Wednesday, January 31, 2007


Okay, so finally I am getting a chance to sit down and blog. My gosh, I miss y'all! On the way to town this morning Paul said, "Are you ever gonna blog?" I found this rather interesting considering that he really couldn't give a rat's patootie about my blog normally, so I asked him why he was worried about my blog. He said, "Well, the girls at work have been telling me to tell you to get busy!" So, I guess my fame has stretched out as far as Buffalo Run Casino.

DISCLAIMER: This post is long, full of pictures and if you're on a slow dial-up connection, it may very well make your computer cry. Welcome to my world.


Trying to sleep
Here's a shot of the family trying desperately to sleep at the airport Tuesday night. With the Ice Age that arrived days before the trip we were worried about the roads to Kansas City. We left the house around 6:30pm and after dinner at McDonald's headed north. We got to the airport around 11pm and since we had to be at the airport by 6 to get checked in we decided not to get a hotel room for just a few hours. We took over a row of chairs in front of United's desk and made camp. Tater and I, on one of our many walks, saw a real live homeless person seeking refuge in the nice warm airport. We live rather sheltered lives, obviously. I think everyone managed to grab some sleep except for me. I tried studying my Psychology, but it made my eyes cross and my brain ache, so I read my new Stephen King book instead.

Our flight went out at 8:05am and at 5:30 the really nice airplane lady saw us all sitting there blearly-eyed, waiting patiently while the folks flying out 5 minutes before us checked in and told us to go ahead and get in line. We checked our luggage, sent it off to be x-rayed and inspected, grabbed a few Cinnabon and then headed to the gate. (Cinnabon is very much overrated, by the way. Bleh. I belched that thing until bedtime.) My two eldest kids have always been notorious at getting car sick, so I doped my three up on Dramamine 30 minutes before we boarded. Ah, sweet peace, they slept most of the way to D.C. Well, they slept until the excruciating pain in their ears caused them to wake up crying. That was fun. No amount of yawning and gum-chewing helped, bless their hearts. The flight from D.C. to Orlando was pretty much the same - more dozing, more crying.

By the time we got to the airport we were all short with each other, the kids were whiny and I just wanted to sleeeeeeeep. We had park tickets for that day, but it was decided that we would not be visiting any. How much fun would that be, dragging 5 exhausted, whiny kids around. Instead, we did what any warm-blooded, redneck family would do - we visited the arcade in the lobby of the hotel. In case I haven't mentioned it here before, we all have mad skeeball skillz.

Kady and Paul playing PacMan

Kady honed her skillz at Ms. PacMan - guess she's decided to go her own way.

Mater! Thursday morning, after sleeping in a little bit, we went to Disney-MGM Studios. It's my favorite. Yes (gasp) even more favorite than Magic Kingdom. The first thing the kids wanted to ride was Star Tours. Just as we were heading toward the line, the nice dude said, "Y'all might not want to get in line just yet." Then he pointed behind us to where Lightning McQueen and Mater were driving out onto the street. You have never seen 9 happier people. Okay, well maybe Mom didn't get as excited as the rest of us, but I thought Sam was going to pee his pants. We ended up walking down the street behind the Cars, just like we were their own personal bodyguards or something.
Paul and Lightning McQueen Paul had to get his picture taken, too. Oh and just in case you don't want to magically embiggen the picture by clicking on it, his shirt says "May the horse be with you. -- Master Yodel" I got it when we saw Riders in the Sky at Silver Dollar City last fall. All day long everyone commented on that shirt, even the Storm Trooper noticed it.
Storm trooper When we tried to get back on Star Tours after seeing our favorite Cars, we noticed that indeed a Storm Trooper was outside the entrance. Then after getting a few autographs and pictures, we noticed Darth Vader standing off to the side. This is one of my favorite pictures from the trip:
Kady and Darth When she walked away, she turned around to look back at him again and said, "Oh, Momma! He was so tall!!"

We made the kids ride the Tower of Terror later in the morning. Yes, we made them all ride it once. I knew that chances were they would love it. Sam wanted to cry so bad and Kady actually did - before the ride ever started. The second they closed the elevator door, Kady went to sobbing. I was in the seat behind her and could do nothing. Thankfully Grammy was with her and managed to keep her from totally wigging out. It did take awhile for the crying to stop afterwards, though. But when it was all said and done, though, Abby and Sam LOVED it and wanted to ride it again. The second time, Mom sat out with Kady and TotTwo while the rest of us rode. After that, Paul was done. He gets motion sick really easy. Unfortunately, the Rockin' Roller Coaster was down for repairs that day, but when we went back on Tuesday it was running and Paul, Tater and I rode it many, many times.

