Tuesday, March 28, 2006

It's Googlicious!

I'm cold and my throat hurts, so rather than go to bed and get some rest, I'm checking my stats. I know, I know.....

Here are some recent keyword searches that landed folks here:

"stinky crotch fishy women" - I am so disturbed by the fact that someone specifically searched for this. I'm even more disturbed that I showed up in the search.

"what is the name of the charmin bear that is best known for the cha-cha-cha charmin butt-wiggle dance" - He has a name? He can't just be the Charmin Bear? Maybe his name is Whipple Bear because maybe he's Mr. Whipple reincarnated. I dunno. The name of the butt-wiggling bear has never been a major source of concern and mystery for me.

"teacher let the bulls out" - Yes, but did she let them back in when the sun went down? Because you know, we have a bit of a skunk problem. I wouldn't want to be out wanderin' my place right now.

www.drawings of spongebob on drugs.com - Ohhh, SpongeBob, WHY??? SpongeBob is just too darn innocent for drugs. Drugs kill, people. Why would an innocent sea creature need drugs when he can sing the C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G Song? (Which is my new favorite song, btw) Poor SpongeBob.

"photoblog jockstrap underwear" - I'm going to be really honest when I say that not only have I never photoblogged jockstrap underwear, but I've never even seen a jock strap in real life. There was a brief moment when I panickedly (New word - 100 points for me!) thought Sam was going to need one, but thankfully his daddy said it wasn't necessary. I didn't ask why it wasn't necessary, I was just glad I didn't have to go buy one.

"redneck junk" - It's all in my redneck trunk.

"redneck house of the week" - It's akin to a regular person winning an award from House Beautiful if you get picked for the Redneck House of the Week awards. Of course, mostly trailer houses win, but occasionally a home without wheels will get it.


Kristin loves Craig. And apparently I have a website about it, too.

Kristin needs to wash her socks. Well, as a matter of fact, I have had them on since 6am...

Kristin wants A Shuga Daddy. Ooh yes, I love candy!!

Kristin loves Ryan. This is from some American Idol site. But Seacrest just ain't my thang, no matter what the internet says.

Kristin needs to add chlorine to the water. Okay, now that's just because someone saw the search for stinky crotch fishy women. Come on in, the water's fine. Really.

Kristin wants your input for the Tator Tops Nominations. Nobody can top my Tater! So you can input all you want, my TaterSis wins.

Kristin loves 'Cool Money. Yes I do. I love cool money much better than those warm checks I've written once or twice in my life.

Kristin needs monthly prayer and financial support. To support my gambling habit.

Kristin wants to meet 11 people. So instead of The Five People You Meet in Heaven, I get 11? I always did like to do things up big.


Kristin needs to step up to Da Man who will spin her like a record! Oh hizzell to the yeah, biatch.

Kristin wants to run away and hide. But dammit, my kids are really good at Hide n Seek.

Kristin loves her kids. Kristin loves me too. Yes I do, my little schnookum boogums.

Kristin needs some photos of persons who have been executed. Because I'm mentally disturbed? WHO THE HELL NEEDS PICTURES LIKE THAT???? Riddle me that, Batman.

Kristin wants that support. But I usually have to go to Lane Bryant to get it.

Kristin loves dirt. Now, ya know, that might seem to be true because of all of the dust in my house, but truthfully I'm not a big fan.

Kristin needs volunteers for grilling. Because I'm obviously related to Hannibal Lechter if I'm grilling the volunteers.

Kristin wants a stud. Perhaps I'll grill him, too.

Kristin loves to walk, and because of this, she has never learnt how to drive. I never learned either.


Now I'm off to fix this sore throat. Hot Toddies are on me, folks! Especially when I've had more than a couple of 'em . . .

1 comment:

Hillbilly Mom said...

OK, the ONE day I don't check your searches, and you hit the jackpot. Just a couple days ago, you had:

"the motherf*cking diva queen", which makes me think you're some slimy critter in ALIENS.

"mommy's big fat a$$hole", which reminds me, if you can't say anything nice...

"i usually stay in my pajamas all day", not that there's anything wrong with that.

"flip flop in her mouth", thank your lucky stars it wasn't a thong.

"a.r. test answers for gone with the wind", are you running an internet university here, or what?

"brownie caper chart", you wacky redneck pink panther!

"again, i'm in this hicktown, you can easily set up the people around me, and it ain't even all them", which makes me think somebody's been into the wacky tobaccy patch.

Oh, and a couple weeks ago, you had "backdoor diva hard core" which I believe is a new video that you didn't know you were in.

Just sayin'...I loves to read me some Diva keyword searches!

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