Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Hello, my name is Kristin and I'm a Baptist

Okay, so I don't get this whole Pope thing. Really. All things Catholic confuse me, I'm afraid.

Do they just get to randomly pick their own pope name? Is there an email that goes around with a "Pope Name Generator", like the "Porn Name Generator" that we've all seen? (And admit it, you all probably know your porn name, too.)

Take your first childhood pet, use the second letter of their name and then pick a former saint whose name begins with that letter and that will be the main name. Then use your father's best friend's cousin's middle name to determine the second name. Lastly how many times you've seen the movie "Flashdance" determines which number you'll be. Of course this new guy, Benedict, I guess, had a father who didn't have a best friend or maybe his best friend didn't have cousins or something...

I guess they really do need to pick a new, more stately sounding name than their "real" names. Pope Ratzberger or whatever his name is just doesn't sound as priestly as Pope Benedict XVI, does it. Nah. Pope Marvin Schlepler wouldn't get the respect either. Pope Joe Bob Smith lacks a little as well. Of course, all I can think of when I hear Benedict is Benedict Arnold. I can't help it!

It's a good thing Baptists don't have to pick new names when they enter the ministry. They'd all pick Ulysses Bob the Nothing'th because we all know that most rednecks name their dog "Duke" (Unfortunately Ulysses wasn't a saint but what other name can you think of that starts with "U"?), nearly everyone has a cousin named "something Bob" (ie: Johnny Bob, Joe Bob, etc) and none of them have seen "Flashdance".


Irish Divinity said...

I was wondering some of the same things this morning while watching the news! Every time they said Benedict, "traitor" flashed through my mind!! lol I know that's terrible, let's hope it isn't a sign! I'm Lutheran (raised Baptist) and most think that Lutheran is Catholic 'light', but the whole Pope thing eludes me. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi!

Jerzeegrrl said...


I, too am perplexed by this media hype of picking a new Pope. My family went to Catholic Church when I was a child, and I still don't get it. I mean, what does the Pope actually do and why is it such a big deal? The Don says all the Pope does is keep child molesters out of jail... can't say that I blame him for thinking that, I guess.

And the name... you're right! Benedict Arnold is the only thing I could think of last night when they kept saying his name over and over!

Stacey said...

Pope Benny one six. That's catchy. Hey have you ever seen a picture of the Popemobile?

Anonymous said...

Do we have a cousin "something BOB"? He's not bait is he??HAHAHAHAHa

Anonymous said...

Do we have a cousin "something BOB"? He's not bait is he??HAHAHAHAHa