One of the high points for the kids was the Honey, I Shrunk the Kids playground thing. I, personally, loathed it passionately, but it let the kids run out some energy.
That gigantic ant chittered constantly though and it totally gave me the heebiejeebies.

When we left the playground we happened upon oh, yes, THE POWER RANGERS!
The amazing SPD Red Ranger By the time we got out there, though, they were called away on a mission, but the cast member said if we came back about 15 minutes before they were due back, she'd get us a spot at the front of the line for the Red Ranger. She was true to her word and here he is in all his glory. The kids were mesmerized. Mom, Tater and I couldn't help but whisper and giggle about his um....well, bulging um....secret weapon. Wow....he was endowed. Or else the Red Ranger stuffs his drawers with a sock. Either way, it kept us entertained while the kids got his autograph.

We also saw JoJo and Goliath, which made one particular 5 year old extremely happy. She was in absolute awe of that big lion.
Jojo and Goliath When we had lunch later that day at "Dance and Dine at Hollywood and Vine" she got to dance with JoJo and Goliath again, as well as Leo and June from Little Einsteins. The bigger kids didn't really enjoy it that much, but Kady and I had a blast.

Sam and Mr. Incredible
Before we went in to draw with a Disney artist, we saw Mr. Incredible and the kids lined up to get his autograph and picture.
Incredible! So did Paul. He was more excited than the kids.

Friday we went to Magic Kingdom. I ran around the corner ahead of the kids and snapped a picture of them in that moment when they first laid eyes on Cinderella's castle. Then I cried.
First glimpse of the castle It was pure magic.

The first thing we did was Stitch's Great Escape. The kids hated it and I have to admit, so did I. Paul said he gagged when Stitch burped chilidog in his face. I knew it was coming and held my breath. I guess I just forgot to tell him. My bad. When we entered the shop after that ride, Sam found the ears he'd been looking for - Goofy pirate ears. Ever since he saw a picture of Cousin Stacey in hers, he's been wanting some. Isn't he just adorable?

Our first princess sighting was when we went behind the castle and came across a little stage show. The kids danced and we thought that was it until one of the cast members looked straight at Paul and I and said, "And look! Two of the kingdom's most royal people decided to visit with us today!" Well, I thought that my fame had preceded me, but then Prince Philip and Princess Aurora walked up behind us. I'm just glad I didn't bow to my subjects or anything.
Princess Aurora and Prince Philip

It got warm later and we got the kids ice cream, but had to keep an eye on the skies. There are some seriously militant seagulls down on the boardwalk. While we were walking to the Hall of Presidents we watched one swoop down and snatch a hot dog right out of a woman's hand. We kept telling the kids to eat fast so no one would end up injured.

That night was our Grand Gathering at the Odyssey restaurant at Epcot. If you go to WDW in a large group, I highly recommend the Grand Gathering. We ate from a gigantic buffet with foods from every country at Epcot, plus prime rib to die for. There was a separate buffet for the kids, complete with PB&J and mac and cheese. We were treated to the musical stylings of TJ the DJ and Aunt Roz emceed. Then, much to our surprise, Goofy and Minnie showed up to party with us after dinner! Here's Goofy leading the Conga line:
Conga, Goofy, conga!

And because Paul was way ahead of me in character pictures, I got mine snapped with 'em:
Me with Minnie and Goofy

After dinner, the guests at the Grand Gathering were escorted out to a private patio to view the Illuminations fireworks show. We were also treated to desserts and plenty of them. This is one of about 5 tables laid out for us.

The next day we visited Animal Kingdom, my least favorite of all the parks. We rode Dinosaur! and the kid nearly wet themselves. Only Abby was tall enough to ride the Triceratop Spin so we didn't do much there. We got in line for Expedition Everest, but as we got close to the building they clicked the wait time up to 70 minutes and we decided that no ride was worth that, especially since one adult had to sit out with Kady because she was too short. We did see Lilo and Stitch, though, and that was uber cool.
Lilo and Stitch Kady was wearing her Lilo shirt that day and while Stitch mimed playing a guitar, Lilo danced for her. She was giddy. We also watched The Festival of the Lion King, which was something I wasn't looking all that forward to, but after seeing it....oh my gosh, it was amazing. After watching the monkeys do all kind of acrobatics, Sam said he's going to work harder in gymnastics from now on because he wants to work there when he grows up.

The next day, Sunday, was my birthday. I donned my "Because I'm the Queen - that's why" shirt, Mom got me a button that declared my birthdayness to everyone and we headed into the Magic Kingdom. If I heard it once, I heard it a thousand times that day - "Happy Birthday, Kristin!"

