Sunday, August 06, 2006

Still waiting

For things to emerge from vaginas. Nothing yet. I'm being patient, Hamm. I really am.

This is where the keywords led this week:

redneck diva - I'm glad to know they're still lookin' for me. I mean, I guess I'm not the only rednecked diva out there, but as far as I know, I'm the only one with a blog. Someone correct me if I'm wrong.

vitamany - Is this a newer version of Veta Vita Vegamen? Hillbilly Mom, are you selling this in your general store? Should I buy some up in case it's a huge hit and there's a run on the market?

redneck sayings - "Git r done", "By cracky" and "Shinin' like a diamond in a goat's butt" - yep, we've got those here. We watched Cars this weekend and when Mater said, "I'm happier'n a tornader in a trailer park!" Mr. Diva found that rather amusing and chuckled over that for half an hour.

yellow jacket extermination nests - Good luck with that one, whoever did this search.

how to get rid of yellow jackets from roof - Not sure how to get them off the roof, but if you have them in your office closet, we're pros. Email me.

i touched my aunts boobs - No, that was not me. Tater touched our step-grandmother's waist-boobs.

yellowjacket extermination - RAID, a broom handle, expand-o-foam and lots of screaming and squealing from your wife oughta do it.

wax breakout upper lip - What gives? As I've said before - I'm not sure which is worse: the Tom Selleck 'stache or the 7th-grade acne-stache.

diaper pissed his pants - I'm hoping they were searching for help with their potty-training toddler. Anything beyond that and you're out of my realm of expertise.

100%2006 online dating - Not a clue. Not a freaking clue.

main line murder ardmore jeffrey erotic dancer summer - Busy boy, that Jeffrey.

sexy redneck sayings - Not "git r done" but "git me done".

dead mouse smell in closet - Get the RAID. And a broom handle. And call your wife.

do your boobs hang low can you swing - I actually swung on a swingset awhile back. And I gotta say, the picture Mom took of me doing it was really not so flattering. It wasn't the goofy half-nauseated grin on my face, but the fact that my ass kind of was squshing out of the seat. Now, what my boobs have to do with it, I have no idea.

sicker doodle cookie recipes - One step more rancid that snickerdoodles.

oklahoma dirt dyed shirt - They actually make these. And I think they sell for $10 or so. I, however, can have my kids make you one a lot cheaper. Just bring your own shirt and a handful of chocolate. We'll fix ya up.

how fat can a roller coast ride be - Not sure. But if you want to measure my ass, that'll give you an idea of how fat you have to be to NOT ride a roller coaster.

Until next week, when hopefully something emerges from someone's vagina and we can put an end to this waiting.


Hillbilly Mom said...

Yes, as a matter of fact, that Vitamany is my newest product. It is quite versatile. I crush it and sprinkle it on Chex Mix. When people taste it, they smack their lips and say, "Mmmm...vitamany!" It helps build strong bodies 12 ways. If you sprinkle it on Wonder Bread. Take this product so you can kick the asses of people who piss you off. Oh, and you can't take just one. You have to take vitaMANY. It's a great money-maker for my general store and mail-order business.

Redneck Diva said...

Hillbilly Mom, if I order a whole case do I get a free flamingo hat?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Ahem...that is THE ROYAL CROWN OF HILLMOMBA, not a 'flamingo hat'!!!

Would you ask Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of England, for her jeweled crown 'free' with the purchase of a case of English Toffee? Methinks not.

But I might throw in a mix CD of Hillbilly Mom's favorite Dolly Parton songs.

Redneck Diva said...

Hillbilly Mom, you know what? If I were to ever meet the Queen of England, I just might ask for her crown. It'd look better on me.

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