Saturday, September 24, 2005

Brass Bed

Has anyone who reads this blog ever actually laid someone down on or been laid down on a brass bed? Because I've noticed that it's a recurring object of love-making scenarios in songs and I'm wondering if making love on a brass bed is better than making love say, in a regular wood bed or even the couch or the backseat of a 2005 Dodge Ram. I just want to know. Yeah, it sounds awfully romantic when they say "Lay lady, lay....lay across my big brass bed" and "Come and lay your head on this big brass bed" but are brass beds all that plentiful? And have you noticed they don't just say "brass bed" but "BIG brass bed". Do they only come in large sizes?

Now that that's out of the way and y'all are thinking that I am officially certifiable we'll continue on with regular blog business.

Tater, Paul and I watched Hitch last night. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I really did. I had heard it was really good (Cousin Stacey recommended it highly. But then again, she and I both had tremendous crushes on Will Smith, so how could she NOT recommend it to me?) and I had heard it was really bad. I'm going with adorably cute and funny and 2 hours of looking at Will Smith was just what I needed. We also rented Spanglish but haven't got around to watching it yet. With our handydandy Wardog Card at Video Giant when we rent a new release we get an older release for free so the kids are taking advantage of their free Scooby Doo Halloween movie right now and Rugrats Halloween is soon to follow.


Tater is now an official blogger!!!
Yep. She and I were painting the witch for the ring toss and I was sick and tired of painting the stupid hat and I said, "Let's go blog" and she was like all okay with it and started washing out her brush before I could even flip the cap shut on my paint bottle. By the time I got out here she was online and fidgeting in the chair. Without looking at me she said, "I want a blog of my own." So after I scooped my jaw up off the floor and rehinged it, I helped her set up her own little spot in cyberspace.

Poor Mom. Now, in addition to worrying about me she will have to worry about her youngest child. I think she felt like if I ended up chopped up and stuffed somewhere dark and cylindrical that TaterSis would take custody of my children. Now that we're both blogging there's a good chance she'll end up with all five kids. Especially if TaterSis and I choose to go out blogging alone at night.

So stop on over at the Tater's bin and say hey, k? And leave lots of comments demanding that Mr. Tater allows her to get the 'net at home once they move into their farmette!


I'm listening to Bohemian Rhapsody right now and I gotta say that no matter how rotten my mood is, just hearing this song and picturing Wayne and Garth and their buddies in that car singing it makes me happy.


I slept in till 9 this morning. I was awakened several times before that and I'm pretty sure the children all had pizza and kool-ade for breakfast because when they'd come in and ask a question I'd just grunt and wave them away. I guess they took the movement of my curls under my pillow as a nod and approval to whatever they were requesting. Hey, I didn't care. Pizza for breakfast never hurt anyone.

At 9:03 Paul came bursting into the bedroom and said "If you're going to that auction it started 3 minutes ago." With only one eye open I said, "Uhhh . . . you know what? Just go on to that auction by yourself." He laughed and yanked on the sheets and said, "I thought you and the kids were going yard-saleing this morning, too." I kicked him. I needed the sleep more than the kids needed jeans. Okay, yes I realize the kids need jeans pretty bad, but I really needed the sleep.

I got up and called Mom and she informed me that the auction started at 10, not 9, so I told Paul if he'd wait a bit the kids and I would get ready and go with him. I spritzed my bed head, fluffed up my curls (Today was one of the days I actually liked the curls because they are pretty easy to retame in a hurry if necessary.), grabbed a piece of pizza and a Diet Coke, slapped on some makeup, convinced Kady that she wasn't leaving the house unless she let me brush her hair and pull it into a ponytail, grabbed my purse and we were out the door by 9:55.

Next door to the auction was a yard sale and I ended up getting Abby two dresses, Kady a Barbie princess dress-up dress and a Snuggli for $5.50. By the time we got to the auction Paul already had a number and had scoped out all he wanted. Mom had also given him instructions on what she wanted him to bid on for her. Sometimes she can get out and bid on things, but since we were there we did it for her. Oh and the minute the kids saw her they had to run and hug her and then she offered to buy them all brownies. She plays the part of Grammy well.

Paul bid on some old BF Goodrich stuff for me. Dad used to work there and Tater and I buy him old stuff from the plant when we can. I don't think Dad reads the blog and I actually hope he doesn't because what I got today is part of his Christmas. There was a box that had a roaster and some old muffin tins in it and I wanted those muffins tins to make crayons in, but they went higher than I was willing to pay so I let them go. There was a portable sewing machine that I had my eye on and bid $30 for, but it went for $60. I found out later that my mother was bidding against me because she was going to get it for me for Christmas. How sweet is she?! Then she kicked herself the rest of the day for not bidding $65 because she felt sure she'd have gotten it for that. I bid on an old sewing machine cabinet with the old foot doohickey (the word escapes me at this moment) for her and got it for $2.50 more than she wanted to pay. I got kind of carried away. The woman bidding against me wasn't about to win it, dadgummit. But the pictures Mom wanted I actually got for $2 cheaper than she wanted to spend so it all worked out.

