Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Here's a theory

Okay, so if you've seen the commercials for Quaker Oats or for Cheerios you know that the surest way, outside of prescription drugs, to lower your cholesterol is to eat oats. Not maresy doats or doesy doats, but just oats. Whether those oats be in the form of little o's or a yummy breakfast cookie with a picture of a delightfully mirthful Quaker on the package, the medical community is saying "Eat your oats, boys and girls! Especially those of you who are overweight and on the downhill slide toward your golden years!" (I put in the exclamation points because I'm sure that if the medical community were actually talking to each and every one of us individually, they'd be doing it enthusiastically. Like, "Com'ere, sonny, let's talk about your heart health! Sit here on doctor's knee." Wait, that is just a creepy scenario. Nevermind.)

Oh and also? Apparently, fiber is good for your digestive tract. Yeah. Who knew. And since I don't want colon cancer, or any kind of cancer for that matter, I figure the oats will help my colon AND my heart.

And I mentioned the whole anti-caffeine campaign - which could also be known as The Campaign to Make Kristin's Life Sluggish and Dreary as All Get Out, take your pick - so that means I'm drinking water like I like it or something.

I eat either a bowl of oatmeal or a super-scrumptiouis Quaker breakfast cookie for breakfast every day and I do my darndest to drink a gallon of water every day, too.

I have a theory - all of the body's cholesterol pockets are in the intestine. And the fact that I have had to quickly get over my aversion to pooping at work just backs up this theory. I must be shedding cholesterol like a shih tzu sheds hair in July, man. I also think I have a very, very small bladder.

If you live in the state of Oklahoma do you want to know what your hard-earned tax dollars are doing? They are paying me to use the office restroom for 5 hours a day, four days a week.

Just gives you a warm fuzzy, doesn't it?

5 comments:

M&Co. said...

As good a use of my tax dollars as any, I suppose.

My father turned me on to niacin. It is a vitamin B and naturally lowers cholesterol. It also gives this wicked flush that can be kind fun under the right circumstances.

cedric said...

My tax dollars being flushed down the crapper...meh, what else is new?

Lori - Queen of Dirty Laundry said...

Oh girl. Been there, done that. Carry a small Bath and Body Works air freshener in your purse.

Tee said...

I know I'm feelin' all warm and fuzzy inside. I'd tell you more but I've gotta go eat some oats now. :)

Stewed Hamm said...

You're telling us all about crapping on the job, yet you want to know how *WE* feel about it? Priorities, Diva. Priorities. ^_^