Thursday, October 23, 2008

Go away

That's what I said all day long yesterday to the torrential rain that refused to quit torrenting. I was so sick of rain by day's end I could've screamed.

Yesterday Abby had a doctor's appointment for a checkup at 9:30. We pulled into the parking lot at 9:26 and it was just steadily raining. The parking lot was full, so I dropped her off at the door and told her to wait inside while I parked in the north 40. She's very sensitive about her hair lately and I, being a diva, understand that completely. I parked, walked around the van to get Nonner and lo and behold the heavens opened up and proceded to just soak my bad self. I mean, it rained harder than a cow peein' on a flat rock, people. I threw a blanket over the baby's carseat and took off across the now GIGANTIC parking lot only to quickly remember I wore my dang Crocs and Crocs are dangerous when wet.

Now, if you need help picturing this, imagine a chunky (okay, I outgrew chunky years ago, but go with me on this) woman with a carseat on her arm, purse slung over her shoulder, scooting and slipping across a parking lot in a downpour worthy of building an ark. I know I looked half drunk, but I was just doing my best not to drop Nonner or bust my own butt. And yeah, I know you're giggling. It's okay. I am, too. Now. Oh, and if you have been close enough to me you'd have also heard deliriously ecstatic squeals and giggles coming from under the blanket over the carseat. Oh yeah, that baby thought we were having the time of our lives.

I finally made it to the ramp into the building. I got under the cover as quick as I could, shot a look toward the door to make sure Abby was there and yep, she was - doubled over laughing at her mother who resembled a drowned rat. Oh and also at that point? It quit raining. No, I'm not kidding. It was heeeeelarious. I pulled the blanket off the baby - who immediately looked disappointed that our adventure was apparently over - and tried to dry my face off best I could with his blanket. I pulled the blanket from my face and saw two eyes peering back at me - it was my eye makeup. Obviously no longer on my eyes. I quickly wrung out my hair then headed into the building where Abby was quietly trying to compose herself. I shot her a dirty look as she said, "Wow, Mom. You're wet."

I slipped and slid to the check-in desk, dripping and avoiding the stares of the people around me, people who obviously brought their umbrellas with them when they ventured out that morning. I got Abby and the baby settled in the waiting room while I ducked in the bathroom to again attempt to dry myself off. A dozen paper towels later I was not much drier and getting cold. I slunked back out to the waiting room where the nurse was walking up. She looked at me and said, "Hmh. I saw it was raining. You're wet. Come on back." I love how people state the obvious.

Ab's checkup went fine. The PA and I had a lovely conversation about puberty and about upcoming reproductive discussions looming on the horizon while Abby sat on the exam table and pretended we didn't exist solely to mortify her. It was good times. Fortunately as we exited the doctor's office into the main waiting area I saw The Bow Lady and immediately exclaimed "Oh I'm so glad to see someone I know so everyone won't think I normally go out like this!" I don't think anyone in the waiting room was convinced, but oh well. I at least tried to save my honor.

We came back home where I immediately stripped off my clothes and put them in the dryer. I had promised the ladies at the dentist's office some of my Snickerdoodles to Die For, so since I'd made the dough early that morning I started slinging dough onto baking stones while Abby fed Nonner. Before I knew it, it was time to leave for Tulsa. I got Nonner settled in with Mom and Paul then prepared to leave. While my clothes were dry, warm and smelling April fresh, my hair was still dampish at that point. However, that changed as soon as we made a run for the van. Soon everything was nice and wet again.

Recapping: I spent the better part of the morning soaked to the bone and then also got to spend the better part of the afternoon the same way. I was feeling like a frog. Or a fish. Or a raisin, I was so pruny. I may even be mildewed in spots.

Abby got some new hardware installed yesterday in Tulsa, the next phase in the Plan to Avoid Braces. She's got so much latex in her mouth she could double as a glove. She's got rubber bands from one canine tooth to the other and on each side a band from canine tooth to a molar. Add to that a bite opener (looks like the retainer I wore in junior high) and headgear and I'm telling you, it's domo arigato, Miss Roboto. However, it looks like she indeed will avoid braces. I also got info on an orthodontist in Tulsa who can put braces on Sam and his insurance will pay for it. I'm ecstatic and I can't even express to y'all how much.

