Tuesday, May 16, 2006

They only come out at night

The flying ants that are flying madly around my computer screen right now, that is. During the day I am not plagued by them, but at night they plague much. A Terminix commercial keeps ringing in my head, telling me that flying ants might be a sign of termites. I am trying to ignore that ringing. I don't want termites in my 30 year old home that really doesn't need termites. Termites suck. I type awhile and then slap at these flying ants and then I cuss a little, too. It makes for fun nighttime blogging.

We need to call an exterminator anyway. The other night Abby found a spider in her bed. She screamed and called her daddy who captured said spider in a bug-looking-at jar complete with magnifying glass and then brought it to me. Which of course made me go "EEEEEEE!!" and hyperventilate and tinkle a little. The evil man I married shoved it in my face and said, "Ain't that a fiddle back?" I said, "Nah, it's too big for a brown recluse. But I'll check anyway."

It was a fiddle back. A brown recluse. A little brown eight-legged ball of poisonous, flesh-eating terror.

SO calling an exterminator tomorrow.

Tonight was yet another new experience for me. I cut my son's and my husband's hair. Paul's mom bought him some really good professional clippers years ago and twice Paul has cut his hair with them. It was not a good experience either time. It pretty much looked like he had shoved a stick of dynamite up a badger's but and it exploded all over my bathroom. My husband obviously does not know how to use a broom properly.

Last time Sam had a haircut Paul did it. The clippers were dull and the boy had a LOT of hair so it was not a pleasant ordeal. In fact, it was a rather horrible ordeal, punctuated by lots of crying and yelping from the boy and griping and swatting from the husband. So I decided tonight that I would be the one to clip the boy's hair. He immediately started crying, but I assured him that I wouldn't run the clippers over his head at warp speed. Only once did I pull his hair. I used the 1/4" guard on him, so he now looks like those kids who were absent the day after the lady from the health department came to do lice checks and came back with shaved heads. But the way I figure it, he'll be cool and it'll be awhile before I have to shave his head again. Always thinking ahead, I am.

Then, upon noticing the stellar job I did on my male offspring's hair, Paul came into the kitchen and plopped his rear in the chair and said it was his turn. He wouldn't let me use the 1/4" guard on him, so he looks less like a freshly shorn, de-bugged person than our son.

Iew. All this talk of bugs is making me itch. Iew.


Cazzie!!! said...

LOL, when I did my nursing training we always came out of certain lectures either scratching or in need of de-bug for the things that had just filled our minds.
Wish I could use the clippers on my boys' hair, it'd save a bit of dosh wouldn't it?
I guess I could let the baby do it, afterall she did a fine job with SCISSORS the other day on her big sister Sarah!!

Jennifer said...

ewwwww. i have been bit by one those flesh eating nasty things... hurts like hell!!!!! let me know how much the exterminator costs! I want one now too!!!!

Queen Of Cheese said...

At least Sam got real "people" clippers, Bryce gets his cancer-kid haircut with clippers we use on the cattle. In our defense, they are damned expensive clippers!!!!!!

Stacie said...

Oww! I forgot and just scratched my new tat!
Okay, what was I going to say?
Oh, yeah. Just tonight when I got on line, I started seeing flying ants. They ain't just at your house. And I'm pretty sure we don't have termites. Every year we get a new and exciting insect that torments us. One year it was the crickets and when I told you about them you laughed and said it was "cricket genocide". One year it was these big ugly green bugs that smelled terrible when messed with. Those were the worst. Last year it was slugs. Are they even insects? We've had spiders, we've had roaches, we've had ants (the big huge black ones and the little bitty black ones and now, I guess the flying ones). Every year it's something new. This is our sixth summer here, is it going to be flying ants all summer long? We'll see!

Redneck Diva said...

Cazzie!!, back when I worked in a daycare center we had one family that continually had lice. We sent them home weekly. And upon seeing said bugs all of us teachers would immediately start scratching our heads. Creepy things, headlice.

Duchess, the exterminator we use charges $10 a room. We're shelling out an extra $10, too, to have him spray the playhouse. Just in case.

Mrs. Coach, LOL! Poor Bryce. If he starts mooing promise me you'll call and ask to borrow my clippers.

Stacie, I'm sorry you have flying ants this year. The crickets and stinky bugs were bad enough! And yesterday out here in my office I found a swarm of regular crawly ants...EEEEEKK!!!

Kellyology said...

I've been cutting my kids hair since they were born. My husband finally said to me, please take the boy to get a REAL haircut, his hair looks like shit!

So off to the haircut place we went and what did the boy ask for? A MOHAWK! And that's what he got! I guess that will teach my overly conservative husband!lol

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...