Monday, December 25, 2006

29 secrets (Okay, just 23 - because no, Stewed Hamm, the last 6 aren't "super secret" secrets - whoever sent it to me previously just couldn't count)

23 secrets about yours truly...although I'm not so sure they're secrets, really.

1.What does your Myspace Name MEAN?-- Well, Redneck Diva means just what it says.

2. Where was your default pic taken?-- In a motel room in Branson

3. Whats your middle name?--Dawn

4. What is your current relationship status?--Married for a week shy of 14 years.

5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?-- I married the last guy I crushed on, so he better like me.

6. What is your current mood?-- Oh so incredibly tired. Also tinging on overwhelmed. I'm already starting to stress of DISNEY WORLD IN 3 1/2 WEEKS and what needs to be done.

7. What do you like most?-- Sleep, winning at the casino, when my kids want to snuggle, hugs out of the blue from Paul, sleep, paying all the bills and having money left, sleep.

8. What makes you laugh?-- My kids, my dorky husband, my dorky sister, my hilarious mother

9. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?-- I wouldn't let guys know how much I liked them. That was so stupid.

10. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be?-- A cat. Who makes up these stupid questions?

11. Ever have a near death experience?--No.

12.Something you do a lot -- Cross stitch

13. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?--Strangers in the Night and I have absolutely NO clue why. All day, though, it's been Carol of the Bells, the David Foster version.

14. Who did you copy and paste this from?-- MamaKBear's MySpace - that woman is a veritable fount of memes!

15. Name someone with the same b-day as you?-- Benny Hill, Telly Savales, Gina Davis, Mac Davis, Robby Benson, Hakeem Olajuwon. Sorry that one was asked.

16. What food could you eat for the rest of your life?-- Chicken enchiladas

18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?-- Yep. Used to sing at church all the time. Stacie and I also sang at our HS bacclaureat and graduation.

19. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?--Arms

20. What do you usually order from Starbucks?--MMMMMM ........ Caramel frappuccino

21. Do you have braces?--Not since I was 13.

22. Name something funny that happened to you in the last 48 hours?-- Mom bought me a decorative iron cross for Christmas and when I opened it I wasn't quite sure what to say. I said, "Oh, wow......thanks." Tater jumped in to rescue me and said it was because I needed to be beaten with something so I'd go to church.

23. Do you speak any other language?-- Thanks to Dora the Explorer I know a few Spanish words and I know a few words in sign language, but not enough in either to carry on a conversation.

THAT'S IT!! I'm memed out. Meme Christmas!!

Uninspired randomness

Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?-- Does that work?

What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?-- Paul and I are 10 years apart and we've made it 14 years now, so it can't be a bad thing.

Ever been in a car wreck?-- Yep. A guy t-boned Mom's station wagon when I was 4 and Tater was 2 months old. We were a mile from home. I was also in the backseat of DeLisa's parents' station wagon when we slid on the ice into the ditch just up the road from Papa's house, just a little over a mile from home. Lessons learned? I stayed away from station wagons on my road - it was too dangerous!

Were you popular in high school?-- Yeah. Fat lot of good it did me, too. It wasn't worth hurting the people I hurt to get there.

Have you ever been on a blind date?--Yep.

Are looks important in a relationship?-- Yeah, they really are.

Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more?-- Oh gosh yes! DeLisa and I have been friends for nearly 30 years!

Have you ever made a mistake?-- No, I'm perfect. Geesh, what kind of questions is that? Who would actually say they hadn't made a mistake?

Are you a good tipper?-- If I get good service, I tip good. I've been a cocktail waitress, I know what it's like to work for tips, but I also know that it's pretty easy to be nice and earn those tips.

What's the most you have spent for a haircut?-- $22

Have you ever peed in public?-- Nope. I don't even pee in front of my husband. Things lock up and quit working. Performance anxiety? :-)

What song do you want played at your funeral?-- When I Get Where I'm Going by Brad Paisley. Since we've lost Papa that song has taken on a whole new meaning for me.

Beatles or Stones?.-- Beatles

If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who?-- Bin Laden

Beer, wine or hard liquor?-- Beer. It's cheaper.

Do you walk around the house naked?-- No. Even when I had a good body I didn't. Just not my thing. I prefer clothing, thank you very much.

If you were an animal what would you be?--A cat. I like to be left alone unless I want you to mess with me.

Hair color you like on someone when you're dating?-- Dark

Would you rather be blind or deaf?-- Deaf. I'm legally blind without my glasses and it scares me to think about being completely blind.

Do you have any special talents? -- I can clog dance.

What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?-- Put my purse down and check the answering machine.

Do you like horror or comedy?-- Both. I'm not as big of a horror movie fan as I used to be. Old age has made me into kind of a weenie.

Are you missing anyone?-- Papa and Cousin Stacey

If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do?-- I have a huge crush on Kelly Preston.

Where do you want to live when you are old?-- Right here.

Who is the person you can count on the most?--Mom.

If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?-- Tom Hanks.

What did you dream about last night?-- I remembered it this morning, but I've forgotten now.

What is your favorite sport to watch?-- I don't like sports, but watching Sam play basketball now makes me smile.

Are you named after anyone?-- Nope.

What is your favorite alcoholic drink?-- Bud Light, but if someone else is buying apple martinis are nice.

Non alcoholic drink?-- Sweet tea

Have you ever been in love?--Who hasn't?

