Friday, March 18, 2005

Ding dong the mouse is dead

This morning when we got up I had Sam look in the pantry to see if we'd caught the mouse. He said that the trap was snapped, but there was no mouse. Agh. I was freaking OUT. Because that means you're dealing with a wiry kind of sneaky mouse when they snap the trap but don't get caught. *shudder* So I told Mr. Diva that I didn't care how late it was going to make him for work, he was going to reset that trap and then set more. So he stomped into the kitchen, grumbling at me for being a wuss again. Then he said, "Heh. You son is either blind or a liar. There's a dead mouse on that trap, Diva dear."


So he hollered for Sam to come back into the kitchen where he told him to recheck the trap. Well, as soon as Sam realized that there was definitely a dead critter he hollered to his sisters and Chandler and soon the whole fam damily (Minus me - I was standing in the corner of my kitchen trying not to freak out that my children were in close proximity to a dead rodent)was crammed into my utility room. Everyone was ooh'ing and ahh'ing and nudging the other ones, trying to make them touch it. Finally Mr. Diva said, "Alright, I gotta get to work. Sam, pick up that trap, willya?" You'd have thought that he'd asked the child to carry the Pope's hat to High Mass (Is there such a thing as High Mass? We're not Catholic, I wouldn't know.) Sam beamed with pride that he had been chosen to extricate that critter from the pantry. I said, in my highest squeally voice, "OH MY GOSH YOU DID NOT JUST TELL MY SON TO TOUCH A DEAD RODENT DID YOU?????" I was honestly feeling faint when I saw my middle child, my darling six year old boy, come up out of that pantry with trap in hand, dangling dead mouse in front of his sister's faces and giggling while they squealed. I swallowed the bile that was threatening to overflow and said, "Son, I need you to go wash your hands with hot water and antibacterial soap RIGHT. NOW. Then you need to use Germ-X. Twice." He was totally okay with that because he got to touch the mouse. Whoo hoo.

The trap was reset and so far we haven't caught another one. It was a renegade, lone mouse I guess. Those damn linoleum dancing mice are like that. I hear.


Mom got in from Virginia yesterday evening, called me about 5:30 to tell me she was home. Then lo and behold about 8:00 she showed up at our house. What a wonderful surprise! I missed her so much and so did the kids. She just related the trip, caught up on what had happened here, etc. etc. I asked her if she could watch the kids while I went to the chiropractor Saturday morning and she was rarin' to go. Then she kept asking if Mr. Diva was off and what was his schedule. Finally after it got old, her asking it repeatedly, I said, "Dude! Spit it OUT! What do you WANT?" She said she wanted the kids to spend the night with her over the weekend. See, this is where husband working weekends really SUCKS. When everyone else is having a life on the weekends, he has to work. She had some movie passes to the theatre in Joplin and wanted us to use them to go out, just the two of us. I was SO there, but guess who wasn't. G'head, I'll give you three guesses. Yeah, you're right. (Dingdingdingdingding. Bob, tell them what they've won!) I started whining around that HELLO we have a sitter, we have free movie passes, we have blow money just asking to be spent, we can have really loud The Kids Are Out Of The House Sex again, how can you turn down this incredible deal, you weird weird man??? It was the loud TKAOOTHSex that got him. It was the clincher, as usual. I must be great in bed, is all I gotta say. Heehee.

So I am taking the kids to Mom's at 10:30 in the morning, going to the chiropractor and then
I have the rest of the day to myself.
I'm not sure I'm going to know what to do.

Oh taxes.

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Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...