Monday, March 05, 2007

Comin' at ya a thousand different ways

Friday I borrowed a friend's laptop in order to copy all of the pictures that are still sitting on this computer's hard drive because I have yet to reformat the emmer effer. (I ended up burning one CD of pictures, but I don't like how I did it. It was more of a test than anything. Now I know I can do it and will continue on henceforth.) But while I had her OH SO LOVELY laptop I fell in love.

Completely, head-over-heels IN LOVE with that thing.

Since the semester has begun I have spent way too much time in my office, hunched over the computer, typing in a frenzy of flying fingers and cursing (and a few tears more than once or twice), out here all alone while my family frollicks and cavorts and generally lives in the living room while I slowly die out here in this office that used to beckon to me with it's Napoleon Dynamite posters and Rufus the naked mole rat bobble head and hidden box of Thin Mints behind the box of blank CDs. Now, ol' Nappy D is leering at me through his overly large and freakishly square glasses, Rufus' head bobbles while in my mind I hear his little mole voice going "You're alone....allllllll alone.....and they're having fun and you're not.......MUAH HAHAHAHAA" and frankly, the Thin Mints are starting to give me heartburn.

So Friday night the laptop allowed me to write a whole entire paper, sitting on my couch watching The Naked Brothers Band with my kids while my husband snored loudly in his recliner. I had reached student mom nirvana.

Until last night.

I have two more papers to write for English this week (What does the instructor think this is, a Literature class or something? Geesh!) and was going to begin tackling one when the kids and I got home from gymnastics. Except, just as I fired up the precious and wonderful laptop that had been sitting on the dining room table so lonely all afternoon, all hell broke loose.

Paul came home from work and began telling me about his day, something he NEVER does, mind you.

Kady and Sam decided to continue an argument that had begun and, I thought, ended during gymnastics. This argument soon involved the throwing of couch cushions and pillows.

Abby came down the hall in sweats, her robe, a sock hat and gloves declaring that she was cold, did she have a fever,and did I think she might have leukemia. They're doing a penny drive at school for leukemia patients and she's now convinced that every bruise on her body is a sign that she has it and the fatigue is just another symptom I'm blatantly ignoring because I don't love her as much as I love the other two. And a great big thank you to whoever was in charge of showing them the video where Linus' girlfriend gets leukemia and loses all her hair and Mom will you get me a wig when all my hair falls out after the chemotherapy?

Paul then decided to fill out a job application (shhhh...you didn't read that here) and had to read every farking question to me and then see if I would answer any differently than he was planning to answer. Then he also used me as his own personal SpellCheck. And really honey, if you can spell "maintenance" all by yourself then why must you ask me how to spell "wage"? Oh yeah, because I had just started typing my paper again and my attention was not focused on you. How silly of me to not notice that you needed me to wipe your ass, too.

Then Kady was "stawwwwwving" and could I make her a sandwich. No, you can make your own sandwich. *sigh* Just yesterday you bawled when I told you that you couldn't make your own sandwich and now you're crying because you can? No, your sister does not have "woo-kee-mee-uh". Now hush and quit licking the jelly spoon!

Then Abby began crying because I was "making fun of her" and couldn't I see that she was really worried she was going to die? Why do I have to be so mean? Umm....because I'm miserable and I can't be happy until you're all miserable, too? Oh. Wrong answer? Then I don't know why I'm so mean. Go ask your dad to a-n-s-w-e-r that q-u-e-s-t-i-o-n for you.

The laptop goes home today.



And I have some Thin Mints to eat. Anyone got a Rolaids?

2 comments:

cedric_the_destroyer said...

Bitter?

LNR said...

You're a riot. Very entertaining post. Any technology that can travel is evil - cell phones, blackberries, pdas, laptops... Good luck with that paper!