Do you sing in the shower?-- No. I'm always trying to keep the kids asleep as long as possible while I get ready in the morning.

Have you ever been arrested?--Nope. I've never even gotten a speeding ticket.

What is your favorite Holiday? Christmas

Would you ever get plastic surgery?-- You betcha. It's only a matter of time.

Have you ever caught a fish?-- Blech, no. I see absolutely no point whatsoever in fishing.



1.Who was your first prom date?-- Eric Daugherty. He was a Junior, I was a Freshman. He and I were in Band together and were just friends. In fact, my boyfriend met up with us after the Prom at Pizza Hut. I think Eric's gay now. Heck, I think he was back then, too.

2. Who was your first roommate?-- Well, technically I shared a room with Tater before I ever roomed with anyone else, but as far as a real life grownup roommate, it was Cyndi in my very brief living-away-from-home experience in Stillwater. That was the beginning of the end of our friendship.

3. What alcoholic beverage did you first drink?-- I had tried sips of wine coolers when Mom and Dad had some, but the first time I drank and got drunk it was Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill. Agh, I still feel that headache sometimes.

4. What was your first job?-- I worked in an attorney's office as a gopher during the summers, starting at 14. I did dictation, filing and stuff for his family business. He was Mom's boss. That was an amazing opportunity. I don't know of many attorneys now that would hire a 14 year old.

5. What was your first car?-- A gold Chevy Cavalier with a horrific paint job, peeling headliner and a driver's seat propped up with a brick.

6. Who was your first grade teacher?-- Mrs. Pirrong. Oh, how I loved that woman. I still see her in Wal*Mart occasionally. She doesn't look any different.

7. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?-- Mom, Tater, my cousin Scott and I flew home from a visit to my uncle's in Nebraska. I was 8.

8. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?-- I have never snuck out of the house. My dad put the fear of God in me that if I did, he'd inflict so much bodily harm that I'd never move again, much less have an opportunity to sneak out.

9. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?-- My first best friend was DeLisa and yes, we are still friends. Not as close as we one were, but I could call her up tonight and we could spend hours on the phone together, talking about nothing and everything.

10. Where was your first sleepover?-- Nana's house. I mean, if you want to get technical, that was the first time I slept over at someone else's house.

11. Who is the first person you talk to in the morning?-- Usually Sam because he's up before dawn every stinkin' morning.

12. Whose wedding were you in the first time?-- Their names were Dub and Bernadette. Dub was our pastor at the time's son. I was 5. I don't remember much about it, but I remember thinking that the name Bernadette was the most glamorous name I'd ever heard.

13. What is the first thing you do in the morning?-- Hit the snooze 3 times.

14. What was the first concert you ever went to?-- Garth Brooks. I was 18 and in the midst of my first hangover.

15. First tattoo or piercing?-- I got my ears pierced the first time when I was 5. My Aunt Shirlye took me to Wal*Mart and had it done. I remember wanting to get my ears pierced so I could wear gigantic hoops like she always wore. My first tattoo was in 2002.

16. First celebrity crush?-- I hate to admit this - Michael Jackson.

17. First crush?-- I had a little girl crush on a guy named Jimmy Douthit when I was about 6 years old. He was one of the neighborhood boys who worked on the farm with Papa. He had this wonderful curly blonde hair that he combed into waves and I thought he was amazing.

18. First TRUE love?-- Brad was the first guy with whom I experienced real love. It was also the love that nearly crushed me into smithereens.

19. When was your first detention?-- I don't think I ever got detention.....I really don't.

20. What was the name of your first pet?-- It was either Katy or TinkerBell. They were both beagles and they co-habitated the pen in the yard at the same time at one point, but I'm not sure which one came first.

21. First kiss?-- Jeremy Foust in the back seat of Mason's mom's Mercedes on the way home from spookhousin' in Joplin.

22. Who was the first person to break your heart?-- Brad. Broke it bad, too.

23. Who will be the first to repost this?-- Don't know. Probably no one. I'm just feeling particularly uninspired tonight and thought I'd post some memes.

Christmas before dawn

We here at Diva Ranch got up at 4 this morning. We just couldn't wait any longer. Okay, so it wasn't by pure choice and anticipation that we got up at 4 to open gifts - it was because Paul decided that getting paid double time was worth working on Christmas Day. I guess I see his point, but man it was realllllly hard to drag myself out of that bed at 4 when I'd only just gotten into it at 12:30. I made the kids lie down at 8 because I was too exhausted to go on any longer. Kady made me set an alarm for 9:30, though, because the My Little Pony A Very Minty Christmas was coming on then. Let me say, I'd rather watch You, Me and Dupree than A Very Minty Christmas, but I didn't tell her that. We started watching it and then thankfully remembered that the Disney World Christmas parade was on ABC so we sent Kady and her minty rear to my bedroom to finish it.

Paul and I didn't exchange gifts this year since WE'RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD IN 3 1/2 WEEKS!!!! (Oh, sorry. I sometimes burst into fits of screaming and hollering when I think about the trip.) The kids, however, got me some counted cross stitch kits. I've already started on one. When I opened it Abby said, "Uhh...Mom....I wasn't sure you'd be able to do it. I mean, it's a house and all and I didn't think you'd ever done a house before." I assured her that I was perfectly capable of stitching a house just fine. At least I think I am...

