Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Funky. Funkalicious. Funkadelic. Funk you.

Yeah. This lack of blogging sucks.

I'm in a funk.

All I want to do it sleep. Methinks I need a Paxil or something, but the last time I tried an antidepressant I felt like an asexual zombie, so I think I'll just suffer sans drugs, thankyouverymuch.

I'm so busy, yet I accomplish nothing.

School starts in 4 weeks. We haven't done a durn thing that I wanted to do this summer.

My baby girl announced to me today that she wants to go to Pre-K "with Wiwey and Chanwer" (her two best guys, Riley and Chandler) instead of staying home with me one more year. *sigh*

My oldest child rebuffed me last night when she was mad and I was trying to tease her out of it, something I have been able to do to her since she was a baby and wasn't successful at last night. That hurt. I realize that it was only the first of many hateful rebuffings I'll receive from my children as time goes on, but man, that first one was a doozy. I walked out the front door and promptly burst into tears.

I won a progressive jackpot last night at Ladies' Night. Cool Catz, dimes, $476.66 + $10. I cashed out the jackpot ticket of $476.66 plus another one for the $75 that I'd won previously. That was awesome, except I was all alone. I ended up sharing the moment with a toothless half-wit inbred sitting next to me who kept leaning over and going, "Wowee, hon, ya'll shore did win a lot of money thar!" and "Man....I hope summun comes over ta cash y'all out soon. Want me to watch yore machine whall you find summun?" I politely declined and prayed that my Fairy Slot Tech would hurry up and cash me out and rescue me from Ma Kettle and her toothless maw that kept grinning at me. I'm sure she was nice and all, but for the love of Pete, people - WEAR YOUR TEETH WHEN YOU GO TO THE CASINO. Please. That cud-chewing thing that the toothless ones do.........omg, it's nauseating.

Tater and Bub are in Vegas. Will probably be watching topless showgirls within an hour or so. Lucky! Cousin Courtney and her crew just got back from Vegas. Did I miss the memo that said this was The Summer of Vegas? 'Cuz I just don't remember getting that one. Heck, it hasn't even been The Summer of Branson for me this year. The Summer of Heavy Drinking Punctuated With Lots of Crying Jags, yes, but The Summer of Vegas, no.

Out of the $500 I walked out with last night I have a whole $100 left. I owed Mom $200 (she covered my hind end when I kind of forgot to take out that automatic debit for our insurance, the debit that's been coming out of our account for 2 years now), put $200 in the bank and have $100 left in my wallet. I really want to go get a tattoo tomorrow night, but then I take a look at my hair and think that for the sake of those around me, I should probably get something done to this frizzy electrocuted weasel thing on top of my head. I'm counting down the days until the humidity drops off for the winter.

It's 7:21. I have every intention of being in bed and asleep in 39 minutes. I sure hope the kids are out of the bathtub by then.

Oh and by the way........

BITE ME, DISCOVER CARD. YOU ARE PAID OFF, YOU MONEY-GRUBBING POOPHEADS. YOU HAVE HARASSED ME FOR THE LAST TIME AND HAVE GOTTEN THE LAST PENNY FROM ME YOU'LL EVER GET. IF YOU SPEAK TO YOUR SATANIC COUSIN, AMERICAN HONDA FINANCE, TELL THEM I SAID A GREAT BIG "BITE ME" TO THEM AS WELL. THEY SUCK MORE THAN YOU DO AND THAT IS A PRETTY BIG FEAT. OH, AND LET THEM KNOW THAT WE WILL NOT BE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THEIR HALF-OFF COUPON. WE'LL JUST CARRY ON AS WE HAVE BEEN - NOT PAYING THEM THE FULL AMOUNT OF WHAT WE DON'T OWE THEM. Thank you, that is all.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow!!! Missing out on that frequent relief with the ole hubby is wearing on you!!! You better be getting to sleep early, setting the alarm, and being at the ready when he walks in the door. I believe your only recouse is to take action soon. I sense some tension in this last bit of rambling and no one should be that stressed. Take the advise of an old married lady. Have a great day tomorrow. Your hubby loves you. Your kids love you. Your mom loves you, and heck everybody that really knows you gets the warm fuzzies just thinking about how darn crazy and fun you are. Oh yeah and keep writing, it is amazing what getting stuff written down can do to make things much better. Enough wisdom. Just do it.

Cap'n N's Mom

Stewed Hamm said...

If it would make you feel better, I could sneak you into the tiki lounge... if you slip Abe Vigoda some of your winnings, he'd probably dress up like Carlos.

MamaKBear said...

Wow....and here I thought it was just me that'd been feeling like that lately!

Congreats on the jackpot win, that's awesome! Wish I'd been there with you to jump up and down and holler about it! :)

Big hugs to you!

Redneck Diva said...

Cap'n N's Mom, something's wearing on me, for sure! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with me. Yesterday was just a really, really, really rotten day. I feel better today and besides, this is the first of Mr. Diva's two days off, so we usually get some uh..."relief" during his weekend. That'll help, I'm sure.

Why weren't you this wise when I was a teenager? My mom never was either. I don't get it. :)

Stewed Hamm, I think an evening at the tiki lounge is just what I need! I don't care if Abe dresses up or dresses at all - just as long as someone keeps pouring the drinks.

MamaKBear, I know that if anyone could've jumped around like a goofball and made me feel less lonely when I won, it'd be you! And I mean that as the highest compliment!

Misery loves company, right? Maybe we need to meet somewhere and have a couple of big ol' margaritas.

MamaKBear said...

We REALLY should! Seriously, before the year is out I could drive up there and meet you, April, MrsCoach and all y'all and we'll go to the casino and have margaritas! Not necessarily in that order. ;)

Anonymous said...

If I had talked that way when you were in high school, I would have shocked the pants off you and probably lost my job. It is so much easier to be myself when I'm not the teacher.

Cap'n N's Mom