Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Stinky and giggly and still mathtarded

I love Easter and while I don't know exactly why we devil eggs at Easter, I do love me some deviled eggs. However, I hate the fact that right now, every time you open my fridge you are whammed in the face by the smell of farts. I told Paul this morning that if he doesn't finish off those eggs by tonight they are going to the dog. Thank goodness Jake's not a house dog - he'd asphyxiate us all if he were in the house after eating a half dozen leftover deviled eggs.

This week I started working 7 hour days at work. After all these years I am starting to act like a productive member of society. Yes, it is strange. I haven't quite adjusted to it yet (heck, I'm only on the second day of it), but I think it will be okay. The problem is, in 7 hours sometimes there isn't enough for both T-Racey and I to do the entire time. Today I decorated my desk calendar and dusted my shelves and desktop, caught my planner up-to-date (we have a wedding in the near future, you know!) and did stop short at painting my toenails. The county director was in the office, after all. At one point I got up to stretch my legs and walked over to T-Racey's desk and she was decorating her desk calendar, too. Hey, they're the ones that gave us markers, crayons and glitter - blame it on the state.

Starting next week I'll have another mad skill to put on my resume - tax preparer. Here's the funny part - they don't know that I am a total mathtard. When the Intake supervisor called us into her office I asked if I needed a box of kleenex. She said no, then said, "Well, on second though, you might. Especially if you're like me and don't like numbers." I nearly burst into tears right then and there. Then she said, "Girls, you have been nominated..." Immediately started picturing the ceremony where I would receive my award..... then I snapped back to reality and figured I should probably find out what we'd been nominated for. We do work in Child Welfare, which means on any given day we could be doing pretty much anything and I'm not joking. Today, however, we were asked to help out the volunteer agency that is helping the oldsters in the area file with the IRS for their tax relief income stimulus give me my extra money, you whippersnapper, thing. She walked us through one person while we listened with one ear and with other ear listened to all the old folks in the room grumble, "Well, this is sure slowing things down!" and other elderly exclamations. Then after she had given me so much information my brain was starting to smoke, she then told us that she didn't bring any extra computers today and we would start next week. Yay. I also finagled it so that we can wear jeans on Screw Up The Elderly's Taxes Day from now until April 15th, so even if I screw up a few dozen octogenarians' tax rebates, I'll be wearing jeans while I do it.

One time when I was in high school we did Communion during the evening service. I usually occupied the back row, furthest corner from my parents with my merry band of rebelling hooligans, but that night I was sitting with Mom for some reason. Whoever had filled the cups that night had filled them all way too full and the mere act of cell regeneration was causing them to threaten to spill. Mom, Tater and I were both trying to hold those little plastic cups of grape juice without making a mess and then ..... then we all three got the giggles. Now, while we were holding completely still it was precarious, but then trying to hold back a raging case of the giggles during a solemn religious ceremony it was even worse. We were never so glad than when the preacher said, "This cup is my blood." Before he could completely get out, "This, do in remembrance of me," Mom, Sis and I were already slugging ours back. Dad was on the riser in his song leader's seat and well, let's just say we all got a lecture on the way home. It was so totally worth it because we still get the giggles to this day when we talk about it.

Segue - today I got the giggles like that at work. Granted, there wasn't a solemn religious ceremony going on, but I mean, I could. not. stop. For nearly an hour I giggled like a total dork. I don't know if it's the nice warmer weather or the fact that working 7 hours a day is a total shock to my system or what, but I was goofy like that all day. T-Racey is my doppleganger -- or maybe I'm hers.... -- so then she got the giggles, too. Then our new clerical worker got in on it and we were all three, at one point, doubled over in T-Racey's cubicle, unable to talk because we were laughing so hard. What were we laughing about? Can't tell you, but I can tell you that it was entirely inappropriate, insanely juvenile and immature and twice Judy, the new clerk, thumped me on top of the head to straighten me up. One of the other caseworkers commented at that point that they don't have as much fun doing their job as we do doing ours. They make a heck of a lot more than us, so I think it's a pretty fair trade-off.

I'm thinking about doing a podcast/webcast/oh you know, that thing where you talk and then put it on the internet for all to hear - what do y'all think? Do you think you could sit through half an hour of me yammering on about stuff? I dunno.......give me feedback.

11 comments:

mombo said...

I love the podcast idea, but only if I can be a guest. I can drive over from Vinita after church one day. It'll be great! BTW, do you work with Randy E. at DHS? We go to church together.

innkeeper said...

How about you and some of your dopplegangers just giggle for half an hour? It would be great! Talk about giving people a lift! None of us gets to laugh as much as we need to.

Redneck Diva said...

Mombo, I guar-on-tee you that if I podcast and people like it and it becomes yet another thing I take on because I have NOTHING else to do, then you will definitely be a guest!!

There's no Randy in our office. Maybe he's with Craig or Delaware County?

Thanks for commenting!

Redneck Diva said...

Innkeeper, if my sister ever co-hosts with me, I guarantee there will be MUCH giggling! Oh heck, who am I kidding - I don't even have to have a partner to giggle like a kid!

Thanks for the comment!

jac said...

you got to be kiddin? you don't even hafta ask! just DO it! can't wait for the first one!!!

Redneck Diva said...

Jac, thanks! Of course, now the more I think about it, I'm afraid it'll suck and no one will be able to tell me and then I'll keep doing it and people will be all like, "Oh great, that strange redneck woman is talking again."

:-)

Thanks for commenting!

Elizabeth said...

hey you! I might be gainfully employeed soon too. whoop! I love the podcast idea. also, did i send you a link to helium? you can write on any topic you want and if you cross your eyes and hold your tongue just right you might get paidfor it

Redneck Diva said...

Elizabeth, CALL ME! Or I'll call you! Of course, ask the Queen of Dirty Laundry - I'm horrible at calling people these days.

Oh wow, a JOB? Hope it's not at DHS, lol. I'd hate for your creative spirit to be broken. :-)

Send me the link to helium - I'm curious!

GoingLikeSixty.com said...

Oh, Oh! You gotta check out BlogTalkRadio.com. You can do a live show, and we can call in and tell you how skinny you are, then go to the chatroom attached and be snarky!

Jes said...

talk to us!!!

Jax said...

Well, you would totally vamp up your stalker if you do a podcast! That would be flippin Ahhhhhhhhh-Suuuuuuuum!