Paul left for work a little after 5 and the kids and I have been in our pajamas all day. Paul got home around 2:30, put on his new pajamas and promptly fell asleep in his recliner. I love Christmas. Tater made a meal with all the trimmings and invited us, but we declined due to the fact that neither of us felt like we would be safe driving. She makes a huge meal every year and invites Mom and us. The deal is, if you want to come, come. If you don't, they're not offended, but you get no leftovers. Last year we partook, but we also didn't get up at 4am.

Last night we had Christmas Eve with Mom and Uncle David. The kids made out like bandits, as usual. Abby's main gift was a huge bag of Babysitter's Club books. Kady got some Disney princess doll clothes and a micro mini with leggings, among other things. Sam got an uber cool SpongeBob pinball machine and some Cars cars and a multitude of other things. They all three got DisneyWorld autograph books because WE'RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD IN 3 1/2 WEEKS (Oops, I did it again) and some other Disney paraphenalia. Mom got all four of us grownups Eskimo Joe's Oklahoma Bicentennial t-shirts, which rawk. She got me a shirt that says, "Because I'm the Queen, that's why". (And really, what more needs to be said?) She also got me some delovely earrings that I never would've gotten myself because if they don't come in a multi-pack at Wal*Mart I don't indulge.

Mom got TotOne a Littlest Pet Shop dog that when you put its bottle up to its mouth it licks. It's cuter'n all get out. Mom said, "TotOne, hold that bottle up to it's mouth and see what it does." She did and when the dog started moving it's mouth on the bottle TotOne exclaimed, "IT SUCKS!!" Not quite the exclamation Mom was going for, but it did make us all laugh.

After the presents were all opened and the trash was cleaned up, Mom had us gather around the table and proceded to torture our brains with these evil, evil puzzles from the learning store in Joplin. 3 squares by 3 squares covered in impossible patterns was enough to make smoke roll out of my ears. I do not do abstract-y thinking puzzles very well. I just don't like to think that hard! Mom paired up with Uncle David, Tater and Bub were a team and Paul and I, who do not work well together on things like that, were a team. And only because my husband is a whiz at puzzles, we managed to solve two and no one else solved any in the hour that we worked on them. He nearly had a third one conquered, but it was after 9 and we had to get up early and still had so much to do. I got fidgety shortly after we started on the third one and went to play with the kids while he sat at the table constantly moving puzzle pieces around, cursing under his breath and spitting in his Dr. Pepper can. On the way home he said, "If you'd have just left me alone for another 10 minutes I could've solved it!" I patted him on the leg and said, "Honey, if you'd have worked on that puzzle for another 10 minutes, there would've been no Christmas Eve nookie for you. So hush."

I have had such a wonderful, relaxing day! It's 6:15pm and I'm still in my TinkerBell pajamas. I love Christmas. We declared after Sam was born that we would no longer be attending any family gatherings on Christmas Day. We got tired of giving the kids gifts and then rushing them around to get ready, making them leave their amazing new toys and go to at least three different houses during the day (because we're insanely dysfunctional, ya know.) We just flat out declared our refusal and pissed off a whole slew of relatives in the process, but we've had stupendous Christmases ever since. And after that first year, the anger wore off and now the families are very good about accomodating us and the Taters, who have declared the same thing. The only reason we went to Tater's last year was because there was no food in the house and we were hungry. Desperate times will cause you to lay aside a refusal occasionally.

I hope y'all have had a phenomenal day, too! I hope all of your Christmas dreams came true and you got all the toys you wanted. Me, I'm content with GOING TO DISNEY WORLD IN 3 1/2 WEEKS!!!!

Merry Christmas, ya'll!

Sunday, December 24, 2006


"Momma? How will Santa get down our chimney if we have a fire in the firepwace?"

"Well, he uses Christmas magic. He's been doing it for years and he never gets burned."

(giggle) "If he's not careful he will burn his buttocks."

"Oh, he's careful. That Christmas magic is pretty powerful stuff. He doesn't get burned, trust me."

(thoughtful silence)

"You know.....'buttocks' is just a fancy name for butt."

Friday, December 22, 2006

Christmas Eve Eve Eve

For the last week we've just taken an Eve off every day. Monday was pretty confusing, what with it being Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve and all. I'll be glad when my children outgrow this phase.

And just for the record, if some little girl type child on your Christmas list wanted Polly Pockets for Christmas this year and you can't find any, it's because we now own more Polly Pockets than God. Yes, really. Even God can't possibly need this many small plastic dolls with microscopic shoes. We haven't even had Christmas yet. I will never be able to vacuum again for fear of sucking up a pair of tiny yellow pumps, infinitesimal pink ballet slippers or minute chunky orange clogs.

We had the Glenn Family Festivus Tacky Gift Exchange last Sunday. I have taken pictures and notes and will post a long to-do about it when I find some time. Let me just say this, though, I am related to some of the most hilarious tacky Democrats in Oklahoma. And I love them all.

Tuesday night Sam had his first basketball scrimage. He did pretty darn good. He rebounded and shot once and then managed to shoot once when he got the ball. He's still having a hard time understanding this Offense/Defense business, but we're working on it. He has a scrimage next week, too, then real games start Jan. 2. That is the date that we will just move into the gymnasium. What with games one or two nights a week, plus practices who knows how many nights a week......I'm looking into having my mail forwarded there, too.

