Tuesday, May 10, 2005

My hormones! They've gone awry!

I have a zit the size of a small baby raccoon on my face. And it hurts. I am 32 years old and I have zits. I saw a commercial where a chick is selling the wrinkle cream/blemish control stuff. So I'm not the only one with teenage hormones at least.

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I am going to sew something tonight. Yes, sew - like with a needle and thread. This is bound to be a disaster. Here's why: When God was putting me together He said, "Hmm...let's make her drop-dead gorgeous (Okay, so that part is just my theory), give her a kickin' sense of humor and make her amazing in the kitchen. I'm also going to give her a maternal instinct that rivals that of a mother grizzly bear." And so it was. When he was making my sister, He said, "Well, there's plenty of gorgeous left over, give her that. Maternal instinct, check. Sarcasm...hmmmm....double dose. And sense of humor - well, she's got to have one to match her sister's.... hmmm....I'm fresh out of kitchen ability, but hey, I'll make her have the ability to sew and create things. Yes, yes...she shall be a seamstress AND a scrapbooker." And so it was as well.

Now, I can cook and bake like there's no tomorrow, but please, for the love of all things right and good on this earth, don't make me take up needle and thread and fix, mend or put things together. It's never pretty. The summer I was 15 Mom decided I needed a project so she found me a super easy pattern for a housecoat. "15 minutes" the pattern said. Three days later, many tears and a bewildered mother, I abandoned the project. I had managed to sew it in places that were never meant to be sewn, Mom had to rip the whole thing out and she just muttered under her breath the entire time how could I have come out of her? She's a whiz at the sewing machine. She made so many of my clothes when I was a kid. Up until jr high when I insisted on the store-bought stuff, anyway. My sister is the same way. When asked what we wanted of our grandmother's, she asks for the sewing machines. I ask for the cookie jar and the butter churn. When I had Abby, here comes Heather into the delivery room with a hand-sewn fluffy teddy bear that she said she had just "whipped up when I was bored".

I have mentioned that I have a Brownie Troop. I have five of the little darlings. Of the five moms, two are just as sewing challenged as I am and domesticated not in the least. One is my sister, Martha Stewart with a sewing machine, and Magnet Lady herself admitted that she, too, had a tube of Liquid Stitch at her house. So I offered to put all of the patches and badges on the girls' sashes. It was a labor of love. I love doing things for people and I figured if it helps the moms out - two work full time, one runs her own business and Sis just bought a house - I'd be happy to do it. I bought a couple of tubes of Liquid Stitch and set forth to apply 12 Try-it's to five sashes. Things went along smashingly until I realized I started putting one set on the BACK of the sash. I quickly ripped everything off and threw the sash in the wash. I started on McKenzie's and Abby's then. They were looking so good, I was finished and then I picked them up to set them aside to dry and found that the glue had bled through to the other side of the sash! Totally a brainfart moment for me, yes I realize that. So again, I found myself ripping off patches and throwing sashes in the wash. I called Mom in desperation and asked her to bring me some thread and now I'm going to hand sew all of those things on! Why hand sew? Because I asked for the cookie jar and butter churn, remember?

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Tonight:

  • Kindergarten Graduation.
  • Afterwards, instead of having everyone over for ice cream, as originally planned, we're taking everyone to Braum's. I just can't host a slew of people in here tonight.
  • Begin sewing patches on sashes.

Tomorrow:
  • Visit Nana.
  • Run to Joplin to pick up the last of the Brownie patches that were on order.
  • Pick up school kids and go to Tulsa for dental appointments. Checkups for the whole gang!
  • Finish sewing on patches.
  • Clean house!!!!!

Thursday:
  • Finish melt-down, last-minute cleaning of house.
  • Make a mad dash to the park for an appearance at Sam's Kindergarten picnic.
  • Try to find time to visit Nana - it's her 85th birthday.
  • Rush back to put together food for Brownie shindig.
  • Host Brownie Shindig.

Friday:

  • Beach Day. I loathe Beach Day. Oh, the kids love it, but it's hell on earth for me.
  • Take sunburned, exhausted kids to town for karate.
  • Take sunburned, exhuasted kids to visit Nana. That oughta be fun. They seem to think the bars that run down the hallway are ballet bars or bars to hang on to while you karate kick your unsuspecting sibling.

Saturday: Sleep? Dare I dream?

4 comments:

KarbonKountyMoos said...

Well, darlin' - I'm old enough to be your mother - and I have wrinkles & pimples w/o hormones - sigh. . . I always love it when someone says, "Did you know that you have a pimple?"
"No, you idiot - I've only been stressing over the damn thing for days - thanks for reminding me. Did you know that you have a pinhead?"

Okay, leaving that tangent. I can't sew either, but I do quite a bit of it. Housedress? Housedress? What 15 year old wears a housedress? Does anyone wear housedresses? My mom signed me up for sewing lessons at a Singer place when I was twelve. I never made it - I broke my foot playing football, so that idea went down the tubes. . . My mom did get me a new Singer a couple of years ago. I also own an industrial Mitsubishi that cost more than my first 3 vehicles.

So, how's Nana? Happy Birthday Nana!

Where's the beach?

Babs said...

Moos, I was thinking the same thing . . . beach? Oklahoma?

If you plan on having a meltdown Thursday morning you better make it a quick one; it doesn't look like you have much time!

I sure do hope Nana has a good birthday.

Redneck Diva said...

Housedress - LOL. Ach, back in the 80's, my mother wore those awful looking muu muu housecoat things around the house. There was no way I was going to wear it, but she seemed to think she needed a new one or something.

I have decided that all meltdowns will have to wait for the weekend. And then I can only take time for a short one because next week's going to be a doozy as well. I sure love my life. I'd be awful bored just sitting here eating bon bons and drinking iced tea.

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