Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest

Okay first - time for a shout-out!!!!!

Stormie has a blog! I'm trying to count it up in my head what number she is in the growing list of "People I Have Brought to Blogging". Okay, let's roll call: My neurotic friend, Courtney, My BFF, Jersey Girl, Craz4acop (God bless her, she's icky sicky pregnant right now and not posting much), Magnet Lady and now Stormie! I'd like to take credit for Shannon (Who I discovered over the weekend!), too, but I think Courtney brought her into our little world. But technically I did bring Courtney in. Ooh this is sounding strangely like a pyramid scheme . . .

You need to check out Stormie's first post because she wrote about ME! Actually it's a really embarrassing story that has to do with me. Funny how embarrassing things follow me around. Not funny "haha" but funny "why the hell?". But that's what I get for writing soft erotica into my Fizzle n Pop stories, right? And now there will be a stampede to FnP to read my story. I love it. Actually, it wasn't very good at all. I was embarrassed to even post it because it sucked so bad. I wrote it in about 20 minutes so you know it wasn't real thought-out or even put together well. Agh, being an artist is so frustrating sometimes.

I told Mr. Diva the other night that I only got one vote for my last story on there and he said, "Man, you must've really sucked this round." Gee thanks, baby.

Sunday night was the PJ party at the Lucky Turtle, so Sis and I donned our PJ's and headed to the Turtle. It was one of those nights. We both spent our $10 pretty quick. Then I got pissed at the machine for not letting me win (how dare it) and put in $9 of my own money. I was playing a quarter slot machine and will someone please remind me to stay away from those rat bastards from now on? I gave up after I finally realized that I could not prove my point to the damn machine. I then found an open Red Ball machine and you know my love for Red Ball. I pulled a twenty from my "secret gambling stash", aka "the selfish vacation fund", and plugged it into the machine, picked my usual numbers and started daubing my heart out. The lower my balance got, the more I silently cussed for allowing myself to be sucked into the seemingly benvolent vortex of the gambling turtle. Damn turtle. I decided to up my bet from three nickles to ten, an entirely desperate move. I cashed out with $103.75. So minus the $29 of my money I put it, I added $74.75 to my stash. I pulled that ticket out of the machine and headed down the row to Sis, who was silently cursing herself for being pulled into that damn turtle's vortex as well. I showed her my ticket and told her I was going to go cash out. She was down to like $2 and said she'd be done in a minute. I got my money, walked back around the corner to find her machine making the most outrageous noises and the look on her face! She cashed out with $166.50!

Last night was Ladies' Night at the Big Fancy Casino and I think that turtle has been talking to the buffalo about how gullible I am. I plugged $29 of my money into the Red Ball machine before it finally paid out $53. Granted, I still came out ahead, but still I don't see why that damn buffalo can't be nicer. Later I found another open Red Ball machine, put in a $10 and cashed out with $20. I cashed out my free play card with $5 left on it and somehow came home with $64 bucks. Not sure how the math worked on that one. Oh yeah, I remember . . . I PUT SOME MONEY IN A STUPID DOLLAR SLOT MACHINE. Weren't y'all supposed to remind me to stay away from those rat bastards?

I actually got to go on the whole Ladies' Night Gambling Run last night. The only way I got to go was because tonight is Men's Night at the Turtle and now the Buffalo (like how I've shortened the names to make me sound so super cool?) and they're giving away a Harley every week at the Buffalo and Mr. Diva really wants a Harley. So by way of well, pouting till I get my way AND putting him on the spot by asking him in front of all of his co-workers, I got to go with my family for the whole shindig. I took my $5 from the Turtle and relocated it to the Buffalo. See, ya damn turtle - I can play this little game, too!

Today it's supposed to storm and I am highly anticipating that, I gotta say. I love living in Tornado Alley! Storms are way cool and I live for this time of year. But now the sun is out and I'm getting irked at those Weather Channel folks who all morning have all but told us to nail down any small pets, cover the house and cars in bubble wrap and find the nearest shelter. See the reason I can be so excited and not fearful of tornado season around here is because we are in the middle of a meterological anomaly and for some reason a huge super cell storm system can be headed straight at us, dropping F5 tornadoes out of the air every 2 seconds, throwing basketball sized hail down from the heavens and blowing winds over 86 miles an hour but when it reaches us, it miraculously peters out. No kidding. I will stay up all night, flipping between TWC and local stations, getting ready for the storm of the century and then boom, it's gone. Two years ago in May we got softball sized hail that knocked out Paul's windshield and put a circle-shaped cracked in mine, but that is it. Last year a tornado was headed straight for Fairland and at the last second diverted and went south. Also last year we were sitting in the Rib Crib in Joplin with Magnet Lady and Mr. Magnet when the sirens started going off, the restaurant all but cleared and when Christy and I went to the window we saw a tornado dropping out of the clouds directly over us. Yet, it went back up and no one was hurt. So I'm not the least bit scared of tornado season! Bring it on!

I have only two more days at home then I am taking off for 2005's first "selfish vacation". The original plan was to just save up enough gambling money to go, period. No shopping, eating very cheaply, just mostly going to get the hell away for awhile. But now that the Turtle and the Buffalo have felt compelled to grant me monetary windfalls I can now go buy new bras! Yeah, I know, I am really easy. Buying new bras, eating Chinese food, reading without having to get up to wipe someone's butt or nose or break up a fight, watching TV that doesn't involve animated critters of any kind.... oh yeah, this trip is long overdue.


Anonymous said...

You know, the only gambling I have ever done is the lottery, which is more a waste of time than a gamble. But, I think I need to try it out, cause it sounds just like something I would love to do.

I am really happy for you that you will get to go on your "selfish vacation". I hope you have tons and tons of fun! I think I need me one of them!

BTW: I just went and read your story over at F & P, and it was really good, especially since you had to write it up so darn quick!

Anonymous said...

Come Back To Us Diva!

Anonymous said...

You know, I put all those links on to my favorites list so I would remember to start reading them faithfully, and by golly, they all quit blogging over the weekend! Not one of them (including you, but hey, I know where YOU are, you Branson Belle) has blogged since, I don't know, around Thursday, Friday? C'MON people! Don't start getting lives now when I'm primed to start reading your blogs! Maybe I should say, busier lives where you don't have time to sit and blog.

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