Saturday, August 11, 2007

The power of 800

Constant Reader, you are now reading history here at Redneck Diva. This is my 800th post. Since I continually forget my bloggiversary every dang year, I guess I'll have a party to celebrate my 800th post.

Let's get jiggy wit' it!

Come on in to my redneck gatherin' place and see what's goin' on. While it's not a double-wide trailer, the pink bathtub in the field does lend a bit of redneck flair, don'tcha think? And this is no UnParty like Hillbilly Mom has been known to throw (not that there's anything wrong with that) - it's a real live party! AND, I'm serving Come to Jesus cake (see next post). Now, don't you feel special?

Yep, it's a fancy schmancy soiree here tonight. I'm wearin' my camouflage capris and so far no one has inquired about my "life partner" (read the last paragraph of that post to understand) or the fact that I might like women (I like women, some of my best friends are women) (I also like using parenthesis) (A lot) but I figure someone will question my sexual orientation before the night's over. The waitress will probably flirt with me, like the one at Montana Mike's steakhouse a few months back. Yep, the camouflage capris are quite the misleading conversation starter about who I like to spend quality time with. And end prepositions with.

Anyway, aside from wearing my camo capris, I'm also wearing my Miss RSJS sash and tiara. Ooh, I can't forget the scepter! Gotta go dig that out of Kady's toybox.... I had to dust my tiara; it's been awhile since I've worn it, too. Gosh, that seems like an eternity ago, winning the contest that pitted me against some really wonderfully talented female bloggers. Oh wow, it was two years ago...

Sam's here in his lime green cast, Abby's here as well, in her camouflage, too, (like mother, like daughter) and sporting a commemorative Technicolor Childfoot. Heh, her foot's okay, she just likes to hobble around and say to the guests, "Hey, remember the time my mom tried to get a splinter out of my foot and we ended up spending 3 hours in urgent care while we were on vacation?" Kady's sporting her new fish-face polka dot shoes and not much else. It's a good thing I draped a tablecloth over the pole in my bedroom, otherwise momma's little pole dancer would for sure be the entertainment.

Some of my best blogfriends are here, too. Heck, I'm their favorite redneck diva, so they better be here!

Even though she is the worst blogger EVER in the updating department, my little sister Tater is here. (Believe it or not, she actually wrote a post a few weeks ago. I know, I know, I was amazed, too. Send her some love in the comment section and maybe she'll be better about updating. Don't hold your breath, but we can all hope.) I was going to have a band come in as entertainment, but since I haven't gotten my first paycheck from my new job yet, Tater and I are going to clog for y'all instead. Yep, grab the camera, it's bound to be entertaining. Keep an ambulance on stand-by -I haven't done this in awhile.

Mrs. Coach just arrived and she's pulling behind her a big flatbed dolly full of FREE CHEESE. I'm glad she decided to take a vacation from her job at Hillmomba as Ambassador of Cheese and come hang with us. She's cool like that. I can always count on her and her cheese.

A party isn't a party and an UnParty isn't a party either without Hillbilly Mom! That hillbilly and her lady mullet can bring on da funk. Not, that kind of funk - I'm certain the woman bathes. No, I mean the dancin' kind of funk. Which, now that I think about it, isn't really funk as much as it is interpretive hillbilly dancing to the tune of Dolly Parton and The Transcontinental Hillbilly Railroad or whatever that group is she listens to ad nauseum. Siberian Clogger Orchestra? Foggy Mountain Inbreds? Oh, what IS that group she listens to? Anyhoo, she pulled herself out of Poolio and her free hairwad hottub to be here today. What a friend. Oh, and look! She brought Crashy and Desky! Wonder where Gamey is.....probably with Paul Deen eating lobster in her front yard. Hey, go ask her. I don't know where she came up with that one.

Stewed Hamm just arrived with Cazzie. Guess he picked her up at the airport. They're reminiscing about our Big Blogger days (see May 2006 posts) over there in the corner. I think they're both still jealous that I was picked by Big Blogger to get kicked out but not really, only to make a glamorous come-back and then get kicked out for real. I need to make my way over there and make sure Hamm doesn't get Caz all wound up. She's been a bit tense lately, bless her heart. I don't want to have to call 9-1-1 in Australia for her. I bet their response time would be lengthy.

And because old friends are the best, Cap'n Neurotic hitched a ride up here to celebrate with us! No, he's not flipping you off - that's a cast on his finger. Don't make a big deal about it, he has newly acquired karate skillz and I wouldn't want to piss off a karate dude in a finger cast.

Sam and Anna hitchiked from Cali to be here. Shhh, don't call attention to the gladiator shoes on Sam's feet. They get Anna 27 kinds of riled and we don't want the Queen of Annaland riled. Trust me. She'd likely get Sam's box knife and a bottle of tequila and well, Fitty wouldn't have much to work with when he got here to murder us all because we're bloggers and that's what Fitty does - murders bloggers, then hack us up and stuff us in 55-gallon drums. Just ask my mom. Anyway, I have every intention of getting Anna off to myself here after awhile so we can discuss LOST because we are the shit and we can do that if we want.

Brian trekked across the barren, hot wasteland that is Oklahoma to party with us. He brought all the fixins for appletinis, too! What a friend.

And what party is complete without GoingLikeSixty? Well, NONE! Because he is the mack daddy of partiers. AND HE BROUGHT M&M's!! He alliterates, drinks beer, eats M&M's with a vigor that only rivals mine, likes dogs, and did I mention he likes M&M's? Man, he is here to party hardy today - his wife is on a S.E.X. trip so he's rarin' to go. He's recovered from his drunken blogging a few days ago and uh oh, it seems he has discovered Sam's gladiator shoes -I better go warn him about Anna.

I'm so glad you came to my party! It's all fun and games until Fitty shows up, so get busy!



Going Like Sixty said...

Hooooooonk! (Me blowing a party horn.)
(what about the gladitor shoes?)

Redneck Diva said...

Not sure what Anna's beef with Sam's gladiator shoes is, but I don't want you get caught in the crossfire, lol! You seem like a nice guy who would compliment a gal's kickin' gladiator shoes and then it'd be all over but the weilding of the box cutter!

Redneck Diva said...

Dammit, I spelled "wielding" wrong on my own dang blog.

Melessa Gregg said...

Woo Hoo!!! I love me a good party! Happy 800!

Sam said...

I took a picture of my shoes (I love me some cheap Payless sandals) and Anna made fun of them. She despised them. She named them Gladiator Shoes. So now when I visit her, I try to remember to wear them. Because I love to piss her and her blonde 'fro off. Happy 800th post, glad I could make it to the partay!

Cazzie!!! said...

Happy have done so very very well, I love coing on over here and having a relax and a good read :)

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