Tuesday, January 02, 2007

It's been HOW long?

Goodness, I knew it'd been awhile since I'd sat down at my computer, but I didn't realize it'd been that long. I apologize for leavin' y'all hanging out there in the wind, because we all know that your lives revolve around my blog.

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The day after Christmas I took all 3 kids to the doctor. Kady was due for her 5 year old checkup. Abby's fungus was back and Sam acquired a fungus of his very own. I know it has to make y'all wonder just what my children do to contract the fungi that they do and all I can say to that is this: I have no clue. They are just nasty, germy children that pick and scratch and touch oogey things and then touch other things. Abby's is now not only just under one nostril, but it spreads all the way around her nose, almost down to her lip. Sam has it all over his torso. It's just gross. Every morning and night when I slather them down with fungus cream, I get the total willies and when I'm done I wash my hands and GermX them with a passion that screams "I have OCD and know how to use it." Paul put it the cream on them the other night and then didn't wash his hands immediately! I sat there staring at him until he finally said, "WHAT??" I said, "You haven't washed your hands yet and you. have. touched. the. fungus." He said, "Uhhh.....yeah?" Then he proceded to chase me around with his fungussy hands. He's evil.

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Thursday Kady went to her "best fwiend's" birthday party. It was at JackJack's gramma's house, seeing as how JackJack and the best fwiend are cousins. When we got there, JackJack was asleep, but I laughed and when he heard the laugh that has caused people in Wal*Mart to seek me out because they know it's me, his eyes popped wide open and he grinned from ear to ear. I miss him so much. There are days I wonder if I can still babysit and go to school. Then I slap myself and remind myself that my family will need clean laundry and food and there is just no way I can do all of that and maintain the infinitisimal amount of sanity I have left. Then I usually cry a little bit and then I'm good again.

To make matters worse, I saw Li'l Divinity on Saturday at his 1st birthday party. He, however, didn't hear my laugh and bust out grinning - he saw me and recognized me and even when I picked him up and kissed his little face he refused to make eye contact to even acknowledge the fact that I existed. I was SO being punished. It probably wasn't that I was suddenly missing from his life, but probably because I was the boring lady who gave him books for his birthday. I really think that was it. That's what I'm going to tell myself.

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If you have seen the movie Nacho Libre and you know my husband, you will probably crack up laughing and maybe even spit your beverage on the screen when you read this. Those of you who don't know my husband, well.....y'all have picked up on the fact that he's a very quiet, reserved redneck, right? Okay good.

Mom got Paul some flannel pants for Christmas and these are the softest flannel pants I've ever felt in my life. He realllllly likes those pants. The second night he owned them, I was in the kitchen fixing a glass of tea when I heard him holler for me to "comere". Tea glass in hand, I walked around the corner and saw him standing just outside our foyer, with his hands on the banister, his legs about shoulder-width apart. He looked at me over his shoulder and in a thick Mexican accent said, "These are my recreation pants. Do you like them?" Then, just like Jack Black did in the movie, squeezed his buttcheeks and shot me a sexy look and I spit tea across my dining room. Then he took one hand off of the banister, put it on his hip then turned around and sauntered towards me while I was still choking on sweet tea and then he said, "Sometimes you wear stretchy pants.........just for fun."

Moments like that right there is why I have stayed married to him for 14 years. He doesn't goof off too often, but when he does he can usually make me spit some type of liquid across the room. And that is reason enough to stay married to someone.

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Speaking of that special someone and our special day, since Paul works in a casino that is never closed and bears no affection for 14th anniversaries on a holiday, he and I drove to Tulsa last Wednesday night to Cherokee Casino to do some anniversary gambling. I slept nearly the whole way there, we lost a lot of money and I dozed pretty much all the way home. It was quite romantic. I think if I were to find one of those charts that says what each anniversary year's gift is supposed to be - ie, paper, wood, diamonds, etc. - I think 14 is "apathy".

Actually, though, we had a fairly decent anniversary this year. We didn't fight. Not at all. Not even a fuss. For us, this is HUGE and we'll probably end up divorcing this year because the years we start out fighting we've managed to stay together. See, we didn't fight and now we're doomed.

The longer you're married, the less romantic the gifts become. I bought him 2 new pairs of jeans and a hooded sweatshirt for the DISNEY TRIP IN TWO WEEKS (!!!!!!) and a 3-pack of Planter's peanuts. He got me the latest Stephen King book, Lisey's Story, which I have blatantly pointed out to him every time we've entered Wal*Mart in the last two months, and he also got me a 1GB jump drive. I was expecting the jump drive because the night I borrowed Bub's I stood in front of Paul's recliner for nearly 10 minutes gushing about what a wonderful device it was and how I couldn't possibly live without one, but really didn't think he'd paid attention to the fact that I wanted that book. He did. I was impressed. And touched.

See what I mean - we're doomed. I should probably go ahead and contact a lawyer.

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New Year's Eve, the Taters, Mom and Uncle David came over for enchiladas and frivolity. We played Blink, Uno and watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. It was quite a party. We just don't celebrate the new year like we used to. I think back to 14 years ago on New Year's Eve - Paul and I got smashed at Red's dance hall, I mouthed off to Evelyn Shadwick and she threated to kick my butt. (For those who don't know Wyandotte, Evelyn Shadwick's maiden name was Payne. Which rhymes with PAIN and those Payne girls knew how to inflict it.) But Evelyn was just as drunk as I was and after Red got wind that she was picking a fight with the 19 year old bride-to-be, he made her apologize and she and I both sat in the corner and cried and hugged and promised to be friends forever. Gosh, those were good times.

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Yesterday morning, New Year's Day, Tater and I went in to Mom's and started helping her make sense of her house - the house that not only has her stuff in it now, but a lot of Papa's as well. We managed to move in her new bedroom suite and we found the top of her dining room table and I call that a success. There's a lot more to be done, but we'll get there eventually.

Oh, and for those family members who read the blog - Uncle David said "blowjob" yesterday. In context. Keith, buddy, if you'd have been there.........well, you'd have honked. I think I might've in your place, though. He was so embarrassed. It was precious. Y'all can call me for details, but you gotta swear you'll pretend you don't know.

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Conversation at the Tater house day yesterday morning:

TotOne: (whispered) Mom? Mom? Mom?

Tater: What TotOne.

TotOne: Are you up?

Tater: Why?

TotOne: Because I want to sit next to you and eat waffles.


There right there, my friends is what love is all about - sitting next to someone and eating waffles.

And also making your spouse spit tea across the dining room.




HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y'ALL!

3 comments:

Irish Divinity said...

He actually liked the books, tried to promptly eat them! And whenever I talk about kiki he looks around and tries not to smile, onery does not even begin to describe my son!!! I figure I will be getting punished weekly starting this month after being gone 4 days in a row, he's just kind of that way, but he still loves us! I promise! I'll bring him out sometime soon! So we both can have some kiki time! lol

Bubba said...

liked your blog come check mine out sometime. Im gonna add you to my blogroll us okies need to stick together

Stewed Hamm said...

14th anniversary is apathy, huh? Well, happy anniversary then... or not.
Whatever, I don't care.