Friday, July 06, 2007

Just because I have cabin fever

GoingLikeSixty does FridayFive every well, Friday. This week's is thought-provoking and because I'm cooped up and ready to start gnawing my arms off, I'm doing it.

Stupid Memes (And did you know that meme isn't pronounced "me-me?" Me either!):

Stupid Meme #1 - Eight Things You Like About Me

Now, it's just guessing here, but I'm thinking the top eight things you like about me are:

1. I'm funny as all get out.
2. I'm a redneck that still has all of my teeth.
3. I can say the alphabet backwards.
4. I have four tattoos. (Hey, tattoos are criteria for friendship in my book)
5. I alphabetize my canned goods.
6. I have perfected the most amazing chocolate chip cookie recipe in history.
7. I'm too broke to stalk you.
8. I have virtually an unlimited supply of phrases like "Happier'n a puppy with two peckers," "Worthless as teets on a boar hog," and "Bleedin' like a stuck hog!"

Stupid Meme #2 - Five Things About Your Underwear

1. I only buy my underwear at Lane Bryant. Yes, I pay like $6 a pair, but it is so worth it.
2. My underwear must match my bra. Every. Day.
3. I fold my underwear when I put it in the drawer, not just cram them in there like my oh-so-annoying husband does to his. He doesn't buy his at Lane Bryant (which is a blessing) and obviousy has no appreciation for his underwear.
4. If I had to wear "granny panties" I'd go insane within the first 2 minutes. As long as Lane Bryant makes pretty boy-cut panties for fat chicks, my sanity is safe.
5. Today I am wearing periwinkle blue underwear with stars and moons on them. (Bet you couldn't guess I also have a bra in that pattern. Told you they had to match.)

I never knew it would be so hard to write 5 things about my underwear.

Stupid Meme #3 - Write Eight Quadratic Equations

Stupid Meme #4 - Seven Commandments You Have Yet to Break

Being a Baptist since I was a toddler, it goes against my nature to even admit I have sin, but I consider myself incredibly backslidden and not all that Baptist, so here it goes:

1. Thou shalt have on other gods before Me. (Nope, God, you're still #1 in my book!)
2. Thou shalt not make for thyself an idol. (No golden calves around here, just the ordinary kind of calves.)
3. Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of thy God (I used to say a lot of dirty words, but taking the Lord's name in vain is something I do not do and will not do.)
4. Honor thy Mother and Father (Yep, still doing that.)
5. Thou shalt not murder. (Nope. No 55-gallon drums buried on my property.)
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery. (Why would I want two men in my life? One is plenty.)
7. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife or thy neighbor's house. (While we don't have many neighbors, it's still safe to say that I do not covet any wife in the neighborhood. I also am very happy with my house, too.)

So for clarification purposes, the 3 I suck on are:
Keeping the Sabbath day holy (We don't go to church anymore), not lying (Oh, I lie like a rug - I have kids and it's just easier to lie at times. i.e., Dog/Cat Heaven, Santa, other imaginary creatures) and not stealing (While I don't steal on a daily basis, I have stolen a thing or two in my sordid past.)

Stupid Meme #5 -Your Six Favorite Memories of Sochi.

Ah, beautiful Sochi. I have such fond memories of you.

1. While traversing the longest city in Europe I discovered that it really is long. My feet were tired that evening.
2 Often considered the most beautiful place to visit in Russia, I think I have to agree. Well, aside from the fact that it's, you know, Russia.
3. One day, after a few Russian ales, I felt brazen enough to ask a local how he would categorize the city of Sochi. He said he thought it was “basically considered a beach town.” Who knew? I didn't go check out the beach because I hear those chicks don't shave their pits over there and I just didn't feel up to that.
4. Sochi is often referred to as the Russian Riviera because its charming landscapes and scenery are so reminiscent of the Mediterranean. Ah yes, sweet Mediterranean Sochi. That one night on the beach....
5. The average winter temp in Sochi is 44', so that pretty much meant I had THO the whole time. Charming, indeed.
6. The air quality is considered among the very best in the world, so the damage to my lungs after all those years of smoking cigarettes? Gone in one brief trip to Sochi., la, la.....


Happy Friday, y'all!!


Going Like Sixty said...

Oh, you are just so full of yourself aren't you!

Well done!

BUT: the first one is things you like about ME. Not YOU.

You get one do-over.

Hillbilly Mom said...

A comment about number two (the meme, not the bodily function).

I see London, I see France...I hear a detailed description of Diva's underpants.

Word Verification: uyhoolz
What the eccentric old lady next door hollers when she walks into your house unannounced. As in "Uyhoolz...anybody home?"

Marshamarshamarsha said...

My 8yr old daughter learned a new saying from her friend: It's hotter than a three-peckered goat in a pepper patch. Have you heard that one? We had to have a long. serious. talk. She didn't even know what pecker meant. Whew! I hear it just gets better as she gets older.

M&Co. said...

You know you can buy your underwear at Lane Bryant when it is on sale? Not a whole lot less than $6 a pair but sometimes it's $5 a pair. I am fascinated by this matching panties and bras every day thing. Is that because you only wear white? That would make it pretty easy. If not, then do you buy more than one pair of panties when you buy the set? Sort of like buying a suit with two pairs of pants? Actually I thought about it a lot and decided I needed to try that too. Though it will take me a long time to give up my ratty bras that are all white.

So when I was in Lane Bryant I bought two pairs of striped panties and one bra that matched. A pink bra and a pink pair of panties. I figured I could always find pink panties at LB. And a pair of black panties and a pair of ecru panties to go with the black LB bras I already had.

Have I just crossed that line into TMI?

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...