Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The British are flying! The British are flying!

Okay, so the British Flyers are all octogenarians now and don't do any flying, but you gotta admit it was a cute title.

Last night Operation Flying Brit went down successfully. Turns out, he couldn't have cared less about my cobwebs or lack thereof, he drank a Bud Light instead of white wine and even got in on teasing me about a certain pineapple tree. (Remind me to tell y'all that story sometime) He is an absolutely charming ol' fella and I hate it that California is so far away.

As soon as he and Mom got here, Mom went to the kitchen to help me get dinner finished. I told him to make himself at home on the couch. I then looked at the TV and said, "Oh boy, Collin. Looks like Paul is watching racing lawnmowers." Paul indignantly said, "It's a tractor pull. Pay attention, woman." Collin sat down and politely pretended to watch TV with my redneck husband. Mom sent Tater in to talk to him. I think he would've nodded off had she gone in there when she did.

He's retained his British accent after 45 years in the States and when I asked him what he would like to drink with dinner and he said, "I believe I'll have a beuh" it took me about 3 seconds to process his answer. Quickly, in my head, I ran through the list of what I had offered him and "beer" as the closest thing to a "beuh." I crossed my fingers and said, "I have Coors Light and Bud Light. Which would you like?" Imagine how relieved I was when he responded with "A Bud Light sounds great." Whew.

After dinner Mom asked him if he'd like some coffee. She had told me earlier in the day that he likes his coffee strong, bitter, and black. All I had was Folgers, so I threw in a few extra scoops and prayed it would be strong enough to suit him. When I put the coffee cup down in front of him he said, "Do you have any creum and suguh?" Agh! I brought him the sugar shaker because I don't have a sugar bowl - just a shaker like you find in a restaurant. I was standing in my kitchen with a bewildered look on my face, getting ready to reach for the Coffeemate when Tater walked by me and said, "Do not offer him Coffeemate." The bewildered look turned to panic until I saw Mom at the table mouthing the word "milk." I turned to open the fridge, then realized I had absolutely nothing to put the milk in. I just always pour it directly from the gallon jug into my coffee cup because in case you hadn't noticed I'm a redneck and I don't entertain all that much. And when I do entertain, well....my friends just pour their milk straight from the gallon jug, too. I stood in the middle of my kitchen floor again, taking a mental inventory of my cabinets. Nope. No small pouring type container in which to put the milk. Mom was sitting at the table, shaking and trying not to bust out laughing at my predicament, Tater was getting entirely too much pleasure out of watching me freak out. Finally I just walked to the table and said, "Collin, I don't have anything to pour the milk into for you. I just usually use the milk container" and I smiled cutely and hoped I was charming. He just laughed and said, "Not a problem. Just pour some in my cup for me, will you?"

We sat around my dining room table and visited for hours. He told us stories of the war, living in England, things about the Queen and Queen Mother and my gosh, the man has a laugh that reminds me of Santa Claus. In a matter of a few hours, I have become quite attached to him.

I hated to see him leave and hugged him tightly when he left. He hugged back, thanked me for hosting and then I sent him out the door with a "Good-bye! And please don't trip over a kitten, the dog or a stray toy!"

Mom and Collin left, Tater loaded her tots into the car, Paul and I got our kids tucked in and then we both collapsed onto the recliner and couch. We both sighed at the same time, then Paul said, "Dang This house is clean." I smiled and said, "Yeah. It's almost like being on vacation, isn't it?" He looked at me and said, "What are the chances of it staying this way?"

"Not good, dear. Not good. The kids will be up in 8 hours."

3 comments:

Petey said...

It's also the name of one o' my cats.

Carrie said...

Oooooh...I love hearing about a clean house! I wish I knew what one looked like!

Stewed Hamm said...

"Damn. This house is one clean motherfucker."

Such a way with words, that one. Tennyson just better watch out!