbean ride which was cool - the boys will love it, too. We visited a few shops then started toward the castle. One would've had to have camped out the minute they entered the park to get anywhere close. We didn't and we weren't. We were literally about a half mile back and the stage was a mere blop. The youth were horrid - loud, obnoxious, rude, smelly and it was just about more than I could handle. I'm short, I don't tolerate rudeness, obnoxiousness and b.o., therefore it was not a good experience for me. I stayed hooked through their first song and that's when I told Mom and Tater to have a good time, but I was leaving. I had my phone, they had theirs, we could meet up later. I felt like a salmon swimming upstream - a fat salmon in a very smelly, hot, humid stream of people, strollers and belly buttons. I got off course and hit a wall, had to cut across and finally found my way out to the street. I took the opportunity to sit on a curb and call my kids and husband. I was on the phone with them when Mom called to say they'd had enough and were at Casey's hot dog stand. So was I, just around the corner.

Then we ate the world's best hot dog ever. Seriously. Best. Hot. Dog. Ev. Er.

We rode Splash Mountain. Mom and Tater were in the first car, first row. When that wall of water came at them there was no amount of ducking that was going to save them. As the ride came to a close, Mom turned around to me and said, "Diva, how do I look?" I laughed and said, "You look like Benji!" (The dog. Remember? Cute, shaggy grey dog?)


The first place we went on Saturday was Disney-MGM Studio. After we went through security, but before we got to the ticket booths, we saw a crowd of people gathered, looking up at the sky. A security guard was on his radio and pointing. We asked what was going on and he told us the space shuttle was going to be taking off any minute. We watched and finally, after straining and squinting, saw it in the sky and that, my friends, was amazing. We watched it long enough to see it disappear into space. I'll probably never see that again my entire life. And after it disappeared and the crowd began to disperse we all applauded. It was a magical moment and we hadn't entered the park yet.




Of course, the first thing we did was ride the Tower of Terror. Mom and Tater had hyped me up so much that I was excited and terrified all at the same time. I needed to pee and felt like I might possibly barf. We waited all of 5 minutes to get into the pre-ride movie thing and maybe another 5 to board the ride. We were on the second row of the car, me in the middle. Mom was holding my hand, which was not doing a whole lot to help me not freak the hell out. And I really would've been okay if, when we got to the part right before they drop you, Tater hadn't started fidgeting in her seat, saying over and over again, "Oh gosh, here it comes, oh gosh, here it comes" and started grasping for my arm like I was a life buoy. When the car dropped the first time it only dropped us maybe two stories and in the short moment of coherency that I experienced I thought, "Oh geez, these two played this ride up and it's really OH HOLY NIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!" That's when I left my liver, which had suddenly been turned inside out, somewhere around the 11th floor as we plumeted to the 2nd floor. Or further. Who knows how far we dropped - all I know is that by the time we were anticpating the last drop Mom and Tater were laughing like loons because all that was coming out of my mouth was, "Nonononono, not again, not again, nonononono, please NO!"

And then we got back on that thing and rode it again. Followed by two rides on the Rockin' Roller Coaster that takes you from 0 to 60mph in 2 seconds. The inside-out liver that I had temporarily left at the top of the Tower of Terror was turned right side out again and was flattened against my seat back. We had heard that a young boy had died on that coaster a few weeks before due to a heart problem that they didn't know about. Well, I guess Mom thought my ticker was weak and through the whole ride kept shouting "ARE YOU OKAY?" I kept laughing and screaming "HELL YES I'M OKAY THIS THING ROCKKKKSSSSS!" But she didn't hear me and thought I was dead. Yes, really. We ended up riding TofT 4 times that day. Twice on Aerosmith was really enough; my heart and liver could only handle so much.



As we walked into the building to draw with the Disney artists, we saw Mr. Incredible. I squealed and shoved four little kids out of the way so that I could get my picture with him. Frozone and Elastigirl were there, too, but I was pretty well sated just getting to plant a kiss on ol' Mr. Incredible's big ol' chin, so I decided to let the other kids have the other characters. Parents were scowling at me already for knocking their children out of the way anyway.

Do you see how flat and oogey my hair was in that picture??? The humidity in Florida puts Oklahoma's to shame. Seriously. I don't know how people live there. I was stopping every 10 minutes to flip my head upside down and fluff my hair. When we were leaving the hotel room on Sunday my hair was extra ginormous. I'm talking very serious 90's hair. Tater said, "The 90's called - they want their hair back." She also told me that the big hair was no longer a good look for me, but after about 3 minutes outside it had shrunk to normal and she said, "Okay, I like your hair now. Earlier it was just not good."





Pluto was the first character we drew with the artists. I can't draw much of anything and look at what I drew! All by myself! I also drew Goofy and Stitch, but Goofy was just sad and Stitch was horrible. But I was pretty proud of Pluto. (Note: When drawing with the Disney artists, don't work ahead - you'll end up with "Muto", like Tater did. Hers had three ears.)



We stopped to watch the Stars and Cars parade that afternoon and not only did we see the real live Lightning McQueen AND Mater, (which made me squeal and scream "OHMYGOSHIT'SLIGHTNINGMCQUEEN!!!!) but Darth Vader spotted me trying to get his picture across the street and made a beeline for me. Imagine a 6-foot plus bad dude from one of your favorite childhood movies towering over you just so you could take his picture - I'm telling you folks, it was magic.

We were walking down kind of a side street in MGM when we saw JoJo from JoJo's Circus. Now, here at Diva Daycare we are not big fans of JoJo and her annoying circus, but when I saw Annie and Leo from Little Einsteins I took off in a dead run for them. Picture a fat chick with flat hair running toward two preschool cartoon characters - yeah, it was pretty funny. I forced myself to wait in line to get their picture because after knocking over a few kids over Mr. Incredible, I figured I'd better lay low - they might've had security watching me.