Thursday, May 17, 2007

Summertime, D-I-V-O-R-C-E, Chi, and Boobs

After today, the kids have 2 1/2 days of school left. One of those days is Beach Day and the half is well, the last day of school. Hillbilly Mom has been saying for months that school is almost over and by cracky, I think she's right! I don't think Abby's class has had books for a week now. They're dismantling computers since Mr. Dude is somewhat of a computer geek. He said the kids were bugging him and he relented. I asked if I could sit in, but he kind of didn't answer me. But that was right after I told him that I'd come to Beach Day in my bikini. Maybe his brain was still trying to recover from that horrific vision.

The kids are just so done with everything that no adult can get a thing out of 'em. Even last night at gymnastics they were a little dazed and confused. Here at home there are desperate pleas to play outside until like, dawn. And chores? What chores, Mom? Ohhhhhh those chores. Gotcha. Get right on those, like, after June.

There is upheaval galore around our place. My baby sister, Tater, is getting a divorce. And without going into details, man....divorce sucks. And I'm not even the one getting one. She's doing really good, the kids are doing good and she's just ready to move on. Hopefully that will happen soon.

Paul's still doing good at The Casino That Shall Not Be Named. Still likes it even though he's hassling with them shorting his paycheck for the past 6 weeks. Hopefully that will be worked out soon. The checkbook would like to see that worked out, too.

In case you didn't read my Mother's Day post, my mom bought Tater and I both Chi straightening irons for Mother's Day. I had heard that it would change my life and by cracky, it has. I mean, literally. It has been hot and humid and even rainy and my hair has remained straight throughout the day with NO FUZZ or curling. I *heart* my Chi. Biosilk, Big Sexy Hair (Because I just haven't bought any Flat Sexy Hair yet, but it's on my list) and a Chi and even the curliest of hair can be as straight as Mitt Romney.

I bought two new bras last week at Lane Bryant. My boobs now sit somewhere up around my chin. Okay, maybe not my chin, but at least up where boobs are supposed to sit. Tater got one before I did and I was so impressed (Not that I sit around and ogle my sister's boobs because that would get us an invitation to Jerry Springer) that I trekked to Joplin to get one. Except I should've done more research because mine is not the same as hers. Mine is WAY more padded and well, frankly Paul was quite disappointed the first time he reached out to cop a feel and drew back his hand like he'd been shocked. I just giggled and said, "Yes, it's totally false advertising, but they are so pretty to look at, you'll just have to deal with it." He shook his head and said, "That ain't right."

I need to go back and get the kind that isn't so padded that I feel like the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz - I can tap on them and I swear I hear a hollow "clunk." They are so protected that last night Abby and I were boxing (Hush. Yes, I was boxing. I had some pent up frustration I needed to get out.) and she threw a punch hard enough that it knocked the bag into my chest. She had this horrified look on her face and said, "Oh Mom! I am SO sorry! Did I hurt your boobs?" I put my hands over them, then struck a Superman pose and said, "No, darlin'. I am wearing The Bra of Steel. The boobies are protected." Neither of us could throw punches for a few minutes because we were both doubled over laughing.

Daughters are cool.


Stewed Hamm said...

I am in complete awe of the search strings this post will generate. You're some kind of evil genius, Diva.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about Heather getting a divorce. I would NEVER want anyone to go through one and my heart goes out to her and those beautiful children.

Please let her know that I care and that I love her so very much. I wish there was something I could do.

I'll be in Oklahoma June 8-? so I will be hunting for you! Please call me sometime and we'll make connections before I make the trip. My cell phone number is still the same.


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