Thursday, January 24, 2008

Turning over a leaf, but only slightly

Last Friday when I went to the Indian Clinic for my lab appointment, they did a urinalysis - a task that never gets easier. Show me a woman who can pee in a cup without peeing all over her hand and I'll shake her hand. Of course, she might not want to shake mine.....

Anyway, that afternoon the nurse called me to tell me that there was blood in my urine. Well, whoop de doo, how'd that get there? Then she told me to drink till my eyeballs float and LAY OFF THE CAFFEINE. These people at the clinic sure don't like the caffeine, do they?

I had been ignoring a persistent pain in my right flank for a week or so, but of course, when she said I more than likely had a kidney issue goin' on, it hurt worse. Funny how that happens. I've had a kidney stone once and let me tell you, if you haven't had one, DON'T. They suck. But that persistent, nudging pain in the flank automatically makes a kidney stone veteran panic and start pilfering through the medicine cabinet for some outdated painkillers. I don't think it's a stone - oh please God, don't let it be a stone - I'd say it's just a kidney infection. Yeah, yeah, from the caffeine and the fact that all I drink is tea and coffee. Blah. Blah. Blah.

I chugged cranberry juice all weekend and after my mouth turning inside out from all that tartness, I decided to give in and drink water.

Is that a collective gasp I hear coming from the internets? I think it is. Tater's jaw nearly hit the floor when I told her.

Can you believe it? I drank water. People, that is a sure sign I am getting old - I am following the doctor's advice.

I drank half a gallon of water while I was at work today and am a few slugs away from polishing off another half gallon since I've been home. Do I feel better? No. Does my back still hurt? Yes. Have I peed a lot today? Oh, about 249 times. Is it worth it? It had durn well better be. I expect to be skinny in the morning. Oh, and my kidneys better write me a really nice thank you note and leave it on my pillow. With a mint.

And get this - I am eating oatmeal. Daily. Not because it's cold and winter and all that. No, I'm doing it for my digestive tract and my heart.

Someone just shoot my old butt and get it over with.


Jax said...

Well, your not ready to be "shot" just yet....
But if you wake up in the morning craving Milk of Magnesia and/or prunes, and find your self only talking about your bowel habits...well then we will load the gun. =)

Anonymous said...

It's a good move you're making. I'm only 23 but I have already started to notice changes in my body that made me think it is time to get things in control. A few changes here and there to improve your quality of life can't be bad. I use SparkPeople to help me out (I'm misswisabus on there if you ever check it out) and it's been a huge encouragement/tool to help me go in the right direction. Good luck and I'll be praying that it's not a stone!

Stewed Hamm said...

You're not old until you start getting angry with the TV station because you've already seen tonight's Matlock episode.
You're really old when you write the Station a nice thank-you letter for showing "all the new Matlocks" but they've been running the same episode all week long.

Lori - Queen of Dirty Laundry said...

Item 1: They have these neato contraptions here in TX (sometimes they call 'em "hats") that you slip under the rim of the potty, tinkle, and then you pour the tee tee in the little cup. Works ALMOST every time.

Item 2: What the heck is a flank?

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...