We stood in line 45 minutes to see Belle, Cinderella and a "mystery" guest who turned out to be Snow White. They were utterly amazing and wonderful and magical and precious. All three girls were nearly mute because they were so enthralled. I, of course, cried. After signing autographs and posing for pictures, Cinderella asked if we would like to see her slippers.
Cinderella's slippers Yep, I cried then, too.

We also saw The Mouse that day, down in Toon Town. When he saw my shirt, he bowed. Even The Greatest Mouse of All Time recognized my queenly birthdayness. That rocked.

The Queen and Mickey
For dinner that night we had reservations at Chef Mickey's in the Contemporary Hotel. Ohhh, that buffet was amazing. Again, prime rib that would melt in your mouth. We ate until we were stuffed on food and characters. Chefs Mickey, Goofy, Pluto and Donald, plus Waitress Minnie come around to the tables in shifts and pose for pictures. The kids grooved on that. So did Mom.

By Monday Paul was feeling his age (the ol' fart) and opted to stay in the room all day while we frollicked at Epcot. The first thing we did was visit Innoventions, where the kids made recycled paper.

They also played a few video games -
Video games rock, even on vacation

- and I made a replica of an aspirin molecule. Abby was so utterly mortified by the fact that I was intent on buildling a molecule in a kids' exhibit. The embarrassment continued when I insisted that she hold it up for me so I could take a picture of my work.
Aspirin molecule

That night we went to Magic Kingdom to watch the fireworks show. When Tinker Bell flew out of the castle, guess what - I cried. Betcha didn't see that one coming, didja?

Tuesday, after Paul had recuperated the entire previous day, we all 9 headed back to MGM. We were walking down Main Street when we heard what sounded like a high school marching band. Lo and behold, it was a HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL PEP RALLY PARADE!!!!
WILDCATS, LET'S GO! Abby nearly fainted.

That day was just gratuitous roller coaster and ride riding, character sightings and utter fun. Kady and I separated from the group at one point so that we could go see Playhouse Disney On Stage. It kind of seemed to aggravate the others, but I do not regret taking her to see it. She was on cloud 9.
Playhouse Disney on Stage

We also found out what time Ron Stoppable and Kim Possible were going to be signing autographs and we staked a claim 30 minutes ahead of time. I am a big KP fan, so it was rather exciting for me. This picture is just of the kids and the two teenage crime-fighters, but there is one with Paul and I as well. I don't think it's going to be posted. It'll probably surface someday if I decide to run for political office. We were supposed to be posing like super heros, but I got the giggles and instead look like I'm having a seizure.

Those two could've very well been the real deal. Especially Ron. His voice was just like the cartoon character's. They were so sweet and really joked around with the kids.

The next day was our last day and we started it with a Princess breakfast at the Ackershus in Epcot's Norway. The food was only so-so, but the Princesses didn't disappoint. We saw Belle, Aurora, Snow White, Mulan and Jasmine.
Princess Jasmine

After breakfast we rode Test Track a few more times, talked to Crush the sea turtle (which was so incredibly amazing I'm still wondering how they do it), then Mom took the kids to "Honey, I Shrunk the Audience" while Tater, Paul and I went to Mission: Space. I could ride that ride a hundred times a day. If I had one in my backyard, right next to my very own Tower of Terror, I'd be a happy woman indeed.

After Epcot, we went over to Animal Kingdom because as of yet we still hadn't ridden Expedition Everest. Paul sat out with Kady and the 7 of us ended up riding it 4 times in a row before we decided we were running out of time. We grabbed a quick lunch at Restaurantasaurus and while we ate it started raining. And raining. And raining. We left Animal Kingdom and got in line to go to MGM again. Paul and Abby were tired of the rain and just plain tired and cranky, so they went back to the hotel. Mom took TotOne and Sam on Tower of Terror one more time, we did some wet shopping and then reluctantly left the park for the last time.

We're already planning to go again before the end of the year.

Yes, seriously.

(A tip: If you go, definitely definitely definitely get the Disney Dining Plan. You will eat until you are tired of eating. We all packed suitcases full of snacks and ended up bringing most of it home. For each day you are in park you get one snack, one counter service meal and one sit-down dinner. AND each meal comes with not only the main course, but an appetizer and dessert. We left every restaurant absolutely miserable. Even the counter service meals, like at Restaurantasaurus which had McDonald's food, was so much food we took our desserts home with us. Totally worth the money!)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Big mouse, little mouse

We're home from the most awesomest, magical, wonderful, warm and ice-free place on earth, but I haven't had the energy or time to get on here until this morning. I'm in the process of transferring 300-some pictures onto the computer, so stay tuned.


