Thursday, January 19, 2006

I'm not dead yet

Of the 7.5 hours between 8am and 3:30pm today, I slept 5 of them, the naps only punctuated by trips to the toilet. My longest awake time was during All My Children and even then I wasn't completely coherent. I did manage a shower and a phone call with Magnet Lady as well. Wait. The phone call with with Magnet Lady, the shower was alone.

There is something very evil lurking in my intestines. Even dry toast sent me to the toilet this morning.

My precious 4 year old child is actually very self-sufficient, I've discovered.

The only thing that sounds good is dill pickles and the cereal out of Chex Mix. I can't stomach the pretzels or those funky bread stick things (Yes, *gasp* Hillbilly Mom, it's BAGGED Chex Mix!) so I've poured the mix into a bowl and am picking out the cereal. Even though the pickles sound good, I'm not sure eating them is wise. I am refraining.

Now my stomach is starting to sound like an alien is about to emerge from it.

My head is still pounding and my body aches like I have been beaten with a really heavy ball bat.

But I feel so much better.


Hillbilly Mom said...

I hope you haven't read Stephen King's "Dreamcatcher". His description of the needle-toothed "sh*t-weasel" that bursts out of people's intestines is NOT PRETTY.

But getting back to ME...who happens to be SO PRETTY, I am shuddering at the thought of BAGGED CHEX MIX. That is SACRILEGE! Sorry to shout. I am a loudmouthed hillbilly.

Anonymous said...

Feel better soon, I work in a hospital and there is a nasty bug going around. It seems to be really hitting the babies hard too.

Carmel said...

Man, I hope you feel better. I asked Santa to bring you at least one puke free month this year. I certainly hope he listens in February.

Redneck Diva said...

Hillbilly Mom, I felt like the shit weasels had taken over. Man, that was a rough virus and I wasn't near as sick as Tater was! I'm just glad its over now.

Yes, I realize bagged Chex Mix is a sacrilege, but hey, desperate times...

Anon, it's hitting pretty hard around here. Lots of sick grownups and kids and it's not just your average, run of the mill 24 hour bug, either. Bleh.

Jersey, when I wrote this post I wasn't all that much better, but I am now! And richer, too!

Andi, hey, being beaten with a ball bat was SO MUCH better than how I'd felt just the day before!

Cissy, meeeee toooooo!

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...