Wednesday, September 07, 2005

The hair! It is attacking!

Okay, so y'all pretty much know I'm a redneck, right? I mean, we've pretty well established that fact, correct? So when I start whining about my hair and the product I use, please don't tell me to go to the salon and buy the expensive stuff. Number one, I can't afford it. Yet. I'm working on that. Number two, I'm afraid a herd of wild redneck women would see me in a salon buying product and tar and feather me. We must buy our hair goo at Wal*Mart.

So I bought me some of that Pantene for curls stuff. It has amino acids in it. That sounds pretty scientific to me. Science can tame the wild beast that is naturally curly hair I'm told. And the conditioner says that it guarantees "up to 99% more curl definition in one day." Notice it says "up to". I'm thinking I got way closer to the end of the scale. Down like around oh mayyyyyybe 24.2%.

If you define curls as "big", "scary", "large", "reaching for lofty heights", "searching for the 80's" and just downright HUGE, then I have more curl definition. I got me some big hair today.


Shannon said...

Oh Great Kristin! If your having a BIG hair day, that means I am going to have a HUGE hair day! My hair gets super curly no matter how hard I try to dry it straight. I'm getting ready to go take a shower, it is 11:45! I'm such a bum lately. Days comes on at 12:00 so I have just enough time!

Queen Of Cheese said...

I feel for ya. My hair is huge today. Block the sun huge. Hide drugs in it huge. Scare little kids huge.

Anonymous said...

The guy who cuts my hair suggests lathering it up with goo, mousse if you want soft curls gel if you want harder curls, and then twisting small bits of hair. It always works when he does it but he can also get mine straight as a board and it'll stay that way for awhile.

Irish Divinity said...

The matrix stuff I told you about you can buy at Walmart salon for $12.95 and $8.95. BUT even with my long hair, I can use it 4 or 5 times a week and it lasts at least 4.5 to 5 months. The other stuff I buy like pantene and such I go through like twice a month at $3 or $4 a pop and end up spending around $24 every 4 to 5 months. So it's worth it. I am now sticking my tongue out at you for labeling me as the one who told you to go to the salon!!!! lol

~ A P R I L ~ said...

Big hair... I don't know what the hell you people are talking about.

gwaaaaaaadddddddddd, you don't know big hair. I had a white woman afro growing up. My hair was so big the earth revolved around it.

Now, I keep my hair short, but now the earth revolves around my ass. I just can't win for losing.

Anna said...

Ok let the professional chime in here.

Diva, I owe you this anyway.

I will never matter what shampoo or conditioner you use. What makes the biggest difference is the styling products you got.

If $$$ is tight, get yourself a mild leave in conditioner (something creamy) and a MILD gel.

Mix the together in the palm of your hand in a 1 to 1 combo.

Spread evenly from roots to tips.

After this I also add a styling cream called WIRED, I have never found anything to replace it. If you can't buy it, omit it from the steps..

Then as the other commenter mentioned, define your own curls.. twist them in sections.

Now when it dries it's gonna look like you have dreads or braids... you will NEED to seperate these twirled curls and if you REALLY want to add to it, plug in the old curling iron (a thinner one - not thses HUGE things) and curl here and there to mix it in.

That's it. I DON"T wash my hair every day. At night, I put all may hair above my head on the pillow as not to fuck up the curls I have set in place.

When you have the $$$ these are the things I cannot live without.

ABBA Nourishing Leave in Conditioner

ABBA Gel Lotion

RUSK Wired (This is by far the most important hair styling item I have. If they stop making it, I will end my life. Period.)

The end.

Anna Queen of Annaland and All Knowing Blonde Afro Diva

Redneck Diva said...

Shannon-So I gotta know - was it truly a HUGE hair day for you? You should've seen mine after driving 80 down I-44 with the windows down.

Mrs.Coach-I wonder what was wrong with the atmosphere that made everyone's hair so enormous today! I checked the humidity - it was only at 61%. Weird huh.

M&Co-Isn't it amazing how stylists can do magical things with hair? My stylist can take my 'fro and straighten it on a rainy day. And it STAYS!! Go figure. Thanks for the tips!

IrishDivinity-Okay, so I gotta know - did you really stick your tongue out at the computer?

I actually didn't even think of you when I wrote that, hon! I was just figuring there'd be someone out there that would tell me that Wal*Mart products were crap. And to be truthful, they might be, but it's all I got right now.

April-Okay, so I'm thinking that you and I need to play beauty shop now with Queen Anna's styling tips. What say, oh afro'd one?

Anna-Anna, you rock. I know I've said that before and I'll say it many more times I'm sure, but you friggin' rock. I have printed out your comment and will take it to the salon next payday and hand it to the people there and say "The Great and Mighty Anna of Anna Land says I need this" and I will fully expect them to jump into action. I'll let you know if they don't so you can execute them.

Thanks, girl!

Anonymous said...

I liked my curls today. Sure, they're artificial and pulled back into an up-do sorta thing, but it looks good and I liked it this morning. I use Rave. Cheep ol .93 cents Rave. But here's the kicker! I put it in my hair, then take my towel and scrunch w/ the towel. Then I put my make-up on and let it air dry while I'm doing that. Then I have to deffuse it. A lot of work, but it beats the alternative of making it straight.
No one asked me, but I just thought I would comment. And all of this is probably bad for your hair and why at the end of my 6 weeks I have split ends. What can ya do?

Anonymous said...

I sure hope it was not humid as well, so you could realy tell if it works.

Irish Divinity said...

Yes, I was sticking my tongue out at the computer, and laughing!!

Queen Of Cheese said...

Where can we get WIRED????? For our hair! I could never let my hair "air dry" while I was putting on my make-up, I'd have to take 12 hours to do my make-up. I washed my hair Sunday morning, combed it out and let it dry. Monday morning when I got in the shower, my hair was still wet.

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