Thursday, May 25, 2006

Herd of wild children

Today I had 10 kids in my house. I took 8 of them - the big kids - outside and sprayed them with the hose during naptime. Our water bill is going to be outrageous, but dang, we had fun. They played Water Limbo (pretty self-explanatory), Fill 'Er Up (They'd hold open the backs of their suits and holler "Fill 'er up!" and I'd spray down the back of their pants. We are an easily amused people.), Rain (Me holding the hose straight up in the air) and my favorite was Stampede! (I'd spray the house to my right and when all the kids were almost to the spray, I'd move the hose to my left and honestly, they sounded like a herd of wild buffalo running to the other side.)

I put 50 SPF on the kids. Me, not so much. Well, except for all four tattoos - those are always sunscreened when I go outside. I'm religious about it. I'm getting that itchy, tight-skinned feeling on my back and arms already. My head will be sunburn free because I pirated up before going out.

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The baby isn't quite sure what to think of me in a 'do rag. He knows my voice and will get all wiggly when he hears me, then he looks at me like "Woahhhhhh, dude. You are SO not who I thought you were!" Speaking of the adorable Baby Divinity...I fed him bananas today. Divinity, I'm so glad you sent that jar of bananas! He was like a ferret on crack! The squealing, slobbering, spoon-grabbing, foot kicking euphoria of Gerber bananas was so dang cute! And I thought the squash yesterday was a hoot.

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I still haven't quite managed to talk Paul into the Alumni Banquet Saturday night. I made him bbq ribs for dinner last night, a double batch of no-bake cookies and then hinted around that there would be ... you know ... if he wanted it. I had a plan.

We got into bed.....I reached over and started running my fingernails down his arm......quietly I said, "So...baby?....." and he was all like, "Yeah? What does my girl want?" and I was all like, "Mmmm.....baby.....I want you to....." and he was all like, "Yeah?? You want me to what?".......and I was all like,"Mmmmmyeah....I just want you to.......to take me to the Alumni Banquet Saturday night."

His reply: "Bite me. I ain't goin'."

And I got 8 hours of sleep. I'm not sure he did.

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I have figured something out. The show LOST wasn't named that because these people are lost on an island. I mean, think about it....the show could've easily been more appropriately named "Stranded" or "Planewrecked" or something like that. No, the execs named the show LOST because that is exactly how the people who are addicted to the show walk around all the time - completely lost as to what the heck is going on.

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Last week we had 14 cats on the place. We are down to 5 now. We have a very fat and well-fed fox, owl or grizzly bear, though.

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Parental words that I never dreamed would come out of my mouth:

"YOUNG LADY!! NO, that cat does NOT want to ride in the carseat on your bike!"

"If you spray that hose at me one. more. time. I will personally shove it up your rear and laugh while I do it." (In my defense, the water was cold.)

"Honey, would you please put sunscreen on mommy's TinkerBell tattoo?"

6 comments:

Hillbilly Mom said...

Next time you can tell them: Rub the lotion on my skin...or else you get the hose again. Bwahaha!

And speaking of disturbing phrases...
One of your searches was: 'I buried my dolly before I go to bed I will dig her up again'. EEEEEE! Surely that's not about MY DOLLY, The Divine Miss Parton!

Cazzie!!! said...

If you spray that hose at me one. more. time. I will personally shove it up your hoo hah and laugh while I do it." (In my defense, the water was cold.)
hehehehe


We are down to 5 now. We have a very fat and well-fed fox, owl or grizzly bear, though.
ohhhh, nooooo, at least the water bill will be compensated by the fact that you dont have a large bill as the usual for the cat food!!

Jerzeegrrl said...

Yep, Lost...that's exactly what we are even after the season finale. I can't wait for next season...it's going to be a long summer!

Andi said...

Hey Girl, I wanted to let you know planning an ALL Girls Weekend out camping and some canoeing, and who could leave out some possible shopping involved in Eureka Springs! If you are interested give me a SHOUT! Love to have you along. Should not take too much on the funds so that is a good thing!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!
Hope you are well!

Anna said...

I miss playing out front with the hose. That shit was magic. Better than a pool any day. Well, except those days you were on the sun.

As for Lost - I actually posted about you. You'll have to check it out.

As for the Alumni Dinner - I had a better time at my reunion shit by NOT taking my man. He would have just got in the way.

Redneck Diva said...

Hillbilly Mom, no I'm sure the search wasn't pertaining to YOUR Dolly - I'm not sure one can completely bury her what with those ginormous hooters of hers!

Cazzie!!, you have a point there. The catfood bill has decreased dramatically.

Jersey Girl, girl, WHERE ARE YOU?? Your blog has disappeared (the jerzeegirl one) and then the one on your profile doesn't work either! I've been missin' you!!!!!

And yes, long summer for sure. I will spend it poring over the last two seasons on DVD, though. That ought to keep me occupied.

Andi, email me the details! Fo' shizzle. :)

Anna, the hose was much more fun when I actually ran through it as a kid. Now that I'm the bored adult who stands there watching the kids run it's lost a bit of its allure. Watching them stampede was amusing, though.

I saw that! I feel so honored!

Well, had it been an actual class reunion he'd have gone with me no question, no argument, whether I wanted him to or not, because I kind of slept with a few guys from my class and he's a bit jealous, that husband of mine. As it was, I did drag him along to a geriatric convention so he kind of had a right to be shitty.