Last night we were watching Titanic and heard a mouse in the kitchen. It's winter, we live in the country - it happens. Of course, I immediately put my feet up on the couch and the kids all climbed on top of me, while Paul laughed at us and called us weenies. Before it was all said and done, Kady was crying. I said, "Now Kady, I don't like mice either, but I'm not crying!" She hiccuped and then declared mid-sob, "But I'm scawwwwwwwed of mice!!" I said, "You weren't scared of Mickey last week." She stopped crying, put her hands on her hips and said, "But he's a big mouse and weaws cwothes!! I don't wike the wittle ones dat might wun up my weg!"

Monday, January 15, 2007

Hey, I'm still here, by cracky!

Whaddaya know....we still have power. That could change at any minute, I realize that, but for now I'm taking advantage of it. The tree limbs that are coated in an inch of ice are starting to break because the wind is blowing today. Our big oak trees in the front yard are fine, but the maples in the back aren't doing so good. They're lookin' pretty pathetic actually. I just hope we keep power. I've stripped the kids' beds and I really don't want to be stuck with a washer full of wet sheets.

Paul's mom and nephew are taking turns staying at the house while we're gone because it's so cold. There's also supposed to be another snow event coming in by Saturday or Sunday. Ayi, ayi, it wrong for me to want to thumb my nose at the weather and say, "But yeah, we'll be in DISNEY WORLD, so g'head and snow ya big poopyhead"? Is that wrong? Because if it is, I'm not feelin' it. There are chances of rain pretty much every day we're there, but they're like 10% chances so I'm thinking that's just a Florida thing.

I packed the kids on Saturday and they've worn nothing but pajamas and sweats since then. (But then, so have I.) Their suitcase weighs in at 42 pounds and that leaves me a few pounds to play with it I need to throw something else in. Paul's and my suitcase, however, is the size of my bathroom and after putting in all of our clothes last night it weighed in at 56 pounds. Dang his super starched jeans. I totally blame it on the cowboy starch. I wanted the suitcases to be categorized and organized, but now there are some pajamas in the cosmetic case, some of my clothes in the carryon, some socks in the food's enough to drive someone with OCD mad, I say. Last night I would pack things, then lug the suitcases in to the kitchen to weigh them on the bathroom scale. Then I'd lug them back to the bedrooom, move things around, then lug them back to the kitchen. I bet I did that 6 times. Paul sat in his recliner and watched me go back and forth. If I could've lifted that biggest suitcase I'd have hit him with it.

I feel a little better about the whole school thing now. Once I turned in that last assignment I felt much better. I'm caught up in all classes until the week after we get back. I nearly worked myself into a nervous breakdown, but I did it, by golly. I really think that once the Disney trip is over and life resumes to some semblance of normal, I'll be fine.

History is turning out to be not as dreadfully painful as I thought. It's still not my favoritest subject, but it doesn't seem to be as bad as I remember it being in high school. (The teacher had a lot to do with that, I'm afraid. He and I clashed something fierce.) I've taken two quizzes and got a 90% and a 100%. An exam over the Constitution is coming up, but that's still a few weeks away, so I'm not worrying about it too much.

English Comp is very busy. Lots to read and lots to write, but again, I think once things settle down I'll get into a groove on it and adore it like I always have. If I weren't so dead-set against teaching, I'd consider teaching English. (No offense to any teachers out there - I just don't like teenagers. I don't like people, for that matter.) So far we've read a wonderfully sad short story and a Czchecoslovakian folk tale and the first paper due is a comparison of the two. It's been so long since I've written a paper that I'm a tinge nervous. I'd totally forgotten that MLA format existed.

Psychology is a little interesting, yet I'm not feelin' it. I think it might be one of those classes that is better taken in a classroom where you can get the full effect of a lecture and discussion. So far we've had to read a few articles, view a few websites and post a few discussions. There's a test the Monday after we get back and I don't think I'll have any problem with it, but again, I'm just not feeling the love for the subject in general. I was viewing a website yesterday about the different parts of the brain and their functions. Kady came in a said, "EWWWWW! Is that guts!?!?" I said, "No, that's a picture of the brain," and tapped her on the forehead with my finger. She made a face and said, "I had no idea dat cowwege meant you had to wook at bwains!"

I dropped Algebra and picked up Principles of Advertising and there is no textbook for it, I can't view the lectures she's posted and frankly, it is so far in the back of my mind that I forget I have the class. It's with my advisor and she's really sweet and said not to worry about anything until I get back from my trip. So I totally took her literally and I'm not worrying about it. Who am I to question a 23 year old instructor with a degree?

