Let's get jiggy wit' it!
Come on in to my redneck gatherin' place and see what's goin' on. While it's not a double-wide trailer, the pink bathtub in the field does lend a bit of redneck flair, don'tcha think? And this is no UnParty like Hillbilly Mom has been known to throw (not that there's anything wrong with that) - it's a real live party! AND, I'm serving Come to Jesus cake (see next post). Now, don't you feel special?
Yep, it's a fancy schmancy soiree here tonight. I'm wearin' my camouflage capris and so far no one has inquired about my "life partner" (read the last paragraph of that post to understand) or the fact that I might like women (I like women, some of my best friends are women) (I also like using parenthesis) (A lot) but I figure someone will question my sexual orientation before the night's over. The waitress will probably flirt with me, like the one at Montana Mike's steakhouse a few months back. Yep, the camouflage capris are quite the misleading conversation starter about who I like to spend quality time with. And end prepositions with.
Some of my best blogfriends are here, too. Heck, I'm their favorite redneck diva, so they better be here!
Even though she is the worst blogger EVER in the updating department, my little sister Tater is here. (Believe it or not, she actually wrote a post a few weeks ago. I know, I know, I was amazed, too. Send her some love in the comment section and maybe she'll be better about updating. Don't hold your breath, but we can all hope.) I was going to have a band come in as entertainment, but since I haven't gotten my first paycheck from my new job yet, Tater and I are going to clog for y'all instead. Yep, grab the camera, it's bound to be entertaining. Keep an ambulance on stand-by -I haven't done this in awhile.
Mrs. Coach just arrived and she's pulling behind her a big flatbed dolly full of FREE CHEESE. I'm glad she decided to take a vacation from her job at Hillmomba as Ambassador of Cheese and come hang with us. She's cool like that. I can always count on her and her cheese.
A party isn't a party and an UnParty isn't a party either without Hillbilly Mom! That hillbilly and her lady mullet can bring on da funk. Not, that kind of funk - I'm certain the woman bathes. No, I mean the dancin' kind of funk. Which, now that I think about it, isn't really funk as much as it is interpretive hillbilly dancing to the tune of Dolly Parton and The Transcontinental Hillbilly Railroad or whatever that group is she listens to ad nauseum. Siberian Clogger Orchestra? Foggy Mountain Inbreds? Oh, what IS that group she listens to? Anyhoo, she pulled herself out of Poolio and her free hairwad hottub to be here today. What a friend. Oh, and look! She brought Crashy and Desky! Wonder where Gamey is.....probably with Paul Deen eating lobster in her front yard. Hey, go ask her. I don't know where she came up with that one.
Stewed Hamm just arrived with Cazzie. Guess he picked her up at the airport. They're reminiscing about our Big Blogger days (see May 2006 posts) over there in the corner. I think they're both still jealous that I was picked by Big Blogger to get kicked out but not really, only to make a glamorous come-back and then get kicked out for real. I need to make my way over there and make sure Hamm doesn't get Caz all wound up. She's been a bit tense lately, bless her heart. I don't want to have to call 9-1-1 in Australia for her. I bet their response time would be lengthy.
And because old friends are the best, Cap'n Neurotic hitched a ride up here to celebrate with us! No, he's not flipping you off - that's a cast on his finger. Don't make a big deal about it, he has newly acquired karate skillz and I wouldn't want to piss off a karate dude in a finger cast.
Sam and Anna hitchiked from Cali to be here. Shhh, don't call attention to the gladiator shoes on Sam's feet. They get Anna 27 kinds of riled and we don't want the Queen of Annaland riled. Trust me. She'd likely get Sam's box knife and a bottle of tequila and well, Fitty wouldn't have much to work with when he got here to murder us all because we're bloggers and that's what Fitty does - murders bloggers, then hack us up and stuff us in 55-gallon drums. Just ask my mom. Anyway, I have every intention of getting Anna off to myself here after awhile so we can discuss LOST because we are the shit and we can do that if we want.
Brian trekked across the barren, hot wasteland that is Oklahoma to party with us. He brought all the fixins for appletinis, too! What a friend.
And what party is complete without GoingLikeSixty? Well, NONE! Because he is the mack daddy of partiers. AND HE BROUGHT M&M's!! He alliterates, drinks beer, eats M&M's with a vigor that only rivals mine, likes dogs, and did I mention he likes M&M's? Man, he is here to party hardy today - his wife is on a S.E.X. trip so he's rarin' to go. He's recovered from his drunken blogging a few days ago and uh oh, it seems he has discovered Sam's gladiator shoes -I better go warn him about Anna.
I'm so glad you came to my party! It's all fun and games until Fitty shows up, so get busy!
HAPPY 800 TO ME!!