Friday, March 10, 2006

We redneck divas have a way with words

A few weeks ago Tater and I took the girls out to deliver some GS cookies. There is a lady that buys a boatload from Abby every year and while this is extremely awesome, what's even better (in Abby's mind anyway) is that this woman has some gigantic dogs - Akitas. These dogs are massive!! The kids love going over there to see the "big puppies", so they were 10 kinds of excited when I told them we were going to Judy's house.

I, the Queen of Sticking My Overly Large Foot In My Mouth, am also - I know you'll find this shocking - a redneck. I know, shocking, eh? But what a lot of people don't know is that, being a redneck, you are contractually bound to use phrases and words like "Well, I'll be" and "Dadgummit", to name a few. So I obviously had my redneck pants on that day because as the girls were petting the beast, Mopar, Abby asked where their girl-dog was. Judy said, "Girl-Dog died over the summer." She was obviously saddened by the loss of her gigantic female dog and there was an uncomfortable pause, Abby not knowing what to say. So I filled in the silence with, "Doggone."

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Last night at Brownies the girls were playing Career Charades. I was whispering different careers in their ears and they had to act them out for the other girls to guess. We had done Computer Programmer, Firefighter, Farmer and I whispered "Carpenter" in Addison's ear. She whispered back, "Just a carpenter?" I nodded, so she got down on the floor and made like she was laying carpet. Oy. So I called her back up to me and clarified that she was a person who built things. She nodded and went back over in front of the group. She started acting like she was hammering and the girls started hollering out "Builder!" and "Construction worker!" We were trying to get them to say the word "Carpenter" but no one was coming up with that word. Finally Tater said, "What was Jesus?" Abby jumped up and shouted, "A Christ!! She's a Christ!"

10 comments:

Jennifer said...

Well doggone! Too funny. Seriously we've all been there before luckily my foot fits in my mouth! I love that Addison was laying carpet. Go Abby! Did she laugh when she realized what you meant? Have a safe and good break at Divaworld - we'll miss ya'll at Duchessden.... i like that Duchessden

Irish Divinity said...

Oh my gosh!! I'm laughing sooo hard right now!!

Jerzeegrrl said...

I love when kids say the funniest stuff....it's such pureness that adults don't have...

The other day my son was checking out the horse on his shirt and said to me..."look mom, there's a whores on my shirt"...oh, I almost lost it.

The Real Kidd said...

LMAO! She's a Christ! LOL, kids! You just got to love'em!

Hillbilly Mom said...

I think I snorted. Good stuff, Diva.

And now I will share with you may latest faux pas...Yesterday after school, another teacher and I were discussing the Purity Test result of a mutual friend. A male teacher walked up while we were sniggering like schoolgirls, and I didn't want him to feel awkward like we were talking about him when we shut up. I said, "Oh, we were just talking about Sandy." And the other teacher replied, "Not your WIFE Sandy...another Sandy."

Cap'n Neurotic said...

Wish I'd read this post before I went to church this morning, would have been a great ice-breaker for my unusually taciturn Sunday School class.

MrsCoach2U said...

I never could figure that out either, why a carpenter didn't work with carpet!

I wish someone would say "doggone" about Bryce's lab, that thing is a pain in the ass!

Brian said...

Hehe. Too funny. Doggone it!

CISSY said...

Holy cow, Diva. You should write a book. Just about being a diva. You make me laugh every time.

recklace said...

I spewed Dr Pepper all over my keyboard reading this.
A Christ!