The drive home from Tulsa was much better than the drive to - on the way there it rained hard virtually the whole way, plus it was aparently Get Every Semi Truck on the Road Day and that didn't make the drive any easier. Finally we made it home and I walked in the door to hear my mother exclaim, "Oooh! I LOVE your hair!" then she just cackled with glee. One look in the mirror totally explained her comment, however she left out the fact that what little was left of my mascara and eyeliner from earlier that morning had given up the ghost and had chosen its final resting place on my cheeks. I was just lovely, let me tell ya.

Tater was out of town for work, headed for The City, so I had all five kids and Paul was working evening shift. I fixed them some spaghetti then started running them through the showers. Tater called at 7, telling me she was sick as a dog. They had made it as far as Tulsa and Mom was on her way to pick her up. Poor thing. It's miserable to be sick, but to be sick out of town with coworkers - not the most ideal situation. By 7:30 everyone all the kids were clean and happily watching cartoons. After multiple failed attempts to get all of Ab's new hardwear and latex (that sounds like the name of a metal band) to work properly together, we gave up and she just wore the rubber bands. 8:30 and they were all five tucked in. I cleaned up the kitchen and sat down at 9 to watch the early news. The World Series nixed that so I curled up on the couch under a quilt to wait for the 10:00 news. I woke up just as our local favorite weather guy, Gary Bandy, began his forecast. After that I dragged myself to bed and didn't even hear Paul come in at 1:00 this morning.

This morning at8:00 I called the dentist to get another appointment to fix the issues and make all of her components compatible with each other, asked the receptionist to email me an excuse slip since I never can remember to get one when I'm there, called the school to tell the secretary what a ditz I am and that I would email a slip as soon as it was emailed to me and while I was on the phone with the high school, the elementary school beeped in on my phone. It was TotOne telling me she was sick and could I come get her? Bless her heart, I called the elementary back, told the receptionist I'd be there quick as I could, loaded the baby up and headed to school to pick up my sick niece.

As the day wore on she felt better and since it was little theatre practice day and they can only miss one practice, Paul dropped her off at the school on his way to work tonight. At 5:00 I went down to pick TotOne and Sam up. If you're counting, that was trip #2 to the school. We came back home and ate a quick bite of dinner, then went back to the school to drop TotTwo off at football practice at 6:00. Keeping track? Yep, trip #3. Fortunately, it's only 12 miles roundtrip. Yes, I set the odometer and checked.

The Tots' dad brought TotTwo home after practice, so in the meantime I ran the other four through the showers. I also did laundry by flashlight since the lightbulb in the utility room burned out and even though light bulbs have been on my shopping list the last four times, I haven't bought any. The kitchen is nearly clean and there are plenty of things I could be doing, but instead I'm going to finish this post then take a long, hot shower and try to forget the last two days.

Days like this make me admire that Duggar woman even more. She's always smiling and always appears to have her stuff all kinds of together. While my uterus cries any time I see her on TV and I have absolutely NO aspirations whatsoever of competing with her apparently Super Uterus by having just 15 more children, I still can't help but admire her. And wish I had as many washing machines as she does.


Anonymous said...

Snickerdoodles? I LOVE snickerdoodles, did I get any? Nope. Why not????

I can see you sliding across the parking lot, kind of like I saw you smack right into that table the other day in my office with Nonner. I'm sure it left a bruise on you but it made my day a little less like avoiding the flames of hell in flip flops. (I know it doesn't make sense just go with me on it!)

Unknown said...

I started off giggling (been in many a downpour from you-know-where myself) but ended up exhausted! How do you do it? I felt like I needed a nap, and I only read about it.

Bless that Duggar woman - my uterus took over seven years to produce TWO. The grave would be calling long before I got to number 10!

Snickerdoodles do sound good - does Pillsbury make a slice and bake one? haha

GERBEN said...

Well now I'M beat! Dang woman! How do you do it?!?

Anonymous said...

Hey Kris! A couple thoughts...

1) I bet the Duggar lady loses it quite often. In TV they do this thing called editing... :)

2) It could've been worse with the rain. In a month or so it could be SNOW! (UGH!)

Loads of love from Jersey - -


Sam said...

Mrs. Duggar uses the older kids like her own team of housekeepers and baby wranglers AND she lost a kid in the airport. You could so kick her parenting butt all over town. And your hair is better than hers. :)

Stewed Hamm said...

Blue Bell makes a Snickerdoodle flavor ice cream now. It's frickin awesome!

The Duggars give me the creeps. I pity her poor uterus, being used like a clown car.

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