Thursday, April 26, 2007

Can I?

Is it a bad thing that you take your entire shower with your eyes closed because it just feels better to keep them that way because it seems that they miss being closed?

Is it wrong that you haven't actually slept in the same bed as your husband in a week because either you are in the office (which is a subdivision of our bedroom) typing like a madwoman until 2am and he can't stand the pecking sound or you have camped out on the couch so you can type like a madwoman while watching Jay Leno because you've lost touch with the outside world and who is that young whippersnapper who plays Meg Ryan's son in that new movie and my gosh, son, why don't you shave every now and then, razors are pretty cheap and I think I'm officially old because I'm very sad that Meg Ryan is playing a mom in a movie with the aforementioned shaggy-chinned boy and she's not even the love-interest heroine. Wait, didn't that sentence start out as a question?

I figured up my History grade last night and right now I have a 91% in the class. If I don't do this last document assignment it'll only drop me down to a B. I seriously considered just not doing it last night. Seriously. But then I was overcome with this insane sense of guilt for even thinking about not doing it. Then I remembered how tired I am. Then I thought, my instructor has no heartfelt personal desire to see me succeed (at least I don't think he does) and it's not like I'm a History major and while I really wanted this semester to end with all A's, at this point in my exhausted life, I'd be okay with a B. But instead my husband went to bed without me (again) and I eventually turned off the TV because frankly Conan makes me throw up a little in my mouth and then woke up at 2am with my fingers on the keyboard and my chin laying uncomfortably on my chest.

And what did I do yesterday, but enroll for another semester. Next fall you'll get to read whining about Computer Concepts, General Physical Science, Intermediate Algebra and Macroeconomics. Aren't you just lucky? No wait! Please don't run screaming from my blog! Really, I'll stop whining! Just come back! Who am I kidding - I'm still going to whine. I just hope you like me enough to endure it and someday when I'm a famous writer/journalist you'll be able to say you saw me through the bad times. Okay? Just keep thinkin' about tomorrow. It clears away the cobwebs and the sorrows. At least that's what I hear.

Seriously, did you read that schedule of mine for next semester? It's a very numbers-intensive-thinking-the-way-my-brain-doesn't-naturally-think load. I am insane. After sleeping on it (briefly) and hearing from my little sister that the guy who teaches that science class is crazy hard, I may wait and take it later. I'm not sure I can handle both it and Algebra in the same semester. My advisor is checking on an American Lit class to see if it will count as a Humanities credit and if it does, I may swap it for Science. It's with the same instructor that I took Comp II from this semester and she really likes to make you write, but hello, that's kind of what I want to do with my life so I'd better get used to it. We'll see what happens.

I did, however, walk out of my advisor's office yesterday floating about four inches off the ground. She's told me several times throughout the semester, but reiterated it again yesterday - I have a talent for writing. Now, you might think that I should probably kind of know this, but I really am a humble kind of person. And my self-esteem is about a quart low half the time. While I love to write and it makes me insanely happy to do it, I didn't realize until just in the last year or so that I really might be kind of good at it. I mean, I like what I write, but I am never sure that other people think it's as good as I do. Ya know? My dad told me last night that he's been trying to tell me that I'm talented for years, but that I just haven't listened. According to Freud all I want to do is....oh wait, we are SO not going there. I have really got to stop Freuding everyone. Especially myself.

Anyway, she complimented my writing and suggested that I get my name out to the local papers and make myself available for freelance jobs, editorials, etc. Oh wow, but does that make me step right outside of my comfy little world of safety and non-rejection. The prospect is utterly exciting and makes me giddy at the thought, but in the same breath it scares the pea-wadding right outta me (anyone who knows what pea-wadding is WITHOUT GOGGLING gets 10 extra credit points and my eternal admiration). And while I'm scared of putting myself out there and never being offered any work, I think I'm going to do it. Why? Hmh. Maybe I'm a masochist. Maybe I'm delirious from lack of sleep. Maybe I want to prove to my husband that writing isn't silly and that "pecking around on that keyboard" might actually pay a bill or two one of these days. But mainly, I want to be able to prove to myself that I can. Plus, it'll allow my dad to once again say, "Told you so."

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

If the crazy hard science instructor is Randy Jones, and your brain doesn't normall work that way, please RUN in the other direction!!! Any kind of literature counts as a Humanities. Take Carol Smith; she's great! I had Jones right after high school, back before the husband, 2 kids, job, etc. killed all the brain cells...I prayed for my C, I begged for my C,and I highly recommend to every kid I see at NEO not to take him. He is good, but way too hard!
Good Luck from Marsha@NEO!

