Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Savage Tan

Remember that commercial from the 80's? I am seriously working on a savage tan! Of course, it's probably not really that much tan, per se, it's just a clustering of freckles that appears to be a tan. Iew, and when I was changing after the swim, I saw something on my forehead that looked like a smudge of some kind. Being a mom, I licked my thumb and rubbed it. It didn't go away. Upon closer inspection I discovered it to be some freaky mass of freckles over my left eyebrow. Weird, I tell ya. I showed Sis. She laughed, then said, "Oh that doesn't beat this. Check it out - I have age spots!" And held out her hands. I said, "Those are age spots?? Cuz I have them too!!" Sure enough, the backs of our hands are covered in light age spots. We have become our mother. They look good on Mom. They just make me feel old. (Mom, you say you never read this, but of course, since I mentioned you and age spots in the same sentence, some mother honing device will direct you to my web page. So if that's the case, I really DO think they look good on you. And you are NOT old. And I love you very, very much.)

But I really do have a tan. You can see tan lines and everything. Which is all well and good because now my legs aren't quite as frightening as they were. Except my white ass - now THAT is still pretty scary. But it'd be scary tanned, too.

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We took all 6 kids outside to swim this afternoon. Sis and I decided that the water was entirely too cold for us, so we laid out. Occasionally we'd sit up and checked on the kids, making sure no one was drowning. It had been awhile since someone checked and Sis sat up to count heads. I mumbled, "Everyone okay?" She laid back down and said, "Yep. All 5 heads above water." I said, "Uhhhh...Heather there are 6 kids in the pool." Ever seen two fat chicks get up out of those chaise lounge lawn chairs really fast?

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I'm fixing dinner for my family tonight. All 10 of us will have a nice dinner together tonight. Sis and Bub are scraping the ceilings at the farmette house and I told her to leave the kids here and I'd fix dinner around 6. I called Mom and invited her as well. I love being like the matriarch-ish Carol Brady to my friends and family. I am pretty much useless when it comes to yard work, remodelling, mechanics, pool set-up and tear-down, dishwasher installation and virtually any other chore, but man, can I cook. And I'll watch your kids because they keep my children occupied and thus, out of my hair.

Sis and I are both perplexed as to our new frustration at our children. I don't know if it's the phase of the moon, the alignment of the planets or the fact that our children are no longer afraid of us, but the children are driving us mad. Mad, I say. Normally, I'm a patient, caring mother who likes to spend time with her children, but I found myself wondering this morning if the yellow pages would have any kind of listing for military summer camp for pre-teens.

4 comments:

Heather said...

I freckle like crazy, too! I do not tan, I freckle & one day they will all cluster together to form an amazing tan!! :)

MrsCoach2U said...

I've checked, they have to be over 12 for Military school. And they don't take husbands!

Redneck Diva said...

Heather-When those freckles all finally mesh together we are gonna be HOT, aren't we? Oh wait, we already are! So when the freckles finally mesh we'll be HOTTER, right? Way awesome.

Mrs. Coach-Dammit. Just my luck. So when's your church having VBS?

MrsCoach2U said...

This week is VBS, tomorrow is parents night. I just dropped my kids off and ran this year, I think I'm supposed to feel guilty but I'll find time to be guilty later.