Thursday, May 18, 2006

An Open Letter to the Jerkfaces

Dear Jerkfaces,

If you all three weren't such jerkfacess I'd buy you a dictionary. And I would highlight a few words in it for you - "consideration", "common decency", "humility" and just plain ol' "manners". But since you are jerkfaces and I frankly don't want to exert any more energy on you, I won't buy you a dictionary. You have no desire to learn about those things anyway.

You are not better than me, no matter what you think. You can think that all you want, but let's be honest, you just aren't. Your feet stink after a whole day in tennis shoes and you also get gunk in the corners of your eyes and your breath stinks in the morning. Everyone's does. You are no exception. I'm not saying I'm better than you either - there's no way I think that. I just think it's pathetic how you waltz around like the world owes you something. Just because you show off your tramp stamp and manicured nails and name-brand clothes like they mean anything to me and you insist that you really are fat even though you know you're not and you think it's cute when you do that, you really aren't any better than me. And I know it. I think that's probably why you're so condescending to me - because you think that you can intimidate me. Well, you can't, so quit trying so hard. It's just not a good look on you.

I am a person who does not like confrontation, nor do I invite it, so I'm not sure why you people are avoiding my phone calls like I'm going to blow an airhorn into the receiver. I don't even own an airhorn and uh, I quit being a teenager a long time ago. You, however, have not. You are so immature that you can't even give me some common courtesy and talk to me on the phone and let me know what is going on. It's not hard, it won't hurt and contrary to what your twisted mind thinks, I am not a dragon lady. There comes a time in your life that you just have to be mature enough to say what's on your mind and that's that. I'm a big girl, I won't slit my wrists because of what you have to say to me. I promise. But then again, obviously my thoughts and feelings aren't a factor for you, so what do you care if I slit my wrists anyway? Be an adult and address the things that need to be addressed. Life isn't always pleasant and that's just the way it is. If you can't handle that then you have more problems than I thought.

And while I was attached to your children and heck, I'll even admit that I love your kids, I am not losing sleep over the fact that now I no longer have to deal with you on a regular basis. To all three of you - grow up.

Redneck Diva


Kelli said...

What jerks Diva! Who needs em?

GERBEN said...

You tell'em girl. Who needs crap like that in their life anyway? I know I sure don't.

Shannon said...

OOH Diva! I know you couldn't be talking about me. I do know that Asshat is a word that my husband uses quite a bit, but has never used to describe me. :)
He usually just tells me not to think.
Hope things get better.

Jennifer said...

Thank God you aren't talking about me, wait are you? Just Kidding - I agree though. Why do people do what they do?????

Irish Divinity said...

Other than hearing Abby say "buttmunch" I have to say "Asshat" is my favorite word!

Queen Of Cheese said...

I hope it's not me, my tramp stamp is out of ink!

Redneck Diva said...

Anne, I know I sure don't!

The Real Kidd, I decided this morning when I wrote this post that I was letting it all go. It was mildly cathartic and I'm having to work really hard to not stay angry. I think that's why God has not allowed me to speak directly to these people - He knows I'm still just too dang mad!! It's better that I just leave messages and be nice.

Shannon, upon discovering the word Asshat I decided that it would be a permanent part of my vocabulary. And Tater has adopted it as well! It just rolls right off the tongue, especially in traffic! :)

Jennifer, no, if I feel the need to call you an Asshat I'll tell you!! But so far that need hasn't arisen. You're a true friend, not an Asshat.

Divinity, Abby really likes calling people that! It cracks me up! Now if I could just get her to say "gnarly", "totally tubular" and "gag me with a spoon" then the 80's will have definitely made a come-back in my house!

Mrs. Coach, a tramp stamp is a tattoo on the lower back, right where it shows when one bend over in one's low-rise jeans. Now, you know I am a huge lover of most body art and don't normally use tattoo slander, but grrrr....she made me really mad! Therefore, instead of a lower back tattoo she has a tramp stamp. Yeah.

Queen Of Cheese said...

Yes, I get the whole theory, I don't have one, therefore it is out of ink......I wasn't very clear!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Golly gee, I wish you could tell us how you REALLY feel...

HooRah! Let it out, girl! I have those feelings about people at school. Like the one who hung up a neon pink sign at our Thanksgiving potluck dinner several years ago. It said, 'Remember, 2nd lunch shift has to eat, too.' Which is pretty much saying: You pigs need to stop stuffing your faces so the beautiful people can eat. Never mind that I spent two hours making an Oreo cake, and she brought a bag of frozen corn. AND, she asked someone else to put it in a pan and warm it for her. ASSHAT!

I am STILL bitter. Does it show? I have not joined in any of their little potlucks since. ASSHATS! In all those years, there was always AT LEAST half of everything left over for them. And we had 3-4 more people than them on our lunch shift, PLUS we had all the men. And you know how men eat. Man, you would have thought they were going Ethiopian or something, the way they were worried about that food. The lady who bakes the turkey every year, and pays for it out of her own pocket, was on our lunch shift, too. Those freeloading ASSHATS!

Sorry to use your comments as a venting space, but people who read mine will know exactly who I'm talking about.

LanternLight said...

Just because you show off your tramp stamp

Never knew what one of those was until I saw this:

Diva, sure sounds like people you don't need to associate with.

Cazzie - Asshat is another version of arsehole. Assclown is another semi-popular word too.

Stewed Hamm said...

Tramp Stamp! I am so finding an excuse to use that in casual conversation.

Cazzie - an asshat is someone who s using their ass as a hat, ie they've got their head up their ass.

We've all learned something here today. If we were on "Growing Pains," it would be time to have a group hug.

Cazzie!!! said...

PMSL Stewed Hamm, ty for the definition..I used to use the word "Turd burger" for someone I never liked, LOL. It was back in the 80's

Kellyology said...

Tramp Stamp, I'm totally adding this to my Okie repertoire...along with Big Hat No Cattle and Wife Beater. lol

Stacie said...

I won't be telling my sister that she got herself a tramp stamp the other day. LOL, that's good.
Keith told me today that I got a stripper tattoo when I showed him my latest. We were talking about the Mother Of The Year Award and I told him that I was getting it this year for leaving my daughter in the car while I went in and got a tattoo. Yep. I work hard for that award. Every year.

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