Tuesday night after the scrimage, I sponge-rolled Addison's hair because Tater had her office Christmas party that night. By the time everyone got bathed, curled and bedded, it was 10:30. I still had candy to make for 3 teachers and Kady's birthday presents to wrap. I made candy until 1am, then cleaned up, wrapped gifts and collapsed onto the bed at 1:40am. I love the holiday exhaustion. Paul and I coined a phrase years ago - Christmas Tired. There is no exhaustion quite like the exhaustion you feel after running around to every dysfunctional family member's home for a solid week, then waiting until the kids are good and asleep before you can start putting stickers on Hot Wheels tracks, stuffing batteries into baby dolls and then disposing of every box, tag and piece of plastic before you finally fall into bed so tired you can hardly move. Well, I was Christmas Tired on Tuesday and Christmas was 6 days away.

Kady's birthday was Wednesday - Mom got her a Baby Alive. Of course, we had to feed her immediately. I held the doll on my lap because we were lacking a doll-sized high chair at that moment and Kady fed her. Then the doll proceded to shit on my leg. Dolly poo on your leg is not all you might think it's cracked up to be. Trust me on this one.

Wednesday Kady and I went to the kids' Christmas parties at school. Sam's class sang Happy Birthday to Kady, which I thought was sweet. Abby got some lip gloss and a maze book. Sam got a monster truck and a couple of other Hot Wheels. Their teachers and Sam's student teacher got candy. I got more tired from running back and forth across the hall to divide my time equally between both kids. Next year I'll add another entire building to have to visit. Paul was supposed to go, but he's got a horrible chest cold/bronchitis/typhoid and pulled some muscles around his ribs and could hardly move. Lucky booger.

Yesterday we went to Tulsa for Abby's orthodontist appointment. We drove an hour and a half, took them cookies and candy, the assistants and hygienists played with Kady's Baby Alive for 10 minutes then we headed back home. If I didn't love that dentist and his staff so much there is no way we'd drive to Tulsa once a month for a 5 minute appointment.

When we got home from Tulsa, I crashed on the couch for an hour while the kids watched TV, then we watched Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Awesome, awesome movie. We'll definitely be buying it. Paul had watched it the night before to make sure it wasn't too scary for the kids, so he slept through it. After that, the kids watched the Grinch in my room while I watched The Devil Wears Prada. And just for the record, the book is much better. The movie wasn't bad, but the book was just better. Paul watched the last 3/4 of it with me. If I had asked him to watch a movie of that nature with me, he'd have dug in his heels and flatly refused, but catching him fresh from a nap, he watched it and liked it. Then finally, because our brains hadn't flatlined enough from gratuitous movie-watching, we put in You, Me and Dupree. Paul woke me up several times laughing out loud, but I thought it was a boring, droll movie. I didn't like what I watched of it, which was like 30 minutes.

Today I laid on the couch until 10:30 and only got up then because I knew the house HAD to be cleaned today because starting tonight we have a family gathering every night until Christmas. Okay, so it's only 3 days, but still.....I was afraid it would get away from us what with bringing in toys every day. The kids and I cleaned the kitchen and living room, I've done some laundry and now we're just waiting until The Princess and her brother get here. (The Queen and King are going to his office Christmas party and we get to watch the royal children overnight. The kids are ecstatic.)

Oh, and for those who have asked or are wondering:

This semester at NEO I'm taking 13 hours. 12 of those hours are online - Intermediate Algebra, American History from 1865, English Comp II and General Psychology. One hour a week I have to, by arrangement with my advisor, work on the campus newspaper. Being a Mass Communications Major requires it. I have mixed emotions about it. I'm really not in Mass Comm. because I want to be a reporter, per se, but I may get in there and love it. And before it's all said and done, I may switch my major to something more along the lines of English instead of Journalism, but we'll see. Right now I'm just trying to get an Associates of Something.

So now you know.

Happy Christmas Eve Eve Eve, everyone!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Trial and error

Yesterday I enrolled at NEO.

I am an official college student. Sometimes I hyperventilate when I say those words.

I was nearly sick all morning yesterday before I went to enroll. I might be a bit tense about this new phase of my life. Actually, I'm better now that the enrolling is done. I still get flutters when I think about this gigantic undertaking.

Late at night when I'm tired and frustrated, the doubts start creeeeeeeping in. What was I thinking - I am almost 34 years old! I have three children who need for me to devote all of my time to them. When will I have time to study? Will I ever cook dinner again? What if I get anything less than an A - will I still be devastated like I was in High School? Have I just set myself up for failure?

Fortunately, during the daytime hours I feel exhilarated by the decision to go to school. I really am excited. Paul says he'll respect my pleas for alone time and promises he'll keep the kids out of my way when I'm studying. Riiiiiight. And monkeys might fly outta my butt. But it was sweet that he said it.

What is cracking me up more than anything is the reaction people are giving Mom, Tater and me when we tell people I'm going back to school. The other day in Wal*Mart, Mom saw my 5th grade teacher. She asked about Tater and I and what we were doing these days. Mom said, "Well, for the last several years Kristin has had a home daycare, but last week she shut it down. Now she's going back to school." The woman literally let out a "Praise the Lord!" in the card aisle at Wal*Mart. Have I been that disappointing all these years?

