My neighbor, Dana, had a really, really rotten day yesterday. The last time she had a rotten day, I took her to Ladies' Night. What better way to forget your troubles than to mindlessly plug your money into a
I snatched the ticket from the machine and yelled, "My family! I must find my family!" and tore off around the corner and the first person I saw was Tanya who, although she isn't technically family, sufficed and I shoved the ticket in her face. She pulled back and said, "Woah. Can't read it this close to my fa-does that say $500?????" My mom heard the words "$500" and said, "WHO WON $500??? MY DAUGHTER??????" I gotta say, I loved the commotion I was causing. I cashed out and then walked out into the lobby to call my husband.
Me: Hey you. You busy?
Him: Nah. What's up?
Me: How are the kids?
Him: Fine. What's up?
Me: How much do you love me?
Him: That depends. How much did you just win?
Me: Oh....just $516.
Him: Holy shit. Are you shittin' me? No shit?
Me: Honey, are the kids right there?
Me: You need to emphasize that you are very excited and "shit" isn't something they need to say, k?
Him: K. Shit....did you really win $516? Holy shit....
Me: Honey. Ixnay on the itshay.