...to coin a probably outdated word.
I got dissed.
Urban Dictionary.com defines the word three ways:
A - 1. Dissing someone is showing disrespect to them.
2. Being dissed is the act of being disconnected, by voice or by modem, from another party.
B - The act of putting someone down with words.
C - "Dis"missed impolitely .
I got C. I got dismissed. Shunned. In other words, completely ignored. And man, did it hurt.
I am not one of those people who is loved and liked by everyone. Believe it or not, despite my charming blog-self (I write this all tongue-in-cheek. I really don't think that highly of myself.), I can be a royal bitch. I have a few foes out there. They pretty much know who they are. And those that are the stand-out non-friends.... well, the feeling's pretty much mutual. It's fine by me and them.
But this dissing I got was totally out of the blue. It was a friend I'd gone to high school with and thought we were close. We've been through a hell of a lot over the years and in fact, had just had a 30 minute long phone conversation with her a week or so before the dissing occured. Not once did she act like she didn't want to talk to me on the phone or express having an issue with me.
Needless to say, I was stunned when she ignored me and my greeting. So stunned I was speechless. That is a hard task to accomplish with me. Tater was with me when it happened and while we were both shocked, the person wasn't as close to her as she was to me, so she was taken aback, but not as hurt as I was. I walked along for several aisles, mouth open, unable to talk. My first instinct was to cry, but the other holiday shoppers at Target probably wouldn't have appreciated my open bawling, so instead I just gripped the cart tighter and said nothing, did nothing. Finally Tater, put her hand on my shoulder and said, "You know it doesn't matter, right? You know that you don't need them if that's how they are going to treat you. Right?" And I nodded, blinked back the tears and said, "Yeah. I guess. But Tater.....why?" Being a true friend and a fabulous sister, she leaned her head on my shoulder and said, "You know you'll always have me, right?" When I turned to look at her, her blonde head resting on my shoulder, her green eyes blinking up at me dramatically, I couldn't help but laugh. I wanted to hug her right then and there, but again, the other holiday shoppers at Target probably wouldn't have appreciated a blatant sister hug-fest right then and there. It would've caused me to cry anyway. And boy howdy, would she have been embarrassed anyway.
And while I laughed it off right then with my little sister batting her eyelashes at me, I was sick to my stomach the rest of the time we were in the store because I was afraid I'd run into them again and how would I react? Would I say anything? Should I say anything?
I mentioned it to Mom the next day. My mother is such a kind soul. She has this empathy that I wish I had. Her answer to my "Why?" was, "Kristin, you just don't know what is going on in her life right now. Maybe she simply couldn't talk to you at that moment." I hadn't thought of that. And while that is very possible and all, I just can't help but think that maybe I just wasn't the kind of friend to her that I thought I was. Maybe she wasn't the friend I thought she was.
I have this opinion that if you are friends with someone, you are friends with them to the end. I'm talking true friends. Not just Mary Jo and Phyllis that you see a couple of times a month at a PTA meeting and have had a cup of coffee with a few times. No, I'm talking true friends that have been there for each other for years and years, have suffered through heart breaks, child loss, trying times with kids and husbands, struggling to find identities while being stay at home mommies - these are the guts of friendship. Crying to each other, screaming and yelling and then being forgiven, bad hair days, bad breath days, I just don't want to deal with it days - those are indeed the times that test friendships, but I always thought they were also the times that forged the friendship into someone stronger and infallible and well, forever.
I guess maybe I thought wrong.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
...to coin a probably outdated word.