It's only been 16 years! Okay, so 16 years is kind of a long time.....I'll grant you that one. In my defense, though, in those 16 years I have taken the time to get married, start a family, raise my children, assist in raising a dozen or so other people's children while running a fairly successful home business and have never regretted any of it. It's not always been a walk in the park. There have been times when I wasn't working and money was very scarce. There were also numerous times when I thought I was going to lose my mind if I didn't talk to another adult human being - someone who hadn't recently pooped in their pants. Over the years I have discovered my strengths. And my weaknesses. I've experienced highs and lows and in-betweens. I have been incredibly blessed to have been able to stay at home with all three of my children. My family has put up with a messy house that was most of the time completely crawling with children, parents and oodles of toys. My husband has grown to appreciate me and what I do and am capable of.

When I graduated from High School, Mom's boss at the time was an attorney. He is an amazing man and I have always admired him. I worked for him in his law office several summers before he retired. He has been good to Mom over the years and to this day Mom continues to check in on him and help him when he needs it. He sent me a graduation card nearly 16 years ago and inside that card, attached to some money, was a slip of paper that said:

Trial and error

You can see that it's pretty worn. It went with me to Stillwater for that very brief stint of living away from home. It has been to every house Paul and I have lived in over the years. It's been taped to the top of my desk a few times. It's been taped to the inside of a desk drawer a few times. I laminated it a few years ago because it was starting to look pretty rough. Now it hangs next to my desk, stuck to the wall with a thumbtack. If I turn my head directly to the right it is exactly at eye level. I've read it thousands of times over the last 16 years because I knew that if Mr. Reed said it, it had to be true - I would eventually find myself if I was patient enough.

It hasn't happened all at once. I found a little bit of myself when I met Paul. I found more when we got pregnant with and lost our first child. The birth of Abby, the purchase of our first home, the birth of Sam, the near end of our marriage, the purchase of our second home, the birth of Kady.....all of those events added a little bit more to me. Is the picture complete? Have I completely found myself? No. And I'm not sure I ever will. We all change and grow over time. Different events in life change the whole picture and what was a part of me three years ago might not be a part of me now. I'm probably closer to finding myself than I've ever been, though, and I don't plan to stop. Maybe someday the task will be complete, but until then I'm content to keep trying.

He said "First you have to find yourself" and for a long time I thought that meant that my life would not be complete, whole or remotely enjoyable until that elusive "myself" was found first. I worried that I was wasting time wandering around aimlessly, being ineffective and worthless and that life meant nothing until I had found myself. As a teenager and even as a young adult, I accepted nothing less than perfection of myself. If I didn't do it perfect the first time I was a failure and that was that. Over the years I have discovered that having children relaxes a person quite a bit. Thank God for that. Now, I know what Mr. Reed meant by "Accept trial and error". I have perfected that part. When it comes to attempting and failing and trying again, I'm your woman.

I'm sure that I'll fail a few more times before it's all said and done and I'm okay with that. It's like watching your child learn to walk. You watch them stand and wobble, then flop back down onto their bottoms with a hearty "oomph!" Maybe they cry when they hit the floor, maybe they just sigh and try again. Maybe they don't try again for awhile. When they do try again, you sit and watch, holding your breath and wondering if they'll wobble as much. Eventually they do it and maybe they get scared. Maybe all you see on their face is joy and accomplishment and determination. Then they try taking a few steps. They fall again, hitting that floor and sitting there wondering what the heck just happened. Eventually though, they get it and nothing is the same from that moment on.

For me, it really has taken years. And I'm so glad it has.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


I used to be a really good multi-tasker. In fact, I'd go so far as to say I was nearing phenomenal.

Now, I can hardly breathe and blink without having to realllllly think about it.

I need a vacation. I need a nap. I need for my whole entire house to be clean all at once. I need organization. I need money. I need to quit whining.

I need to never watch The Biggest Loser again. That show should inspire me, but all it does is remind me that I will never be that muscular and thin and healthy because I don't have the money to have a personal trainer or even a gym membership. I applied for the show once - Tater and I sent an audition tape together when they were asking for siblings. We sang a really corny song to the tune of "Summer Nights" from Grease. It rocked. They totally missed out on putting us on the show.

Oh holy night I'm rambling.

Man, it stinks to be this tired and know that there is still so much more to be done before you can even think about resting. #3 party of 4 goes down tomorrow night. Girl Scouts - I have no cookies made, no craft ready, house is a mess even though it was clean Saturday. I am really not doing a good job with Girl Scouts this year. The last two years I kicked serious leader butt, but this year, not so much. Paul had pity on me tonight after my SU leader called to tell me that the money for our fall fundraiser was due today and I had forgotten that small fact and he helped me sort some stuff and organize my paperwork. I really hope that after Christmas break I have my act together. If not, I doubt I'm a leader next year. I just can't keep doing this - it's not fair to the girls.

I got my financial aid award notification for school today - all is a go for the spring semester. Now to enroll. That should happen Monday. I looked online today and was very disappointed at the amount of available online classes. I had hoped there would be more. I just need to talk to an advisor because I'm feeling very discouraged tonight.

