Monday, May 17, 2010

Monday MckLinky: What Do We Do Now?

Our oldest daughter is 13 1/2. Our youngest daughter is 8 1/2. Our son is smack in the middle of his sisters, resting at 11 1/2. We run the gambit as far as activities and interests in this family. The boy is into acting and Iron Man. The oldest is into uhm....well, we're not sure seeing as how she rarely emerges from the Bat Cave. We think she might like that thing attached to her hand...what do they call it? Oh yeah, a cell phone. And boys. And our youngest daughter is very into glitter. And drama. And basketball. Depending on the time of year, we have been known to drive over 100 miles in a day just taxiing kids where they need to be at any given time.

Paul and I were married three years before Abby came along. During those child-less years we danced many a two-step, played many a game of cards with friends and bowled our fair share. Looking back, I wish we had enjoyed it more, but truth be told, we didn't even want three child-free years. We just spent most of that time trying to get pregnant. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: We haven't known too many years of just couple-hood. And while we'll always be parents, there's a time in the not-so-distant future where our kids will leave the nest and flap their little redneck wings to parts yet unknown. (However, our oldest says I will still have to be available to tuck her in at night no matter how old she is or where she lives, so let's hope her husband is a very understanding man.) There is a time on the horizon when we will once again be a couple. Alone. In our house. Where no one can hear us scream.

It's funny that Mrs. McGillicutty chose this to be the MckLinky this particular week because I posted this Facebook status just a few days ago:


It's really not too early to prepare for our eventual retirement and I actually have given it some thought. Okay, I've pondered his eventual retirement since I like, uhm....I'm a housewife. Yeah.

I heard a preacher once say that in your life God should be your first priority, your spouse should be second, your children third. I gasped at the spouse's position as number two because as a mom of young children I had concentrated for many years on my children, their upbringing and trying to mold them into people who will not end up making "serial killer" their chosen profession and at times focused solely on them. After all of the mothers in the congregation that night finished their gasping in shock and awe at his declaration that we might possibly stop our world from revolving around our precious children, the pastor went on to explain. He said, "Your children will eventually grow up. They will eventually leave your house. They will leave you and start their own family. Then you're going to be stuck with that man you've been ignoring for 18 the past years. The man you now have nothing in common with."

That hit me hard. I had never thought of it like that and God bless my husband for not getting all bent out of shape by being stuck on the back-burner while I nursed, rocked, potty trained and focused most of my energy on our kids, dropping into bed exhaustedly with nothing left for him. Yes, I am a mother and it is my job, my duty, my obligation to take care of and raise my children, but it's not my job to ignore my husband in the process.

Our youngest child is 8, so theoretically we could be living in a child-free home as early as 10 years from now. I'll be 47, Paul will be 57.

Holy cow. He's gonna be old.

As we get older we are realizing that we like quiet moments together. Driving in the car with nothing but the sound of the road in our ears while we hold hands across the console is actually pretty nice. We kind of just like driving. We don't do the bar scene and I doubt that changes as we approach 50 and 60. We have given up on casinos. (Well, except for the fact he draws an actual paycheck from one right now. That's the only way we make money from one of those things.) While right now we aren't quite ready to join his grandma at her country and western dances we might be ready to scoot boots again in 10 years. I guess it will depend on my osteoporosis. He likes to play golf and I figure he'll continue this newfound hobby on into our empty nest years. Unless his osteoporosis kicks in, too. I may eventually cross over from mommy blogger to grandmommy blogger. And frankly, I miss reading. He loves getting on the tractor and digging up things, mowing things and just riding around pretending he's a farmer. Maybe we'll get a cow. We live on 40 acres and have told the kids that they can each have 10 to build houses on if they want. There's a distinct possibility our kids maybe leave our house, but never leave the property.

For a few years I nearly panicked at the thought of being alone with my husband after our kids left the house, but now, while I'm in no hurry whatsoever for my children to leave, I look foward with a bit of anticipation at what will occupy our time in the next 10 years or so. Of course, if the kids build on the adjacent 30 acres things might not change too much.


So now I pose the same question Mrs. McGillicutty asked today:

Look into the future. You've spent your life taking care of everyone else,
but now the kids are gone and it's just you and your spouse.
What do you do now?


Will you golf, bowl or dance? Will you look forward to grandbabies? Will you travel? Will you keep on blogging like you do now?


The RHOK

1. Answer the question on your blog (or in the comments sections if you  don't have a blog).
2. If you answer the question on your blog, add your name to MckLinky so that we all can discover the brilliance that is your mind.

3. Grab our button from the sidebar and post it either in your reply post or on your blog.

4. Enjoy and have some fun!

7 comments:

Jill of All Trades said...

You know the riding around in the car thing is really what prompted me to want the little Miata. I had a Tahoe and it was just so empty with just me riding around in it. Now we sold the Miata and I'm driving the Jeep Commander. I just got to where now I want to have people ride with me, more that just two of us.

Dawn said...

LOL! I don't want mine living next door to me when they move out. I want them at least in the next town.

Brett and I did a lot of dancing and card playing before kids too. And, when we weren't doing that we were seeing a movie!

Great post!

Margaret said...

Yeah, I heard the message about the spouse being second priority as well. I'm thankful my BF is ok with being 3rd for just a bit longer. (Our boys are 7 and 3.) :)

peace...

Mom Mayhem says: said...

Hey-my hubby also makes a living in the casino biz! And were not exactly bar people or anything either. It's a lot to think about-the future. It's nice to read what everyone thinks about that :)

Baloney said...

Sometimes I worry about those days. I used to think my husband and I had so much in common, but then he discovered golf. I can't play because of back issues. He thinks I'm going to just ride around in the cart and watch him play. Not gonna happen.

Anonymous said...

we had our first baby 9 months after we were married once she was off to higher education I worried that we would not know what to do with each other. After our last one left (3)We are really enjoying it just being us. we have freedoms we have never had. I love all of my children but after 27 years I found out I still like my husband and I still love him. Now we are having the freedom to have just us.

Anonymous said...

we had our first baby 9 months after we were married once she was off to higher education I worried that we would not know what to do with each other. After our last one left (3)We are really enjoying it just being us. we have freedoms we have never had. I love all of my children but after 27 years I found out I still like my husband and I still love him. Now we are having the freedom to have just us.