Tuesday, August 02, 2005

My official coronation ceremony

It's no secret that this summer I have spent a lot of time in my pajamas. Today was really no different. We had library books due today, but they have an oh so convenient grace period, so I decided we'd take them back tomorrow. My pj's were just too comfy today.

Well, my sister called me around 1:15 and wanted to know if I was coming to town. When I told her no she was all weird about it. She said, "Well, if you're not coming to town can I come out?" Well, heck that's never a problem. I told her to come right on. Then she asked, "and bring someone with me?" Uh, no. My house is a disaster. We are in the middle of a toyroom overhaul and I still have free food all over my dining room and Mom bought me three cases of Diet Coke that I have yet find a home for and frankly my house is just not company-ready. Sis then declared that if she and the mystery guest could not visit then I simply had to come into town. I tried to get some more information out of her - was it an old classmate? Or good Lord, an old boyfriend? WHO in the world would she want to bring out to my house?? So I finally caved and said I'd come in. She told me I'd want to wear makeup, too. Then I was convinced it was an old boyfriend. I wondered if I could lose about 50 pounds in 30 minutes.

The entire time I got ready I tried to figure out why she was being cryptic and it was driving me up the wall. When I was nearly ready I called her. As soon as she said hello I said, "Okay, answer me one thing - is this a gambling intervention?"

The kids were just as confused as I was as I loaded them in the van. As soon as Sis got in the van, Sam said, "YaYa, my mom called you a butt munch." Well, I did. Surprises suck. I have to have control in my life. Surprises are uncontrolled. Okay, secretly I like surprises, but I certainly do throw a fit about them until I find out what they are.

So I took Sis to the public library to return some books. Then she told me to take her to the college because she had a book to return there. Allllllrighty, I suddenly had become her personal chauffer, but hey there was possibly an old boyfriend awaiting me somewhere, so I simply told her I was charging her mileage and kept on driving. When we got there she said, "Y'all might as well go in with me. It's too hot to sit out here and let the van idle." So we unloaded the 4 kids and walked to the library.

I love the LRC ladies. I've mentioned them before. They like my blog. They are my new best friends. So we walked into the library and there was Sloane waiting behind the desk. Sis handed her a book and Sloane said, "Okay, can you come back here?" I wondered why she was getting so personal with book check-in, but ya know Sis used to work at the college. I figured there was a reason. Well, the kids headed around the desk with Heather and I said, "Uhhh, do you want us all back there or should we stay out here?" She said to come on around.

So there we stood behind the desk. Sloane was grinnin' like a possum eatin' shit. She said "Hi!" I said, "Uhhh, hi........." and then she threw confetti at me! A chorus of "CONGRATULATIONS" resounded through the LRC and there was much laughing and gasping on my part as I was presented with my crown, scepter (a pinwheel), a dozen roses (which such real-looking "dew" on them!), a balloon bouquet and a sash proclaiming my status as Miss RSJS. Oh yes, it was quite a regal coronation ceremony. The kids thought the confetti was awesome. I was just dumbfounded that I was being made such a fuss over, although you know I ate it up. 'Cuz I'm a diva ya know.

Sloane said that sheetrock and a sweaty husband just wasn't enough celebration and they had to do something for me. I was honored, surprised and simply blown away. Not only were the LRC ladies in attendance, but Kim from the business office came over (although I'm not sure she didn't just happen upon the festivities) as well as my mom. I think Mom might be getting into this blogging thing.

As we were getting ready to leave Sis picked up her book and said, "Oh yeah, better get my book. It's not even a library book. I just needed something to give us a reason to go here."

LRC ladies, y'all just rock. Y'all will never know what it means to me that you did that. I'm SO baking you girls cookies, too. Sis, you're amazing for getting me there and not spilling the beans. But you're still a butt munch.

(Please ignore the enormous ass. Just look at the sash. Look only at the sash.)


D said...

I am just rolling here!! You friends ROCK!! Glad you had a special ceremony after all!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Well, I don't know where to begin. That Taterbug sure is a schemer. It wasn't even a library book! Ha!

I have not heard "grinnin' like a possum eatin' shit" since my high school days. Thanks for the trip down memory lane.

Don't take this the wrong way, but something about this ceremony reminded me of "Madagascar," that king of the lemurs that said, "You're scaring the freaks." Don't know why.

I must say that is a lovely crown. I don't think I've ever seen a pink one.

And finally, didn't anybody in the library say "Shhhh?"

david said...

This absolutely ROCKS, Miss RSJS!

Unknown said...

I just had let out a loud laugh as soon as I saw the photo. This absolutly made my day, which sucked. Thank you for being a wonderful winner and most of all, a good freind.

Anonymous said...

This was great! I especially love the sash! There is nothing I love more than a tiara but together with the sash...most excellent. You have some great fans. :-)

Anna said...

Did they sing some theme song like they do on those beauty pageant shows... something like: "There she is Miss RSJS 2005...." It just ROLLS off the tongue....

Live it up lady, live it up!!!!

Redneck Diva said...

Scrapper-Talk about a surprise!! I was honored!

HillbillyMom-Yes, she is a schemer. She can pull off crap like that that I never could!

"Grinnin' like a possum eatin' shit" is one of my favorite sayings!! Running a close second is "Happier'n a puppy with two peters".

I haven't seen Madagascar, but if I reminded you of a lemur, I'm worried

Oh we have a wide assortment of pink crowns since we house a princess and a diva. The fact that this one has feathers on it has made it Kady's new favorite. She plunked it on her head the minute she woke up this morning.

When the boss is partying and helping make the noise, nah, no one shushes.

Recklace-Hysterically? Oh I am so glad I can make you laugh hysterically!!! That's something I strive to do. I like making people laugh, but to make them do it hysterically - that's awesome.

I have you bookmarked and when I get a chance to sit down you are getting a link as well. I just have to find time!!

Thanks for stopping by!!

David-Tell me about it!!

Sam-Sorry you had a sucky day, friend. Maybe today will be better! Don't forget it's Whiney Wednesday so you can always whine a little if you think it'll help. Glad you liked the pics.

Did you read the post where I asked my mom how to ship cookies? Be glad she clarified that the stamps don't stick to the individual cookies - you lucked out, buddy.

Pandora-I have to agree - I love a good tiara, but when you add the sash it just screams of regality, doesn't it? :D

Jersey-Yes they do!

Anna-Ooh yes that does just roll off the tongue...sort of.

Now that I've been officially crowned, I really am getting that t-shirt made. I just can't resist any longer. I've got the drag the fame out longer.

Babs said...

How totally cool! Much better than the playhouse incident. You now have the crowning glory you deserve!

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