I wrote my first article for the campus newspaper. It was about the straightening of our town's Main Street. It has had a serpentine layout since the early 70's and now they're straightening it in an attempt to bring business back to downtown. I did two phone interviews and managed to get two entirely opposite opinions. I haven't heard from my instructor if it's good or if it sucks rocks, but since the college is out today because of the ice I doubt I hear anything about my first article until I get back and it's either published or not.

So there you have it. I think I've become rather boring since my enrollment in college. But who cares -

I'm goin' to Disney World!

If we can make it to the airport......

Sunday, January 14, 2007

A post with many titles

There are just so many ways I could title this post. "Ice, ice, baby" for one. Possibly, "Losin' it" or how about "Holy shitballs it's one cold, icy emmer effer out there and our power is about to go out mere days before we leave for DISNEY WORLD (!!!) and I'll be damned if we know how we're getting to Kansas City to the airport."

Ya know, there are just so many options.

I'll go with: "Hey y'all, looks like I might be out of commission until after our trip to DISNEY WORLD (!!!) so y'all take care, stay warm, stay safe and by golly leave a comment or two while I'm gone."

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Cause and effect

In keeping with the homework theme that I seem to be eating, sleeping and breathing these days, I thought this post should be in the form of an analysis. (I really don't know what I'm talking about because I'm discovering that to be a college student you have to be fluent in the art of speaking nonsense.)

Cause: You quit your job and enroll in college when you're 30-something and a mother.

Effect: You cry every day.

Cause: You cry every day.

Effect: You discover that your incessant crying essentially frustrates your husband, bewilders your son, irritates your oldest daughter because you're so dorky, but that your youngest child is now the only person who gets anything when you die because when she sees that first tear fall she's running to her desk where she keeps an extensive cache of color sheets to cheer you up.

Cause: You have a very slow dial-up internet connection.

Effect: You are forced to drop out of your algebra class because the program continually locks up your computer.

Cause: You have a very slow dial-up internet connection (part 2.)

Effect: You have to strap on your backpack and go on campus to watch a video in the library's computer lab.

Cause: You have to watch a video in the library's computer lab.

Effect: You realize that you may very well have adult ADD because the two female basketball players behind you are having a conversation that contains phrases such as "Nuh uh, no she di'nt!" and "Oooh girl, I was hawt!" and suddenly they are much more interesting than a video over short stories and you wonder what she was wearing when she was "hawt" and ooh look, a chip in my where is my emery board?

Cause: You are told you have to write a story for the campus newspaper.

Effect: You wonder if it would be pushing it to ask if you can just post something from your blog archives.

Cause: You are fat.

Effect: You decide that after the fourth jaunt across campus with a 900 lb. backpack over one shoulder that maybe it really is time to start that diet.

Cause: You are fat (part 2.)

Effect: You suddenly realize that you no longer viewed as a being capable of any sexual response whatsoever by the males on campus (Like you have any sexual energy left in you anyway.) You realize that when you were 18 and taking college classes and had a 28" waist and blonde hair with no hint of gray whatsoever you were someone who could make guys turn around and take a second look. You realize that you have become a "ma'am".

Cause: You are fat (part 3.)

Effect: Your backpack won't stay stylishly slung over your shoulder anymore because your gigantic rear-end keeps moving it around to your hip.

Cause: You are a 34 year old college student.

Effect: Your are stunned to learn that your academic advisor is at least 10 years younger than you, probably more. You are incredibly relieved to learn that she doesn't expect you to call her Mrs. anything. That would be weird.

Cause: You are a 34 year old college student (part 2.)

Effect: You realize that the guys on campus who 15 years ago would've made you blush and stammer are nothing more than the jerks of the future who are going to gripe at their wife when their wife is up until midnight every night studying because she's trying to better herself but you can't see that and when she finally does come to bed has no inclincation whatsoever to play pattyfingers with you, you insensitive.......

.........wait...........I think I got sidetracked. (See above: Adult ADD)

Monday, January 08, 2007

Kollij iz fun

It's 10:10pm and I just now finished writing my first paper for English Comp II, tried and failed to watch a video for Comp because of my slow dialup and now I'll have to go on campus to watch it, double-checked all of my reading assignments, had a few freakout moments because I thought I had an assignment due while I was gone, had a few more freakout moments over the two quizzes due while I'm gone that instead I'll have to do early and when the hell will I find time for that and can finally start my reading assignments for tonight.

Holy shit, how do teenage college students do all of this and manage to party? I didn't even cook dinner tonight, dammit.

