Friday, March 25, 2005

Oh where to begin

There is so much to relate I'm not sure how to start! I'm going to give you the Reader's Digest version because as I start typing it's 3:30am. Yeah, just got in from the casino an hour ago. Hush.

Okay, Tuesday morning Mr. Diva went outside to split some wood - per my request because I was cold - and threw his back out. Big time. So badly that he went to his knees, felt faint and nearly vomited from the pain. Man, it sucks to be old. I was in the shower at the time and he was worried he was going to have to sit out there in the cold rain until I finally realized he was missing and went out searching for him. It was one of those moments that you wish you had a Lassie to rescue ol' Timmy from the well type dogs. Instead our stupid dogs just thought he wanted to play. Cold, wet, in pain and covered in dog slobber he finally managed to crawl over to a stump and get into a standing position and made it into the house. I came out of the bathroom in a towel to find him white as a sheet and lookin' pretty rough. I immediately called the chiropractor and they, but by the grace of God, had a cancellation for 10:15 and we took it. He called work and told them that he'd thrown his back out again and wouldn't be in. He's done this once before and missed over a week of work with it. I think it stems from the motorcycle wreck a few years back, but that's just my opinion. So by the time we left for the chiropractor his right leg was numbing and he was sweating from the pain. The sadistic Mr. Rogers on steroids chiropractor put the hurt on him and then wrote him a Get Outta Work Free pass and off we went to tell his boss that he was out until Monday. She wasn't really all that happy about it. Oh well. That's what she gets for hiring the geriatric. (Youch, that was cruel of me heehee)

He spent all of Tuesday down in the recliner, on the couch, in the big chair, in the bed - wherever he could get comfortable. Actually I was pretty sympathetic, even though I had been in pain with my back for a week and got NO sympathy from him, but ya know, Super Mom doesn't always get the most sympathy I've learned. I took every opportunity to dig about his age when I could, though. It was pretty satisfying, yep.

Wednesday morning he had an eye doctor appointment. When the doctor told him he needed bifocals....HA! I laughed. Really I did. I am pretty sadistic when I want to be. Yes, I realize that someday I will need bifocals, but by then he'll be in the throes of senile dementia and won't have the capacity to harass me. So by the time we picked out frames and decided on the Transitions lenses, the total was a whopping $544. Yeah. And I thought that adding high index lenses on my glasses and spending $350 was bad. Wow. That completely wiped out his stakeholder's bonus from the Wal*Mart.

After a second adjustment at the chiropractor's he was still sore, but feeling better. He still stayed down the rest of the day, though.

Wednesday and Thursday night at the Lucky Turtle they have a Nite Owl party and if you show up between 1am and 5am you get $10 free. So plans were made, Sis and I were going to go first then we would come home and the boys could go. I took a nap then got up and headed down to Sis'. Okay, it's 1am and her kids are asleep so I naturally didn't want to call the house phone. So I called the cell phones. No answer. The house is as black as a tomb and so I sat, thinking they'd be up in a bit. I called the cell phones again. I knocked quietly on the answer. After nearly 30 minutes I decided to give up and drove back home. I had just pulled onto my carport when my cell phone rang - it was Bub. They had forgotten to set an alarm. Agh. So he put Sis on the phone and she was all upset and apologizing and I said that if she really wanted to go I'd drive back down, no big. But we ended up deciding to forgo our gambling for the night. I was tired and obviously so was she. So I said, "Hey, you know what, it's no big deal. Besides, maybe it's not meant for us to go tonight because the boys are gonna win big. " So I went in the house, woke up Mr. Diva and off he headed to get Bub and go to the Lucky Turtle. I went to bed.

I was sound asleep, all warm and cozy and comfy when suddenly I was ripped from a rather steamy dream (Talk about disappointing! I never have those!) by the bedroom light being flipped on and my husband going "KRISTIN! Kristin!!!" and wiggling the bed and just generally being a pain in the ass. I pulled the covers over my head and said "Whut. This had better be good." He said, "Look! YOU HAVE TO LOOK!" I didn't want to look, I wanted to sleep. I mumbled, "I don't have my glasses on, I cannot see, go away you horrible man." He just kept on, bumping the bed and saying "look" over and over again. Finally I pulled the covers down to just below my eyes and came face to face with a lot of money. Money just fanned out in my husband's hands like it was supposed to be there. I, of course, couldn't see so I squinted until the fifties and hundreds came into focus. I looked up at him and he was positively beaming, people. My non-emotional husband was wiggling around like he needed to pee and was grinning like a possum eatin' shit. I said, "Uhhh...just how much IS that?"

The guys had spent their free money from those nice native American gaming muckitymucks and had even spent a little of their own money before deciding it was time to call it quits. They were headed out the door and Mr. Diva said, "Have you got $5?" Bub said he did so Mr. Diva said, "You put in $5, I'll put in $5 and we'll see what happens. If we win, we split it down the middle, k?" So they put $10 in a quarter slot. Bub was going to hit the dauber the first five times, Paul the other five. Turns out Mr. Diva never got to take his turn daubing because on the second spin they won. $885, friends and neighbors. I would've peed my pants. I think Bub did, lol. Honestly, Mr. Diva may have as well, though he'd never admit it. :-)

It's 4am. He's been at the casino for 2 hours now. I hope that means he's winning again and not losing the money he won last night. Sis and I primed the machines for them because we didn't win shit.


Mary said...

Hi! I'm a new reader. I navigated over from Hicktown Diva's. I'm in Oklahoma, too. It sounds like your husband is older than you are -- that's my situation, too. Mine is 12.5 years older and I do get the occasional dig in about his age.

That sucks about his back. I threw mine out the other week. No fun! But of course you are right, when the mommy does it it's like, "Eh, bummer, honey," and when the man does it the world is supposed to stop spinning on its axis. Typical!

We have never managed to make it to any of the casinos here but after reading your story we SO need to go! Who needs Vegas if you can pull down almost a thousand bucks right here in OK? Congrats!

KarbonKountyMoos said...

You're cold little blogsis, cold...

Redneck Diva said...

Ooh ooh! Another Okie! Thanks for dropping by, Mary! I've checked out and bookmarked your blog and when I've got more time I look forward to reading a bit further than the last 4 posts, lol.

Man, these OK casinos are awesome! And the Big Fancy Casino just put in Texas Hold 'Em and Blackjack tables, too! WOOT!!

Drop by anytime! Thank for commenting!

Redneck Diva said...

Cold, Moo? Cold you say? Maybe "bitter" would describe me as well? :D

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