Today I made an appointment for a dental checkup. I haven't seen a dentist since I was 5 months pregnant with Sam. Yeah. I know. That's unexcusable. I have one filling in my mouth and I've had it since I was 7. Lately it's started bothering me. I would say that since it's perilously close to being 30 years old that it's starting to go bad. Mom was going to her dentist today so I asked her to get some prices for me. For a checkup/x-rays/video/cleaning and ONE filling it was going to be anywhere from $350-$400. No way. I have no insurance whatsoever. I was whining about it to Tater and she said she'd seen at the indian clinic last week that they were now taking adults for regular dental appointments. Halleluiah!! You have to jump through a few hoops and it takes awhile to get in and they break everything up into multiple appointments, but it's free and I can get that tooth re-filled. Plus, I think I have another small cavity, too. The earliest appointment they had was February 9th. I'm just glad it wasn't an emergency.

I also made a followup appointment with my regular doctor at the indian clinic while I was at it. The followup appointment that was supposed to have been in October is now in January. It's just to re-check my blood to make sure it's still flowing smoothly and not thick like grape jelly. Thank God for baby aspirin, which I try to take every day. I'm not real good at taking my daily aspirin, but I try. So far I haven't had a blood clot, so I guess I'm doing alright.

Tomorrow is my next-to-the-last day of Diva Daycare. I've shed a few tears already. Friday I'll be a wreck. Trying not to dwell on it. I've spent extra time loving on my babies this week. Of course, today when I was in baby poo up to my elbows because the prunes that I gave Li'l Divinity kicked in and broke the dam and the kid pooed into his socks, I proclaimed, "I don't get paid enough to do this!" A phrase that Kady promptly told Irish Divinity the minute she walked in the door tonight. Love that kid. Thankfully Divinity just laughed. Gosh, I'm gonna miss seeing her every day. Okay, must stop thinking about this. Really.

I think I'll go make my little bed on the couch. No way am I sleeping with Mr. Coughypants tonight. I refuse to endure another night with his knees poking me in the back of the legs while he coughs on my neck. The dude just doesn't understand why that bothers me. Warm germy air on my skin....................ICK!

Because if you can't be clever, you can just post a survey (or four)

Much to the chagrin of me, myself, I and my sister, I now have a MySpace account and I (gasp) have even made some changes to it and it's nauseating pink and purple and I have a very strange attachment to it. Did I mention the chagrin? I swore I'd never do it.

Anyway, along with MySpace comes many, many opportunities to do many, many surveys and y'all know what a survey whore I am. And as the title says, if you can't be clever on your own, you can just post your answers to embarrassing questions.


1. What TV character do you most identify with? Roseanne

2. Describe the worst haircut you’ve ever had? She cut it short, but left the sides really long - I cried all the way home. It was like a reverse mullet.

3. Would you share your ChapStick with a complete stranger? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Can you say OCD?

4. What was your favorite toy growing up, and do you still have it, and if not, do you want it? Strawberry Shortcakes - yes I still have them. In fact, my youngest child played with them this afternoon.

5. If all of the people within ten years of your own age vanished off of the planet, would you date someone older or younger than you? I married a man 10 years older than me and it hasn't been too much of a problem. I'm totally attracted to older men so dating someone much older wouldn't bother me. However, I have dated guys younger than me and it was like babysitting. Of course, at the time I was 18 and they were like 16, so not only was it illegal, but yeah, it pretty much was babysitting.

6. What is the first thing you do when you get into the shower? I usually have to adjust the water temperature some more. Then I wet my hair

7. Tell us about the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to impress someone you had a crush on. Begged him to just say he was my boyfriend for a week. I cringe when I think about it now.

8. If dogs assumed the roles of humans and humans assumed the roles of dogs, what tricks would you do and how often would you ask to be left outside to go to the bathroom? What a stupid effing question.

9. Scarier slasher… Freddy, Jason or Leatherface… and tell us why. Freddy is ridiculous. Leatherface is uber creepy and certainly wouldn't want to encounter him. I have never seen a Jason movie.

10. Do you have any strange eating habits that you’d like to share with us? I won't eat brussel sprouts, asparagus or cooked spinach. I cannot eat a PB&J with any flavor jelly other than grape. I can't drink milk unless it has chocolate in it and even then I have to drink it really fast and not breathe while I'm doing it.

11. Sex… overrated act, or everything it’s cracked up to be? Depends on how much sleep I've had.

12. What was the last thing you printed from your computer? A counted cross stitch pattern.

13. Outside of a Christmas Tree, name something you decorate in the month of December. My entire house

14. How many people know the real you? Pretty much everyone - I'm an open book. There are only a few hidden chapters.

15. What is your greatest accomplishment thus far? Having and raising three kids who, number one I was told I'd never have and number two, so far haven't turned out to be juvenile delinquents.

16. How soon do you think it is before CDs are completely obsolete? Oh good grief, I still have cassettes and record albums.

17. Is there an everyday activity that you never learned to master? I can't swim, but frankly it's not something I want to accomplish since I'm terrified of water.

18. What is your least favorite month of the year and why? August because it's so freakin' hot.

19. When was the last time you regretted a decision you made? I spanked Abby and it turned out to not be her fault. It was hard enough to spank a 10 year old who is nearly as tall as I am and then to have to go back and apologize was not fun.

20. Give us one memory from kindergarten. Mrs. Pogue pulling me aside at the book fair and having me read a 3rd grade book for the 2nd grade teacher. She was really proud and I just wanted to impress that 2nd grade teacher for her.

21. If you were an animal living in a zoo, would you be content in your life? Again, stupid effing question.

22. Are you living your ideal life, and if not, what would it take? I've pretty much accomplished the big goals I'd set for myself - getting married and having kids. Now to work on the book.

