Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Jesus has a flat-top and his mom is Goth

Saturday morning I went to the salon to get my hair colored. Yes, I found some money hidden away in my sock drawer (the kids will never miss that one Christmas present) and decided to spend it on me. Mememememeeeeee!! Sherri, my new stylist who doesn't insult me like the last one did, matched the color swatch to my roots and all was set. She applied the color, put a lunch lady plastic hat on my head, sat me under the dryer and I sat there while hair dye heated properly and dreaming of how dead sexy I was going to be with my natural God-given hair color once more.

That dream was shattered when I put my glasses on when she was done and I saw Elvira, Mistress of the Dark staring at me from the mirror. So now I'm going to try Goth for awhile and see how it suits me. I always did like black nail polish and lipstick. My skin's already pasty, so I'm good to go.

Either my natural color is a lot darker than I remembered (okay, so maybe it's been awhile) or the dye just turned out darker than either my stylist or I fathomed. She was so sweet, telling me, "Oh but I really like the darker color! Dark hair is always so much prettier." This from a sassy blonde. My husband drove up and took one look at me and said, "Oh holy shit." My mom, God love her, did a double-take and said, "Oh! Wow! It's uh, it's uhhh....it's very dark! But I think I might like it....yeah, I think I do!" Methinks if you have to convince yourself that much, you should just quit trying.

At church Sunday night TotOne walked up to me and said, "Hey there, Elvira!" The whole family cracked up as I stood there speechless. Tater said, "She has no clue why she just got paid fifty cents to say that to you!" Teehee. My family is so frackin' clever.

One slot tech out at Buffalo Run took one look at me and said, "Oh shit. Did you dye your hair?" I looked him square in the eye and without cracking a smile told him no. Another slot tech, a guy I've known since high school, walked up and said, "Uh, what the hell did you do to your hair?" Tater hit him on the arm and said, "Dude, that is SO not how you talk to a woman who has just had hair color gone wrong." My second-favorite security guard out there (my husband being the first, of course) told me it was a good look for me and did I want him to knock off my husband so I could run off with him? And while I'm on the subject, does anyone else find it disturbing that I am so close to the employees at the casino?

But three of my daycare moms have complimented my hair. Either it really does look good or they are just trying to keep the babysitter from shaving her head and scaring the children. I, myself, am adjusting to seeing a very dark-headed woman every time I walk by a mirror. She could stand to lose a little weight, though....

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Sunday night was the kids' VBS program. I'm not sure if watching my children perform or the pastor answering his cell phone in the middle of his presentations was more entertaining. It would be hard to choose because they both made us all chuckle. Seriously, the pastor answered his phone just after the Pledge of Allegiance and stood there talking on it from the pulpit. I still find it amusing. I mean, how could you not?

Friday night when I picked the kids up I saw Sam carrying a piece of paper. He said it was his and TotTwo's lines and that they were doing a play. Well, being a former drama savant and in love with all things theatre I was immediately upset that we hadn't had the whole week to prepare, block the scene, work on projection and find the boys a motivation. As it was, we had a mere just under 48 hours to prepare. I immediately set to work, preparing my son and nephew for their acting debuts.

Not only did my eldest child announce this last week that she never, ever wants to be in the band, but now I've discovered that my middle child has very little acting ability whatsoever. My only hope now is that Kady the Junior Drama Queen can play an instrument AND kick ass in the acting department. Hey, I did, so it's not too far of a stretch.

Sam was the most monotoned Jesus I've ever seen and TotTwo was an equally monotoned Peter, but they were so adorable while they blurted out their lines with no emotion that I teared up anyway. TotOne, however, took her one line very seriously and exclaimed, "Look! It's the Lord!" with emotion, volume, flourish and jazz hands. If I hadn't seen her emerge from my sister's vagina with my own eyes, I'd swear she was my child.

6 comments:

Anne said...

I so needed to read a little diva today. You put me in a better mood!

Once people get used to the darker hair they will like it! Its the shock of something different that makes people say that crappy sounding things!

How bout we get a pic so we can give our opinion?

MrsCoach2U said...

I like it! I really do, not just saying that so you'll take my oldest offspring off my hands for a day!

Redneck Diva said...

Anne, I'm glad I could help! I'm not sure what I did, but if whining about my hair helps you, then I can give you my phone number so you can call and hear it in person!

Yes, I think the shock is what has people being rude.

Mrs.Coach, suuuuuuure.

Kelly said...

I feel your pain. Two dye jobs ago I ended up with the goth color too. I didn't realize it was goth...I thought I looked exotic!lol

Then I went to a movie theater with a friend and in the bathroom, in walked a goth teen. I realized when I looked in the mirror as we were washing our hands our hair color was exactly the same. I about died.

However, I was too cheap to get it corrected and lived with it for TWELVE weeks. And boy...could you see the grey roots. Was I pretty!

Stewed Hamm said...

This week's postings should give you some very intersting search strings. Personally, I can't wait to discover what the internet wants to see emerging from people's vaginas.

Redneck Diva said...

Kelly, Goth looks great on young folks....but somehow a Goth mom driving a van full of kids....nah, it doesn't work, does it?

It's growing on me and everyone else. No one's said "Oh shit" for several days now!

Stewed Hamm, I hadn't thought about that! But you can be sure that Hillbilly Mom will keep close tabs on what "emerges"! She's a slave to the stat counters!