Hello, my name is Kristin and I'm a Baptist

Okay, so I don't get this whole Pope thing. Really. All things Catholic confuse me, I'm afraid.

Do they just get to randomly pick their own pope name? Is there an email that goes around with a "Pope Name Generator", like the "Porn Name Generator" that we've all seen? (And admit it, you all probably know your porn name, too.)

Take your first childhood pet, use the second letter of their name and then pick a former saint whose name begins with that letter and that will be the main name. Then use your father's best friend's cousin's middle name to determine the second name. Lastly how many times you've seen the movie "Flashdance" determines which number you'll be. Of course this new guy, Benedict, I guess, had a father who didn't have a best friend or maybe his best friend didn't have cousins or something...

I guess they really do need to pick a new, more stately sounding name than their "real" names. Pope Ratzberger or whatever his name is just doesn't sound as priestly as Pope Benedict XVI, does it. Nah. Pope Marvin Schlepler wouldn't get the respect either. Pope Joe Bob Smith lacks a little as well. Of course, all I can think of when I hear Benedict is Benedict Arnold. I can't help it!

It's a good thing Baptists don't have to pick new names when they enter the ministry. They'd all pick Ulysses Bob the Nothing'th because we all know that most rednecks name their dog "Duke" (Unfortunately Ulysses wasn't a saint but what other name can you think of that starts with "U"?), nearly everyone has a cousin named "something Bob" (ie: Johnny Bob, Joe Bob, etc) and none of them have seen "Flashdance".