23. What is a better memory trigger for you… sights, sounds or scents? Scents and sounds would have to tie.

24. Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? Yes - at Cadet Lawman Academy. We sat in the back while the other people in our squad got to drive recklessly. Talk about good times.

25. Do you consider yourself “normal”? Normal is so boring.

26. What is the sexiest quality a significant other can have? A sense of humor and a knack for knowing what I need and want and me not having to print a friggin' sign to let him know.

27. More annoying… a flea, a mosquito, or a gnat? Pecker gnats are just so bothersome. (Not that I have a pecker or anything.)

28. Would you sleep with a stranger for a million dollars? You betchum, Red Ryder. I really need some money right now. My bookie's on my back.

29. What is the most dangerous thing you’ve ever done in life? Slept with a total stranger. It was eons ago and I was going through a very rebellious phase.

30. Could you make it to Hollywood auditions in American Idol? No way. I can't sing anymore.



1. What brand of shirt are you wearing? A Just My Size sweatshirt.

2. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends? This is obviously a MySpace question - I don't make it a habit of rating my friends anymore. In elementary school, yes. Adulthood, not so much. Anyway, my top friends on MySpace are mostly female. Although.....if the money were right.......

3. How many kids do you want to have? I think I'll just stick with the three I have. My husband says I can't have any more toys.

4. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? My mom, yes. Dad....well, things aren't the way I'd like them to be.

5. Do you wanna change your name? Nope. I've always liked my name. I never went through the phase where I wanted to change it. Although in 7th grade I tried spelling it Krystin for awhile.

6. What did you do for your last birthday? CASINO RUN!!!

7. What time did you wake up today? 6:30 - I totally slept in. Paul coughed all night and when he wasn't coughing and waking me up, he was jabbing me with his bony knees or molesting me.

8. What were you doing at midnight last night? Cursing the cold my husband has acquired.

9. Name something you CANNOT wait to do? Go to Disney World in January.

10. Last time you saw your dad? Uhhh.......Halloween.

11. What is one thing you wish you could change about your family? All in all, I'm pretty happy with how things are now.

12. How many people live in your household? 5

13. Last thing you ate/drink? A Dr. Pepper and a chocolate chip cookie

14. Favorite month(s)? December and January

15. Least favorite month(s)? July and August

16. Have you gotten a flu shot? Nope. Never. Don't plan on it either. Years of working with small, germy children has given me a pretty stout immunity.

17. Who's getting on your nerves right now? At this particular moment, not a soul. How rare.

18. Last person to make you sad? Mom called me yesterday afternoon to tell me that her neighbor had passed away. He was such a sweet man.

19. What brand of underwear are you wearing? Cacique by Lane Bryant

20. Coke or Pepsi? Coke

21. Have you been kissed by anyone within the past six months? I've gotten oodles of snotty-faced kisses, some quick pecks from my oldest children and a few real good ones from the youngest child. Oh yeah, the husband has thrown in a few token smacks, too.

22. Last person to make you laugh? Kinley - I was tickling her until she lost her breath. I am inherently cruel when it comes to tickling babies.

23. What is one thing you can't do, but wish you could? Lose weight and keep it off.

24. Who was the last person you slept in a bed with? My coughing, bony-kneed, horny husband.

Tooooooooooooooo much

Anyone who can keep a blog up with any semblance of regularity this time of year is a better person that I am. I can't find time to take a decent crap, much less post on my blog.

We've gotten 2 of the 4 parties we're hosting out of the way already and the next one is tomorrow night. I say "we're" hosting, but y'all know as well as I do that it's me doing all the work. God love him, my husband is just not a partier.

Saturday night was the Annual Hoover Christmas Bash and much fun was had by all. I'll try to post later today our version of The Night Before Christmas. It was by far the raunchiest one yet.

Last night Santa made a visit to Diva Ranch to see the kids a bit early. This was Santa's last visit to Diva Daycare and I'm glad I was so busy that I couldn't dwell on that. I've been a little emotional lately.

Tomorrow night is the Girl Scout troop's Christmas party. We haven't had a meeting in 3 weeks due to Thanksgiving and the kids' school program, but we're forging ahead with the party anyway. Pizza, cookie decorating and much giggling - what could be better.

Sunday is the Glenn Family Festivus Celebration. Let the tacky gifts fly! You can bet pictures will be posted.

Last night was Sam's first basketball practice. Bless his heart, considering the child has never been shown how to shoot, pass or run a play, he did great. He was late getting on a team and the other boys have 3 practices on him. One of the moms sitting next to me said, "Well, you just need to get out there and show him how to shoot a ball!" I ignored her. She then nudged me because she obviously felt it necessary to ask the fat chick " did play ball in school....didn't you?" I looked at her over my glasses (my kids know that this is never ever a good thing) and said, "I was in the Band. I was in Drama. I blog. I do not shoot basketballs nor have I ever." She said a quiet, "Oh." and then added, "Bless his heart." I love parenting politics.