I did, however, squeeze in a very chilly game of basketball with my husband and son, listen to a 2nd grader's reading assignment and go over his spelling words, talk my eldest down from the ledge she was on because she's so much like her mother that she's freaking out about her schoolwork while we're in DISNEY WORLD (!!!), give my youngest a shower and tickle her breathless afterward, listen to my son read a story to his little sister (which brought a tear to my eye it was so sweet), coordinate a sock and underwear sorting and folding party in the living room floor, shed a few tears of frustration and take a shower.

Wow. What a first day of school.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

They got skillz

Sam's first basketball game was tonight. And by cracky if those little Sooners didn't WIN!!!

The evening didn't start out all that wonderful, so the win has this momma veritably walking on air now. I needed a boost. I needed to jump up (okay, not so much jump as more like hoist myself up out of) from my lawn chair and holler and clap and cheer like a true basketball mom. I needed to anxiously await him finding me when the game was over and get the all-clear to kiss his sweaty little head not in front of the guys, hand him the bottle of water this his little sister had been slurping out of when he was out on the floor playing but he didn't know that, and I needed to hold his sweaty Nike Shox (the only Nike Shox he will ever own in his life - I hope he can still wear them when he plays college basketball) while he put his sweats on and gloated in the gloriousness that is making a come-back and winning your first game by one point in the last 30 seconds and holding off those aggressive little other players from that other team who have those coaches.

Really. I needed that.

Because before the game started I stood on the Civic Center stage and shook with utter fury at the other basketball mom who thought she was so cute when she moved her row of chairs directly in front of my row of chairs no matter where I moved mine. I put them on the left and instantly hers were on the left. So I calmly moved mine to the middle. She then found it absolutely crucial to her health and well-being to move her chairs to the middle as well. When I moved mine to the right, I did it after her family had already plopped their hinies down into her row of chairs and they weren't going to move even though she wanted them to. Oh yes, she really did want them to. At that moment I loved her family. She was so dang smug and hateful and I instantly didn't like her.

When Mom got there I was still standing behind my row of chairs, guarding against anyone even daring to breathe near them, and was still fuming. I told Mom, "If I still smoked, I'd have a whole carton in my mouth now." That's how mad I was. Y'all might think it a bit petty of me, but seriously, she was just doing it to make. me. mad.

It was mere moments later when I found out who her husband is. And really, all I have to say is this: I should probably be nicer to her because I kissed her husband oh.....about 17 years ago and well, if that was the only person I was allowed to kiss every day for the rest of my life, I'd probably be a cranky, too.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

DISNEY WORLD basketball short hair

I'm totally stealing from Hillbilly Mom by using that title format, but dagnabbit, I miss reading her and I have to show her I still stalk care about her even if I haven't been a good blogfriend lately.

I totally forgot to mention that the day after the day after Christmas (to clarify: the day after I had the kids treated for fungus) the girls and I had appointments at the Li'l House of Hair and Nails for post-Christmas 'dos. Kady had about a foot of hair cut off of her little head. If I could've stood the gnarly mess for a little longer we'd have had enough to donate to Locks of Love, but as it was, I was tired of brushing it out and we selfishly cut it just 2 inches short of a donatable length.

Abby got about 12 pounds of hair cut off. That child took after Paul when it comes to her hair. She has TONS of it. Kristy, our new Favoritest Haircutter Lady, layered it quite a bit and thinned it out to a much more healthy length. Abby even said that her neck felt better after it was cut. I would bet so! That stuff's heavy!

I am now sporting a new very short haircut once again. It's shorter than chin-length. It's a bit shorter than I wanted, but I still like it. When it's curly I look a little old ladyish, so I've been straightening it every day. It's just short and curly - like I've had my hair set with those scratchy curlers and then sat under the dryer for half an hour then had it all combed out and set with half a can of Aqua Net until my next appointment next week, same day, same time. It's not too awful bad, but I'm saving that look until I'm at least oh......76 or so. Maybe 74. Still, Kristy cut it very well and I'm happy because I no longer look like Phyllis Diller. I have an appointment next weekend which was originally made to just get all-over color like last time, but I'm thinking now I might just throw caution to the wind and get foils. Eek. Such decisions.

Speaking of decisions........... is 13 days too early to start packing for DISNEY WORLD??? I'm so ready to pack it's not even funny. I have to keep reminding myself that it really is just entirely too early. Between now and when we leave we have 2 basketball games, 1 Girl Scout meeting which will include Cookie training because I'll be in DISNEY WORLD the week before we start selling, God knows how many basketball practices, 1 gymnastics class, AND the beginning of my online college classes. OH and at some point in there I have to get with my advisor to figure out when I can do my hour on the newspaper each week. Not to mention the fact that Abby and Sam will have double homework this next week and a half because they'll be missing 7 days of school. Hmm...maybe I should pack now - it looks like I won't have time later.