But the main thing we were waiting around for all day was a copy of Little Black Sambo. Mom had that book when she was a kid and Meemaw used to read it to her all the time. Tater and I have been on a mission for years to get her a copy, but eBay is NOT the place to get one. They go really high there. Mom found a copy at one auction but it went for like $75 so obviously she didn't get it. She had told Paul that she'd go to $20 on it, but since I didn't get the dadgum sewing machine I was prepared to go as high as $40 for her on that book. We waited through a seemingly endless session of little old ladies fighting over turquoise and sterling jewelry until FINALLY it came time for the book. I stood right next to the auctioneer and when he started the bidding at $20 I jumped on it. He looked at me and said, "This lady knows what they go for on eBay!" and no one bid against me and I GOT IT!!!!!!!!! Later he got me off to the side and said, "You realize, you stole that book, right?" Oh I knew.

Mom was tickled pink.

So our mission completed we were done at auction central and went to pay. Mom's the cashier. She said, "You owe me $3 and the rest is mine." I handed her $23 and said, "No. Merry Christmas." Of course, she argued but I told her I'd really hate to have to kick her hind end right in front of the nice little Assembly of God ladies who run the concessions so she'd better hush. She was so happy. So was I.


We came back here to the house and Bub brought the Tater Tots over because the Taters had their names in a drawing thing at one of the casinos. They played awhile and then we found The Country Bears on Disney so I made them get blankets and pillows and they were ordered to lie down and be quiet. Withing 5 minutes of the beginning of that ridiculous movie I was snoring and actually woke myself up snoring a few times. I managed to regain consciousness for the last 45 minutes of the movie and laughed out loud when Bonnie Raitt and Don Henley sat at the bar and watched the boy and girl bear sing. (Bonnie and Don were the singing voices for those two particular bears. Pretty funny.) Then later in the movie the bears mistake Elton John for a gardener and as they walk off one says, "You know, that gardener looked an awful lot like Elton John." and Tiny Tot said, "HAHAHAAHH!! Aunt Kiki, that WAS Elton John!" How that child knew who Elton John was I'll never know.

The rest of the afternoon was spent outside. Rita has cooled us down some, even if we're not actually going to get much of her like they were originally saying, and the temperature was actually bearable tonight. The kids rode the 4-wheeler, Paul and I sat and watched them and the dog drank my glass of sweet tea. I bet the poor guy is out there in the yard right now chasing his tail and layin' there all jittery and wondering if any of the cats have a cig he could bum. Serves him right for drinkin' my tea.


The Taters are still at the casino and Mom is on her way out here to pick up the Tots. She's been at the casinos since she left the auction. I'm feeling totally left out. Last night when Paul went to town to pick up a lightbulb he stopped at one, too. I haven't visited a slot machine since last Monday!!

Forgive me Buffalo, for I have sinned. It's been 5 days since my last gamble.

I hope I didn't offend any Catholics out there. If I did, I apologize. But you gotta admit, that's kinda funny.


Anonymous said...

You KNOW I read your blog daily and throughly enjoy every word you write! I just had to comment because if I comment on Heather's I know I BETTER leave a comment on your page too! By the way, Rick and I have a queen size brass bed, does that count?? smile smile
Tracy Stone Johnston

Anonymous said...

Ok, I read my comment. I truly can spell thoroughly! I am going to bed...Tracy

Queen Of Cheese said...

Have you seen that video? The Big Brass Bed one? Damn, he's hot. But I did think it was kind of strange for a big strapping man like him to have a brass bed. I just thought pre-teen girls had brass beds.....Did I mention how hot he was?????????

Redneck Diva said...

Tracy-I'm so glad you're a regular reader! It's nice to know I have some regulars.

A queen brass bed . . . duly noted. Thanks! ;)

Mrs.Coach- Okay, which video? Dierks Bentley or Josh Gracin? Because while Josh has a song actually titled "Brass Bed" I'm pretty sure Dierks mentions a brass bed in his latest song as well. I know Dierks says he wants me to come over there because he feels like layin' me down and oh, I am ALL about that. I'd let him lay me down any ol' day. Those curls . . . *sigh*

kimananda said...

Hmmm...maybe the words 'big brass bed' just sounds nice and alliterative. Or one guy used the wording, and everyone else just copied. Of course Bob Marley sounds equally romantic talking about sharing 'the shelter of my single bed', proving that size isn't everything. ;-)

Redneck Diva said...

Kimananda-I guess maybe it has become somewhat of a cliche, but still I had to wonder . . . just what was the allure of the big brass bed.

Mr. Diva told me last night that no matter how much I wondered about brass beds, he wasn't buying me one just to test a theory.

He's such a poo sometimes.

Queen Of Cheese said...

Josh Gracin's video. I saw it the other day and was actually yelling, "move over skinny bitch I'm coming throught the TV". I stopped when the kids kept telling me it was "just a video", much the way I tell them "it's just a game".

Redneck Diva said...

Ahhhh...Josh Gracin...while he doesn't have Dierks' awesome curly head he is hot just the same. I agree - move over skinny bitch!! He needs a real woman.

Redneck Diva said...

JerseyGirl-Ahhhh thanks! So now if I don't get to it by Wednesday when it's due back I won't be so disappointed. I hate it when it looks good on the previews and sucks in real life.

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...