Last Sunday we went to Silver Dollar City to see Santa because you know the real one goes there. All the others are posers. We stood in line over and hour and a half to see the dude and then he had the nerve to tell Tater's tots that he would not bring them a hamster. Tater was almost in tears. He said he won't bring live animals on his sleigh. Says it makes them sick. If I had been thinking clearly and hadn't been starving to death and wondering if my kids would be overly traumatized if I paid them to see a poser Santa instead of the real deal, I would've remembered that he told Abby the exact same thing one year - that no, he would not bring her a cat and that her mom and dad would have to do that. Oy vey, Santa - have a little Christmas couth, why don'tcha? Tater was behind the kids, nodding that yes, they were getting a hamster and the dude still found it in his three-sizes-too small Grinchy heart to crush their little rodenty Christmas dreams. Next year we're just going to deal with an imposter who will agree to whatever we nod behind the kids' backs.

Oh and before I go, I just wanted to let you know that I am personally on a mission to bring big hair back. 2007 is going to be The Year of Big Hair. Tell your friends. Abby even went to school yesterday was gigantic hair and thought she was the coolest thing ever. I patted her on the shoulder as she walked out the door with curls a'bouncin' and said, "Oh sissy, if you think this is great, wait till I show you how to use a teasing comb and cheap hairspray!" Grasshopper has so much to learn. I announced to Tater while I was fluffing my overly large banged hair that I was bringing sexy back along with big hair and she laughed. When I told Abby the same thing she said, "Mom, you can bring back big hair, but sexy.......not so much." My family loves me. And you know, maybe they're just wanting me to take it slow - big hair and sexy might be too much for right now.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Dissed coin a probably outdated word.

I got dissed.

Urban defines the word three ways:

A - 1. Dissing someone is showing disrespect to them.
2. Being dissed is the act of being disconnected, by voice or by modem, from another party.

B - The act of putting someone down with words.

C - "Dis"missed impolitely .

I got C. I got dismissed. Shunned. In other words, completely ignored. And man, did it hurt.

I am not one of those people who is loved and liked by everyone. Believe it or not, despite my charming blog-self (I write this all tongue-in-cheek. I really don't think that highly of myself.), I can be a royal bitch. I have a few foes out there. They pretty much know who they are. And those that are the stand-out non-friends.... well, the feeling's pretty much mutual. It's fine by me and them.

But this dissing I got was totally out of the blue. It was a friend I'd gone to high school with and thought we were close. We've been through a hell of a lot over the years and in fact, had just had a 30 minute long phone conversation with her a week or so before the dissing occured. Not once did she act like she didn't want to talk to me on the phone or express having an issue with me.

Needless to say, I was stunned when she ignored me and my greeting. So stunned I was speechless. That is a hard task to accomplish with me. Tater was with me when it happened and while we were both shocked, the person wasn't as close to her as she was to me, so she was taken aback, but not as hurt as I was. I walked along for several aisles, mouth open, unable to talk. My first instinct was to cry, but the other holiday shoppers at Target probably wouldn't have appreciated my open bawling, so instead I just gripped the cart tighter and said nothing, did nothing. Finally Tater, put her hand on my shoulder and said, "You know it doesn't matter, right? You know that you don't need them if that's how they are going to treat you. Right?" And I nodded, blinked back the tears and said, "Yeah. I guess. But Tater.....why?" Being a true friend and a fabulous sister, she leaned her head on my shoulder and said, "You know you'll always have me, right?" When I turned to look at her, her blonde head resting on my shoulder, her green eyes blinking up at me dramatically, I couldn't help but laugh. I wanted to hug her right then and there, but again, the other holiday shoppers at Target probably wouldn't have appreciated a blatant sister hug-fest right then and there. It would've caused me to cry anyway. And boy howdy, would she have been embarrassed anyway.

And while I laughed it off right then with my little sister batting her eyelashes at me, I was sick to my stomach the rest of the time we were in the store because I was afraid I'd run into them again and how would I react? Would I say anything? Should I say anything?

I mentioned it to Mom the next day. My mother is such a kind soul. She has this empathy that I wish I had. Her answer to my "Why?" was, "Kristin, you just don't know what is going on in her life right now. Maybe she simply couldn't talk to you at that moment." I hadn't thought of that. And while that is very possible and all, I just can't help but think that maybe I just wasn't the kind of friend to her that I thought I was. Maybe she wasn't the friend I thought she was.

I have this opinion that if you are friends with someone, you are friends with them to the end. I'm talking true friends. Not just Mary Jo and Phyllis that you see a couple of times a month at a PTA meeting and have had a cup of coffee with a few times. No, I'm talking true friends that have been there for each other for years and years, have suffered through heart breaks, child loss, trying times with kids and husbands, struggling to find identities while being stay at home mommies - these are the guts of friendship. Crying to each other, screaming and yelling and then being forgiven, bad hair days, bad breath days, I just don't want to deal with it days - those are indeed the times that test friendships, but I always thought they were also the times that forged the friendship into someone stronger and infallible and well, forever.

I guess maybe I thought wrong.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Too much of a good thing

I have been in my house since Wednesday morning. Now, normally this wouldn't be a problem. In fact, most of the time I choose to stay holed up here, but now that I know I can'tget out, I'm GOING CRAZY. Seriously.

I even planned on going to church tomorrow - that's how nutso I am right now. But Paul nixed that one for me. He says the roads are still nasty and I really shouldn't be out. I was begging him less than an hour ago to take me to a casino. I don't even have any money. I just want to be somewhere other than here.

It did warm up enough that the kids were able to play in the snow today without fear of frost bite and hypothermia. That was a nice 30 minutes for me.

Well....I enjoyed it until the kids left me this in the foyer:

The mom in me can't enjoy a snow day for too long.

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...