Anonymous said...

And please forgive my bad typing today. For some reason, EVERYONE is inclined to ask me questions while I am trying to read your blog and comment. They just can't seem to wait. Should have been normally!

MrsCoach2U said...

Ok, I took Biology and Im. Algebra my first semester back. I know a Biology teacher who can help you. If you use MyMathLab for the Algebra you should be ok. It's easy at first and tricks you into believing your not stupid and then BAM! Your stupid again. I just don't want to paint you a rosy picture and then you hate me forever! I took Humanities at NEO and loved it. American Lit would have me screaming the other way, Biology would draw me in. I still have to enroll, but that would require a drive to Tulsa to see an advisor. I keep putting it off. Carol Smith is good. She went to NEO from Afton my Freshman year, oh how I wish I had her in high school!

Kelly said...

That sounds like a horrible schedule to me, another person who relates to "numbers-intensive-thinking-the-way-my-brain-doesn't-naturally-think" way.

And you do have be careful with the humanities stuff when you work in the readin' and writin' majors. I know this as a BA in English type person (though you couldn't tell that from my writing these days!lol). I spent most of my humanities credits in philosophy classes.

Oh and yes, you can! You can do it all...lol!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sniff...sniff...do I smell Science and Algebra simmering on the back burner? Mmm...

I'll take a guess on the pea-wadding. Is it something that you use to stuff bullet-thingies into a gun like a musket?

Oh, and thank-you-very-much for my word verification: igcun.

Please tell me that does not mean I'm an ignorant something-or-other. Because I REALLY do not like that C-word, and I do not want to jump to conclusions.

Doo Dah said...

Hellooooo

I have recently stumbled upon your blog, love it love it love it.

Nice to meet cha, DooDah

Redneck. Diva. said...

Marsha@NEO, thank you so much for commenting, first of all. Second, thank you for the Humanities heads-up. My advisor and I just weren't sure. I really like Randy Jones as a person, but I've heard from too many people that he is so smart he's scary and that makes for a tortuous semester. I emailed my advisor yesterday and I am enrolled in "Survey of American Literature" now. Yay!

Mrs.Coach, I think you were high when you enrolled to take Bio and Int. Alg. your first semester back, lol. Higher'n a damn kite, woman! I don't know how you've done it this semester - it seems the deck was seriously stacked againt you and you've come out smelling like a rose. A rose with A's nonetheless!

If I could take Carol Smith, I would in a heartbeat, but she doesn't do online courses. I took Comp I from her 16 years ago and loved every second of that class. She's a wonderful teacher.

Kelly, okay, so I'm not the only one who'd rather write a million essays than solve a math problem! Numbers make me cry. Science makes me whimper and sometimes cry. I've already dropped that Gen. Science class and have enrolled in the Lit. class. I think I was smokin' somethng when I enrolled in Sci and Alg together!

Hillbilly Mom, no, that's not Science and Algebra - it's sex and candy. (Song reference- I don't really simmer sex and candy. At least not when the kids are home anyway.)

And YES, pea-wadding is the stuff crammed down in a musket. I just knew it would either be you or Stewed Hamm that got that one.

Quit jumping to conclusions - you'll strain something and have to take a Benadryl.

Doo Dah, yay!! Thanks for discovering me and dropping in to comment! Don't be a stranger!

P M Prescott said...

Coming by way of Brian's blog. Keep at it and work on that writing there's nothing more rewarding than getting your first published book in the mail and then seeing it the bookstore. It's also getting easier and easier to get published today so go for it.

Carrie said...

So much to say...
1. Why did everyone like Carol Jones but me? I didn't care for her class, and I wasn't too picky when it came to professors at NEO! I was sort of an overachiever like you, but I did not like her class. Oh, well. It's over now.
2. You should try to write for a local paper or something! What about the advice column? That would be a hoot! Maybe you could practice and encourage your readers to ask questions about manners or problems, and you answer them! That would be fun!
3. If you have MyMathLab, I will totally call you and walk you through it. I've taken College Algebra using the software, and I just pulled an "A" out of Statistics using it. It's amazing! Keep in mind, I failed Algebra 5 times in 2 states before passing it on the 6th try. I took it all four semesters at NEO. Geez! I will totally help you with that class!