Friday, June 16, 2006

"You got here HOW?" Friday edition

It's been quite awhile since I showed y'all the sick searches that get people to The Ramblings, so what better day than a Friday to do just that?

free redneck hillbilly cards to print out for father's day - Because nothing says you care enough to send the very best than to print out a redneck hillbilly card for your pa on his day. If you're really fancy, you'll even do it on your computer.

flying ants that only come out at night - Well, whoever wanted to know about these evil things came to the right place to hear me gripe about them, but I offer no advice. But I can teach them new cuss words to call the little flying fuckers.

headlock dairy cows milking robots - Okay, I am fighting the urge to sit in the corner curled up in the fetal position sucking my thumb. HOW IN THE HELL did someone get to my blog with this search? Bullshit. (No pun intended.) When I clicked the actual link I got: "cows in robotic parlour (milking robot) cows in silhouette (night) (scenic dairy) cow in stream (pasture) cow on treated foot mat (health) cow standing in ..." What they were standing in I don't know, nor do I want to know. And then I did an image search. For the love of Gummi Mary, stay away from the image search for "milking robots". Please. I say it for your own good, kids.

marsha brady boobs - Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!!

the most popular cartoons watched by pre-schoolers and school-going children today - Oh, for the days of Captain Kangaroo and The Electric Company. Now THAT was some awesome kid programming!

red neck toothless bitches - Oops, they meant to visit any one of the many Native American Gambling Establishments around here. Trust me, one can find plenty of toothless rednecks out at the casinos. And quite a few bitches, I'm sure, too.

redneck bedding - Again, a mistake. They were looking for Hillbilly Mom and her husband's pillow. I'm pretty sure of it.

squishy boobs - Certainly not to be confused with the Uniboob.

tickled until peed tickling - That's just mean! Not to mention messy.

situpons how to make - This might've been translated by the same people who translate can labels that say things like "Spray duck sky worms" and stuff. But if someone wants to know how to make Sit-Upons for their Brownie Troop, I'm your man. I mean woman. Woman, dammit!

dead mouse smell - Which might not really be a dead mouse at all - it might be an angry, stinking swarm of yellow jackets. So be wary. And very afraid. And quit searcing for that shit!

4 comments:

Hillbilly Mom said...

Heehee! I saw those last night. The situpon threw me for a loop, but I heartily enjoyed the squishy boobs and tickled until peed tickling. Now THAT'S some tickling, I guess.

You had some doozies awhile back, but I'm saving them to have "dueling keywords" with you sometime. OK, I'll give you a preview: jello shots mascar parking lot woman camper. Yeah. It was all one.

Sam said...

Oh my GAWD. I read the "dead mouse/yellow jacket" post. FREAKY. I think I need to shower now.

Stacie said...

A little off the subject here, but have you taken a gander at HM's creek rock pictures? And you laughed at me for taking pictures of acorns. LOL

Hillbilly Mom said...

Stacie,
What? You are making fun of my creek rock pictures? I shall stop posting pictures just to spite you! Bwahaha! No more Gummi Mary! No more redneck lamp! No more NASCAR bathroom! No more 5th wheel camper in the front yard! You shall rue the day you laughed at photos from the mansion of Hillbilly Mom!

Were y'all heehawing over pictures of the Cabana Boys? Methinks not. And just for that, I'm not showing you my acorns. Now you will have to hear about me scratching lottery tickets and putting Frontline on the dogs. Oh, you'll be a-wishin' for some purty rock pictures by the end of the week...