AdVen7ureS 'N SpAm

Gmail has a handy dandy spam folder and let me tell ya, I get a lot of spam. I guess word has gotten out that my p3n1s is small or something. Anyway, I decided to enter the spam folder and see what was going on.....

I was just browsing around at first, then immediately I was tempted to see what was going on "at hickorywithe which cashiers HXPN IS GAINING GREAT MOMENTUM." Tempted, yes, but not quite convinced. I decided to see if there was something more intriguing. Then I saw "ring ring ring its Kathryn here" and while I looked around for a phone to see if Kathryn truly was there, I never could find it. Todde mentioned something about "In each blandburg HXPN IS GAINING GREAT MOMENTUM" as well, but I couldn't find blandburg on a map. Is it next to Boresville? Lena asked me "Stuart put a Ring where?" and while I was trying to think of the right words to answer, she then began shouting, "EVER DREAM OF MIND-BLOWING LOVE MAKIN" and I had to take a moment to stop and think that why, yes...yes, I have dreamt of mind-blowing love makin'. Because I'm a redneck and love making is out of the question. I had to quit dreamin' about love makin', though, when Dennis, Marcy started screaming at me that "HXPN IS GAINING GREAT MOMENTUM" and I couldn't concentrate. Belinda walked in at that moment and asked, "Do you know where she is at?" and I answered her like my momma always did when I ended a question with "at" - In between the A and the T. She wasn't amused and told me "it might already be too late." Well, guess I won't dilly dally any more with the snarky comebacks. "Don't be left out, join millions of men in the revolution" was what Andre kept saying over and over and I asked him if all those millions of men would appreciate me, a woman, honing in on their revolution. He wasn't amused and referred me on to Nick Wolfe who simply stated, "Please respond to your loan application on Mon, 21 May." I felt like I was nothing more than another applicant after talking to him. He kept calling me Josefina and I told him that wasn't my name. I also informed him that Josefina was out in the hall bellering, "please to ask another message for Josefina." She's so needy. Geesh.

While I was out in the hall trying to find Josefina, I saw a sign that read, "for mcbrides in amagansett" and I had to wonder if Amagansett was near Boresville or Blandburg. It didn't matter really because right about then Gladys walked up to me and asked, "What are you doing on the 15th of next month?" and I was so glad someone seemed genuinely interested in me. Then she started in with a schpiel about, "fear, Why, indeed, he account boastfully does seem to flight," and I shook her and said, "Gladys, you're just talkin' gibberish again!" She didn't seem to think it was gibberish and before she walked away said, "You can relax with Viagra." Relaxing is the furthest thing from my mind when there's Viagra involved. But I didn't tell her that. I didn't want to get the reputation of being a "bArn slut hot aCtion, d0nt delay, now."

I decided that my time in the spam folder was just about done, but not before Abigail Latham, Lynette Moss and Donn started in with "HXPN IS GAINING GREAT MOMENTUM" once more. I put my hand on the doorknob and heard Raquel Tidwell sigh and say, "The flakes have stolen onto the flag" and I nodded and replied, "Flakes indeed, sister. Flakes indeed." I could hang around to discuss the flakes in detail, though - I was in a hurry to find my "50 lottery tickets from around the countries of the world." Who can resist a deal like that?