Tuesday, March 13, 2007


Family of Five Blinded by Kitchen Appliance

A family in NE Oklahoma was blinded yesterday by the light bulbs in their refrigerator. Apparently, it's been awhile since anyone bought groceries. When asked about the incident, Redneck Diva, the wife and mother in the family said, "You just don't realize the intensity of those bulbs until there's no food in there to soften it a little. If there's anything we can teach you, it's this - BUY GROCERIES." The family tried to use their exisiting pet, a Chow/Lab mix dog named Jake, as a seeing eye dog, but it seems that they couldn't get the neighbor's lawnmower seat out of his mouth in order to put on the harness.


7 & 8-year-old Sooners End Season

The Miami Youth Basketball league is coming to a close. Last night ended the season for the 7 & 8-year-old Sooners with a heated match against the Spurs. While their final game was a loss, the score stayed close, with the Sooners matching the Spurs basket-for-basket until the final minutes of the game. One mother was heard shouting, "JUST TRIP HIM! HE WANTS TO PLAY DIRTY, THEN PLAY DIRTY! USE THAT ELBOW, SON!" The Spurs, as a team, are not known for polite playing ettiquette. Their coach is a jerkface, too.


Spring Break Approaches

Who is that coming down the bunny trail? Is it Peter Cottontail? No! It appears to be The Spring Break Fairy! Known for her benevolent warm weather wish-granting, she is scheduled to stop in NE Oklahoma next week. With temperatures in the upper 70's, it would seem she is already here. When asked about the arrival of warmth before the traditional week of break, the only comment she would give is, "Silly people, the warm weather is because of El Nino. Y'all are nitwits to think that I would have anything to do with that. My only job is to assure lots of naps." She also reminded us of the two years not too long ago that there was 2+ feet of snowfall during Spring Break. Regardless of the weather, she assures us that the naps will arrive as scheduled.


LOST still leaving us lost

A too-long several month break in the popular TV drama LOST just wasn't enough torture for fans. Now it seems that the show's producers are going for a sure kill by keeping the plot as utterly confusing as possible. For two-and-a-half seasons watchers across the world have sat on their sofas on Wednesday night, looking helplessly to those around them, asking WTH? The last half of this season is no different. It makes one wonder just WTH we're all still watching.

And who are those two new dudes and that appeared on the beach anyway? During last week's episode, fans everywhere applauded when Sawyer finally asked "Who the he** are you, anyway?" to one of the new characters who seemingly wandered onto the set and were given jobs well after the plane crash that set the plot for the show. Apparently their job was to make viewers wonder who the h**l they are. Give them a paycheck, ABC - they're doing their job well.


Writing Challenge Numero Uno is Underway

While the reading audience of the kinda popular blog "Redneck Diva" has dwindled down to apparently nothing, the sister blog, Write in the Thick of It, has launched its first writing challenge. Blog-readers from across the 'net are invited to take part in the challenge. "Prizes? Who told you there would be prizes? I can't pay my electric bill, much less buy prizes for aspiring writers. I want that rumor NIPPED!" was the response from Redneck Diva when asked for comment about awards and prizes for winning a challenge. "Winners should just take pride in being a winner. Gaw, y'all are so spoiled!" she said.


Cap'n Neurotic said...

Here's a fun fact for ya: as of last week's epsiode,we're just now officially half-way through this season of Lost; still have eleven more episodes to go for them to confound and confuse folks even more. Oh, and the "who the hell are you" couple are supposed to be getting a flashback ep within the next few weeks.

Another fun fact: the male half of hte "who the hell are you" couple played King Xerxes in 300, which still boggles my mind, since that actor is neither 8 feet tall nor black. The wonders of CGI, huh?

Hillbilly Mom said...

I love these thingies.

Ripped from the headlines...Oh. They ARE the headlines. I remember when you did this a while back. I swore I was going to steal it for myself.

That day is comin'. It might be today. You are my inspiration. And my sunshine.

Help yourself to any of my weak, watered-down ideas.

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...