Sunday, May 13, 2007


I am sitting in a dark hotel room.........BLOGGING!

How did I ever survive in this world before Lorraine? (In true Hillbilly Mom fashion, I named my laptop Lorraine. Her son's laptop's name was Lappy before it met its demise this last week. I hear there are plans to raise it from the dead, though. Frankenputer, indeed.)

Anyway, I am in Branson with the kids for our big Mother's Day excursion. I'd share pictures with you, but ..... I haven't taken any. I brought the camera, but then decided that I really just wanted to enjoy the day without having to carry the camera and interrupt totally spontaneous moments by saying, "Wait! Lemme get the camera!" or "Crap, do it again and I'll take your picture."

The funniest moment of the day was when we were standing in line to ride Fire in the Hole, an indoor, underground, very dark weenie roller coaster. It's supposed to be a mine on fire, so the operators are dressed like firemen. We got in line, which was outside at the time, and not long after, one of the firemen came out with his dalmatian to talk to the crowd. He and I visited briefly and then he stopped and asked loudly, "Would anyone like to help me demonstrate how to put out a fire?" Little hands shot up all over the line, but he was standing right in front of us. He said, "You, son. You wanna help?" Sam nodded excitedly and then looked at me for the go-ahead. I nodded and he started climbing through the fence. The fireman told him to stand against the wall and he did. It was at that moment I put it all together and realized what was going to happen and if I were a good mother, the best mother on Earth or in the running for Mother of the Year, I'd have warned him.

But I am inherently evil, in case you hadn't noticed.

The fireman said, "Folks! I am going to demonstrate how to put out a fire!" and with that he grabbed a bucket, scooped it through the trough and threw a bucket of water on my totally shocked son who was a sitting duck on that wall with nowhere to run. He honestly didn't realize what was going on until the water was in the air heading toward him.

I laughed so hard I think I tinkled a little.

My son was drenched from head to toe. Visor, shirt, shorts and crocs soaked. He stood there, mouth open, dripping, as the fireman matter-of-factly stated "And that's how to put out a fire," sat down his bucket and walked back in the building.

I was still laughing when my drowned rat of a son climbed back through the fence and got back in line. Sam said, "I am soooo dumb! I thought I was going to help put out a fire - I didn't know I WAS the fire!" Fortunately, he's a good-natured kid and thought it was hilarious.

It was dang hot today and by 4 we were all beat, sticky, sweaty, thirsty and just plain tired. We came here to the hotel and the kids swam for about 45 minutes or so, then we got around and went to dinner at Fuddruckers. I was really not impressed. Then we visited Krispy Kreme to get donuts for breakfast. We were all stuffed to the gills and donuts - even the blessed Krispy Kreme - didn't sound good, but we knew we'd feel differently in the morning.

The hot light was on. Kady couldn't be talked into taking one, but Abby and Sam followed my cardinal rule: Never turn down a free donut. The plan was to wrap them up and put them in the box we were buying for breakfast. While I was waiting, Abby came up to me and said, "I kind of took a nibble. I just had to. It was calling to me." About 2 minutes later she walked up to me looking utterly miserable and said, "Ugh, I kind of umm....ate half of it. I'm so full I think I have donut in my brains." By the time we left the building, her donut was no more. She is definitely my child. I *heart* Krispy Kreme.

We were in the hotel room getting ready to leave for dinner and I told the kids to wash their hands. I unwrapped the bar of soap and set it on the counter. Kady asked Abby, "Sissy, what's that?" Abby grabbed it up, held it about a centimeter from her eyes and said, "Oh. My. Gosh. I think it's a bar of soap! Yes, it's definitely a bar of soap." Kady and Sam stood there ogling the bar of soap in their big sister's hand like she was holding the Ark of the Covenant. I never thought about it, but we don't have bar soap in the house and haven't in years.

It's after 11pm and I think it's time to let Lorraine rest and put myself to bed as well.

But not before I check on those Krispy Kremes sitting here across from me......they might be lonely.


Cazzie!!! said...

What a great time Diva, and Happy Mothers Day to you.

Carmel said...

Ah, Diva. You make me laugh and I haven't kept up in so long, it's like coming back to an old friend. I heart Crispy Creme Donuts too, but only the hot ones. I literally inhale the free one you get with the "hot now" sign is on. Weird thing is, I don't like any other donuts. Never have. I'll have to try the "how to put out a fire" trick on my grandson this summer... hee hee.

Betty said...

Sounds like you're having a great time. Happy Mother's Day to you.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Lappy LIVES!!!!!!!!!

Just today, Lappy was resuscitated, after a week of trying. The tech guy at school loaned the boy Knoppix to get all his data out of BAD DEAD LAPPY. After that, the boy tried various versions of Linux, and Vista, and XP. Finally, he got the basic install disk thingy of plain old XP to work. Now he is puttering around, getting ready for a Vista reinstall, then a drivers convention, and planning a bells & whistles reunion.

He is headed for the Geek Squad, methinks.

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...