Monday, April 17, 2006

Death by poultry

Saturday morning I took Sam and Kady to Tater's so Ab and I could have our day of insulting beauty. We walked in the door and Tater said, "Come on out to the garage." So I did. Not knowing that I was about to face a poultryphobe's worst nightmare -

TWENTY FOUR BABY CHICKS all pecking around and shitting everywhere.

The girls started squealing and wanted to hold them. I, for the sake of my child, managed to touch one on the head with one finger. I needed a Xanax.

Why is the world trying to kill me with poultry??

Of course, it makes the whole eating healthy thing easier because now I eat a lot more chicken and I feel really good about it. But not from a health standpoint.

(Btw, if anyone's counting - I've lost 6 pounds so far. Of course, PMS has begun it's monthly attack and I am once again retaining more water than Hoover Dam and the scales showed a gain of 2 pounds this morning. I'm trying not to freak out, but I have run around the house 47 times already today and have cut off all of my hair and fingernails.)

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Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...