Thursday, June 15, 2006

Big Blogger 2 - Task #7 - Sideshow Slyshow

Big Blogger decided to take us all on a field trip this week. I guess she, too, was tired of hearing Cazzie and I argue over the cabana boy and the endless Van Halen tunes and Hillbilly Mom trying to fend off David Lee Roth's romantic overtures.

So she took us to the Circus!!! I have an unhealthy fear of clowns, so I mostly cowered behind Stew and whimpered most of the time, but once we got to the sideshows and far away from the scary freaks in greasepaint clowns I was okay.

But seeing as how Big Blogger is trying to make this whole experience an educational one, she has decided we need to make a sideshow of our own this week. I personally would've rather carried around a sack of flour and pretended it was a baby if I were picking the educational task, but I didn't. So instead, I have come up with a sideshow attraction sure to give chills, thrills and make some with a weaker constitution faint.

The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe is the circus' newest and greatest sideshow act ever! In the spirit of the whole Big Blogger/Big Brother experience - this obviously insane woman volunteered to live in a giant shoe with 9 - count 'em NINE - children. Yes, it's enough to make one wonder about her mental stability, isn't it? Is she crazy? Is she stark raving mad? Or perhaps she's just a glutton for punishment. Oh, and they're not her children either! So they all have varying degrees of personality quirks, eating habits and demeanors. Not to mention they range in age from 3 weeks to 9 years. Yessiree, folks, it's a show worth watching.

Step right up and watch through the glass front wall of her shoe as she tries desperately to hide from them all day long. See her dodge flying sweet potatoes and macaroni and cheese like a pro! Watch her change a poopy diaper, talk on the phone, break up a fight and rock a baby all at the same time - it's sure to give you goosebumps! She's an amazing woman, The Old Woman - a weaker person would surely run screaming from The Shoe, never to be seen again. Sequestered in The Shoe away from indian casinos and Wal*Mart, her will to live is tested continually. Will she endure? Will she maintain control? Will she survive???

Oh yes, The Old Woman in the Shoe is a sideshow worth watching. Located a few yards down from Bobbing for Fish and just across from The Scrambler, you simply can't miss the gigantic shoe full of children!

We simply ask that you don't feed the children - they are on a strict diet of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and various other child-friendly foods, but if you visit The Shoe around 10:30am and 3:00pm you might have the chance to throw graham crackers at the kids and watch them crumble, mash and throw their snack - and if you're lucky someone will shove some up their nose! But one thing is certain, ladies and gentlemen - they're always, always guaranteed to make a mess everywhere. Especially under the dining room table.

Previous crowds have been witness to hair-pulling events amongst the children, especially the younger ones. Occasionally there's a flu-bug in The Shoe and someone barfs. The Old Woman and her plethora of children have also been known to dance the Cha-Cha with wild abandon. And one time, The Old Woman just sat down in the floor amidst all of the screaming, whining children and had a good cry. The crowds were so moved, they left offerings of Thin Mint cookies, Marlboro Lights, casino credit and one particularly helpful visitor left one of Aunt Crytal's Old Tyme Salt Licks.

Come one! Come all to The Old Woman That Lived in a Shoe and witness the insanity!


Queen Of Cheese said...

Hmmm...sounds vaguely familiar. Almost like a place I visited on Monday evenings this Spring......I think I'll skip this and head over to the Cabana Boy Strip Club.

Stewed Hamm said...

Is this one of those shows where it's good or bad to put singles in the performer's underwear? I always get the two confused...

Rebecca said...

This Is Big Blogger,
Sounds like you have this challenge all tied up.
This Has Been Big Blogger

Redneck Diva said...

Mrs. Coach, don't forget me the next time you go!! I love a good Cabana Boy striptease!

Stewed Hamm, it's always good to put singles in my underwear!! I'm not sure about any other performer, but my underwear is always open to monetary offerings! You might wanna steer clear of the kids' though...that ain't cool.

Rebecca, duct tape, sister.

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