Monday, July 21, 2008

You only love me for my blog, Mrs. Coach

As I picked up my kids tonight at VBS, Mrs. Coach immediately told me that my youngest child had given the whole church an opportunity to bond together because within the first five minutes, Kady had wandered off and no one knew where she had gone. What a kid, giving the church an opportunity like that. How kind of her. The whole church was able to form one gigantic group to search for an errant 6 year old. Yep. That's my Kady.

As soon as Mrs. Coach had related the story she then, with a deadpan look on her face, said to me, "You need to update." Mr. Coach gave her a funny look and asked, "Update what?" She said, "Her blog." Then she turned to me and said, "What happened to that 'I'm gonna blog every day' thing?" Yeesh. She ought to know I'm busy. What with all the staying at home that I'm doing these days.

So, because she asked so nicely........ HEY, MRS. COACH! I'M BLOGGING. FOR YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.


Friday night was the water fun extravaganza at our VBS. I had absolutely NO INTENTION of being involved in the water fun and therefore wore a white t-shirt.

Note to self: Never wear a white t-shirt where there are going to be water balloons, a water fight, or even drinks of water because that is nothing more than an invitation. You might as well not even wear a shirt because one good dousing and you're showing off your business to the congregation, the deacons and God.

I had taught the youth class one whole night (three boys in attendance) and then two of my boys didn't show up the second night so Mom asked me to take the Nursery class on Wednesday since we had some little ones who were just too young for the Preschool class. Then Thursday I didn't even have any little ones. Friday I had just planned on helping tie water balloons and clean up the church.

I went outside the church to where my husband and our friend Tommy Joe were already busy filling and tying balloons. A youth, Madelynn, was there as well. Tommy and Madelynn would fill, Paul and I would tie. Until Madelynn "accidentally" tossed a balloon at me. Then another youth got in on it. From that point on, I was nothing more than a target. We had about 2 1/2 hours to fill about 800 balloons, but about 20 minutes in, I was soaked from head to toe.

Note to self #2: Lane Bryant's Plunge pushup bras hold water. Lots of it. I would just be standing there and lean to one side and feel about 4.3 gallons of water run out of one cup or the other. It was hot outside and the sensation was rather refreshing, if not a little weird, though.

When the water fight actually began I was past the point of even attempting to dodge. I just stood there as child after child squirted me with guns, lobbed balloons at me or dumped gigantic bowls of water over my head.

Oh and did I mention that I hadn't planned on being involved in this water fight? This means that I had no extra clothes or even a towel. I drove home sitting on a tablecloth my mom dug out of the church kitchen. Then I had to run my bra through the spin cycle to get out the 45 gallons of remaining water in the extra padded cups because it's the only white bra I own and I had to wear it the next day.

First time I'd ever gone to church and come home looking like I'd been a particpant in a wet t-shirt contest at Chunky Hooters.


Saturday Paul and I worked the back gate at the 8-man football game. I've worked the gate at the game for the last 5 or so years, but this is the second year Paul's worked it with me. It's hot as all get out, dusty and hectic, but for some strange reason we love it. This year no one honked at me and called me a b*tch, though. Whoo hoo, let's hear it for improvement!


Sunday was the kids' VBS program and immediately after a small group of us went to a nursing home in town to sing. I wish I could say I love our monthly nursing home visit, but I can't really say I love it. I spent too many years visiting my Memaw in the nursing home and it brings back a lot of painful memories. However, I go because of my experience with Memaw. She would get so lonely....and there are some of those people in there that have no one to visit them. We saw some faces literally just light up yesterday, so we did good. I hope.


Today I got my driver's license renewed. I had 3 days left to do it before I had to jump through many, many hoops, donate a kidney, and change my name to Julia and move to Mexico. Seriously, you just don't let your license expire in Oklahoma anymore. If you do, it's a trainwreck to get it again. It's easier to just leave the country.

I have worn glasses since I was 11 and have an eyeglass restriction on my license, but because Oklahoma's gone all Big Brother, now you have to take your glasses off for your license picture. And you can't smile. Somethig about facial recognition software and criminals and blah blah blah. You also have to put our index fingers on a little scanner thingy and your fingerprints are encoded somewhere on the card. Yeah. I'm tellin' ya. Big Brother has his hands alllll over it.

And because of the lack of smiling in the pictures, my last license had me looking like a very angry indian. My hair was very dark, long and I just looked very indian for some reason. This one, though, I look like I'm drunk and in serious need of a nap. I knew I blinked as soon as she snapped it, but my eyes were open enough that she kept it. Oh yay. For the next four years I get to flash that pretty thing at store clerks everywhere. I can't wait for 2012.


Lori - Queen of Dirty Laundry said...

ROFLMAO at Chunky Hooters. You crack me up.

Stewed Hamm said...

Having Big Brother's fingerprints on your license is unpleasant, but not as bad as having Hermanos Grande's prints.

And also, I think more churches should have wet T-shirt contests. After all, didn't Jesus talk about having a river flowing out of him or something?

Lady Beekeeper said...

"You might as well not even wear a shirt because one good dousing and you're showing off your business to the congregation, the deacons and God."

My fvorite line from this post. HAH!

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU!!!!!! Now what should I wear to petting zoo night at VBS this week? Now I'm all paranoid about the congregation, deacons and God seeing through my shirt.

Robin said...

I'll give you a run for your money at th Chunky Hooters!

and go to Grove to get you DL...That lady is great!! I got to smile and everything. I was sick as a dog but I smiled!!!

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