Tuesday, August 23, 2005


Top Ten Lines Used Either By Me or On Me with the Sincere Hopes of Getting Laid

1. On me - "You have inviting shoulders."
I totally kid you not on this one. I was 18, living in Stillwater and had worn a cami top with my ultra tight-fittin' Rockies to the cowboy bar (Back when I was skinny) and this really drunk like 50 year old guy was so hitting on me and I was so not takin' the bait. Then he leaned down and breathed really nasty on my shoulder, ran a finger down my arm and told me I had inviting shoulders. I just wanted to know what he thought they were inviting him to do.

2. On me - "So you wanna see the back seat of my new car?"
Nope not kidding on this one either. 16 year olds are pretty unimaginative.

3. By me - "Oh I'd love to see your apartment! Ooh and it has a bedroom?"
Yeah. Turns out 18 year old girls are sometimes unimaginative as well.

4. On me - "If I buy you a pitcher of beer, will you come back to my place?"
He bought the beer. I didn't go to his place. I was such a bitch back then.

5. On me - "Your name's Kris? Hey! My name's Chris, too?"
And even after I told him my name was Kristin and not just Kris, he still kept on with the whole name correlation thing. My roommate's boyfriend ended up escorting the dude out of the apartment.

6. By me - "You know what, I really don't care if you have a girlfriend. It's not like I know her or anything."
Ooh I was bordering on skank here. I'm kind of embarrassed about this one.

7. By me - "You're a fireman? I'm a sucker for a man in uniform."
Well? I am!

8. On me - "If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?"
Yes, it's also a really bad Bellamy Brother's song, but this poor fella that had a HUGE crush on me in high school actually walked up to me in Drama one day and asked me that. I said, "Hon. Really. You know the answer is no." He shrugged and said, "Yeah, I know. But I have to keep asking." Poor guy.

9. On me - "Wanna play lion? You go lay in the floor and I'll throw the meat to ya."
We heard this one originally by a friend of some friends one night at a party. He was drunk and he asked his wife that. Really loudly. So then of course, it was adopted by Mr. Diva. He thinks he's clever. All it ever does is make me roll my eyes and throw a pillow or something at him.

10. By me - "I haven't gotten laid in a year. Help a guy out, will ya?"
I not only helped him out, I married him 3 months later. What? He was cute!


Queen Of Cheese said...

Aren't ya just a tad jealous you couldn't use "Your pertier than a pink dress"???????

Anna said...

I had a girlfriend who used to authenticate sports items for her job...baseball bats, players cards.. anything that may have value.

She was in LOVE w/this guy I knew who used to play professional baseball... she offered to authenticate his balls.

She makes be so proud... we call her Sexpot, cuz she likes sex more than horny men... love that chick!

~ A P R I L ~ said...

No. 7. Guilty. Thank God I'm not alone.

Redneck Diva said...

Mrs.Coach-I actually AM jealous over that one! I wanna be pertier than a pink dress!!

Anna-BWAH!!! Every guy should have his balls authenticated at some point.

I used to like sex more than horny men, but then I had children.

April-It was my husband. Too bad he didn't stick with the fireman thing. Hubba hubba.

Sam said...

Oh my god. That was a great post.

Redneck Diva said...

Sam-Aw shucks...thanks!

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