Monday, May 21, 2007

It's so sad

Tonight, all over my house, if you listen very carefully, you'll hear sobs. Oh, they're quiet so you have to listen hard. Shhh now, children.....listen.....can you hear them?

What are they, you ask?

They are all of the homeless cobs* that I uprooted tonight. Apparently my house harbored quite a little colony of cobs. They had set up their little webby camps all around my dining room, living room and hallway. I am sure they were harmless and I kind of feel bad about destroying their homes like that, but it seems that we'll be entertaining a fella from California tomorrow night, a former British Flyer that trained in Miami during WWII. (He's a very dear friend of my mom's. They met when she worked at the college for the Foundation and he's in town to present a scholarship.) I am now in the process of doing the ol' stash and dash cleaning that makes FlyLady tsk tsk and cringe.

Paul put in my new kitchen sink and faucet today, before we knew that this visit would be tomorrow, not Thursday and now the kitchen that I brought up to spotless status on Saturday is now a disaster once more. See, the old faucet was leaking underneath and we didn't know it until a few weeks ago. Because we are in the running for Homeowners of the Year, we didn't know that this was taking place down there in the cabinet that I only opened long enough to grab the dishwasher detergent or gallon ziplock bags. I know....we suck. We are irresponsible and all that. Sue us. Okay, don't really. You know that saying "Ya can't get blood out of a turnip"? Let me introduce myself - Hello, I'm Mrs. Turnip. I have no blood in me. No money either. Anyway..... So now everything that was under the sink is sitting in a laundry basket in the dining room, the cabinet doors are open and a fan is blowing under there in an attempt to dry it out. The veneer or whatever that top layer is called on cheap lumber, is done for and Paul ripped it out today, but it seems that the wood is still good, just wet. The plan was to dry it out, wipe it down with bleach solution (Oh the mildew! And we wonder why the kids have allergies...) and then put linoleum down, but because I am less than 24 hours away from entertaining a man whom my mother says is used to eating dinner off of a table with a real live tablecloth and cloth napkins and food that isn't deep fried, grilled or wild game, it's all going to have to just go back in there sans linoleum. When Mom asked if we could have dinner out here I asked, "Ummm...Mom? You do remember that my husband and I are rednecks, right?" She sighed and said, "Yes.....just do the best you can. I'll try to explain it to him. No offense."

None was taken at all. And to give us a little credit, we've turned the cob community out onto the streets, Paul used the water hose to remove all of the sidewalk chalk off of the house and even knocked the mud dauber nests off the front porch. Comp'ny's comin' to town!! Yeeeeehaw!

If I missed a few gypsy camps of cobs, my sincere hope is that Collin's eyesight isn't all that great and he won't notice. I'm also hoping he won't hear the forlorn cries of homeless little cobs. I'd like to make a good impression on him, ya know.

* I just KNEW y'all would figure this one out! Cobs are the little creatures that make cobwebs in your corners, nooks and crannies. I think they're distantly related to the Dust Bunny. Thought I'd clear it up since not too long after I originally posted this, I had two comments saying they had no clue what a cob was.

Cobs - they're not just for corn anymore. Teehee.


Kelly said...

I was reading this entry, and the only thing I could think was, "what the heck is a cob!" And then I started typing this and thought, "ohhhhhhhhh CobWEBS!" Man, I have got to read a book or something! I'm gettin' a little punchy in the head. lol

Betty said...

OK, you got me, too, with the "Cobs". I was thinking, "Bugs? Are they bugs? Do I have them in my house, too? How would I identify them?" Thanks, Kelly, for clearing that up.

Cazzie!!! said...

Cobs make me mad because they harbour dust and look unsightly, but, they creep up when ya dunno they was there and then, by cracky, the mother in law notices them and I am like, Ohh, that wasnt there before... grrr.

MrsCoach2U said...

You can send them 5 miles west to the Coach house! I seem to have established a cob-refugee camp in my kitchen. That nasty blown ceiling look that is ever so popular is like crack to cobs!!!!!!!!!

p.s. don't ever look up in my house!

Petey said...

I get them too, the verticle dust bunnies that is. Ours are usually still occupied by their original inhabitants though. And you've used my favorite saying, "Ya can't get blood from a turnip". In fact, my mother used it just last night when I was a visitin' at her house.

Stewed Hamm said...

Poor lil' cobs. I heard Bob Geldof is organizing a benefit concert for them...
(You know it's possible. He does dumber things than that on a regular basis)

Lori said...

Hey, I think you need to write a children's book about the cobs. And they could get into all kinds of mischief. But if anyone but you writes this book, I will sue their asses right off, because I am here in black and white, making this book pitch.

Carrie said...

Some of your cob's family has made it all the way to Virginny!