Tater, the guru of All Things Disney, got all of our dinner and lunch reservations taken care of and it looks like on my birthday we will be dining with a whole slew of characters for two meals that day. Oh gosh, I get all fluttery when I think about it. Okay, really, I'll stop. I know y'all are probably sitting at your computers, chin resting in your hand, other hand on the mouse, scrolling down, rolling your eyes, thinking, "There she goes, squealing about Disney World again, blah blah blah." Y'all are just jealous. :-P

I bought my books today. Real live college books. $220 worth of real live college books. What cracks me up is that the most expensive one isn't a book at all, but a little pamphlet looking thingy with an access code on it. $87 for that puppy. It's Algebra, of course. Leave it to Algebra to be difficult and expensive. I've already gotten very attached to my Psych book and Tater says that I may be dangerous with it. I like to try to fix things. Give me a book about it and I'm near scary, even if it is the human mind. There are a lot of people I'd like to figure out - the people who ignore me in Target, the people who don't bathe and smell really bad, the close talkers, mumblers and various other folks that I daren't mention here. Oh yeah, methinks this will be a fun semester.

I bought a backpack while I was there, too. Mom said that was silly because my classes are online and duh, I don't need a backpack to travel to the internet, but hey, we needed a backpack for Disney World and also there might be times I need to run away and I'll need something to pack my clothes in for the trip. You know, when I hop a railcar and ride the rails with hoboes. ("Look kids! Vagabonds!") Plus, I looked really cool when I sauntered out of the bookstore with my backpack full of hundreds of dollars of books slung over one shoulder. I really did. Of course, I stopped looking cool when I started huffing and puffing and gasping for air and cursing the cigarettes that I no longer smoke but they still haunt me. Who knew that $220 worth of books could be so heavy?

Sam has his first basketball game tomorrow night. Bless his heart, he still has no clue what the game is all about. I want to cry because he's so stinkin' cute out there trying so hard, but still just not getting it. Abby was playing around with a basketball down in front of the bleachers where we were sitting and kept losing it and it would roll out into the other practice. When she coltishly ran out to get it, tried to dribble it and it bounced off her foot and flew in the other direction and she giggled and nearly fell when she tripped over her own feet, I declared to Paul, "You do realize that our children possess no athletic ability whatsoever, right?" He turned around and said, "And that is all your fault, Miss Computer Nerd." I wanted to come back with, "Oh? And your tobacco-chewing, deer-shooting, and cussing had nothing to do with it?" but I refrained. I was trying to be nice. I don't want to be those parents. That will come after we're divorced, because you know this is the year.

And by the way, who shrunk the bleacher seats at the Civic Center? When I was 17 and watching my boyfriend play basketball there I don't remember them being so narrow.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

It's been HOW long?

Goodness, I knew it'd been awhile since I'd sat down at my computer, but I didn't realize it'd been that long. I apologize for leavin' y'all hanging out there in the wind, because we all know that your lives revolve around my blog.


The day after Christmas I took all 3 kids to the doctor. Kady was due for her 5 year old checkup. Abby's fungus was back and Sam acquired a fungus of his very own. I know it has to make y'all wonder just what my children do to contract the fungi that they do and all I can say to that is this: I have no clue. They are just nasty, germy children that pick and scratch and touch oogey things and then touch other things. Abby's is now not only just under one nostril, but it spreads all the way around her nose, almost down to her lip. Sam has it all over his torso. It's just gross. Every morning and night when I slather them down with fungus cream, I get the total willies and when I'm done I wash my hands and GermX them with a passion that screams "I have OCD and know how to use it." Paul put it the cream on them the other night and then didn't wash his hands immediately! I sat there staring at him until he finally said, "WHAT??" I said, "You haven't washed your hands yet and you. have. touched. the. fungus." He said, "Uhhh.....yeah?" Then he proceded to chase me around with his fungussy hands. He's evil.


Thursday Kady went to her "best fwiend's" birthday party. It was at JackJack's gramma's house, seeing as how JackJack and the best fwiend are cousins. When we got there, JackJack was asleep, but I laughed and when he heard the laugh that has caused people in Wal*Mart to seek me out because they know it's me, his eyes popped wide open and he grinned from ear to ear. I miss him so much. There are days I wonder if I can still babysit and go to school. Then I slap myself and remind myself that my family will need clean laundry and food and there is just no way I can do all of that and maintain the infinitisimal amount of sanity I have left. Then I usually cry a little bit and then I'm good again.

