Sunday, June 08, 2008

Like a cyclone

I know, here in Tornado Alley, tornado/cyclone jokes aren't all that funny considering how turbulent this storm season has been, but seriously, my life has been an absolute whirlwind for the last three days. I'm FINALLY sitting in my big chair with my laptop in my lap, the washing machine chugging along in the utility room, my girls are jumping on the trampoline, my husband is on his new! tractor! and my son is happily playing with his new laser pointer thingy that I won him at Incredible Pizza today because I'm just that cool. Guess what I'm trying to say is that we're all just glad to finally be home.


Friday I had to work, so as soon as I got the nerve to ask my supervisor if I could leave early I headed out that door like my tail was on fire. I went to Wal*Mart where I picked up 14 dozen cupcakes. The bakery lady asked why I was picking up an order for that many cupcakes and that they had been speculating all day what the occasion might be. I said it was for a wedding and, as if on cue, my phone started yodelling, which means my momma is calling me. I said, "Oh and there's the bride calling!" When I hung up the phone that bakery lady said, "Oh how sweet. How old is the bride?" I smiled and said, "56." The look on her face was priceless. Who in the world asks how old the bride is anyway?? Strange Wal*Mart bakery lady.

A few observations:

A fat woman pushing a cart chock full of cupcakes out of Wal*Mart is sure to make people stop in their tracks.

A little girl asked her momma why that fat woman had so many cupcakes. I honestly could not help but laugh at the horrified look on that woman's face as she put her hand on her daughter's mouth.

One little boy asked if he could come home with me.

My van smelled like heaven.

I drove to the reception hall with serious pucker factor and wondered more than once why the family clutz was the one nominated to pick up the cupcakes.

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The reception hall was hotter than the hubs of hell when we got there. We figured it was because it was Oklahumid and HOT and it was going to take awhile to cool down. It didn't and by the end of the evening I was completely convinced that I gone right into menopause within a matter of three hours and was experiencing one long, continuous hot flash. More than once I made the comment that I was sweating like a whore in church. Mom raised her eyebrows at me after the first time so after that I made sure she didn't hear me.

The Bow Lady came in and worked her magic, turning a not-so-glamorous indian tribe's building into a beautiful reception laden with yellow bows, roses, ivy, etc. I really do heart her.

By the way, as we finished decorating I went to her van and pilfered through her bow boxes until I found THE PERFECT BOWS for the giveaway. Folks, I couldn't stop and the winner is getting $42 worth of bows. I know. It really is an obsession.

We left the reception hall and went to Braum's to get a bite to eat since my husband who swore he had fed my children dinner had actually been beaten by the stupid stick and was confused - he had only fed them lunch. See, there IS a reason I'm going back to being a stay-at-home mom. I fear my children would starve if he had to watch them too much.

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Saturday morning I had every intention of getting up, closing comments, etc etc, but I had to meet Mom at the reception hall again to get the stuff chilling for the punch, make the tea (14 gallons in all, 9 of them my special recipe sweet tea that I'm famous for) (okay, just famous to like, eleven people, but still...) We arrived at the tribal building to discover that it was still hot as all get out in there. Mom, trying as hard as she could to not cry, called the caretaker, he came out and it was soon discovered that of the four airconditioning units for the building, only two were working.

I wished so hard at that moment that I knew how to fix air conditioners because my momma was about two seconds away from losing her sh*t right there. Bless her heart.

When we left there were many men there working on things, but turns out......they didn't accomplish much.

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The wedding was simple and beautiful. The preacher was a bit corny for my taste and a few of the things he said literally made my mother clench her jaw. I was probably the only person in the building that noticed, but I know that woman well enough to know what irks her. He did. But they still got married and they looked so insanely happy that I think I got a few cavities from the sweetness of it all.

My BFF, Tiff, and her skinny husband drove up from Tahlequah to take the wedding pictures for us. She's taken pics of the kids before and does a great job. She's old skool and still uses film. I think digital is great and convenient and all, but I am still very partial to film pictures. She starts her fertility shots this week and I'm so glad I got to see her before she turns into a blubbering mess of hormonal goo. I mean, I love her and all, but no one cries alone in my presence, therefore if we were closer in proximity to each other, I, too, would be a blubbering mess of goo.

The reception was hot. We brought three stand fans and they did their best to circulate the air, but it was still durn hot. However, they looked so cute making their rounds, talking to people, hugging old friends, making goo-goo eyes at each other that the heat didn't seem to bother them too much.

I, however, was entertaining that menopause theory again.

Weird moment - I ate dinner with my high school principal. And we talked about tattoos, having babies and all kinds of adult stuff in his presence and not once did I worry about going to detention. I think I might officially be a grownup.

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On the way home from the reception last night Abby all of the sudden said, "Mom! Today was your Blogaversary!" I wearily said, "Yes, babe. You're right. Four years ago the magic began." Then my children gave me a spontaneous and genuine round of applause.

I cried.

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Before I go any further I have to seriously thank my favorite Texan, Lori, the Queen of Dirty Laundry, for coming to my rescue Saturday morning. All it took was one text message pleading for her help and she had it under control. I'd be lost without her. She is a continual source of support, laughter and prayer.

Lori, you are amazing, hon. I love you.

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Thank you to you all for your patience with the Blogaversary Marathon of Celebrating. I always bite off more than I can chew and this weekend was no different. Today was supposed to be a day of rest, blogging and celebrating, but instead we went to Tulsa to Incredible Pizza to celebrate TotOne's birthday. I'm so glad I went because I spent the day not thinking about work, stressing about faulty air conditioners, my asshat husband who has been a royal asshat in a real asshatty kind of way for three days now and anything else unpleasant. I enjoyed following my son and nephew around the place, playing skee ball (because you know I gots mad skeeball skillz) and laughing. I won TotTwo a Spiderman flashlight and Sam a laser pointer with interchangeable tips so he now projects a thumbs up on the wall when he's pleased because who needs words when you have a laser pointer with which to communicate. TotTwo also asked me to win him a ring for his sister for his birthday. She loved it. I enjoyed being with Tater, Gentleman, the Tots, my kids and just kind of de-stressing.

I needed to experience positive, unconditional love from my family today.

I did.


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Tomorrow all your questions will be answered. Please tune in.

5 comments:

MrsCoach said...

It's Monday and my question is:

Will you bring me a glass of tea pleassssssseeeeee?????? I forgot to fix me one before I left to come to work.

WPDunn said...

Big Gals Rawk

Anonymous said...

Wedding pics?

Jennifer said...

please please please send me a gallon of sweet tea!!!! We got moved to the pacific northwest with the military and I am dying for some!!!

Glad to hear you survived the wedding.

jusdealem said...

Congrats to your mama! I LOL-ed at the WalMart bakery lady. haha :)