Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Big Blogger 2 - Task #6 - Urban Legend

Well, now that I'm back in the house and all it's time to get back into the swing of tasking. Or the task of swinging, whichever you prefer. I'm pretty open to anything.

This week, Guest Big Blogger Rachy has requested we come up with an urban legend and then tell y'all about it. So I'm going to go with a tried and true legend, the scariest legend of all to those that blog and have paranoid mothers -

Fitty (insert scary slasher movie sound effects here)

Oh yes, Fitty is a scary fella for sure. If you blog you are a target. No blogger is exempt. The threat is real, people. REAL! Just ask my mother.

Now, I have no proof to back this up, but stories say that not only will he kidnap you, chop you up into itty bitty pieces and stuff your grisly remains in a fifty-five gallon drum, but he's also been known to put possums in the dog food, snakes in your windows AND your bush. (The rosebush, people.) Yep, he's a force to be reckoned with, that Fitty.

I personally blame him for my ghostly happenings and if she were to admit it, Hillbilly Mom could probably blame him for her ghosts, too. No, Hillbilly Mom, they aren't Civil War soldiers or rogue indian spirits - they're Fitty's minions. Trust me on this one, friend. Be afraid.


The Asshats work for him, too. I'm telling you, folks, he's got connections. He's everywhere! He's everywhere! Just like Ray Stevens' The Streak.

Do you suffer from night sweats? Acne? The heartbreak of psoriasis? Flying ants? Constipation? My friends, these aren't just random illnesses and inconveniences - they are the work of Fitty. Trust me on this one.

So beware. When you blog, lock your doors, keep a gun by the keyboard and above all, don't be the dumb chick that checks out the mysterious noise behind the CPU. If you do, chances are you'll be his next victim. I don't want to open up Yahoo! News and see your tragic story. And more than that I don't want my mom to open up Yahoo! News and see your tragic story then call me to tell me that I'm next.

I also hear he's responsible for waist boobs.

Yes, he's that scary.


Jennifer said...

LOL - Here I was scared you were going to talk about all that stuff I looked up before our halloween hayride..........

Redneck Diva said...

Jen, The Howler nearly was my urban legend, but I decided I couldn't let Hillbilly Mom down by not writing about Fitty. Since he is kind of hers and my pet stalker/homicidal maniac.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Oh, so now you're keeping me in the dark about this Howler fellow, eh? I did hear a howl in my son's bedroom the other night. And 3 footsteps. Only within the room, not coming in from the hall. Is there a Footstepper fellow, too? Stop protecting me! I can take it!

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