To make matters worse, I saw Li'l Divinity on Saturday at his 1st birthday party. He, however, didn't hear my laugh and bust out grinning - he saw me and recognized me and even when I picked him up and kissed his little face he refused to make eye contact to even acknowledge the fact that I existed. I was SO being punished. It probably wasn't that I was suddenly missing from his life, but probably because I was the boring lady who gave him books for his birthday. I really think that was it. That's what I'm going to tell myself.


If you have seen the movie Nacho Libre and you know my husband, you will probably crack up laughing and maybe even spit your beverage on the screen when you read this. Those of you who don't know my husband, well.....y'all have picked up on the fact that he's a very quiet, reserved redneck, right? Okay good.

Mom got Paul some flannel pants for Christmas and these are the softest flannel pants I've ever felt in my life. He realllllly likes those pants. The second night he owned them, I was in the kitchen fixing a glass of tea when I heard him holler for me to "comere". Tea glass in hand, I walked around the corner and saw him standing just outside our foyer, with his hands on the banister, his legs about shoulder-width apart. He looked at me over his shoulder and in a thick Mexican accent said, "These are my recreation pants. Do you like them?" Then, just like Jack Black did in the movie, squeezed his buttcheeks and shot me a sexy look and I spit tea across my dining room. Then he took one hand off of the banister, put it on his hip then turned around and sauntered towards me while I was still choking on sweet tea and then he said, "Sometimes you wear stretchy pants.........just for fun."

Moments like that right there is why I have stayed married to him for 14 years. He doesn't goof off too often, but when he does he can usually make me spit some type of liquid across the room. And that is reason enough to stay married to someone.


Speaking of that special someone and our special day, since Paul works in a casino that is never closed and bears no affection for 14th anniversaries on a holiday, he and I drove to Tulsa last Wednesday night to Cherokee Casino to do some anniversary gambling. I slept nearly the whole way there, we lost a lot of money and I dozed pretty much all the way home. It was quite romantic. I think if I were to find one of those charts that says what each anniversary year's gift is supposed to be - ie, paper, wood, diamonds, etc. - I think 14 is "apathy".

Actually, though, we had a fairly decent anniversary this year. We didn't fight. Not at all. Not even a fuss. For us, this is HUGE and we'll probably end up divorcing this year because the years we start out fighting we've managed to stay together. See, we didn't fight and now we're doomed.

The longer you're married, the less romantic the gifts become. I bought him 2 new pairs of jeans and a hooded sweatshirt for the DISNEY TRIP IN TWO WEEKS (!!!!!!) and a 3-pack of Planter's peanuts. He got me the latest Stephen King book, Lisey's Story, which I have blatantly pointed out to him every time we've entered Wal*Mart in the last two months, and he also got me a 1GB jump drive. I was expecting the jump drive because the night I borrowed Bub's I stood in front of Paul's recliner for nearly 10 minutes gushing about what a wonderful device it was and how I couldn't possibly live without one, but really didn't think he'd paid attention to the fact that I wanted that book. He did. I was impressed. And touched.

See what I mean - we're doomed. I should probably go ahead and contact a lawyer.


New Year's Eve, the Taters, Mom and Uncle David came over for enchiladas and frivolity. We played Blink, Uno and watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. It was quite a party. We just don't celebrate the new year like we used to. I think back to 14 years ago on New Year's Eve - Paul and I got smashed at Red's dance hall, I mouthed off to Evelyn Shadwick and she threated to kick my butt. (For those who don't know Wyandotte, Evelyn Shadwick's maiden name was Payne. Which rhymes with PAIN and those Payne girls knew how to inflict it.) But Evelyn was just as drunk as I was and after Red got wind that she was picking a fight with the 19 year old bride-to-be, he made her apologize and she and I both sat in the corner and cried and hugged and promised to be friends forever. Gosh, those were good times.


Yesterday morning, New Year's Day, Tater and I went in to Mom's and started helping her make sense of her house - the house that not only has her stuff in it now, but a lot of Papa's as well. We managed to move in her new bedroom suite and we found the top of her dining room table and I call that a success. There's a lot more to be done, but we'll get there eventually.

Oh, and for those family members who read the blog - Uncle David said "blowjob" yesterday. In context. Keith, buddy, if you'd have been there.........well, you'd have honked. I think I might've in your place, though. He was so embarrassed. It was precious. Y'all can call me for details, but you gotta swear you'll pretend you don't know.


Conversation at the Tater house day yesterday morning:

TotOne: (whispered) Mom? Mom? Mom?

Tater: What TotOne.

TotOne: Are you up?

Tater: Why?

TotOne: Because I want to sit next to you and eat waffles.

There right there, my friends is what love is all about - sitting next to someone and eating waffles.

And also making your spouse spit tea across the dining room.


We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...