Tuesday, August 01, 2006

How they got their kicks. And it wasn't on Route 66.

I know Stewed Hamm will be disappointed, but so far the stats haven't shown anyone looking for things emerging from vaginas. I was really hoping for it, too. For his sake.

But they have shown these:

fat people thrill rides - They usually involve plunging into a vat of pudding at the end, methinks.

interview questions for hiring hoes - I'm assuming one of the questions involves rates.

eliminate dead mouse odor in wall - Get rid of the ginormous yellow jacket nest.

redneck - Still getting hits off of this one. I guess it only makes sense.

clipper haircut training - Aw shucks, y'all don't need no training. I didn't have any. And both of my men still have their ears.

redneck sayings - Like "Shining like a diamond in a goat's butt" which amused Anna very muchly. I also like "Happier'n a puppy with two peckers" and "Sweatin' like a whore in church".

vamanos dictionary - "Let's go, dictionary!" I don't get it. Where do you want the dictionary to go?

mrscoach2u - I guess they were looking for my good friend Mrs. Coach. Well, YOU CAN'T FIND HER!! She's in the Blogger Protection Program with Hillbilly Mom.

vamanos means - "Let's go!" Duh. Even Dora the Explorer knows that. Oh wait, she's Latino. So that would make sense. Nevermind. Also, nevermind the fact that I didn't know either until my friend Stacie told me.

can you swing them to and fro - Yep. And quite well. At least, that's what I'm told.

wwe diva being tickled - This year's hottest Christmas gift. Totally going to surpass the Tickle Me Elmo, it's Tickle Me Diva! She's scantily clad and if you tickle her long enough she'll kick your ass.


Anonymous said...

Your uncle isn't perhaps Joe Sweeden?

Jennifer said...

how do you figure out what brings people to your blog????

Queen Of Cheese said...

NO NO NO Don't tell where I am! I'm hiding from the people who don't already know where I am!!!!!!!! I'm in disguise, I dropped the 2U off my name to fool them pesky bill collectors!

Stewed Hamm said...

Give it some time, Diva, and eventually they'll emerge. Just give it time...

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...